Sugaru fixed him with a stony glare. “Stay out of this.”
The fishermen of Matachi’s village were tough and always eager for a fight, and Matachi was as hot tempered as the best of them. He flew into a rage. “No!” Toko screamed, but he had already swung a hefty punch. Sugaru calmly caught his fist in his own and held it so tightly that Matachi could not move. Looking into his surprised face, Sugaru said, “Don’t interfere. Toko still has a job left to do.”
“You’re the one who’s interfering,” Matachi yelled, his breath coming in gasps. “There’s no way I’ll let you have Miya. She’s staying with me. She’s my wife.”
“She’s what?” For the first time, Sugaru hesitated. He looked at the girl in disbelief. She stood there clenching her sleeves.
“I’m not the girl you’re looking for,” she stammered. “I’m sorry …”
“Damn you!” Sugaru yelled, rounding furiously on Matachi and punching him in the face. “You’ve ruined everything.”
Shocked, Miya ran in front of him. “Sugaru, stop it! Matachi didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not his fault.”
“Oh, so you know my name after all,” Sugaru said, glowering. “Why did you say you didn’t? Did you think that things would just work out fine if you forgot everything?”
The words stuck in Miya’s throat, and her hands froze as she tried to help Matachi sit up.
“Did you think that you could throw everything away and go on living as someone else? I never thought you were like that. Do you have any idea how much trouble it was to find you?”
“But …” the girl finally managed to whisper. Tears began to flow and her face twisted. “What else could I do? How could I face you or anybody else again?”
Sugaru watched her cry, somewhat perplexed.
“Why did you have to find me?” she sobbed. “I wanted you to forget me, to think I was dead.”
Sugaru stood silently for some time, his arms crossed. Finally, he said, “All right then, at least let me hear your side of the story. Tell me how you wound up like this.”
“Miya!” Matachi finally found his voice and grabbed her by the arm. “Don’t go. I couldn’t bear it if you went off with him.”
The girl from the Dragon King’s palace looked at him with red-rimmed eyes. “Don’t worry. There’s nowhere for me to go. But I need to set things straight.”
SUGARU TOOK TOKO to a deserted end of the beach. Once they were alone he asked, “Are you seriously thinking of marrying that guy?”
“I don’t know …” Toko said miserably. “I’m not yet one of them. I don’t even know if I ever can be.”
“Getting married is for women. Since when have you been able to do that?”
Toko hung her head and pushed a shell around in the sand with her toe.
“So you mean nothing matters anymore? You’ve suddenly changed your mind despite the single-minded passion with which you pursued Oguna? Then I guess you’re right. Toko’s not here.”
“Who wouldn’t blame me for what I’ve done?” Toko said softly. “Especially you. There’s no way I can defend my actions to you. But until now I was just racing ahead blindly. I didn’t know anything about myself or anyone else.”
“And what do you claim to know now?”
“How insignificant I am. I didn’t have it in me to kill Oguna. I was a fool to think that I’d been chosen for such a mission. To think that I could rise to the same level as him. I’m just an ordinary girl like any other.”
Sugaru stared at her in astonishment. “You? Who invaded the emperor’s own palace to retrieve the magatama?”
“I was pushing myself, that’s all.” Toko sighed. “I could do it because I’d convinced myself that I was the only one who could defeat Oguna. But I was wrong. Once I realized that, everything came tumbling down.”
Sugaru frowned. “But why didn’t you come to me then? We were in this together, right? I waited there for you, regardless of the outcome. How could you leave me with just the Misumaru and disappear? That’s what really makes me mad.”
“I’m sorry. I just couldn’t think. I wanted to run away from everything—and more than anything, from myself.”
Sugaru sat down on a rock and gazed out to sea. “How did you get here? And why here?”
“It wouldn’t have been strange if I had died, you know. I was drowning and thought that was the end. It seems like a dream now, but in the sea I met a god who looked like a huge snake.” Toko spoke slowly as she remembered. “He saw the Misumaru and told me that he recognized it. He said that he had guarded one of its stones for a long time and was now on his way home, having given the stone to someone else. He asked me why I had it.”
