Colby languished in the ruthless skewering of his world.
How exactly did he even fit into all of this?
His father might be using him to further his own personal agenda, but so was his mother! And grandmother! And in some ways, even his sister—although she'd been dragged unwillingly into this mess too.
What did they expect of him?
Eddy continued to explain things, especially all he knew about this prophecy, but Colby had a hard time paying attention. The ghost left out the details of how exactly the prophecy came to be—he refused to chance the wrong person overhearing. Apparently, the how's and why's were a vital part of the future success of this prophecy. And even here in the ghost world he'd take no unnecessary risks.
And although so much it explained so much of their lives and how they'd come to this point, Eddy watched the young men's spirits sinking.
But it was a truth they needed to hear, most especially Colby. Who passed the time disappearing into unnatural levels of quiet, drawing deeper into a big old pit of truth that he no longer questioned, but the acceptance of, was making him physically ill. Almost to the point of needing to run outside and vomit.
As intrigued as Jae was by the story, his attention kept slipping to Colby. He was going to blow at some point. You didn’t learn your entire life was built on lies and manipulation—that you were simply a pawn in someone's… no, not someone's, his father’s, devious plans for taking over the world—then add in his mother, too. And grandmother, and their plans to stop his father—Colby was plummeting toward rock bottom and Jae only hoped it would not destroy him before he had the chance to start over, and recover.
Eddy's story explained so much. And even Jae found himself having pity for the woman who’d made him a monster. Only a little pity, but it made the task of killing Juliska to win his freedom that much harder. Even more so, that he was sitting in front of the man who loved her.
Eddy finished, eyeing the young men. Understanding their awed and overwhelmed silence.
Jae was done with secrets. And lies.
No more. Ever. That was not a world he wanted to live in another single minute longer.
It wasn’t easy to say some things. Knowing it might hurt someone’s feelings, or even his own if the response wasn’t what he wanted. But he was done living in a world of secrets and deception.
Some of the things on his mind lately though, were things he’d never admitted to anyone, not even himself, and he didn’t know what to do with that. For today, he’d deal with the ghost sitting in front of him, and the guy drowning in despair next to him.
He aimed his focused stare at Eddy.
"I feel I should warn you, I’ve been told the only way I can free myself, from Juliska, is if I kill her." Nothing like laying it right out there.
"I know. And I cannot judge your actions. We’ve all… done things we wish we didn’t. And Juliska will have to accept the repercussions of her actions." Although the pain of it in his ghostly eyes wished otherwise.
Colby stared blankly at the table. He’d said nothing. Elisha had curled up in his lap and he’d been stroking her head, unconsciously. Jae wished he could sneak a peek into his mind; he envisioned Colby trudging through a murky pit, walking in circles, mindlessly sinking deeper as reality processed its ugly self. And the reaction—Jae was thinking Colby minus his Projector’s powers was a darn good thing right about now.
But it was like watching a countdown to doom because the explosion was coming—the expulsion of one's past in one giant gush of uncontrollable emotions that would range from wanting to die, to wanting to murder someone.
Jae had lived there for too long. And seeing Colby heading in that same direction was like going through it all over again.
Eddy cleared his throat. Jae shifted his gaze to meet the ghosts.
"Look, Boys," he began. "I’m not going into specifics here, because it’s not safe to talk anywhere these days really. But you should know that Meghan does have a plan in motion. And I remain confident that it will work."
"What do you mean?" Colby pinned on the ghost.
Eddy stammered for a moment, with the look of, not sure I can trust you. But instead, spoke, "I can’t say more. Not here. Not now." He leaned in close. "I’ve had this itch crawling up my spine for the last couple of hours. Like we’re being watched. Probably not, but I’ve learned caution is best, just in case."
The young men glanced around. Elisha jumped down to the floor and paced the room. It didn’t appear that anyone was spying on them. It was the usual ghosts flitting about.
The young men shifted restlessly. This was so much to process.
Eddy smiled at them kindly.
