by Anne Pfeffer
“Who’s he?” one of them asked.
“This is Travis,” Zoey said.
“Are these your brothers?” I asked.
She nodded.
“Wasn’t he supposed to come to the park that other time?” the tallest one said.
“You want to play Frisbee?” I said it fast, to distract them.
“Are you Zoey’s boyfriend?” the boy continued.
“Trying to be,” I said just as Zoey said, “No.”
We formed a circle, the five of us, throwing the Frisbee. Determined to make them like me, I kept the boys laughing with goofy throws and catches where I pretended to stumble and fall before snatching the Frisbee out of the air.
“I’ve got to take them home,” Zoey said finally. “Nice seeing you, Travis.” Her voice trembled.
“Zoey, wait.” I drew her aside while the kids did whatever kids do. I wasn’t sure, but it was keeping them busy.
“I want to see you,” I said.
Looking up at me. “It’s probably not a good idea,” she said gently.
“Why not?”
“I thought you trusted me,” she said. “I had to find out you were homeless from the newspaper.”
“I trust you.”
“Not enough to tell me anything about your life. I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
“I’ll tell you everything now.”
She shook her head.
“Please. I owe it to you.” I hesitated, fearing her reaction. “Believe it or not, there’s more to say than what was in the paper.”
She wavered. Having her this close to me again made me drunk with love and lust. I wanted to kiss her so bad, but I knew I’d be toast if I did.
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow night and take you out to dinner.” Catching her surprised look, I said, “I’m doing good these days. I’ve got a job.” Working full-time with free room and board from The Haven had allowed me to save some money. After paying the tow lot its ransom, I’d put aside enough for a nice dinner out with Zoey. One where we could both order exactly what we wanted.
In her sad face, the corners of her mouth tugged upward. “Good. I’m glad for you.”
“Thanks. Me too. So, tomorrow night. I’ll pick you up at seven.”
##
At one minute to seven I ran up Zoey’s stairs carrying a bunch of tulips and roses. I’d chosen them one by one in shades of cream, pink and peach that reminded me of the colors of her skin.
“Lucky girl,” the florist had said, glancing sideways at me.
I wore a new white cotton button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Zoey had never seen me in anything but an old t-shirt before. I’d bought new cologne. I had a reservation at a little Italian place I’d found, where the food was supposed to be good and the owner had promised me a quiet table.
Zoey looked fantastic, as usual, but it gave me an extra boost to see a wisp of eye shadow and a small, but mind-blowing, bit of cleavage. Yes. No matter how mad she was at me, Zoey was working it tonight.
“Thanks. They’re beautiful.” She put the flowers in water, while in my mind I ravaged her on the dining room table.
“You’re beautiful,” I said. “I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.”
“Do what?”
“Take you out for a nice dinner. Wine you and dine you.”
She stood a few feet from me, acting cool and calm, but I knew her well enough by now to see that she was stirring inside, heating up, like water very slowly coming to a boil. And I hadn’t even touched her.
“We’re not going there, Travis,” she said.
“Okay,” I said mildly. “But, hey, we can have dinner, right?”
The restaurant was perfect, quiet and softly lit. The candlelight made Zoey’s hair glimmer as it slid down her left shoulder. Hanging on a thin chain, a sparkly jewel nestled at the base of her throat.
My heart was starting to pound and my hands to shake. In a minute I would have to step way, way out of my comfort zone.
“Let’s order first,” I said. She requested some fish thing, and I went for spaghetti with meatballs, although it had a different name on the menu. Something Italian. After that, we sat quietly together. “So….,” she said.
I took a deep breath. “You probably won’t like me much after I tell you all this.” Another deep breath. “My dad’s a convicted felon. He’s in Soledad for armed robbery.” I had to stop again. “He’s a compulsive gambler and never kept a job in his life.”
I checked out her reaction. Calm, with the beginning of sympathy. If she veered into pity, I would lose it—I knew that.
“So that’s what I come from. After Dad went to prison, I used to go to Chick’s most nights. I slept with a lot of women.” I hesitated. “A lot. But I always used a condom.”
I kept talking, telling her everything. “My mom was really sick, so I was trying to support us both.” I stopped for a second. The next part was really hard. “She’s living at The Haven now. Zoey, I’m the one who took Hilda’s spot from you.”
“I know. I found out from Maggie.” She folded her hands in front of her. “But I’m glad you told me yourself.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt Hilda’s chances. But we’d been evicted and I had to find a place for Mom.” I told her about clearing the lot and getting fired.
“Then I got thrown out of Discoverers. I didn’t know about the eligibility requirement until I was already enrolled, and Perkins never checked it out. I should have told them. It was wrong not to.”
