Reining in his thoughts, he pulled his gaze away from the baby to find her staring at him with a faintly puzzled look on her face. Had she been reading his mind? Conall wondered. Surely not. Down through the years he’d perfected the art of shuttering his emotions. Baby Rick wasn’t strong enough to make him change the longtime habit.
“Am I doing something wrong?” he asked.
For the first time Conall could remember, his secretary actually smiled at him with those big brown eyes of hers.
“No. You look like you were tailor-made for the job of Daddy.”
Her observation struck him hard, but he did his best to keep the pain hidden, as though there was no wide, empty hole inside him.
“Not hardly,” he said gruffly. “I’m not…daddy material.”
One delicate brow arched skeptically upward. “Oh? You don’t ever plan to have children of your own?”
For some reason her question made him pull the baby boy even closer to his chest. “That’s one thing I’m absolutely certain I’ll never have.”
Clearly taken aback by his response, her gaze slipped away from his and dropped to the baby in her arms. “Well, everyone has their own ideas about having children,” she said a bit stiffly. “I just happen to think you’re making a sad mistake.”
A sad mistake. Oh, yes, it was a sad mistake that she was misjudging him, Conall thought. And sad, too, that he couldn’t find the courage to tell this woman that at one time he’d planned to have at least a half-dozen children.
But if he let her in on that dream, then he’d have to explain why he’d been forced to set it aside. And why he planned to live the rest of his life a lone bachelor.
Hardening himself to that certain reality had changed him, he knew. Even his family often considered him unapproachable. But none of them actually understood the loss he felt to see his siblings having children of their own, while knowing he would always be cheated out of one of life’s most blessed gifts.
“You have a right to your opinion, Vanessa. Just like I have a right to live my life the way I see fit.”
She cast him a pained look, then turned her back to him and walked a few steps away as though she’d just seen him for the first time and didn’t like what she was seeing.
Well, that was okay, Conall thought. What his secretary thought about him didn’t matter. It wasn’t as if they were romantically linked, or even close friends.
He looked down at the baby in his arms and felt something raw and sweet swell in his chest. Vanessa would no doubt provide the twins with love. But they needed a father. And at some point in the future she would probably provide them with one. Then her family circle would be complete and that was only right.
Yet strangely, the idea left Conall with a regretful ache.
Chapter Three
Later that evening, long after their visit to the orphanage had ended, Vanessa sat in a quiet courtyard behind their villa-style hotel, and tried to relax from the hectic pace of the day. Along with the busy schedule of flying, meeting with lawyers and visiting the babies, her cell phone had rung continually all afternoon. Most of the calls were from people here in Vegas who’d been mutual friends of her and Hope and were just now hearing about the tragedy. Vanessa appreciated their concern and interest, but she was exhausted from explaining about the twins and sharing her grief over Hope’s death.
Finally, in desperation, she’d left the phone in her room and walked outside to enjoy the cooling desert air. Now as she sat on an iron bench beneath a huge Joshua tree and watched darkness fall on the distant mountains, she wished she could turn off thoughts of Conall as easily as she’d turned off the phone.
The man was an enigma. After weeks of working with him, she still didn’t understand what made Conall tick or what drove him to work long, trying hours for the ranch. Clearly he was ambitious. Every morning he arrived at the office at least two hours ahead of her, which meant he went to work before daylight. And when she left in the evenings, even after working overtime herself, he remained at his desk making calls or meeting with horse-racing connections. Running the Diamond D was clearly more than a job to him. It was the entire sum of his life. Did he invest so much of himself because the ranch was family owned and operated?
She could only guess at the answer to that question. But there was no doubt that Conall was a man of striking looks with plenty of money to match. The ranch could easily afford to hire an assistant in order to free Conall from his grueling schedule. With part of his workload eased, he’d be able to travel the world and indulge in all sorts of lavish recreations, with a trail of willing women trotting behind him. Yet none of those things appeared to interest him in the least. She seriously doubted he would accept the help of an assistant, even if the person volunteered to work for free. He was a man who wanted things done his way and refused to trust just anyone to carry out his orders.
Vanessa often wondered if he was still bitter over his divorce, or perhaps he was still in love with his ex-wife and wanted her back. Maura had never mentioned the cause of her brother’s divorce and Vanessa wasn’t about to question her childhood friend about him. The hopes and dreams and feelings going on inside Conall weren’t her business. Or so she kept telling herself. But ever since she’d looked up in the orphanage and seen him standing there with her baby son in his arms, she’d been consumed with unexpected emotions and questions.
The fact that he didn’t want or expect to ever have children had shaken her deeply. Of all the men she’d met through the years, Conall had always seemed like a man who would love and welcome children into his life. True, he had a dark and dangerous appearance but it belied the responsible man beneath. He wasn’t a roamer or playboy with a wild lifestyle. Why would he not want children? Because there was no room in his heart for them? No. Vanessa couldn’t believe he was that cold or stingy with himself. Not after seeing the way he interacted with the twins.
“Vanessa?”
The unexpected sound of Conall’s voice had her glancing over her shoulder to see him walking a narrow brick pathway toward her. Figuring something had to be wrong for him to come all the way out here to find her, she rose from the bench and met him on the footpath.