"I hope it's clear that it's not safe for either of you to return home." Jae got that. Colby did too. Although he was a bit surprised that the ghost sounded like he cared about their safety. "You're both stuck in the middle of a long and vicious war that's been going on for hundreds of years. I am—sorry—that you both have to live this life."
"You didn't cause it," Jae spoke graciously.
"No. Just caught up in it like you, I suppose." He shrugged it off. "You should also both be aware that the doorway you came through, to get to Grimble, it's always open. If someone learns you're here, they might send someone after you. But in the overall scheme of things, I’d wager you’re safe enough. For the time being."
"I fled because I didn’t want to hurt anyone," Jae admitted. "I still don’t. But I have to admit that I feel pretty damn useless sitting here, and not being back there to help in some way."
"Except you can’t." Colby stated reservedly. "You can’t go back. It’s not safe… for you."
"And you think it is for you?" Jae returned, with an air of, I'm not letting you go back either.
Colby lowered his gaze, unable to accept that the guy legitimately seemed to care about his future. As equally perplexing, was that he had no idea what he'd be returning to, other than two sides vying for his loyalty. With the added blow of neither side concerned enough about—well, him. It was all about who he was, and what he had to offer either side. It made a guy feel rather—lifeless. Worthless, on a basic human level. His true value paid out by the blood in his veins, his magical prowess and power, his immortality, his knowledge.
No one wanted him.
Only the things that happened to be attached to him.
"I’ve landed enough on you for today," determined Eddy, by the quiet dismay in Colby's features. "If you do stick around, and need me," he aimed at Jae, "go to the place we met before." He spoke of the old mill where he’d worked with Colin and Meghan. "Call out for me there, I’ll come."
Jae nodded in comprehension of the place. "Thanks. And thank you for sharing all of this." He didn't have to and yet he'd voluntarily done so. Eddy was a ghost with nothing to lose—and in some ways, everything to lose. And he was amazingly patient and unbiased, other than when it came to protecting his son. Jae supposed that came from seeing so much, from both sides of this war.
Eddy’s ghostly form popped out of the room, leaving the young men to their long breaths and rabid thoughts. But there it all was. The big old nasty truth pile. The nail on the truth coffin. The last of the lies. The real stories they didn't know that filled in so many holes. It made sense of so many things, and yet didn’t exactly help either of them with their current predicaments. Only helped explain, at least a little, as to how they'd gotten to this moment in time. How Juliska had become what she'd become. How Colby came to be—he was the epitome of a son born for the benefit of others.
The question remained, however, what Colby would take from all of this. How he'd react, and deal with it? It was a sink or swim moment, and Jae wasn't sure that he alone, was enough to keep the guy afloat.
CHAPTER 12
"He always does everything with such… sincerity." Jae tossed Colby a questioning gaze. He squished his eyes together. "My father, he has this way of—speaking that you just… believe what he says. He speaks with th
is authority that claims, I know what I'm talking about. No reason to question me."
"I wish my father had that ability," Jae found himself saying. Colby fixed his gaze on him through narrowed lids. "I might have actually listened to him. He was more—is more—confrontational. Demanding—without reason or explanation other than, it's for your own good." Jae clucked out a dark chuckle. "Maybe if he'd explained what he really meant, or had spoken with that sincerity, I would've believed him and not gone searching for something more."
"Or maybe nothing at all would have changed and we'd be sitting in this same spot. The messed-up thing is, my father taught me to think for myself." He tapped the side of his head. "So I thought, at least. He made me question things—history, just day to day things. But he was so good at making me not question him." At least, not outwardly.
"Don't feel bad that you believed him," Jae comforted, cautiously. "We believe our fathers. That's what we're supposed to do." He caught Colby peering straight at him before hurriedly shying away. Not so much from actual shyness, as the need to hide his own emotions. Eyes—they reveal so much we don't want others to see. And Jae got the sense that Colby wasn't used to anyone looking that close. And Jae didn't want to push him away.
"Problem is," Colby spoke defeatedly, "I don't think it would have made any difference who I was raised by."
Jae eyed him, asking silently for him to explain what he meant.
