by Anne Pfeffer
“We see this every day. It’s a straight-forward diagnosis.”
They were the experts. I paid the discounted, but, for us, painfully high thirty five dollar fee for the drugs and took Mom home, hoping these little pills were the answer to our problems.
They should make pills for other things too, I thought. Like poverty and unemployment. Can’t pay your rent? Take a pill. Homeless? Here’s a prescription.
It should be that easy.
Player
I was at the community center when I first smelled the fire. The lunch service hadn’t started yet, so I walked outside to look northeast in the direction of the mountains. Smoke filled the sky.
“It’s beginning.” Zoey shivered. She came to stand next to me. “The fire season.”
“Is this one close by?” I said. We went inside and Zoey turned an old radio on to the local news channel. Some thirty acres were burning north of Santa Alicia, but the fire was under control. I thought of Perkins and Garret and the others I’d met, probably there fighting the flames at this very moment.
Doubt and fear nudged at me, but excitement, too. I wanted to be awesome like those guys were. I wondered if I could do the things they did.
You’ve lied to them, said a voice in my head.
I didn’t lie, I thought. I just didn’t tell the whole truth.
The voice was insistent. Firefighters have to be ethical. You can’t be a firefighter if you tell lies.
Zoey and I left the kitchen for our daily table setting. Zoey insisted we set the tables this way for our guests, even though it meant more work for us and that guests had to take a plate from a table before they got in the serving line.
She said it looked homier when people walked in to see set tables with tablecloths and flower centerpieces. Zoey was funny. She had all kinds of ideas like that.
It worked, though. The Center dining room did look welcoming and comfortable, a lot more than my own home did. I could hardly stand to stay a minute in our apartment these days, with no power and mom being the way she was.
The pills from The Free Clinic hadn’t done jack, from what I could tell. When I called about it, Nurse Bridgette said it could take up to a month for the antidepressant to start working. Sounded like total crap to me, but I had no choice but to wait it out.
By now, it was routine for Zoey and me to set the tables, while the other staff worked in the kitchen, heating the food, filling serving bowls, or slicing bread. I liked having her to myself. It would have been perfect, but for interruptions from people with questions for Zoey or designs on me.
Charlotte walked by, her hips swaying from side to side. “Travis, we’ve got chocolate chip cookies today. You want me to bring you one?” She had that girl-smile going. In another second there’d be a hair toss. Yeah, there it was.
“No. Thanks,” I said, giving off the most casual, uninterested vibe I could muster.
“Charlotte, would you make sure all the salt and pepper shakers are filled?” Zoey said, calm and unruffled.
The girl moved off.
“Another one of your admirers,” Zoey said. She didn’t sound particularly jealous, or like she even cared.
“No.” Annoyed for some reason, I shook my head. “She’s not!”
“Girls just like you, don’t they?” Her face was serene, whereas I could feel myself winding up into a tight knot of tension. I slapped forks and knives down beside the plates.
“I’m not interested in her.” Exasperation filled me. “Can we talk about something else?”
“You don’t want to talk about what a ladies’ man you are, Travis?” Her voice was light and teasing. She began putting water pitchers on the tables.
“Is that what you think of me?” I wasn’t sure why it bothered me so much.
“Well, kind of. The way you cornered me into passing notes to Kat.” Zoey’s eyes dropped.
Once again, I had the pleasure of being totally embarrassed around Zoey Singleton. It was like a curse.
“That didn’t mean anything,” I said, desperate to change the subject. Here I was, all bummed out, yet noticing that her lips were this perfect all-natural pink, and that she had painted her toenails the exact same color.
“Your toenails are cute. Pink, like that,” I said, moronically.
“Oh, so now you’re pulling that stuff on me?” She laughed. “And did that remark mean anything?”
“They are cute!” I needed a lifeboat, and fast.
