Longing for Love

by Vicki Green

  “God, I couldn’t wait to get back to you, kiss you and hold you in my arms,” he whispers against my lips then kisses me again. I feel the same way. My hands tighten their hold as our tongues entangle. A moan springs free from my mouth into his. He pulls me closer, our bodies flush. I’m glad to know he’s as eager for me as I am him but the feel of his hardened length rubbing against my stomach is making me wetter. God, I want him inside me again. He releases my mouth, rubbing his soft scruff against the side of my face.

  “We should go eat,” I whisper, loving the feel of his face against mine.

  I feel his grin. His low chuckle goes right to my core. “I can just feast on you.” He blows in my ear and I shiver. “Although I don’t think I’ll ever be full.” Oh, my God! Yep, I’m going to need that extra pair of panties. His head turns and he kisses me again, hard and sure. “Come. Let’s get you something to eat.” He smirks. I give him a playful grin as he takes my hand and leads me into the tent. We walk over to the food, fill our plates, and then walk over and sit down with our friends. It seem so surreal having a man want me that badly, then treating me like a queen and sitting down and talking with friends like a normal couple. Are we though? Are we truly a couple? Boyfriend and girlfriend seems so strange and not enough. I’m not sure what to call us. I’m still not quite sure if we are exclusive yet he’s been spending all his time with me leading me to think we are. I have a great time eating and talking with everyone, feeling more relaxed than I ever have.

  After a lovely dinner, the music changes and we watch Brock and Taren dance. You can tell they are so happy and she’s radiant in her love for him. He kisses her forehead and he holds her hand, the other around her waist. Her large stomach is pressed between them – their baby. I let out a sigh, in a dreamy state. Others walk onto the small dance floor to join them. I feel his touch and turn my head. In a silent agreement, he takes my hand, kissing the top as we stand. He takes me to the dance floor, holds our hands up between us as he wraps the other around my waist. I place my hand on his large shoulder and he pulls me closer. There’s something about a man who is so rugged, an alpha who can also dominate the dance floor. His moves are smooth, his rhythm in sync with the beat of the music. My heart just gave in a little more to this magnificent man. We end up dancing the night away. My feet hurt by the time the wedding couple left to share their love and happiness together. Since I came alone, Kane followed me home, and we had our own bliss at my house. Now, we’re laying in each other’s arms and I’m listening to his light breathing.

  God, I’m so in love.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Kane

  It’s been two and a half months since I first laid eyes on Bria Daniels and I couldn’t be happier. I’ve wanted to confess my love to her so many times, it’s been at the tip of my tongue, but I’m afraid I’ll scare her off even though I think she may feel the same. Is it too soon? Can you fall in love that quickly? I don’t want to chance it. I’ve not thought nor wanted any other woman but her. We’ve settled into a bliss of working and spending almost every waking moment together. I’ve practically moved in with her. I have one part of her huge walk in closet for my shirts and two drawers in her large dresser for my socks, boxers, and jeans. I go to my apartment occasionally just to check on it. Every Sunday we go to my parents for breakfast and every time Ma sits there and smiles at us. Even Pop is warming up to her, hell, he even shares his paper with her. He doesn’t do that with anyone. We’ve gotten into a routine, one that I feel now that I couldn’t live without.

  Today is Saturday, the building will be done in about another month. I have to say it’s my proudest work and I’m so proud of my crews. Brock is going with Taren for her doctor’s visit today. My niece should be making an appearance soon. I might be a little worried when I first get to hold her, not really sure how I feel about kids, especially newborn babies. But she’s my niece so I know I’ll love her. I’ve not been around little ones so I don’t know the first thing about them. The thought of changing a dirty diaper, knowing what’s wrong with them since they can’t talk scares the shit outta me. Good thing it’s their kid. Hopefully they’ll know what to do.