Sugaru had been sitting with his chin in his hand, but at this he raised his head. “That’s the god on the mountain. So his home was in the sea, was it?”
“I had no desire to live anymore, but somehow I couldn’t let myself sink to the bottom of the sea with the Misumaru. I asked the god to return it to a man called Sugaru on the beach. He told me he would.”
“Ah, I see.”
“Then he asked me what I wanted to do. I told him that I wanted to go far away and forget everything. That was all I could think of at the time. He told me that he was on his way to visit an old friend who lived in a lake to the east and that he’d take me there. He let me ride on the back of his neck. When I came to, I was lying on this beach.” She looked at the surf as if she might see herself still lying there. “It was Matachi and his mother who found me and brought me back to their house. They were very kind to me, though I was a complete stranger. I’d gone a little funny when I first got here. I couldn’t speak. But they still took care of me and I eventually recovered. I thought that if I stayed here I could forget … Oguna.”
“Is that really what you want? To forget Oguna? Can you really do that? Just turn your back and forget about him despite the situation he’s in?” Toko did not respond. “If so, then why did you come to the beach at Tsuno-ore today? If you were going to forget him, you didn’t need to bother coming all the way to see him.”
“That’s different. I came as one of the villagers,” Toko said. “ I didn’t realize that he was going to come here. But it gave me the chance to see him as a prince from a far and distant world. I’m ready to forget Mino. There’s no point in clinging to what I’ve already lost …”
“So you’ve given up on avenging your people. You won’t take revenge and you won’t fulfill the mission of the magatama, which was passed down by the Tachibana from generation to generation. You no longer care what evil the blood of the emperor’s line may perpetrate, is that it?”
Toko clutched her chest, hunching over as though each word stabbed her to the heart. “That’s right. That’s the kind of girl I am. It’s unforgivable, isn’t it? I can’t do anything right. I’m not strong like you. The Tachibana have you, Sugaru. So please, just let me forget.”
“Of all the—” Sugaru sighed. “Did you know that Oguna came almost straight here? He wanted so badly to meet you one more time that he instinctively sensed where you were, something not even I was able to do. But if this is the Toko that he’s going to find, I can’t help but pity him.”
Toko stared at Sugaru, stunned. Noticing her surprise, Sugaru shrugged. “I’ve spent quite a bit of time with him since you disappeared. Right now, I probably understand him better than I understand you. I guess it’s because you’re a woman now … You’ve changed, Toko. You’re boring in fact.”
Toko blushed. “Well, that’s just fine with me. But I can’t believe it. Oguna was with you? What were you doing?”
“I was going to finish what you had set out to do, and then things just kind of happened,” Sugaru explained. “Besides, Oguna was the only one who believed you were still alive, so I ended up staying with him while I looked for you.” He stopped and then he added, “I’ve never met anyone as strange as him before. For one thing, he doesn’t have any sense of self.”
Toko couldn’t help joi
ning in. “It’s not that he doesn’t have a sense of self. He just can’t express it easily.”
“But that’s no good. The will of the Sword is far greater than his, and so it manipulates him. There’s nothing strong enough inside him, nothing he can lean on to help him withstand that power. The only thing that keeps him from using the Sword right now is his desire to see you again. Such a thin reed and yet he’s clinging to it desperately to keep his balance in a very precarious place. Toko,” Sugaru said forcefully, “he has nothing but you. If you could see him now, you’d be amazed by the desolation in his eyes. He’s surrounded by people who worship him, yet nothing touches his heart. There’s no one who can understand and lighten the load he bears. Not even I can ease his burden. The power of the Sword is far too entrenched. The only person who might be able to do it is you. Because you’re the only person he really wants.”