“You’re something else, Travis!” She shook her head and was about to move off, but Johnnie, one of the guests, wandered up to us, his head bowed. “I lost my bus,” he said. His hands shook in their fingerless knit gloves. He reached up, pulled a cigarette from behind his ear and played with it, rolling it back and forth between his thumb and fingers.
“Remember, Johnnie, you don’t take the bus until after lunch,” Zoey told him.
“But I lost it, Zoey!” His face puckered with worry. “It was there yesterday and now it’s gone!” He waved the open bus route map in his hand.
“After lunch, you’ll take the A bus. Bring me the map then, and I’ll show you, okay?” She helped him fold it, her blonde head bent low over the map next to Johnnie’s gray mop. He was so rank, I could smell him from where I stood, several feet away. But Zoey didn’t even flinch, quietly giving dignity to a man who probably hadn’t showered in a month.
That’s when I realized it.
I liked this girl. A lot. I liked her super-moist double chocolate chip cupcakes. I liked how kind and patient she was with the guests, the way her forehead crinkled when she was thinking about a problem. I liked her low, soft voice and that long ribbon of platinum-blond hair. I liked the way she looked at the world, as if it were an okay place, where good things were actually possible.
It was a new feeling, to like a girl for all the right reasons. It wasn’t just about having sex, although I definitely, absolutely wanted to have sex with Zoey. It was about admiring her and wanting to know her better.
It really sucked that she had a boyfriend. It sounded like she’d been with him for a long time.
The room was filling up with guests. It was almost noon, time to man the tables and start serving lunch.
“Okay, here goes,” I said, ready to take up my soup ladle.
“Oh, I forgot to tell you,” Zoey said in a teasing voice. “Hot news flash.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Yes? Something good?”
“Kat’s going to fill in on Terra’s day off. She’ll be here next week.”
Pranks
I arrived at the fire station Saturday morning to see one of the rookie firefighters, Antonio, run out of the kitchen, his head and shoulders covered with flour. White footprints followed him as he raced for the bathroom.
Garret and Jason doubled over with laughter. “Oh, man, we got him good!” Garret howled.
I looked in the kitchen to see an open upper cabinet door and a plastic pitcher on the floor, with flour spilled everywhere. They must have rigged the pitcher to sit in the space between the cabinet and ceiling and tip when he opened the door.
“Watch out, Walker. You’re next!” Garret said in a way that did not sound entirely friendly to me.
“Bring it on!” I strutted a little, just to show what a real man I was. But I didn’t feel much like fun and games these days.
We did ladder exercises today, practicing carrying the heavy ladders, setting them up and securing them, and extending them by pulling ropes hand-over-hand. In the case of a real fire, you had to be fast, so we did it over and over again, our arms and backs burning from exertion.
Brandon was having trouble again. He had some flab on him, with pale skin that turned dangerously red after about ten minutes of exercise. After fifteen minutes of exercise, he was winded, and by that I mean heaving for breath, ready to blow.
He held a ladder, while I pulled the ropes to extend it.
Brandon’s face was already a deep red, his breathing loud and uneven. “Man,
Travis, how come you’re so good at this?” Although his words were friendly enough, his expression was pure resentment.
“I don’t know. I work heavy labor, so I’m strong from that.”
“Okay,” Garret called, “Now up the ladder one at a time. You carry this rope attached to a hose nozzle. Then, when you’re at the top, you pull up the hose hand over hand.”
Brandon handed me the rope. “You first.”
I climbed twenty four feet into the air, loving it. Even though we were being timed, I couldn’t resist looking at the rows of palms trees lined up in all directions against the horizon. As part of their training center, Santa Alicia had a two-story structure, with stairs and a roof, that we practiced on. I reached the top and climbed onto the roof, then began pulling the hose upward in smooth motions, my shoulder muscles working, laying it out on the roof as I’d been taught so that it wouldn’t kink or tangle.
I worked side by side with Andy Adams, a skinny red-headed guy who reminded me of a string bean, but was strong as a mastodon and fast, too. Since the beginning, he’d been trying in a friendly way to kick my ass in Discoverers, and I’d been just able to stay ahead of him. “I’m gonna beat you this time, Walker!”
