“I want to ask you something. Where do you go every night? Is there some reason you have to go out? You’re a prince. I hope this isn’t the case, but do you have a woman you go to, like Sugaru did?”
Oguna looked even more surprised. “What are you talking about?”
“Answer me.”
“I spend the night with the watchmen or scout around the camp. I’m not doing anything in particular.”
Toko looked up at him. It was clear from her expression that she didn’t believe him. “Every night? You expect me to believe that? When do you sleep? And why do you leave me behind?”
“It’s not safe for girls to walk around at night,” Oguna said, floundering.
“Then why don’t you stay here with me? You could at least stay with me once. I came here intending to stay by your side, but we never have any time to talk. I can’t help but wonder what I came here for.” If she wavered at all, she wouldn’t be able to continue, so she plowed on. “Why can’t you stay here with me? There’s a bed. What’s wrong with spending more time together?”
In the past, Oguna had had the unfortunate habit of missing the point entirely, incurring Toko’s wrath. This time proved to be no different. He said, with what he thought was the utmost consideration, “But if I stayed with you at night, it would dishonor your name.”
Toko’s anger exploded. “Just what do you think I am? Your men are already wondering what’s going on. Why did you ask me to come with you in the first place? If you can’t be clear, then I’m leaving.”
“No!” Oguna hastily blocked the doorway. “Please don’t go.”
“You’ve never once said you love me. It was all one-sided on my part, I guess.”
“I love you.”
“You’re too late.”
“Then what can I do?” Oguna wailed. “I love you, Toko. I want you to stay with me. Just having you near me gives me courage. If you’re here I feel that I can face anything. I don’t want to lose you. Not again.”
Toko looked at him, then said in a slightly calmer tone, “If that’s the case, if you really think that, then show me. It’s not the same as when we used to live together so long ago. There’s so much that we don’t know about each other.”
“What do you want to know?” Oguna asked in a small voice. “It’s true. So much has happened since we were separated. The only thing about me that hasn’t changed is my feelings for you.”
“Your feelings haven’t changed? Not at all?” Toko asked carefully. “If so, then those feelings are not for me. Because I have changed. I’m not the same person I used to be. But you don’t even try to learn about that. If you wanted to, you could find out easily. But you don’t.”
Oguna fell silent, seemingly at a loss for words. “Show me why I’m here,” Toko pressed him. “Instead of talking about your memories of the past. We can’t change our memories, but there are many ways to change the present and the future.”
“Ways? You mean …” Oguna suddenly reached out and cupped her face in his hands. Before she had time to think, she felt his lips on hers. “Like this?” Without waiting for an answer, he pulled her into his embrace and kissed her again. Toko could not have been more shocked if the whole world had turned upside down. While appearing not to understand, Oguna had known even better than Toko what she was trying to say. Perhaps he understood things that she did not even know about. Having suddenly lost the advantage, Toko panicked. She felt almost afraid of him. His arms were far stronger than she had imagined, and if he wanted, he could have his way with her whether she liked it or not.
“Let me go.” She could not show him her temerity now, yet she was already thoroughly frightened. She pushed him away. “Okay. I understand. Please …”
Oguna released her instantly. Pulling away from her, he looked into her eyes. “I won’t do it again. I know that this is one way to show you, but if I do that, I’ll lose you. You’re more precious to me than that. I can’t expose you to the power of the Sword.” And with that, he turned and left. Thrown into confusion, Toko had no words with which to stop him, and by the time she ran after him to the door, he had disappeared into the night. She stayed there for a while staring blankly into the darkness outside and thought, How stupid of me to forget. Oguna has changed too. He was no longer a little boy who would not do anything without her urging. He was not the weak child who used to follow her around everywhere. Perhaps it was her eyes, not his, that had been fixed on the shadows of the past. But what does the power of the Sword have to do with this? She stepped outside, intending to find Oguna and ask him, when a dark shape moved in the night and she heard a familiar voice.
“I wouldn’t advise you to leave your room, unless you wish to get the guards in trouble.”
It was Takehiko. He did not sound friendly. Annoyed, Toko glared at his shadowy figure. “And is it your custom to allow the prince to walk alone at night despite the danger? Why don’t you stop him?”
“He’s special. He has divine protection,” Takehiko said. Then, as if he had decided this was a good opportunity, he added frankly, “I must ask you not to tempt him. Surely you must understand by now.”
“Tempt him? Me?”
“Like you did tonight.”
Toko practically choked with anger. “You were eavesdropping? How could you?”
“I found it strange, that’s why. I understand very well that you’re a childhood friend. But that’s all. You should accept the fact that you’re very different from the prince, who is of noble birth.”
“And just what do you think you know about Oguna? You know nothing.”
“It’s true that His Highness doesn’t speak about himself to his men,” Takehiko said slowly. “But you can learn much about a man when you serve him night and day on a long journey like this. Every night, His Highness meets with a god.”
Toko suppressed her indignation. “Who did you say he meets?”
“You know that the prince bears a special Sword. It was given to him by his noble aunt, the Itsuki no Miya. The power of the God of Light, which is not of this world, resides inside our prince. Perhaps that’s why he has never attempted to approach a woman, as though he has taken over the sacred role of his aunt.”
