Longing for Love

by Vicki Green

  “Bria? What’s wrong?” The fear I thought I’d lost swallows me up once again.

  “I….” She brings up her finger and starts biting on the nail. I grab it and squeeze gently. She shakes her head, her long hair falling all around her, and raises her chin. “Kane. You’re gonna be a daddy again.” What the what?

  I shake my head, trying to clear it. “Uh…. What did you say?”

  She purses her lips then softens. “I’m pregnant.”

  Oh, my God! A baby! Our baby.

  Part her.

  Part me.

  Us together.

  Family.

  I set the beer down and grab her into my arms, holding her tightly as my tears begin to flow again. Once I thought I couldn’t cry, not for the loss of Pop, not for the loss I caused with Bria. Now they won’t stop. I rub my scruff across her face and cry softly in the crook of her neck. “Fuck, I love you so fucking much,” I whisper and begin kissing her everywhere. Her neck. Her jaw. Her mouth, her cheek, and then the side of her head, pulling her even closer. I bury my nose into her hair and let out everything I’ve needed to release in so long. I cry for Danie showing up at my door and the loss of her mother. I cry for the loss of my father. I cry for pushing Bria away and hurting her. I cry for her coming back to me. I cry that she’s pregnant and that I’m going to be a daddy again. I cry because I have her in my arms where she belongs. I cry until I have no more tears left to cry and pull back to look into her tear filled eyes. I start wiping hers away as I smile. “Why are you crying, Kitten?”

  She smiles and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. She’s my air but with just one look, she can take it all away. “I’m just so happy.” I pull her back into my arms and we both cry one last time for everything we’ve been through. I know we have a long road ahead of us but I know that as long as we get through everything together, we can do anything. If there’s one thing I’ve learned – you don’t run away when things get rough, you come even closer and handle them together. There’s safety and love in numbers.

  We sit there in each other’s arms and look out into the ocean until the sun is gone, then I pick up my cooler and her blanket, holding her hand as we walk back to her house. I immediately lock the back door and take her upstairs to her bedroom where I make slow and passionate love to my girl, giving extra special attention to her flat stomach that’s housing our baby. As we drift off to sleep, holding her in my arms, I can finally breathe again and see everything in my future. Our future.

  Epilogue

  Kane

  Two years later….

  The whole family is in our backyard celebrating Danie’s sixth birthday. She’s growing in to quite the young princess. A large tent is set up in the yard, over to the right, with a table filled with food, covered and simmering over low flames, and drinks iced in a silver bucket. Danie is playing on the swing set with Caylan and Irish’s son, Alan, named after Caylan’s dad, and Jenae, who looks just like Taren but with Brock’s temper. Poor thing. Alan’s the same age as our son, Michael, Pop’s middle name. Michael is running around kicking a soccer ball into a net with determination. That’s my boy! I’m manning the grill on the deck because it just ain’t a party without hamburgers and hot dogs. Bria thinks I’m silly since there’s all the other food in the tent. But then again, she didn’t think it was silly to have a cooler of beer on the deck when there’s mixed drinks and soda in the tent. Women!

  I turn my head, spatula in hand, and look over at my girls. Yeah, girls. Bria is holding our newest addition in her arms, born just a little over a month ago. Amanda is as beautiful as her mother, dark hair, and I guess she got her brown eyes from both of us. She’s named after Bria’s mom and mine. Amanda Ann. I didn’t even know Ma’s middle name is Ann. Bria looks down, pulling the bottle from Amanda’s mouth, and leans down kissing her forehead. I let out a sigh. Bria is wearing the new locket I bought her around her neck. Still an engraved heart on the outside with the words “Our Family”, but it’s bigger, housing a picture of our kids on one side and a picture of Bria and me together on the other. We’ll have to have a new picture of our kids made now that Amanda has arrived so we can replace the other one.

  I see Ma with Betty and Mimi, laughing and talking, watching the kids play.

  I look around the deck. Irish is so uncomfortable, and as big as a house, being eight months pregnant, and Taren sits beside her, not quite three months pregnant. Our family is growing in leaps and bounds and I couldn’t be happier. I still remember vividly the day it all changed, how Bria came back to me, forgave me for the hurt I’d caused her. Seems so long ago. But I’ve learned so many things over the last few years.

  Fighting for Brock and Taren when that madman came after them in the shed they’d built, risking my life for them and then Caylan saving us all, taught me that….

  It’s not hard to sacrifice for the one you love,

  Once you find the one to sacrifice everything for.

  And that is so true. We all sacrifice for the ones we love in one way or another but we’d never have it any other way. We’d added to our family after that. Caylan became more than my friend, he became my brother. I was glad when he fell for Irish, he’s perfect for her and she for him. She’s stubborn and really keeps him on his toes.