“You wish!” We both picked up speed, punishing our arms and backs, and finished at almost the same time, him only ten seconds behind me.
“Hah!” I did a victory dance, despite my aching muscles.
“Next time, Walker!” Adams always took his losses cheerfully, but he would not be giving up any time soon. He’d be a good guy to have with you in a fire, I thought suddenly.
Garret came up my ladder to check our work. He made a big deal about inspecting my work, but in the end he couldn’t find anything wrong with it.
“Good job, Walker!” he boomed. “Now, reverse it!”
I lowered the hose to Brandon, who was supposed to fold it up neatly to be transported back to the truck. But when I got down, he’d started it off wrong. Sweat soaked the back of his t-shirt as he realized he’d messed up. He started over.
I squatted down to help him.
“I got it!” Brandon snapped. “Don’t do me any favors, just ‘cuz you think you’re so great!”
“Okay, sorry.” I pulled my hands back and stood up.
He eventually got it done and put the hose away, going over to sit with Austin. We were cross-legged on the pavement in the training yard, waiting for Garret to dismiss us. But he and Jason were laying out some gear on the ground.”All right, listen up!” Garret called.
“We’re just about ready to adjourn until next week, but we have one small thing to take care of. Where’s Travis?” He had the look in his eye of a hunter scanning for small animals to shoot.
I raised my hand, the hair on the back of my neck standing up a little.
Garret motioned me up to the front, where the line of firefighter gear lay. He clapped a hand on my shoulder. “Travis did real well in the turn-out drill the other week, but the record he set didn’t count, because he wasn’t a Discoverer yet. So we’re going to give him a chance to do it officially.”
Garret handed a stopwatch to one of the guys. “Now time it real careful, ‘cuz this is his one chance to break my record for real, of lowest time on a first turn-around drill for a Discoverer.”
I stepped out of my sneakers, thinking I was so not ready for this. I knew guys like him. You had to stand up to them. You couldn’t let them know you had a serious case of hero worship, and you certainly couldn’t show fear.
Plus, something was up. Garret smirked and exchanged a glance with Jason.
I nodded to him, steeling myself for whatever surprises he had for me. “Ready.”
“Go!”
I pulled the hood on, then stepped into the pants and shoes, yanking the suspenders over my shoulders with one quick motion. The second I did it, I knew something was wrong. There was something in the pants. And it was alive. It was warm and wiggling in the pocket.
Prickles ran down my neck and spine as the thing squirmed next to my crotch. From the corner of my eye, I saw Garret crack up. Jason, beside him, smiled, but his brow wrinkled anxiously. I was sure they expected me to lose it right then. I’d show them.
I ignored the wiggling creature, yanking on the breathing mask and pulling the hood up over my head and mask. As I slid my arms into the jacket, I felt the thing against my leg. They’d cut a hole in the pocket, and it was slowly sliding out.
Hoping it wasn’t fanged, clawed, or poisonous, I kept going. As I zipped the jacket, I felt the little animal fall into the crotch of my pants, where it twisted and turned. I jumped like a jackrabbit, praying it wouldn’t bite me in any sensitive places.
I was almost done. As the animal started to slide down a pants leg, I whipped the tank onto my back. The thing kept sliding as I put on my helmet and gloves.
I raised my hand.
“Sixty one seconds!”
“Aw, too bad,” Garret said. “The old record stands!”
A small thump as something furry slid from my pant leg and to the floor. It was a hamster. Garret and Jason fell over laughing, while the Discoverers ranged from laughter to horror.
I bent down, picked up the hamster, and checked him out. He seemed unhurt by his journey down my pants leg. As everyone watched, I walked over and held it out to Garret, who automatically reached for it.
“You lost this,” I said and placed the hamster in his hand.
Garret gave me a little salute as I left, thinking I might not have won this one, but I had held my own.