“I’m sorry,” she quickly apologized. “I left my phone in the room. Has the lawyer or orphanage been trying to reach me?”
Impatience creased his forehead. “You need to quit all this worrying, Vanessa. No one has tried to reach you through me. The lawyer seemed very competent. I’m sure he’ll have the last of the papers for us to sign before we catch our flight out tomorrow afternoon. And from what Mother Superior told us, the babies are perfectly healthy and able to travel.”
Shaking her head, Vanessa forced the tenseness in her shoulders to relax. “I am a bit on edge,” she admitted. “My phone has been ringing all evening and—”
Before she could finish, the cell in his shirt pocket went off and after a quick glance at the caller ID he said, “Sorry, Vanessa, I’ve been having the same problem. This won’t take but a minute or two.”
With a quick nod, she turned her back and took a few steps away to where water trickled over a three-tiered fountain and into a small pool. As she watched colorful koi swim in and out of water plants, she heard him say, “No. That won’t do…. I understand you mean well. But nothing used…. Everything new…. Yes, classic…. No. Something like cherry and antique…. Got it?…Yeah. And anything else you can think of that will be needed.” There was a long pause as he listened to the caller and then he replied. “Yeah. Thanks, sis…. Good night.”
His sister? That could be Maura, Dallas or Bridget, she thought. Apparently they were planning something together and the notion sent a sad pang through Vanessa. She’d never had a sister to conspire with and share experiences, only older brothers who’d mostly caused great agony for her parents. Now with Esther, her mother, gone and her father, Alonzo, still having trouble communicating with his halting speech, she couldn’t look for family support. Unlike Conall, who’d al
ways been surrounded by loving siblings, parents and grandmother.
“Well, now that I have that out of the way,” Conall announced behind her, “I came out here to see if you’d like to go to dinner somewhere? We’ve not eaten in hours.”
Vanessa glanced down at herself. She was still wearing the simple pink sheathe she’d started out with this morning, minus the matching bolero sweater, but it was wrinkled and even without the aid of a mirror she knew her hair was blown to a tumbled mess. “I really don’t feel like dressing up for dinner, Conall. You go on without me.”
He chuckled and the sound took her by surprise. He was a man who rarely laughed and when he did it was usually about something that she didn’t find amusing. Now as she looked at him, she was jarred by his jovial attitude.
“Have you taken a look at me?” he asked. “I’m wearing jeans.”
Dragging her gaze away from the charming grin on his lips, she slowly inspected the blue denim encasing his muscled thighs and the pair of brown alligator boots he wore. He was one of those few men who looked comfortable dressed up or down, which meant he would probably look even better without any clothes at all.
Dear, God, what was she doing? Now wasn’t the time for those sorts of indecent thoughts, she scolded herself. As far as Conall went, there would never be a time for them. And she had more important issues to focus on. Like two little tots with golden-red hair and blue eyes.
“I am hungry,” she admitted. For food. Not for a man like him, she mentally added.
“Great. There’s a little restaurant right across the street that looks good.”
“Just give me a moment to fetch my purse and sweater from the room,” she told him.
A few minutes later, they were seated at a small table in a family-type restaurant that featured Italian dishes. Vanessa ordered ravioli while Conall chose steak and pasta. As they waited for their salads and drinks to be served, Conall glanced around the long room decorated with early dated photos of Las Vegas and simple, homestyle tables covered in brightly striped cloths.
Seated directly across from him, Vanessa asked, “Is this place not to your liking? We can always find another restaurant.”
Surprised by her suggestion, he turned his gaze on her. “I’m perfectly satisfied. Why do you ask?”
One of her slender shoulders lifted and fell in a negligible way. “I don’t know. The way you were looking around and frowning.”
“I frown all the time.” A wry smile touched one corner of his mouth. “At least, that’s what my mother tells me.”
“Mothers don’t like to see their children frown,” she reasoned. “Mine never did. She always told me to smile and count my blessings.”
As Conall’s gaze dwelled on his secretary’s face, he was surprised at how easy and pleasurable it was to look at her and be in her company. He’d not expected to enjoy any part of this trip. He’d only done it because she was a woman alone and in need, and she was a dedicated employee. But he was quickly discovering that Vanessa was more than an efficient secretary, she was a lovely woman and, like it or not, desire was beginning to stir in him for the first time in a long, long time.
“You must miss your mother terribly,” he said. “I was surprised when I heard about her passing. The last time I’d seen her in church she seemed very spry.”
Her gaze suddenly dropped to the tabletop, but Conall didn’t miss the sadness on her face. The image bothered him almost as much as her tears had yesterday. And for some reason he felt guilty for not attending Mrs. Valdez’s funeral services. Even though he’d not known the woman personally, he should have made the effort for Vanessa’s sake. But at that time, she’d not been working as his secretary; she’d merely been a past acquaintance, who’d left the valley years ago.