Feeling a rush of relief, Toko chided herself for rejoicing at a time like this. “You mean he spends the night not with a woman but with a god?”
“Those chosen by the gods must pay a price. At least that’s how I see it. I must beg you not to upset his peace of mind. I beg you for the sake of all of us and for the sake of Toyoashihara. It’s not something that should be disturbed just to satisfy one individual.”
Toko almost felt herself agreeing with him, but he was really saying that she wasn’t needed. “Are you asking me to leave?”
“You’re attractive. There must be many men other than the prince who would willingly court you. Surely it’s better for you to live a peaceful life.”
Toko took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She found that she actually liked this blunt-spoken man, and not just because he had said she was pretty. She changed her approach. “Well, if that’s what you think, then tell me this. Why did you choose to follow Prince Ousu when you knew full well that your life would be far from peaceful? Surely it’s because you saw something in him that was worth it. You couldn’t serve him if you valued your own life. I know that much. And let me tell you something. If you worship him because he wields the power of the Sword, then you’re gravely mistaken. If you’ve been with him night and day, then you must know that he’s suffering. The Sword only brings destruction. And it’s destroying him. Do you intend to just stand by and watch? We don’t need the Sword in Toyoashihara. And the one who understands that best of all is your prince.”
Takehiko fell silent, apparently dumbfounded. After some time, he muttered, “I thought you were just an ordinary girl, but you speak like a shrine maiden …”
Toko broke into a smile. “I am just a girl. But I’m a girl who came here ready to sacrifice her life for
your prince. My commitment is just as strong as your own or that of anyone else.”
Takehiko hesitated and then said somewhat uncomfortably, “I’ll have to think about this. I seem to have been mistaken in my judgment of you.”
Toko was still smiling as she watched him stride away. Takehiko too was worried about Oguna. That in itself was enough to make her like him. He’s the same as me. He loves Oguna for the person he is, not because he’s a prince or the master of the Sword. It gave her courage to know that people like that surrounded Oguna. As she thought things over, she realized something else. Although she had told Takehiko that she had come prepared to sacrifice her life, she no longer felt that way. I’m thinking of something even harder than laying down my life. I want to live. And I want Oguna to live too. Now and in the future. I know that it’s defying destiny. I know that there’s not even a chance in a million when it comes to the wielder of the Sword. Yet I can’t help it. I love him. And I want him to live …
5
“WE SHOULD DIG A WELL,” Oguna said simply.
The plains of Hidakami were far broader than any the company from Mahoroba had ever seen, and the villages were much smaller and more widely scattered, with large empty tracts of land between them. This trend had become even more pronounced the further inland they traveled. There was just not enough water. Even though they were camped near a village, the supply was too limited to quench the thirst of the troops.
“It makes more sense to dig a well than to haul water all the way from the river. We have the manpower to do it. And, in the end, it will benefit the village too.”
Thus it was that the villagers were called upon to investigate groundwater veins. A diviner was brought in to help, and all the locals gathered to watch the soldiers work. The activity livened up the quiet village. And at the center of it all was Oguna.
Toko watched in fascination. It amused her that Oguna’s love for engineering had remained intact. Sometimes she looked at him and his men through the eyes of the villagers. Understandably, from their perspective, the company from Mahoroba appeared dazzling. The prince in particular seemed to have descended from the heavens.
So this is what it means to belong to the lineage of the God of Light. Wherever he goes, people are drawn to him. She watched Oguna fondly as he pitched right in, his legs soon becoming splattered with mud. The old Oguna had never stood out like this, perhaps because he had been a foundling. He looks so cheerful and confident. This must be one side of him too. When he was in Mino, he wasn’t where he belonged. He wasn’t as happy then as he thinks he was …
The man she saw in the light of day was closer to the real Oguna. His eyes shone as he rallied others around him and threw himself into work he loved. But something caused him so much pain that he longed for the old days in Mino. And that something, whatever it is, appears at night, Toko thought. Even without the power of the Sword, Oguna would be a leader. But instead of fearing him, people would love him. She clenched her fists. If only he wasn’t the master of the Sword, he could make others so happy. And by doing that, he himself would be happy. I can imagine what that would be like …
The well was a success. To the cheers of the crowd, pure water suddenly gushed into the hole they had dug. The soldiers began horsing around, throwing mud at one another, and the children laughed and ran about excitedly. Although war might be imminent, everyone shared in the joy of this moment, moved by gratitude for the bounties of nature and by the wonder of water springing from the earth.
Catching sight of Oguna’s mud-smeared face and clothes, Toko burst out laughing. “You dig a well and the first thing you do is make a mountain of laundry. You’d better wash that off quickly or no one will know you’re a prince.”
Wiping his face with the palm of his hand, Oguna said, “If that well dries up before we’ve washed, we’ll be in trouble. We’ll all have to go around naked.”
“It won’t,” Toko responded, looking at the water. “I don’t have the Misumaru anymore, but I can tell that much. Too bad I didn’t have it though, because I could’ve found that water vein in no time.”