##
I’d managed to calm down Mrs. M with another payment, but then Mom needed eyeglasses. She’d been doing without for two years, but her near vision had become so bad she couldn’t see to write me a note or read the mail. It didn’t help that she sat every day in a darkened apartment.
Although I hadn’t noticed any change in her behavior, she said the antidepressants were making her feel better. When I took her to the Free Clinic, she said as much to Nurse Bridgette, who acted like Great, case closed, although I didn’t believe it.
We got a bargain rate on the glasses, but even that set us back. Having gotten the glasses, we were now on the verge of losing our phone service.
You’d expect I’d be too concerned about Mom and our state of total poverty to think about a girl, but no. As a break from worrying, I thought about Zoey. A lot. I would think about taking that silky ponytail into my hand and gently pulling her head to the right to kiss the beauty mark on the left side of her neck. I was thinking about the curves of her breasts and waist as I walked into the community center.
The first person I saw was Kat.
I stopped short. I’d forgotten about those lips. Today she wore shorts that clung and proved that my previous hopeful guesses about the exact shape of her ass had been correct.
Then my head cleared. Things had changed for me. Kat was slammin’ in all ways, but she wasn’t Zoey, who had just come out of the kitchen. I tried to catch her eye, but Kat walked right up and gave me a full-wattage smile. “Miss me?”
“Yeah, sure.” Before Zoey, I would have been on this situation like a terrier. Now I just felt off balance. I argued with myself, reminding myself that Zoey was taken, and I was free to go after Kat all I wanted.
She smiled. “How you been?”
“Fine.” I checked over her shoulder to see what Zoey was doing. She instructed a couple of the servers, as if she didn’t even know we were there.
I walked over to her. “We’ve got to get the tables set.”
“You and Kat can do it today,” Zoey said, sounding cool and impersonal. Damn. She could have been at least a little jealous.
I started laying out plates while Kat smiled and smoothed her hair, then slinked her way over to me. Whatever lack of interest that she felt before seemed to have disappeared.
Now that I could have Kat, I didn’t care. I wondered what was wrong with me. “You wanna put out the silverware?” I nodded my head toward a tray
of forks and knives.
“Okay.” Kat drifted in the direction of the tray and picked up a fork. “So what have you been up to?”
I tried think of what to say. “I’m in a program at the fire station.”
“What for?”
“We learn stuff about being a firefighter. Like how to get all your gear on in less than sixty seconds.”
Kat’s gaze moved around the room, then came back to rest on me.
“Those firefighter outfits are really hot to wear aren’t they?”
“Yeah.”
“I can’t imagine having to get dressed that fast. But I have to decide exactly what to wear, and that always takes time.” She walked around the tables, letting her hips sway back and forth.
“Uh, huh.” I kept my eyes on my work.
“Yoo hoo, over here!” she said, playfully batting her eyelashes and pointing to herself.
I gave her a weak smile. She did have a very fine ass.
“Are you really as into this job as you seem?” She gave me a dry look.
One of my eyebrows went up, despite myself. “Have you looked around? This place is all women. Perfect for a guy like me.”
“I see.” Kat’s eyelashes rose and fell, and her hips swayed again, too. “And you’re man enough to handle that?”
“If you even question the idea, you obviously don’t know me that well.” I let my eyes run up and down her body, knowing she’d love it.
“Maybe I should get to know you better,” she purred.
I was about to say “Maybe you should,” when I caught sight of Zoey across the room. Like the first day I saw her, she had her back turned, her ponytail a long rippling wave of platinum. It stopped me short, all thoughts of Kat draining from my head.
“We better finish up these tables,” I said. “The guests are coming soon.”
Silly
After dessert was served, Zoey was busy with Johnnie and Hilda. Kat popped up next to me, peeling off her apron. Some guests still ate dessert, while others milled around getting ready to leave. I started clearing the empty lunch tables, while Kat toyed with a few pieces of silverware.