"I'd be in the same position, just on the other side of the war. Someone else pulling the strings. Using me for whatever purpose they needed." He didn’t explain further.
Jae thought for a second, he might actually be sick on Colby's behalf. No matter what, he was born because his gifts were needed to win this war. And that was just so—sad. And disgusting. No one had wanted him, he was merely a needed weapon everyone was vying to win over to their side. How did you make someone feel any self-worth when this was their only purpose in this world? Or at least, when they believed it was.
God. Jae had to hold back the bile rising in his own throat. It made his own predicament almost—trivial, in comparison.
And none if it changed the fact that Jurekai Fazendiin was a truly evil man.
Or that Aloyna, or Isabella, or Meghan, or whomever, wasn't willing to risk it all to do the right thing and take him out of power.
It was seriously a miracle that Colby wasn’t way more messed up than he was. Or perhaps that was about to happen—the fall. Forget rock bottom and figuring out how to stand on his own feet again. It was probably more important to keep the guy from losing his mind and going completely insane!
It got quiet again.
Unsettlingly so.
In a barely realized movement, Jae slid his hand over to Colby’s, getting his attention, gently. "You wanna go?" There was no point in sticking around the pub. It was getting late and he wanted to get back to Katana. Because truth be told, he was much more concerned she'd get bored and start trouble before Colby did. Heck, they probably should have forced her to tag along just to keep an eye on her.
Colby's intense stare froze on their hands, touching. For a moment, his breath even froze in his lungs while confusion stormed harder in his dark features.
But Jae was the one who swept his hand away as if suddenly aware of what he'd done.
Colby responded to Jae's question by getting up and heading out. His mind, strangely numb and absent of coherent thoughts.
The walk home was too darn quiet for Jae’s liking. It meant there was far too much thinking going on. Perhaps when they got to the wagons, Katana’s annoying attempts at flirting would lighten the mood some. Or at least, irritate the mood.
But that was not to be.
They arrived to empty wagons and a note.
"Got bored. Went exploring."
The young men's stares darkened apprehensively.
"Should we look for her?" Jae wondered.
Colby plunked down on the edge of the bed. "I kind of wish she'd just stay away."
"She annoys my Master," Elisha meowed out.
"She annoys us all," Jae mumbled. "But I don't like that she's out there—" he cut himself off with an audible sucking in of air.
"What?" Colby coaxed, interested, but the lack of energy to be properly so, apparent.
"Eddy—he said he thought someone might be spying."
Colby leaned forward, straightening a little.
Jae hit a hand to his head. "I bet she played us. Probably followed us. Heard everything. Eddy was right when he thought someone was spying. She's a Striper. We wouldn’t have even noticed her, even a few feet away if she was blended in." And she had that nifty gift he'd never seen before where she could walk through objects, while blended.
The young men's eyes locked, sharing the look of, have we turned into complete idiots?
Jae swore if he looked at himself in the mirror he'd be wearing a big old sign on his forehead that said, "Sucker!"
"Maybe we're judging her too fast?" Colby put out with a shake of his head. "I—I don't know as I can judge anyone anymore." His tone was heavy with doubt in his own gut instincts. Ones he'd always trusted before.
"Maybe. Let's hope so. Still—"
"We should try to find her," suggested Elisha. It surprised Jae that the Catawitch decided it, but upon looking at her concerned face it wasn't hard to put two and two together. She was trying to keep Colby busy. Another bad sign that his thoughts and his mind were wandering into dark territories even she wasn't sure how to help him out of.
"Yeah. Okay." Colby agreed, but his movements suggested he wanted to do anything, but. Jae followed him and Elisha out of the wagon. It was only another minute later when they'd let Jae lead the way, although, he had no idea where to search. And how did you search for someone who might not want to be found, or had the ability to walk through things, or blend in with their backgrounds—
"Looky what we have here."
Jae's eyes narrowed. Colby scowled. Elisha hissed out her own disgust.