  After making sweet love to my girl this morning and having a lazy breakfast, I decide to drive over to my apartment, get the mail, and check on things. I haven’t been here all week. The postman has probably been cussing me out. My small mailbox is probably full, but other than bills, it’s those damn advertisements that fill it up. I park in my spot, wondering all the while if I should approach Bria about just moving in with her and stop this nonsense of having two places. Once I’ve gotten my mail, I turn around and walk to my door seeing a piece of paper taped to it. What the hell is this? Probably an angry note left by the postman. I rip it from the door, unlock it and walk inside, closing it behind me. I head into the kitchen, grab a bottled water from the fridge, making note that I need to clean out the contents of bad food. I take a large swallow when a knock sounds on my door. Who could that be? Strange. I set the bottle down on the counter and walk to the door. When I open it I’m even more confused. “Uh, can I help you?” A woman is standing there holding what looks to be a toddler in her arms. The little girl has her face buried into the woman’s neck and her arms are wrapped tightly around her. What the fuck?

  “Mr. Kane Evans?”

  This is so weird. I’m nervous to even tell her that’s who I am. Finally, I give her a nod. “Yes. What’s this about?”

  She struggles to take a paper from her purse, the child inhibiting her movements. She holds up the paper and starts to read. “Mr. Kane Evans. I’m Mrs. Webster. I’m sorry to inform you that Miss Courtney Bledsoe was killed in an automobile accident leaving you next of kin to one Delaney Bledsoe. Under accordance with the law and child services you are instructed by the court of law to take a paternity test showing you are the father of the child. If you refuse, child services will place the child into protective custody finding a suitable foster family. Until proof of your relationship or if tests prove you are not the father, we will keep the child in custody.” She looks up at me. “Will you comply?”

  I rack my brain, trying to think who this Courtney Bledsoe is? Could she be one of the women I had a one night stand with? A child? A little girl who could be my daughter. I start to feel a little lightheaded of the possibility. What should I do? What if she is my daughter? If I don’t take the test she’ll be placed with foster parents, people who may not treat her well or they could be loving and give her something I can’t. I don’t know what to do with a child!

  “Mr. Evans. Do you comply?”

  Shit! I don’t know what else to do. I look at the small girl, her face buried so I can’t get a good look, obviously scared, shaking as she squeezes her small arms around this woman. I can see she has long dark hair but I can’t even tell how old she is. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to take the test at least. I have to know if I’m the father or not. “I’ll take the test. When and where?” I remember something similar happening to Caylan only it was the pregnant woman herself and that turned out to be a sham. I remember getting scared that it could happen to me but this is worse. So much worse.

  The woman smiles, seeming relieved at my response. “Very good. Whenever you have time you can go to your doctor or call me and I can locate one for you. It’s a simple blood test. Danie has already had it done so as soon as we get the results from yours we will be in contact with you.”

  Danie. Her nickname is Danie. “Uh….” I have to clear my throat. “I’ll go to my doctor. I’ll call him as soon as you leave.”

  She smiles and digs in her purse again, bouncing the child in her hands trying to juggle. She pulls out a card and hands it to me. “Here is my card and on the back is where your doctor can send the results. As soon as we have them, I will be in touch.” My brows furrow. I need to know and I’m not sure I can’t wait patiently. She smiles again. “Don’t worry, Mr. Evans. I will call you immediately when I receive them. I promise.” She places a hand
on the back of Danie’s head, rubbing down her long brown hair. It looks soft and has some lighter brown highlights in different places. I do feel sorry for her, losing her mom and probably as confused as I am. “I want to get her to her rightful father as soon as possible.” Her eyes shift to her and back at me. “She’s been through a horrible situation. Losing a mother at such a young age is detrimental. Poor thing. She’s a very sweet girl, well, I believe she is. She hasn’t really spoken since she’s been with us, poor thing.” We stand there in silence, my heart racing so fast at the thought that she could be my daughter. I need to do some research, find out who this Courtney is and if I had sex with her but I guess the tests will prove if the girl is mine or not. “Well, I’ll leave you to call your doctor. Thank you for being so easy to speak to about this, many aren’t. It’s only helpful for the child not to have any issues. Good day, Mr. Evans. I’ll speak to you again soon.” I give her my phone number, hoping it won’t be long after I get the test done before she calls me.

