“Do you think it would make any difference if he stopped staying at the house now?”
Her mother made a sour face. “It’s none of my business. I just think you should’ve thought this relationship through before you got into it.” She went back to her batter.
“You’re right, Mom, it isn’t any of your business.” Peyton walked out of the kitchen and went in search of the boys. She’d leave it up to them. They could stay here the rest of the weekend or come home with her, but she was leaving.
When she got to the highest point of the pass over Highway 46, Peyton pulled off the road and called Kade.
“Hi, is everything okay?”
“Yes. Sorry to bother you.”
“You’re not bothering me. What’s going on?”
“I had a disagreement with my mother. God, just saying it out loud sounds so…juvenile.”
“Hang on one minute.”
Peyton heard the phone rustle.
“Okay. I’m back.”
“You’re in the middle of something. We can talk later.”
“Where are you?”
When she told him, he laughed. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stopped in the same spot out of sheer frustration with one of my parents.”
“You’re just saying that so I don’t feel quite as stupid.”
“You should know by now I don’t say things to make anyone feel better.”
“I know. Listen, I’ll let you go.”
“Peyton, wait. I wish I could tell you that I could see you tonight, but I can’t. I won’t be able to be back until Sunday.”
“It’s okay. It’s nothing. I’m sorry I called.”
“Peyton—”
Whatever he was about to say, she didn’t want to hear. She already felt ridiculous for calling in the first place.
14
“Everything okay?” Razor asked when Kade came back inside.
He shook his head and looked around. “Where’s Paps?”
“Ran out to get some beer. You wanna talk about whatever it is that’s bothering you?”
Kade rubbed the back of his neck. “I wonder sometimes if I’ve been fair to her.”
“Peyton?”
“It doesn’t matter whether we go private or not. There will be times I’ll have to leave at a moment’s notice, times I don’t know when I’ll be back, times I might not make it back.”
Razor nodded. “You gotta live your life, though, Doc.”
He walked across Razor’s kitchen and looked out at the water off the Oregon coast. “I’m living the life I chose. I made the decision to do what I do. There isn’t room for anything else.”
“Your parents did it.”
“Not really. My mother retired when I was born, and my father hasn’t been a mission of any kind since Maddox was born.”
“You could always do what he did and give up the ops.”
“That’s the thing. I don’t think I can.” He scrubbed his face with his hand. “When is Eighty-eight due to arrive?”
Razor looked at his phone. “Any minute.”
“There are a few things I want to talk over with the three of you when he gets here and Paps gets back.”
“Sounds ominous.”
“It is.”
They stayed up until three in the morning, making plans for the new business they decided to name K19 Security Solutions—for Kade’s official call sign, K19-Bravo. It wasn’t his first choice, but Razor, Paps, and Eighty-eight insisted on it and he was outnumbered.
When they finally called it a night, he had a hard time sleeping. The same things that kept him awake at night all his life, plagued him tonight.
It wasn’t something he’d ever admit but, as a kid, he’d been afraid of the dark. Terribly afraid—specifically of the unknown—the boogey man, the monster in the closet, wind rustling against the windows of the stone house.
He’d creep down the hallway to his parents’ bedroom, ashamed of his fear, but powerless to fight against it. He’d stand outside the open door and watch them sleep until one or both of them realized he was there, and invite him to sleep between them. Kade didn’t remember what age he finally stopped going to their room; maybe five or six.
What he did remember vividly, down to the very first day he experienced it, was when his fear changed. The source had been a chapter he’d read for his ninth grade history class, and it had haunted him since.
It was about Nathan Hale, a boy his same age, and his unimaginable courage and poise in the face of death. The story was an ironic combination of daring, patriotism, innocent American idealism and even failure.
Hale was fourteen when he entered Yale University and graduated four years later, with honors, and became a teacher. The year was 1773. A mere two years later, the Revolutionary War broke out and Hale enlisted in the Connecticut militia. Mainly due to his level of education, he was appointed first sergeant of his company, and was eventually commissioned as a captain in the Continental Army’s 7th Connecticut Regiment. When the fledgling army created its intelligence service, he was recruited by the director, Benjamin Tallmadge, a classmate from Yale. For his first mission as a spy, Hale was charged with gathering information and documenting British troop dispositions during the Battle of Long Island.
In 1776, he slipped behind enemy lines posing as a Dutch schoolmaster. With little training, he was discovered almost immediately, in possession of incriminating documents. During his questioning, Hale refused to deny his status as a spy. He was sentenced to be hanged for treason the following day.
Nathan Hale was led to the gallows where he spoke his last words. His executioner later recounted the young man’s last words, “I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.”
Kade, knowing even at that young age, that he too planned to serve his country, was astounded by Hale facing death with such calm selflessness.