Toko looked down. She did not speak for a long time. Sugaru finally rose and walked over to her. “It’s about time you admitted it, Toko,” he said, without any trace of reproach. “Neither of you seems to have any idea of how firmly you’re joined together, even though you have no thought for anything but each other. Stop trying to run away from the fact that you couldn’t kill Oguna. You love him so much that you’re willing to forego revenge and abandon your mission altogether. Right, Toko?”
Toko tensed but did not look at Sugaru when she finally spoke. “To you, I’m probably still a silly child. But I’ve been thinking a lot. In fact, that’s all I’ve been doing since that day … the day I met Oguna on that ship, the day I realized that I could never kill him.” She turned her back on Sugaru and looked at the sea. “Oguna had not changed a bit, and yet he had. Even so, there was nothing in him, whether changed or unchanged, that I could hate. He was so familiar, so dear. Yes, I love him. I love him more than anyone else in the world. For as long as I can remember and even now, I’ve loved Oguna and no one else. But that’s not enough, Sugaru.” She spoke clearly, without hesitation. Sugaru could only stare at her. “Even though I love him, I can’t help him. By loving him, I will only repeat Lady Akaru’s mistake, heading straight into misery and finally following him into death. I’ve known this all along, ever since the high priestess of Mino told me that Oguna is a Takeru … She told me that just like Prince Oh-usu, he would not live long. And he really is. He’s just like Prince Oh-usu … Even if I love him, all I can do is let him break my heart. If I can’t kill him with my own hands, then I want to get as far away as possible. I can’t bear to see him die before my eyes. Not if all I can do for him, even though I stand by him, is to die alongside him.”
Well that’s a surprise. Sugaru groaned inwardly. You can never take women lightly. They grow up so suddenly, as if shedding a skin.
“Please don’t tell Oguna about me. Don’t tell him you met me here.”
“You’re not going to meet him ever again?” Sugaru asked quietly. “Even though you know how he feels?”
Toko bit her lip. “Lady Akaru was one of the greatest women I’ve ever known. If even she could not prevent that from happening, then how can I? Please, Sugaru, please leave me be.”
“You won’t regret this decision, even if Oguna dies without finding any relief?”
“What can I possibly do about it?” Toko snapped, turning on him in a flash of anger. “I’m just a girl. That’s all. How can you be so mean? Do you really want to kill me that badly? Is it that wrong to want to live an ordinary, happy life?”
“Oguna needs someone to support him.”
“Since when did you become Oguna’s ally? That’s weird, Sugaru. You’re supposed to be the bearer of the Misumaru.”
It is weird, Sugaru thought. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be …
“I just don’t believe you can forget him, Toko. And I don’t know what you mean by ordinary happiness. Still, it doesn’t matter. I can’t force this on you. That’s not my place.” He ran his hand through his hair and then said in a resigned tone, “Do you remember that the fifth magatama is supposed to be in Hidakami—the land of the rising sun? I wasn’t planning to carry on as the bearer, but I guess it can’t be helped. I’ll go look for the fifth magatama. If I manage to gather all five stones, then maybe I can do something about Oguna myself. I’ll leave you alone, if that’s what you want.”
A flicker of disappointment crossed Toko’s face, but she stood up without saying anything. After a moment, she whispered, “I guess you can never forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive.” He looked at her for a long moment before he left. “We must each choose our own path in life. We can’t tell others what to do, so there’s no point in criticizing their choices.”
3
AFTER SUGARU DISAPPEARED, Toko lingered on the shore. She felt as if he had left a great hole in her heart through which a desolate wind blew. This is the end of everything … I’ve said goodbye to my past. Now it’s time to begin a different life as a different me. Somehow she wished that Sugaru had rebuked her more sharply. Perhaps if they had parted in anger, it would have been easier to forget. But instead, he had been strangely perceptive, and now she was left feeling deserted. She never intended to see him again, yet she could not help grieving. Her guilt would last as long as memory remained. She had dragged him from Izumo only to run away and leave him to shoulder everything.