  I stand there in the doorway, watching her carry the small girl out to a car and open the back door, setting her in a small chair. Once she’s buckled in, I watch them drive off, still confused and nervous. “I need Ma,” I say out loud. “And maybe a good lawyer.” I quickly go inside and shut the door, taking out my phone and calling my doctor’s office. Thank fuck, they can see me in a half an hour. I jog outside, lock the door, and jog to my truck. I need to talk to Ma. This might just kill her. Before I take off, I scroll through my contacts. Courtney Bledsoe – repeater. Fuck! I remember her. She told me she was moving a long time ago but I kept her number. She gave the best blow…. Shit! I can’t think like that now. I feel bad she died. She was a lovely woman. I guess after everything I’ve done, all my womanizing ways, it’s caught up to me. The thought of possibly being a father has got me unhinged. I just about break all the speeding laws getting to my parents’ house but I don’t have much time before I leave for the doctor’s office. I screech into their driveway, barely turning off the truck and running inside.

  “Ma?”

  I run into the kitchen, the usual place I find her, but she isn’t there so I head into the living room and stop short. She’s sitting on the couch watching TV and looks up at my intrusion. “Son? What’s wrong? You’re as white as a sheet.” She sits up straight as I try to catch my breath. I’m a little nervous to tell her, what she’ll think of me. She and Pop always made no bones about my woman ways and never held back telling me. Now this. I guess I deserve it. It was my fault. Strange that I always wore condoms though – only having had bare sex with Bria. No, making love, only sex. But I guess that’s not one hundred percent full proof. Nothing is. Finally, I get up the nerve and walk over, sitting down next to her. I look into her eyes and everything that happened expels from my mouth. She grew pale but then softened. “Delaney is her name?” I nod and swallow hard.

  “Yeah, Danie for short. She was really scared, Ma. I felt sorry for her.” She nods, a little wetness forming in her tired eyes. “But Ma. What am I gonna do if I’m her father? You know I haven’t been around kids. I have no idea what to do with her.” She takes my hand and smiles.

  “You comfort her. She’s had a great loss. You hold her and tell her everything will be alright. You get to know her and over time, you love her. I think you’ll make a great father.” God, I hope she’s right. “Do you want me to come with you?”

  I shake my head. “Nah. It’s only a blood test. I won’t even know the results until that child services person gets them and calls me.” I squeeze her hand. “I might come back over here though and wait for the call. I’m too nervous to do anything else.” She nods and then her face changes to concern.

  She pats my hand as I stand to leave. “What about Bria? Have you told her what is going on?” Fuck! I’ve been so wrapped up in this I haven’t even thought about what Bria will think.

  She might run.

  She knows about your womanizing ways.

  You haven’t told her you love her yet.

  I shake my head slowly. She smiles. “Son, give her a chance. She may surprise you.” What in the hell does that mean? My eyes snap up when the clock on their wall begins to chime. I lean down and kiss the top of her head.

  “I gotta go, Ma. I’ll be back after.”

  I don’t give her time to answer. I can see the truth in her eyes. I need to tell Bria but not now. I can’t. I’m afraid of what will happen. If Danie isn’t my child then I won’t need to say anything to Bria so I’ll just wait. I mean – why make her worry and get upset if it’s for nothing. I can worry enough for both of us.

  I’m a nervous wreck at the doctor’s not because of getting blood drawn, that’s no big deal, but of what he must think. I looked at everyone there, the nurses, the patients, feeling like it’s written across my forehead that I’m having a paternity test done. By the time I leave there and get back to Ma’s house, I’m about to go crazy. She’s great though. As I sit at the kitchen table, she’s making me some lunch. I check my phone and knew I’d missed several texts but didn’t want to look at them. I know they’re from Bria. I hate keeping this from her but I don’t want her to worry.

