'Yes. You're right. It's our home. But for some people it's just one big forage bin – a bin ten times bigger – no, twenty or thirty times bigger than anything they've ever got near before.'
'Forage bin? What are you talking about?'
'Oh, Jina, you don't live in the palace like I do. You don't see them snarling at each other like hungry dogs getting their noses to a food bowl. You don’t see them shoving each other out of the way, bowing and smiling even while they're planning who next to stick their knives into. You don’t see them crawling on their bellies to Vaxili in the hope of getting a bigger seat to put their fat bottoms into. You don't see any of that.'
'Who are you referring to?'
'Who? The Orifinrians, of course – Vaxili's friends and hangers-on! Who else?' Dana snorted contemptuously and tossed her head. 'Oh, it's easy to talk about Keirine being a home for all of us like they do when they’re talking to the rest of us – but it’s just hollow words. I’m telling you, it’s just hollow words! When you've seen what I've seen, you'll realise that it's a home where just a few people are going to live in mansions while most people are going to live in shacks on the outskirts of town the same as always.'
I didn't know how to reply. I was silenced by the vehemence in her voice and by the picture that she painted. Dana looked at me knowingly, smiled, and trailed a hand lightly across my forehead. Then she lay back and said pensively, 'The clouds ask the questions. But they don't give the answers.'
'Maybe there aren't any answers!'
Dana put a hand on my shoulder and gently pulled me downwards. She murmured, 'There are questions and there are answers. It's up to us to hear the questions and to find the answers. Sometimes we just have to watch the clouds and be patient.' She took my hand, murmuring, 'Lie down again, Jina. Let's watch the clouds some more.'
After a few minutes of silence, Dana said slowly, 'Every day I hear more questions. Sometimes I think I'm moving towards some of the answers and sometimes I think it's hopeless.' She shrugged.
'What sorts of questions?'
'Oh, I don't know. They come and go. But mostly I think, Is this really all that there is to life? Violence and sharpening swords, plotting the destruction of the Dornites, squeezing the life out of anything that doesn't fit with their four-walled, small-minded pattern of the once-and-to-be Kingdom of Keirine, jostling to get near the forage bin – is that all there is?' Dana squeezed my hand and asked gently, 'Don't you sometimes feel the same, Jina?'
Did I, Jina, soldier of Keirine, feel the same? I knew what I should say. In fact, I almost said it. But then, from an impulse deep inside me, I spoke the truth. I said, 'Yes. Sometimes.'
Dana sighed, settled back, closed her eyes, and said nothing. Then, after a long silence, she said, 'I love the clouds for asking the questions. Every day, I think, Thank you for the questions, because I know that I'm alive as long as I'm hearing them. I think, Some day I'll find the answers. In the meantime, I want to keep walking the road, following the clouds.' She squeezed my hand and said, 'I talk a lot, don't I?'
I squeezed her hand in return and said nothing.
We lay there holding hands, sometimes dozing, sometimes watching the clouds as they asked the questions and took the answers with them to the far horizons. Then Dana propped herself up onto her elbows and looked out across the valley. From my reclining position, I gazed up at her. The shape of her breasts against the pull of her tunic, her neck arched backwards, her hair flowing freely – the lightning flickered again under my skin, my blood thumped, and my throat contracted. I took a deep, deep breath.
Dana looked at me sidelong. Her eyes were serious but she was smiling mischievously. She got to her feet, smoothed down her tunic, and said, 'I guess it’s time to go.’
I put an urgent hand on her arm and said, ‘No. Stay here a bit longer.’
‘Oh?’
‘Yes. I want to look at you some more.’ I was surprised at my own forwardness.
‘Oh? Some more?’
‘Yes. I want to touch you.’
Dana tossed back her hair and put her hands on her hips. She said, ‘I told you, Jina, good things come to those who wait.’
I cried in real frustration, ‘I don’t want to wait.’
‘You’ll have to.’ She stretched out her hand. ‘Come on, be a good boy. It’s time to go.’
As we walked along the road towards the town, Dana asked, ‘Do you know Sharma well?’
‘Sharma? Yes, of course. He’s been my friend ever since we were at school together.’
‘Is he a good friend?’