"Oh, come now, Master Colby. Last time you were here, we were partners." Duppy, the ghost who he'd hired to help him steal The Magicante from Colin Jacoby, and had locked up the ghost boy, Timothy, floated a few feet into the air in front of them. "Got another job for me, do you?" He sounded hopeful and rubbed his ghostly hands together in greedy anticipation.
"No, he doesn't have a job for you," Jae protectively answered on Colby's behalf. Jae caught himself and wondered why he felt so defensive, Colby was capable of speaking for himself. But he didn't, and Jae got the sense he was grateful he didn't have to. Colby's time in Grimble was just another bad memory. In a way, it sucked that this is where they'd ended up.
"Too bad. Too bad," the ghost lamented. "One does get bored."
"How about finish your unfinished business and move on, already." Jae's snarky suggestion got an equally snarky remark in reply.
"Oh, I'm working on it, Kid. Don’t you worry your lovely, living little head about that." His ghostly grin was reviling. "I'm counting down the days. Hours, if I'm lucky."
"Lucky?" Colby blurted out. "You think once you leave here you're going to some great and happy afterlife? What's even waiting for anyone after leaving this place?" There was equal part condemnation, and equal part need of an actual answer to that question. Obviously, a subject weighing on his mind. Because bad people didn't get happy afterlives, and wasn't he in the bad guy category?
A question Jae had wondered a few times, too, and sadly, a topic he'd never given appropriate thought to until after handing his life over to Juliska Blackwell.
"I don't actually care what's waiting for me," Duppy revealed shockingly. "Anything, and I repeat, anything, is better than spending yet another long, endless day in this place. Eddy is lucky he got out," he spat out jealously.
"Lucky?" repeated Jae. "How is he lucky? He's stuck in the in-between, forever."
"Better than Grimble, forever. Although, not much better. Stuck is stuck. He's bound to go insane, eventually."
&n
bsp; It was not a pleasant thought, being a permanent fixture in the ghost world. A lump swelled up in Jae's throat at the thought. He'd almost ended up in this exact place. He'd attempted to end his life. He hadn't thought about the long-term consequences, only ending what he'd become, before he was forced to kill innocent people on Juliska's orders.
"You didn't end up there." The reminder came from Colby, and it was surprisingly comforting, and telling. Jae must have been wearing a how did you know that's what I was thinking, frown. "It's what I'd be thinking." Colby shrugged it off. Am thinking… they could not read each other's minds, and yet somehow, they understood each other without trying to.
And what a sad state of affairs, and sick reminder of the things they'd all gone through. What Eddy had given up to help his son—it brought new life to the meaning of, forever. Something Colby potentially had to look forward to if Meghan failed at destroying the Immortality Stone.
Jae couldn't hold back the guilt over not being able to go home and help his friends in this task. And the curiosity over what exactly her plan was, nagged at him. He was positive it was going to be a dangerous endeavor, whatever it was. And just as instantly, the guilt switched sides because he was speaking of killing Colby's father.
What a predicament they were wound up in.
"Look," Jae started, patience thin. "We're looking for someone. A girl. Not a girl, exactly, she's our age. And alive."
Duppy hemmed and hawed until he could see the steam about to blow out of Jae's ears.
"Haven't seen such a girl. And if'n I did, what'd be in it for me?"
Jae's gaze slid over to Colby's—he'd seen her. They didn't need to know more for now; she was still hanging around, somewhere. The only question was if she'd been spying on them or not.
"You know what, it doesn't matter," Jae decided. He motioned for Duppy to move on, wishing that in a more literal sense, too. The ghost was nothing but trouble. And he wasn't leaving. "What?" growled out Jae.
The ghost was—what was it—stalling? He guessed. Question was, why? What purpose did it serve? He motioned for Colby and Elisha to head back to the wagons. Jae got a keen sense they should pick up the pace and get back there in case he was trying to keep them away for some reason. Or was he becoming paranoid? This lack of trusting anyone else was exhausting.
Redeem (The Mage Mirrors, The Fallen Queen, and The Forgotten Child) (A Fated Fantasy Quest Adventure Book 10) Page 10