  You don’t want to give her the chance to run.

  Finally, while waiting, I check them. She’s already worried but because I haven’t replied.

  Bria: Hey, what r u doing today?

  Bria: Kane? Is everything alright?

  Bria: I’m really worried. You’re not replying

  Bria: Please call me

  Shit! Just a little longer. Fuck, I wish that woman would call. Ma brings over lunch and sits down across from me. I hate doing this to Bria, causing her worry. I hate all of this. I’m just glad Pop isn’t around and is working at the bar today. Ma told me he decided to go do paperwork and order supplies. After three more hours, no call, and pacing their living room floor, I jump when my phone vibrates in my pocket, grabbing it quickly and almost drop it with my shaky hands. Ma looks up from the couch, her face ridden with concern.

  I hold up the phone and answer. My stomach is in knots. “Hello?” I listen to the woman, who says her name is Caroline Webster, and hold my breath. Ma looks at me questioningly. “Okay. Yes. I will. Okay. Thank you.” I let out the breath I was holding and sit down in the nearest chair, afraid my legs will give out. Leaning my arms down on my legs, I just stare at my phone in my hand.

  “Well? What happened?” I look up at Ma and feel the life drain from my face. “Is she yours?” I simply nod. I don’t think I can even speak. “Oh, my! That poor child.” Yeah, that poor child has a father who didn’t know about her and has no idea what to do with a little girl.

  Suddenly, I stand and start pacing. “What am I gonna do? I don’t know anything about raising a child!” I stop and look at her. She’s smiling. “WHAT?” I scream.

  “A child is a blessing. I’m a grandma. Oh, my. How lovely.” She stands and walks over to me, grasping my arms, and looking lovingly into my eyes. “Son. Everything will be fine. I’ll help. You have a daughter.” How can she be so calm?

  I look down and lower my brows. “But Ma. I always wore a condom. How could this happen? I’ve always been so careful.” I feel defeated yet deep inside I’m a bit excited. A child. A little girl. It can’t be that bad. Can it?

  “Oh, honey. I’m sure you have but you know, nothing is positively safe. Things happen when you least expect them.” I nod, knowing she’s right. “When do you get her?” Shit, they’ll be at my apartment in a couple of hours.

  “Uh, in a couple of hours? That woman will be bringing her to my place. Ma. I have nothing there for a little girl. I don’t even have a bed for her to sleep on. My extra bedroom is full of junk.”

  She lets out a laugh. Okay, I don’t find this funny. At all. “Sorry. I think we need to go shopping and then clean out that spare bedroom. C’mon, son, time to get busy. We don’t have much time.” Crap.

  My mother is an angel. In an hour and a half, we went shopping and loaded the
back end of my truck with a junior bed, dresser, clothes, shoes, toys, and whatever else she grabbed and went to my apartment. Then, we cleaned out the spare bedroom and filled it with everything I bought. The woman is a whirlwind but I guess she’s been through this a few times. I feel guilty that I haven’t texted or called Bria but everything is happening so fast. I’ll have to find the right time, be able to go over there and sit her down to explain. No way am I doing this over the phone. By the time Ma finishes making Danie’s bed with the new sheets and comforter, a knock sounds on the front door. She looks up and smiles and I feel like I might throw up. “How old do you think she is?” Good question.

  “Ma, I dunno. She’s not a baby but she was wrapped so tight around the woman I couldn’t tell, like I’d know anyway. Hell, I didn’t even get to see her face.” She swats at me as she walks past.

  “Language, Kane! I swear this is going to be a whole new learning experience for you. Men.” She walks out of the door and I stand there dumbly. I shake my head from my stupor and jog out of the room and pass her until I’ve reached the front door. I grab the knob and just stare at the door.