  Then Caylan had his own scare, almost losing his life doing his undercover thing. Thank fuck he quit that. Shit! I’m gonna have to put money in the bad word jar again. Even though the kids didn’t hear me, I’d feel bad if I didn’t. The other scare for him was thinking he’d fathered a child when in fact the woman had lied because she had no one else. I kinda felt sorry for her in the end and so did Caylan. He almost lost Irish during that time. I guess sometimes when us guys fall in love we do stupid things. I guess we go a little crazy too but what that all taught me was….

  Love can be deceiving,

  Love can be unkind,

  Love comes when you least expect it,

  If you’re lucky, Love will find you.

  Caylan was lucky that Irish forgave him and now look at them. A son and another baby on the way. They decided not to find out the sex this time, wanting to be surprised. I guess Caylan will be the one surprised because Irish told me the other day that their having twins. Guess when she tells him I’ll need to be there close by because he may just faint. The big lug.

  I look over at Bria, remembering everything we went through to be together. I had to go through finding out about a daughter I didn’t know I had to losing Pop in a matter of a few weeks. I gotta tell ya, I was a mess. I was more than a mess. After we got back together, I found out that her dad disowned her and fired her, well, she told me she quit, both jobs. Being his daughter and employee. So fucking proud of her. Damn, more money for the jar! Then she and Charles created their own business and in just a short time, it soared. Most of Bria’s clients followed her and of course she gained more later. They found this piece of land and bought it then created the most amazing design for a building. Of course she wanted me to head up the crews, using mine and a couple others. Have to say, it’s the prettiest building I’ve ever seen and it sits full with the clients that Bria put there.

  Speaking of Charles, I look over at him and his boyfriend sitting together on the bench next to the picnic table. He’s happy and that’s all that matters to me and he takes care of my girl too. He and Bria have always been so close. Thank fuck for that since their father treated them like dirt. Shit, more money! Damn jar.

  So what I learned from all that happened to me is that….

  Love is harsh,

  Love is cruel,

  Love is blind,

  Love is everything.

  Ain’t that the truth? I almost lost the love of my life, my reason for breathing, but she forgave me. I would have survived for Danie, would have been strong for her, but I would have had a hard time being alive again, for me. You see, Bria is the air that I breathe, the reason my heart beats. Everything in me had stopped, thinking I’d lost her. I wou
ld have done anything to get her back but in a blink of an eye, she forgave me. That’s just the kind of woman she is and I thank God every day for her.

  She looks up at me and smiles, taking my breath away for the millionth time. She’s so beautiful, like one of those famous paintings, no – like one of those statues made out of marble, no – she’s more than that. She’s like the ocean after it rains, the water rough then calms. She’s like the sunsets we stare at sitting on our beach, our little piece of heaven. She’s all that and more, so much more.

  “Babe. You have a fire there.” She smiles and I startle, turning around quickly, and flip the hamburgers out of the way of the small fire on the grill and chuckle.

  “Daddy! I’m hungry!”

  I look down at my little girl. My little girl who will be starting first grade soon. I couldn’t be more proud. She’s grown up so much, losing her mother, and finding out I’m her daddy. She knows Bria will never replace her mom but she loves Bria like one. “Go holler at your brother and cousins. I’ll bring the food down to your table.” I watch as she runs off, all dressed up in her pink dress, matching ribbons in her unruly and curly hair, braided on the side. Yes, I finally mastered that, I think proudly. I place all the burgers and hot dogs on the platter and take them down the deck steps, walking to the left and setting them on the small foldout table I set up just for the kids. They don’t want the grown up food in the big tent. I wanted this to be special for them, for Danie’s birthday. As I walk back up the steps, I look at Bria. She nods, telling me I was right. Of course I was right. I walk over and sit down as she scoots over and take Amanda in my arms. She’s sound asleep, sucking on her little thumb. This house used to have so many spare bedrooms. Now, one side is a big office for Charles and Bria, with its own front entrance and a side locked entrance to our house. Our side is occupied by my family. Our family. Who would have thought me, the playboy – womanizer, would have a wife and three kids. Hmmmm, we have two more bedrooms that are empty. Maybe….

  I look at Bria and waggle my brows. She play smacks my arm and blushes. Yeah, I think two more kids would be a good number and think of all the practice we would get making them. I look out over her head at the backyard. I could add onto the house and still have plenty of space for the kids to play. I could add more bedrooms! I wrap my arm around my wife and she lays her head down on my shoulder. We’re young, there’s no telling how many kids we could have but I know one thing….

  Never did I ever think I’d have this kind of love, the kind of love that is beyond love, the kind that wraps around you, causes you to breathe for the first time in your life, the kind that fills you up and never lets you come down.

  Family. Family is everything.

  And sex – lots and lots of fucking sex! Dammit! There goes all my money again!

  The End

  About Vicki Green

  Vicki Green grew up in Overland Park, Kansas and currently resides in Olathe, Kansas. Along with her husband and two teenage boys, she shares her home with her cocker spaniel’s Shadow and Mocha. She has been working full time at the same Company for 35 years. Her life has been filled with the most loving and caring parents, who are both gone now but are still in her heart and mind daily.