‘He's my best friend.’ Warning beacons flickered and I asked, ‘Why do you want to know?’
‘Oh, nothing. I was just asking.’ I looked at Dana suspiciously but she ducked her head. She let go of my hand and we walked in silence until we turned a corner in the road and saw the town in front of us. Then Dana stopped, faced me, and said, ‘The fact is, I know someone who wants to meet Sharma.’
I flared with suspicion and jealousy. I wanted to ask, Are you the one who wants to meet Sharma? Did you get to know me just so that you could meet Sharma? The thought was so crude and visceral that it shocked me. But I couldn't drive it from my mind. Dana must have seen what I was thinking because she dropped her head and stood there awkwardly. I fought down the insidious thoughts and asked, ‘Who wants to meet Sharma?’
Dana said, ‘I can’t tell you.’
‘Man or woman?’
‘A woman.’
‘So you want me to arrange a meeting with this mysterious lady I-can’t-tell-you-her-name – just like that, sight unseen?’
Dana shifted uncomfortably and said, ‘Yes.’ Then she looked straight at me and said, ‘It’s not for me, Jina. It’s for my friend. It really is.’
‘Oh, yes? Is that so? Just so secret – and so sudden?’
‘It’s the truth, Jina. And the matter only came up later, after I met you.’
‘Oh, yes?’
‘Yes. It’s the truth. I’m telling you the truth, believe me.’
We walked towards the town. Dana took my hand but when I showed no response she let go of it. When we came to the place where our ways parted, Dana stretched up to kiss me but I turned my head away. She said angrily, ‘Jina! Don’t be like that!’
I shook my head and walked away. The freshness of the day had faded away.
CHAPTER SIX: AMBITION?
Torn between desire and jealousy, in the days that followed I kept away from Dana. I couldn't get rid of the suspicion that Dana had hooked me only as a means of arranging a meeting with Sharma. Also, I was jealous of Sharma. I imagined how he would sweep into Dana’s affections if she met him. He’d be all over her in no time while she … damn it, I hated myself for thinking these things as much as I hated the thought that they might be true.
Four days later I went to the temple, having decided that, Dana or no Dana, I’d better stay in Zabrazal’s good books. Although I sat at the back of the congregation and tried to make a quick escape after the service, Dana anticipated my move. She left early by a side door and was waiting for me when I emerged from the main entrance. She rushed up to me, asking, ‘Jina! How are you?’
‘Oh, I’m all right, I guess.’
Dana was wearing a bronze band across her forehead with earrings, a belt, and shoes of the same colour. Her floor-length robe was of a silky material that made me want to caress the shape that was enhanced by its soft folds. Dana looked at me with her ever-luminous eyes and I felt my resolve weakening. It weakened even more when she stretched up and kissed me on my lips. In fact, it weakened so much that I almost capitulated entirely. However, I just managed to get a hold of myself before the point of no return. I pushed Dana away, averted my face, and mumbled, ‘I don’t think that we should see each other any more.’
‘But why not?’
‘Oh, you know, I just don’t think it’s a good idea. I mean, I have to concentrate on my training and – well, as I said, I don’t think it’s a g
ood idea.’
Dana put her hands on her hips, faced me squarely, and said, ‘You’re jealous, aren’t you?’
‘Jealous! Me?’
‘Yes, you!’
I mumbled, ‘No, I’m not.’
Dana clicked her tongue and said, ‘Jina, can you truthfully say that you don’t like me?’ She looked at me closely, sniffed in disbelief, and clicked her tongue again. ‘You see, you can’t say it!’
'I can.'
'Well, then, say it! Come on, Jina, let me hear you say it.' Of course, Dana was right. I couldn't say it. Dana said more gently, 'That’s what I mean. That’s why I say that you’re jealous.’
She was driving me into a corner and I didn’t know how to get out of it. I muttered, ‘Look, Dana, if I say that we shouldn’t see each other again – I mean, isn’t that enough to --?’
‘No, it’s not enough for anything. I don’t believe you!’ She laid a hand on my cheek and said softly, ‘Jina, don’t be jealous.’
My resolve began to crumble. I muttered, ‘Well, you know, maybe I did over--react.’