His words stick in his throat as though he would choke by the fear and shame he felt, knowing he could never possess that kind of courage.
The idea haunted him to do this day, that in the face of mortal danger, he would not possess Hale’s level of patriotism and bravery.
Each time he walked into the hallowed halls of the agency for whom he currently worked, but would soon retire from, he passed by a bronze statue of none other than Nathan Hale. At its base, was the quote that gave him such pause.
The statue itself depicted the young teacher-turned-spy standing on the gallows awaiting his fate. His hands bound so loosely behind his back that he couldn’t help but wonder why Hale hadn’t attempted an escape. But, it was his bravery, his loyalty, his undying devotion to his country, that prevented him from doing so.
The kind of work Kade did, meant that he faced the same danger Hale did, only on a far greater scale. If, like him, he was captured, would he be brave? Would he accept his fate “like a man?” He prayed so every time these thoughts kept him awake at night.
In the still, quiet hours of the night when there was no one else around, when he was forced to confront those fears, was when he entered into his own private, tormented hell—that place where the man he was now feared meeting the man he might become—the selfless, loyal hero, or coward.
If the latter, what was his worth to himself, his family, and his country? He’d turned his back on the legacy of his family, to serve and protect his country. How would he be remembered if he turned his back on that too?
His brother Brodie’s words also haunted him in the wee hours of the morning. “You ever wonder what your real purpose is in life?” he’d asked.
All the time. Daily. Nightly. Whenever there was silence.
His question now was about Peyton and her boys. Was the relationship he had with them fair? Was it just noise to keep his fears at bay?
He knew the answer in his heart. Could he brave enough to do the right thing now? Or would the coward in him put it off for his own selfish pleasure?
15
Kade assured Peyton everyth
ing was fine between us, but since the day she’d called him from the side of the road, it felt different.
He wasn’t gone anymore often. He wasn’t less present with her and the boys. There was just something unspoken between them that wouldn’t go away.
Jamison and Finn had two more weeks of school and then they’d be off for the summer. Peyton feared Kade would offer to spend time with them, insisting he enjoyed it as much or more than they did, but the way she felt, she couldn’t let that happen.
The time had come for her to end things. It would hurt beyond anything she could imagine, even Lang’s betrayal, because Kade had been nothing but be good to her.
He was away and wouldn’t be back for three or four days, but she vowed when he returned, she’d end the relationship. She had to before the boys school year wrapped up.
16
Kade drove two hours south to the house he rarely stayed in. The closer he got, the more he felt like he was about to face a firing squad. There was no reason for it; it had sat empty for the last three years.
It was the memory of all the years that came before it that made him feel sick to his stomach. All the mistakes he’d made. All the mistakes his ex-wife had made too. They never should’ve gotten married in the first place, but there was no going back to change it. He’d been so young, so misguided about doing the right thing, and it ended up hurting them both—along with the child who’d been forced to live a life she didn’t understand.
Right out of high school, Kade joined the Marines. Eventually, he’d gone on to serve in one of the very few elite Force Recon companies. He’d also been one of a handful of priors who underwent Navy SEAL training, followed by Special Operations training in Fort Bragg—with the Green Berets. Even that hadn’t been enough. He’d also earned a degree as a physician’s assistant.
As one of the very few men with his level of specialized training, he’d been honored when asked to become part of Delta Force—officially known as 1st Special Forces Operational Detachment-Delta—the most highly trained elite force in the US military. The Special Missions Unit performed various clandestine and highly classified counter-terrorism missions around the world.
He’d worked damn hard, saved countless lives, and rid the world of some truly evil bastards—all to escape looking himself in the mirror after what he’d done to the woman he’d married.
He’d just pulled through the gates of his Montecito home, when his phone rang with a familiar tone. What were the odds that the very woman he’d been thinking about for most of the ride down here, was calling?
“Lena.”
He knew before she spoke that she was crying. He always knew.
She cleared her throat. “My mother died this morning.”
He scrubbed his face with his hand. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’ll be there as soon as I can. How’s Leech?”
“Not good. Where are you?”
“Driving up the coast. I’ll be there in less than two hours.”
“You’re at the house, aren’t you?”
“Not yet,” he lied, looking up at the place he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been inside.
“Goodbye, Kade.”
“Bye, Lena. Let your dad know I’m on my way.”
He let her end the call first and then threw his cell phone on the seat beside him. He took one last look at his house, drove out the gates, and got back on the highway.
Lena’s mother’s death hadn’t come as a surprise. The woman had been ill for many years with Parkinson’s. She’d fallen into the final stages of the disease a couple of years ago when her inability to walk forced her into a wheelchair, and dementia clouded her once-bright spirit.
Kade was far more worried about Lena’s father, than he was her. Leech had been a mentor to him since his first day of boot camp. There was no telling what kind of downward spiral Elisabetta’s death would send him in.