Oguna looked at her, intrigued. “Is that what your magatama are like?”
“Yes. With the Misumaru, the power of the wind and the water flows through me and I become one with it. I think it’s probably the power of the Goddess of Darkness herself. She loved the earth.”
“When you’ve wielded so much power once, don’t you want to do it again?”
Toko considered this for a moment. “Not really. It’s not like being possessed or anything. When I’m actually wielding it, it’s even a little frightening because I’m no longer totally human.” She brushed back her hair. “When you wield the Misumaru, you feel, almost to a painful extent, the exquisiteness of the power that runs through nature. You understand that wind, water, and life are constantly flowing through the world. I’m glad that I experienced it. Even now, I feel things more deeply than before. The world is more beautiful. Everything on this earth is beautiful. Because everything we see here is the coming together of an unbelievable exquisiteness. This well is just one example.”
“You’re lucky,” Oguna said. “It’s very different from the power that I know. Maybe that’s why Sugaru always looked so cool and composed. It’s not like that for me.”
“Can’t you let go of the power of the Sword?” Toko asked sadly.
“The Sword is part of me,” Oguna said in a low voice. “To throw it away, I’d have to cut away part of myself. But … when that time comes, I’d be willing to, I think.”
“You mean you’d be willing to die?”
“Yes, probably.”
He says that so calmly. The thought hurt her. “In that case, don’t bother.”
Oguna reached out a hand and touched her lightly on the cheek. “Let’s not talk about that now. There, look at your face. Everyone will wonder what happened to you.”
Toko put a hand to her cheek and looked at it. “Oguna! You’ve got mud on me!”
He chuckled and walked off toward Takehiko. The village women roared with laughter when they saw Toko and she made herself smile for their sakes. She and Oguna looked quite the pair.
I KNEW THIS would happen, Toko thought when she was alone in her tent. From the very beginning, she had known that the more time she spent with Oguna the more she would fear losing him. Each day they shared together was a day full of undiminished laughter, life, and goodwill. Yet the air of a man with no future still clung to Oguna. Even when he laughed he appeared ephemeral, almost transparent. Many times she wanted to reach out her hand to grasp him and keep him from vanishing.
Is there really nothing I can do but wait, paralyzed by fear and grief, for the day when Oguna will disappear? She did not have any power to match the one that bound him. But it had never been her nature to sit idly by. It was the god he met at night that tore him from her. I’ve got to learn more about what that Sword is.
SENSING THAT IT was past midnight, Oguna left their room as usual and went off alone into the trees. The moon was bright and the light it cast created patterns on the carpet of fallen leaves. Although Oguna stepped softly, the leaves whispered underfoot. Gazing up at the full moon that hung in the treetops, he told himself to be on his guard. The silver creature seemed to increase in strength as the moon waxed, almost as if it were part of that heavenly body.
Stopping suddenly, he heard a faint sound behind him. No matter how light-footed one might be, it was hard to hush one’s footsteps when walking on dry leaves. Another assassin. He would have been smarter to come on a dark night, Oguna thought. He had long ago given up being surprised at how far the emperor’s shadow reached. Feeling annoyed rather than angry, he turned and called out, “Show yourself.”
A slight figure appeared from behind the shadow of a tree a little ways away. Peering at it, Oguna realized that it was not an assassin. The sight, however, struck terror in his heart.
“Toko! What are you doing here? And how did you get out in the firs
t place?”
“Don’t you remember? We were always good at sneaking out.” She smiled as she approached him. “It’s cold, isn’t it?”
“Such a foolish thing to do, especially when you always fell.”
“That’s not true. I only fell once. Or maybe two or three times.”
But Oguna could not laugh. “This isn’t a game, Toko. You’ve got to go back immediately. It’s not … safe here.” He put his hand on her shoulder but then hesitated. Was there still enough time to take her back? Perhaps it would be better to send her on her own.
Toko looked up at him earnestly. “I know it’s not safe. But I want to be by your side. I want to know how you spend your nights.”
“You won’t get away with just knowing,” Oguna said, panic in his voice. “You don’t know just how different I’ve become. There’s a creature coming, a creature that is Power and Death. It used to be a part of me and it wants to be reunited. It’s dangerous for me but even more dangerous for those who are with me.”
“A creature?”
“Sugaru saw it once, but he had the magatama. I don’t have anything to protect you with. Why did you follow me here?”
But Toko remained unflustered. She said firmly, “You face this thing every night on your own. Can’t anyone share that with you? To know means to share. Even if I can’t do anything to help you, won’t it make a difference to at least have someone who knows?”
Oguna had never thought of that, and it made him pause. “But who would even consider sharing something as hideous as this?”
“Someone who loves you,” Toko said. “To love someone means not to leave them on their own. You have to learn that you aren’t alone. I’m here.”
“Toko, I’m glad you feel that way, but—” He hesitated and then said helplessly, “I don’t know if you can understand, but that’s exactly why you are in the most danger. The creature wants to eliminate you. Its rage feeds its power. It knows that the part of my heart you occupy is growing larger.”
Mirror Sword and Shadow Prince Page 43