But what else could I do? There was no other way … She wept a little, feeling sorry for herself, before heading back to where she had left Matachi. Although she did not want to meet anyone right now, she needed to make sure that he was all right after being struck by Sugaru. The sun was already sinking in the sky. She must have stood on the beach much longer than she had thought. She walked quickly through the long shadows of the trees, searching for Matachi. The crowd was beginning to disperse, and this made it harder to find anyone.
Feeling slightly uncomfortable, Toko began asking passersby if they had seen Matachi from Yata. She ignored their curious glances, but as soon as she turned her back, she could hear them talk.
“That’s her. The one from Matachi’s place.”
“You mean the one they said the Dragon King brought?”
“But she looks so ordinary.”
“Still, there’s something about her …”
This was the first time Toko had left the house and mingled with others. She had known she would be the focus of gossip, but it still made her keenly aware of the distance between her and the villagers. She was not sure that she could ever close that gap.
Just as she was beginning to think that Matachi and his mother must have gone home without her, she finally saw them. The sight of their familiar faces almost made her cry. Matachi ran toward her as soon as he saw her.
“Miya! Where’d you get to? I looked all over for you.”
His eye was slightly swollen, but his souvenir from Sugaru did not look that serious. Relieved, Toko struggled to smile. “I was looking for you. I thought you must have been angry with me and gone home.”
“Where’s that guy?”
“He left. You won’t see him again. Let me apologize for him. I’m really sorry. Does it hurt?”
“Never mind about that,” Matachi said in a rush. “Does that mean you’ve decided to stay, Miya? I know that I was no match for him, but you aren’t planning to go back with him, are you?” Toko shook her head silently. “I couldn’t bear it if you left,” Matachi continued. “I love you.”
“Even though I’m a complete stranger from the Dragon King’s palace?” Toko whispered. “Can you still love me, now and forever?”
“Of course! Forever,” Matachi said, his spirits suddenly high. He grabbed her hand. “Come with me. I’ll introduce you to the chief. I was just talking to him. With his blessing, we could even get married.”
Led by Matachi, Toko soon found herself standing before the chief. Like most men of the sea, his voice was rough and he spoke so forcefully that Toko at first thought he must be angry. He smiled, however, and his leathered skin cr
eased with wrinkles. “Ah,” he said. “So you’re the girl who came from the sea.”
“My name is Miya. The villagers of Yata have taken care of me.”
The elderly chief looked her over from head to toe. “You’re quite an attractive young woman. I heard that Matachi had discovered a treasure, but now that I see you in person, I’m not surprised that people made so much fuss.” He looked at Matachi. “You must be the envy of your friends. But make sure you behave yourself.”
Matachi laughed happily, relieved that the chief, instead of reprimanding him, appeared to approve. As it turned out, however, the chief’s intentions differed drastically from Matachi’s, a fact they only learned the next day after they had returned to Yata.
“MIYA! Where are you?”
The sun was still high in the sky when Matachi came home. Sensing a change in his voice, Toko knew instantly that something was wrong. She ran out to greet him, still clutching a bowl in her hands.
“What is it?”
Gasping for breath, Matachi said, “Miya, we’ve got to get out of here. Let’s run away together.”
“What on earth happened?”
“We should never have gone to Tsuno-ore. It was a mistake to take you there. Someone told the prince from Mahoroba about you. And apparently he was very interested. He’s bringing his men to Yata. The chief intends to give you to the prince as a token of hospitality.”
Toko felt the blood drain from her face. Matachi put his hands on her shoulders and shook her. “I know. It’s awful. You must be furious. Just because you come from the sea is no reason that you should be offered like tribute to the prince.”
The bowl Toko was holding slipped from her grasp and fell to the floor, splitting in two and spilling flour into the dirt. But neither of them had eyes for that.
Oguna is coming. He’s coming to me …
“I won’t let this happen. Let’s run away. Or let’s get married right now. I won’t let them take you away,” Matachi said, his voice fierce. He pulled Toko into a tight embrace. Coming to her senses, she hastily pushed him away.
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