‘Oh, Jina, you did!’ Dana stroked my cheek and murmured, ‘There’s nothing to be jealous about.’
I mumbled, ‘That’s good.’ Dana eyes were moist. I said, 'I’m sorry – you know – if I upset you –’
Dana snuggled her head against my shoulder, wiped her eyes, and said, ‘It’s about Sharma, isn’t it?’ I nodded. She said, ‘I told you the truth. A friend wants to meet Sharma. That’s the truth, really it is. But if it makes you jealous then let’s forget about it.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘That’s all right. Just forget about it.’
‘Well, maybe I could arrange it.’
‘No, let’s just forget about it. It’s not worth getting upset about.’
By now, my resolve had weakened so much that the crumbled remnants had been swept out of sight on a flood of returning emotions. I kissed Dana. Her lips were moist and soft and as they moved against mine, the lightning began to flicker again along the unguarded ridges of my body. I pushed her away gently and took a deep breath. Holding her at arm’s length, I asked, ‘Who wants to meet Sharma?’
Dana moved away from me and inclined her head, looking at me appraisingly. She asked, ‘Do you promise that you won’t tell?’ I nodded. Dana said insistently, ‘Do you promise by the wrath of Zabrazal?’
‘I promise.’
‘By the wrath of Zabrazal? Say it.’
‘All right, if you insist.’ I pressed both hands to my heart. ‘I promise by the wrath of Zabrazal that I won't reveal the name of this person. May Zabrazal damn me forever if I violate this oath.’
Dana put a finger across her lips, stretched upward, and whispered, ‘Mecolo.’
‘What? Mecolo! Vaxili's daughter?' Dana nodded. I asked incredulously, ' Vaxili's daughter wants to meet Sharma?’
Dana looked around and said quietly, ‘Yes, Mecolo. That’s right.’
I whistled and stood back to consider the situation. Vaxili’s daughter! Whoa! It was no wonder that Dana wasn’t shouting the news from the rooftops. I looked at her, in a final check that she wasn’t playing a poor practical joke on me. Dana just looked back at me with those great luminous eyes – the eyes that always promised to let you into the secret that they held, and promised all the more, the more you looked into them. Yes, she was serious. I asked, ‘How does Mecolo know Sharma?’
‘She doesn’t know him, silly! If she did, why would she want to meet him?’
‘All right, then, what does she know about him?’
Dana said, ‘She saw Sharma in the temple.’
‘Oh, she saw Sharma in the temple and she decided that she wanted to meet him, just like that?’
‘Why not? I saw you in the temple, didn’t I?’
The logic was irrefutable. I said weakly, ‘But the king’s daughter …’
‘Oh, it’s typical of Mecolo – she knows what she wants and she goes straight for it.’
I took a step backwards, giving myself time to think about the matter. The more I thought, the less I liked the idea. I said, ‘I don’t know. It could be –‘
‘Now, Jina, don’t get cold feet.’ Dana pressed herself against me, rubbing her forehead against my chin. ‘Think of what it could mean to you.’ She moved her body against mine, soft and pliable, her arms clasped around me. A whole summer month’s worth of lightning flickered and flashed through me again while the thunder rumbled through my ears and my temples. I tried to fight the storm down and mumbled dry-lipped, ‘I don’t know. I just don’t know.’
Still pressed against me, Dana said softly, ‘Think what it could mean to you, Jina.’
I leaned back against the wall and put my hands against Dana’s shoulders to put space between us. I said, ‘I am thinking about it.’
‘Well?’
‘I’m thinking that it could mean big trouble.’
Dana pressed one of my hands against her cheek. ‘Trouble? How?’
‘Damn it, Dana, she’s the king’s daughter!’
‘Well, what of it?’
‘What of it? Man, this isn’t like something between you and me, or just any – hey! What’s that for?’ Dana had been nibbling at one of my little fingers, playing it between her teeth and lips. When I tried to withdraw my hand, she looked me straight in my eyes and nipped the tip of the finger. I tugged my hand away, shook it vigorously – it wasn’t the gentlest of bites -- and said, ‘Hey! Careful!’
Dana chuckled. ‘Have I got your attention now?’