  Vicki enjoys reading Romance books which is what inspired her to begin writing this book. She has always admired Author’s dedication and hard work. She had a dream that played out for over a year, came home one day after work and decided to put it on a word document to see how it read and that became ‘My Savior Forever’, the beginning of her Forever Series, and that’s where it all began.

  Website: http://www.vickigreenauthor.com/

  Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/VickiGreenAuthor

  Twitter: @rileyks3

  Goodreads Author: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7112966.Vicki_Green

  Love a good alpha male story? Try Havoc by Xavier Neal

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  Havoc (Book 1 Havoc Series)

  By Xavier Neal

  © Xavier Neal

  All rights reserved

  Prologue

  Why couldn't he have died that day instead? Why couldn't it have been him who melted before my eyes? It's not that I don't care about him. I just cared about her more. I actually loved her. She gave a shit about me. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that much. I learned that the first time I remember him leaving on deployment when I was four. I know he had left many times before that, but that was when I was still asking, if he loved us so much, why did he leave? Why was he always gone for so long? Being the angel that she was, my mother often told me a soft excuse to cushion my feelings, but when I turned four, I began to pick up on why he left. There was something he loved more than her. More than me. More than us. He loved being close to death. Being that close to death all the time, it would make sense for him to die. Death could've taken him with due cause! Instead, it took her. No warning. No heads up. No text on the go.

  I've played the heartbreaking moment again and again in my head, like my mind is on some screwed-up instant replay you see on ESPN. She convulsed. At first, it looked like a set of hiccups. Innocent. Funny even. Then, she shook. Sweated. I called 9-1-1 and waited, watching jerking go out of control as if there was a demon in her. Once that demon was free, though, she was dead. Gone. Nothing. It’s a very strange concept to me, even now. No life in your body. No light in your eyes. Just darkness. I cried the whole time. What ten-year-old kid wouldn't? I cried as 9-1-1 arrived. I cried as the EMT took her away. I cried as Mindy lied when she said, “It's gonna be OK.” and “Don't worry, Striker's on duty,” God's own hospital angel if there ever was a God. At that moment, I didn't believe it anymore. At that moment, I already knew she was dead. Death had come. And I was once again alone.

  Mindy pushes a plate of fresh-baked cookies toward me and a tall glass of milk. Her hand on mine is warm. Motherly. She always means well. She always has. I imagine she always will.

  “Wanna talk about it, Slugger?”

  “No.” You’re safe here, she wants me to know. It’s her place. I know I’m safe. But, I’m not scared. I’m mad.

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah.”

  The pause is too brief, “I think we need to talk about it. Don't you? I really feel it would be best. What happened?”

  “Before he yelled at me and told me I needed to suck it up or after when he broke Mom's things? Destroyed them. Tossed the family videos. Ripped the photos. Of her—and of me.” Mindy looks like she wants to say something, but I don't let her, “How about when he raised his hand to me? When he told me to be a man about her death?”

  “Slugger–”

  “No,” I shut her down, snatch a cookie, and break a piece to shove in my mouth. “I don't wanna talk about it.”

  And I don't. Three days pass before I even walk back into my house. I would have stayed hidden longer, but Mindy said, if I did, that she would call him to come and get me. I didn't want that either.

  The moment my foot slips inside the door, I feel a heavy weight on my shoulders. There's vomit rising in my throat now from the sight in front of me, at the betrayal I'm staring at in my own living room. My mother's things, in brown boxes, packed.

  My dad walks down the stairs, another box in his hands. From the looks of it, it’s dresses, including the one she kept sacred—just for homecomings and deployments. I say nothing, rage and hatred alike boiling inside of me. I want to swing my bat and break things. Break him. I want to swing it at him and scream, “It should've been you!” I merely watch in horror, my mom quickly fading from light into a distant memory, forever to be stuck in my head like an almost-forgotten lyric. The one that's always on the tip of your tongue, but you can never remember the words, just the tune. Death’s refrain.

  He drops the box in the living room. “These things leave in the morning.” He clears his throat and reaches for the shot of whiskey in the glass on the coffee table. “I left a box in your room. Take what you wan
t. Keep it in there. I don't ever want to see it. Any of it.”

  I stare at him coldly. How can a man be so cruel after losing his wife? Can he be a man? It's not human to be so indifferent about the death of a loved one, no matter what the Navy may have drilled into him. He's a monster. Any shadow of what used to be my father, the man who bought me my first bat, bandaged my first skinned knee, gave me my first “It's not about losing but how you play the game” speech, gone. Vanished. Nonexistent as quickly as Mom. Death stole him too. Death now owns my family. Might as well own me too.

  “You hear me, boy?”

  This man is not my father. He's an animal. An alien. A foreign creature. An empty vessel in which life once lay but does no longer. Being immediate kin to death now, I join the man I used to call father. I enter the blizzard of bleakness ahead, knowing I cannot take it back, any of it. Death wins all in the end.

  “Yes, Sir.”

  Available on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Xavier-Neal/e/B00IY1FR1Y/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1442000844&sr=8-2-ent