“Yes. Mama appeared to be a picture of health. That made her sudden heart attack even harder to take,” she said quietly, then lifted her gaze back to him. “Her death was one of the main reasons I left Las Vegas and returned to Tinnie. I missed the end of my mother’s life. I want to be around for my father as much as I can before…he leaves me.”
Other than the twins, she certainly didn’t have much in the way of family. The idea troubled Conall, although he wasn’t sure why. Plenty of people he knew had lost their parents or were lacking family of any kind and they didn’t necessarily garner his sympathy. At least, not the deep sort of regret he felt for Vanessa.
“You gave up a very good job to return to your family home and your father,” he commented. “I have to admire you for that, Vanessa.”
Her eyes were full of doubt as they connected with his.
“I’m not sure that I made the most sensible decision, Conall. I did have a good job and a little house in a nice part of town. Materially speaking, I had much more here in Vegas than I ever had in the valley. But…” Pausing, she let out a long sigh. “Money isn’t a cure-all.”
No one knew that any better than Conall. Money couldn’t change the fact that a childhood fever had killed his chances to ever father a child of his own. Nor had money been able to fix his shattered marriage. In fact, being rich had only compounded the problems he’d endured with Nancy. But since his divorce he’d tried his best to bury those painful personal details. They certainly weren’t matters he wanted to discuss with a woman, and that included Vanessa.
“You’re not worried about the twins’ financial future, are you?” he asked. “Hope’s life insurance appears to have left them set up nicely for college.”
“I’m not worried about the financial part of this,” she replied. “My parents raised six children. Surely I can manage two.”
“But you’re not married,” he pointed out.
From the stiff line of her shoulders to the purse of her lips, everything about her looked offended by his comment.
“You think having a man around would be a help?”
The bitterness in her short laugh was something he’d never heard from her before. The idea that this gentle woman might hold any sort of hard streak inside her took him by surprise. “I’m a man,” he answered. “I like to think we’re a helpful gender.”
Frowning, her gaze left his to travel to an insignificant spot across the room. “Look, Conall, I’ve already had one husband I had to support, I don’t want another. I can do just fine without that added burden.”
So she’d ended up marrying a man just like her parasitic brothers. No wonder there was bitterness on her tongue. But how and why had she made such a mistake in judgment? He would have thought she’d seen enough freeloading men to spot one at first glance.
Yeah. Just like you’d been able to spot Nancy’s twisted character. You didn’t use good judgment with her, either. You allowed love to lead you around. And around. Until you were walking down a path of destruction.
Clearing his throat, he tried to ignore the mocking voice going off inside him. “I wasn’t trying to suggest—”
Shaking her head, she interrupted, “Forget it, please. I…didn’t mean to sound so catty. It’s just that after Jeff… Well, I resent the idea of being told I need a man.”
Like he resented his family telling him he needed another woman in his life, Conall thought. Hell, getting hooked up with another woman like Nancy would finish him. And finding a nice, family-oriented woman that he could love wasn’t as simple as it sounded. Oh, he’d tried. Once the initial blow of his divorce was over, he’d returned to the dating scene and attempted to put his heart into starting his life over with another woman. But as soon as he made it clear that he couldn’t father children, all his dates had backed away from him. Sure, for the most part they’d all been kind and empathetic to his problem, but in the end none of them had wanted to start out their lives with a man that couldn’t give them a family of their own. After a while, Conall had grown so weary of being rejected over and over that he’d finally given up on finding love, marriage and anything in between. And for the past few years he’d pretty much convinced himself that he was better off being alone an
d focusing all his attention to his job.
Vanessa’s cynical remark was still dangling in the air between them when the waitress arrived with their drinks and salads. After the young woman served them and went on her way, he could feel Vanessa’s gaze on him and he paused from the task of stirring sugar into his tea to glance at her. Clearly, from the expression on her face, she wanted to speak her mind about something.
“What?” he prompted.
She hesitated before giving her head a slight shake. The gentle waves of hair lying on her shoulders shook with the movement as did the blue teardrops dangling from her earlobes. Suddenly Conall was wondering how it would feel to thrust his fingers into her silky hair, to nibble on the perfect little shell of her ear.
“I don’t know how to say this, Conall, without making you angry.”
Trying to concentrate on her words instead of the erotic images in his mind, he asked, “What makes you think I’ll be angry? I’ve not gotten angry with you yet, have I?”
He would admit that he often got frustrated with business dealings and the roadblocks he encountered while dealing with the multitudes of details that went into managing a ranch the size of the Diamond D. But he’d never gotten upset with Vanessa. She’d always given more than a hundred percent to her job and he appreciated her effort.
She reached for the pepper shaker and shook it vigorously over her salad. “Because you’re going to think I’m ungrateful. And I’m not. I’m actually very indebted to you for making this trip with me and…everything else you’ve taken care of. But I—”
A faint smile curled up one corner of his mouth.
“You don’t want me telling you how to take care of the twins or what you might need in your personal life. Is that it?”
She studied him for a long moment and then laughed softly under her breath. Conall likened the sound to sweet music.
“That’s about it,” she answered.
Amused by her streak of independence, he finished stirring his tea. “In other words, while we’re on this trip I need to forget that I’m your boss and you’re my secretary.”
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