“But you’re back in now?”
I nodded. “I got an award for heroism. I’m going to be a firefighter, Zoey!”
“I’m really glad for you. You deserve to have … everything.” Her eyes filled with pain. “But why did you shut me out? I felt like such an idiot. I felt unimportant and left out.”
She balled up her napkin in her hand. “Why didn’t you tell me, Travis? I would have helped you.”
“I’m not those people, Zoey!” My tone was a lot sharper than I’d intended. “I’m not Hilda and Johnnie. I don’t want your help.”
“We’re all Hilda and Johnnie, Travis. We all need help.” She sounded agonized. “And how can I ever trust you again? Knowing you’ll clam up and keep secrets from me?”
I thought about it. “You can trust me.” There was something different about things now, but I didn’t know what it was.
“Dessert menu?” The waiter stood by our table.
We ordered a tiramisu with two spoons. “You don’t want your own dessert?” I asked. “I’m good for it. You won’t end up washing dishes or anything like that.”
She laughed. “I know. I’d rather share.”
“Can you believe I really have a future now?” I was still amazed at how much my life had changed. “And Mom’s getting better, although she won’t be able to go out on her own any time soon.”
“Will the two of you get an apartment together again?”
The check came. “Yep. I’m still gonna be the dweeb who lives with his mother.” I didn’t mind though, especially now since I’d have the money on a firefighter’s salary to take good care of her. Not today or tomorrow, but maybe in a year or two.
Zoey gave me a tender look. “You’re good to her. I love that about you.”
I paid the bill in cash and followed her out of the restaurant. We drove home in a silence that had me nervous and hopeful and despairing all at once. As we entered her place, Zoey walked straight back to the curtained corner that she referred to as her closet, methodically peeling off her wrap, hanging up her purse, and putting her shoes away.
I stood near the door, not sure what to do, but not about to leave either.
Now barefoot, she padded over to her table and sat down in a chair. She didn’t invite me to sit. When she lifted her eyes, her expression was torn, changing from undecided to loving to lustful to angry.
“When was the last time you went to Chick’s?”
I thought back. “It was before
I started working at the soup kitchen.”
“Really?” She sounded surprised. “You didn’t go there… more recently?”
“You mean, since I got with you? No.”
“So you were faithful to me while we were together?”
“Yes. I still am.”
She sat back in the chair. “What am I supposed to do with you, Travis?”
The answer burst out of me. “Love me. The way I love you.”
There. I’d said it. Now I couldn’t stop talking. “I love you so much, Zoey. I want you. I never wanted to deceive you or shut you out.”
And all of a sudden I knew what was different. It was me. And I had to tell her. I would rather have rushed into another burning building.
I started to shake and my voice came out gruff. “You see, I think … I’ve been afraid, you know?”
“Of what?”
“Oh, God. Everything.” I shifted from one foot to the next. “Afraid of getting evicted, being poor, being uneducated.”
I stole a look at her. She sat very still, her hands clasped tight in her lap.
“I was afraid of becoming my father and ruining my life. And the lives of people I loved. You know? Dad went down in flames and took us with him. I didn’t want to do that to anyone else.”
“Oh, Travis….” Zoey stood up. She stayed where she was, gripping the back of her chair, but eyes were starting to warm.
I kept talking. “But I’m not scared anymore. I don’t know why. I’m just not.” I forced myself to stay by the door, feeling she still needed that distance between us.
“I’ll never hide anything from you again. I want you in my life.”
She licked her lips nervously, but her eyes longed for me.
“I’m yours, Zoey. My heart is yours.” I grinned. “Every part of me is yours.”
The corners of her mouth twitched. “Now there’s an offer!”
Again I thought of water over a fire. It stirred and rolled as small bubbles began to rise to the surface.
“It’s too bad you’re so mad at me. If you weren’t, I’d strip you naked and do amazing things to your body.”
I turned the knob of the front door. “But you’re too mad for that.”
Her quarter inch of cleavage heaved. “You play dirty, Travis.”
“You bet I do. When you’re at stake I have to use everything I got.” More bubbles rose as the water moved faster.
Zoey crossed her arms across her chest. “Are you all done?”
“Actually, just beginning.”
“Travis.” My name dripped from her lips.
“Yes, Zoey?”
“I love you too. A lot.” Her smile was as open and generous and direct as she was.
The lines of her profile, the curve of her legs, the swing of her hair. The awesome goodness of her heart. She was mine.
And I was hers.
“Come here,” I said.
She ran to me.
***
Other books by Anne Pfeffer available on amazon.com
Any Other Night http://tinyurl.com/cytu9yv
The Wedding Cake Girl http://tinyurl.com/cybyzgm