Before driving over the pass to Paso Robles, Kade stopped at the house in Moonstone Beach. Given he had no idea what kind of shape Lena or her father would be in, along with what might have to be done to make arrangements for Elisabetta’s funeral, he picked up several changes of clothes.
While there, he called his father who had already been made aware of this morning event’s and was on his way to the same place Kade was.
Next, he called Razor. He and Gunner knew Leech as well as he did.
“What up, Doc?” said Razor when he answered his call. Kade told him the news.
“Oh, man. I’m sorry to hear that. Elisabetta was one of the best women I’ve ever known.”
“I’m getting ready to call Paps. Do you know his twenty?”
“Sittin’ right in front of me.”
“What’s your ETA to Paso Robles?”
“Be there by sunset.”
“I appreciate this, Raze.”
“What about Eighty-eight?”
“Let’s hold off on getting him involved for now.”
“Roger that. See ya tonight.”
The process he’d begun when the met with his three partners in January needed to be completed now. Something in the back of his head told him it was time to get his affairs in order. All of them.
He ended up spending a week on the property that with Elisabetta’s death, he now owned. He hadn’t liked it when he and Lena divorced and he didn’t like it now, but the property had been handed down from Elisabetta’s family, and she had been intransigent that it become Kade’s.
Leech was, as he’d anticipated, despondent over his wife’s death. He blamed himself, got drunk, and lashed out at both Lena and Kade. Even Laird, Leech’s best friend for more than fifty years, couldn’t get through to him.
“He’s going to do some reckless. Or worse,” Kade said to his father as they both walked back to their parked vehicles.
“I agree.”
“He wants revenge.”
Laird nodded. “And he has nothing left to live for.”
“He does.”
“But he doesn’t see it that way.”
Less than six months later, Kade and his father’s worst fears materialized. Leech Hess was missing and they both knew it would be up to Kade to find him.
The first thing he did was make arrangements to meet again with his K19 partners, this time he wanted Eighty-eight there.
In the event of his death, there were things that needed to be carried out. Anticipating what Leech would do, Kade had spent the last six months getting it all ready.
The only thing he hadn’t done, was talk to Peyton and he still hadn’t decided how much to tell her.
17
This Christmas was nothing like the last one. Instead of Kade wanting to spend it with her and the boys, it seemed as though he felt he had to.
She hadn’t broken up with him in June like she’d planned. Instead of being gone a few days, he was away almost two weeks. When he returned, his behavior was different. It was almost as though something horrible had happened and he was in mourning over it.
He clung to Peyton when they slept. The sex between the changed too. Each time they made love, Peyton felt as though it would be their last.
They spent Christmas Eve together, the same way they had the year before, and then Christmas morning with their respective families. Instead of talking about meeting up later, Kade told her he’d be with his all day, and he’d see her and the boys the following day.
Thankfully, Jamison and Finn didn’t question why they couldn’t see Kade. It was as if they also sensed something was off.
On New Years’ Day, right after they’d all had breakfast together, Kade asked to speak to the boys alone. When he came out of their room, he closed the door behind him, and asked Peyton to take a walk with him.
They went out to the beach and sat on the same rock they always did.
“I’m leaving.”
“I sensed you were.”
“This time is different, Peyton. I’m going deep undercover and I have no idea how long I might be
gone. It could be several weeks, or longer.”
He was scaring her but she wouldn’t admit it. His behavior over the last few months began to make more sense. Whatever he was about to do, weight heavy on him.
“I’m sorry, Peyton.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “You’ve nothing to be sorry for.”
He looked out at the sea and she knew she was wrong. Something had happened, something was happening, that he regretted and it concerned her and her boys.
“I accept your apology, Kade,” she whispered. “We’ll be okay. We’ll miss you. We all love you.”
He nodded and brushed away the single tear that ran down his cheek.
Two months later, right before Valentine’s Day, Peyton’s cell phone rang early in the morning.
“My name is Tabon Sharp, most people call me Razor.”
As soon as she heard his name, his voice, she knew.
“He’s gone, isn’t he?”
“Yes, ma’am. I very sorry for your loss.”
Peyton dropped the phone on the floor as she crumbled into a ball next to it.
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1
Peyton
She closed the car door and zipped her jacket. The blue sky and bright sun were misleading. This close to the ocean, the wind could be fierce, even on the sunniest days.
From where she stood in the gravel parking lot across the street, she saw a man walking toward her small town’s only supermarket. There was something familiar in the way he held himself. His worn barn jacket was taut across his shoulders, but hung loose over his narrow hips. Although his jeans were more metro than ranch, his boots were all cowboy, and so was his black, felt Stetson.
Kade's Worth (Butler Ranch) Page 6