‘You didn’t ever not have it.’ I was still shaking my hand as the pain subsided.
‘Good. Now answer me – are you going to be a soldier all your life?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe I will be. Why not? Or maybe I'll go back to Osicedi one day. Who knows? Anyway, why are you asking?’
Dana stroked my chin, passing the tips of her fingers lightly to and fro across it. ‘I mean, are you going to stay a plain, simple soldier all the time you’re in the army? Just a plain, simple soldier? Don’t you have any ambition?’
‘Sure, I have ambition.’
‘How much ambition?’
‘I have plenty of ambition.’
‘Exactly!’
‘Exactly what?’
‘Exactly what you should be thinking about – ambition!’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Mecolo is the king’s daughter – right?’
‘Which is why –‘
‘Oh, Jina, Jina, you only see the problem. You don’t see the possibility.’
‘Which is --?’
‘That Mecolo will be grateful for any favour that you do for her.’
I said, ‘Sure, she might be grateful. But there’s also a possibility – a big one – that the king, not to mention a few other people, might not be so grateful.’
Dana laid her hands alongside my face and said earnestly, ‘It’s her risk, not ours. All we’re doing is arranging the meeting. The rest is up to her.’
‘And Sharma.’
‘Yes, and Sharma. But he can make up his own mind, can’t he?’
‘I don’t know. I still think –‘
‘Look, Jina, I can’t speak for you, but speaking for myself, I’m not going to be a seamstress all my life. No ways!’ Dana pressed herself against me again, pulled my head forward, and kissed me. It was a long kiss, moist and luxurious. I found myself responding even while my mind told me that I was being drawn into this matter much too quickly. Then, still with her body against mine, Dana leaned back and asked, 'Do you remember the clouds, Jina?’ I nodded. ‘You remember what you said about how we could float together over the Endless Ocean, or any other place we chose?' I nodded. Dana said, 'Well, Jina, a plain, simple soldier and a poor seamstress aren't free to follow their dreams – not if the dreams are worth anything. To do that, you need something behind you, something big, something that will set you on the right road.’ Still leaning back but holding our bodies close with one arm
around my back, Dana rubbed the tip of my nose half playfully and half forcefully. She asked, ‘Do you understand me?'
I nodded, blinked, and pressed against her. The fire was up and I wanted her body to be moulded with mine. Bright-eyed, licking her lower lip speculatively, Dana held me away from her and said, ‘Think of the possibilities, Jina. Think of the possibilities for both of us.’
‘I am thinking.’ It was true that I was trying to think about the future, even if my mind and other parts continually veered away towards possibilities that were more immediate and a lot closer to hand. I murmured 'Yes! Possibilities!' and tried to pull Dana to me but she leaned back with her hands against my chest and asked, ‘You’ll do it?’
‘All right. I guess I will.’
‘You’ll do it tomorrow?’
‘Tomorrow? So soon?’
‘Mecolo is impatient. She likes to get what she wants.’
‘I’ll see what I can do.’
‘Oh, Jina, thank you.’
‘Hold it! I want you to promise that you won’t talk about it.’
Dana chuckled and said, ‘What's salt for the lamb is salt for the beef, isn't it?’ She stood back, put both hands on her heart, and said, ‘I promise by the wrath of Zabrazal.’
‘May Zabrazal punish you if you break the promise?’
Dana nodded and completed the oath.
When I told Sharma that the king’s daughter wanted to meet him, Sharma just laughed at me. He punched me on the shoulder playfully and said, ‘I thought you could come up with a better practical joke than that.’
‘It’s not a practical joke, man!’
‘Oh, come on, Jina – give it up. I’ve got better things to do.’
‘Damn it, man, I’m telling the truth!’
Sharma stopped chuckling and looked at me narrowly. He pursed his lips and asked, ‘You're not kidding?’
‘No. I'm not kidding. I’m serious. I am completely serious.’
Sharma gave me his sidelong look with his left eye half-closed. He flicked his tongue across his top lip, looked at me speculatively, and asked, ‘How come you’re the go-between?’
I explained and Sharma said snorted sceptically, saying ‘A princess and a baker’s daughter?’
The Blood-stained Belt Page 7
