by Marie Forleo
Confirmation bias runs deep. Real deep. It’s particularly pronounced as it relates to religion and politics, as well as our own self-identity. Which helps us understand why social, political, and personal discussions about topics like women’s reproductive rights, climate change, immigration, race, and gun control can quickly devolve into screaming matches.
Having taken part in these kinds of “debates” with my family, I know that it rarely turns out well. Confirmation bias kicks in and all hell breaks loose. In my world, that means a lot of oversized hand gestures and four-letter words. Though we eventually wind up laughing and changing the subject, it’s also true that we sometimes hunker down even harder in our own belief bunkers.
Although we can’t eliminate confirmation bias altogether, awareness helps. By understanding that our minds are designed to reinforce that which we already believe (while automatically deleting anything to the contrary), we can do our best to stay open-minded. In doing so, we take another step toward mastering our minds rather than being mastered by them. The most important fact for you to remember is this:
All beliefs are a choice and choices can be changed.
That’s right. Your beliefs are a choice. Every single one of them.
Since all beliefs are learned—either consciously or unconsciously—the ones that create pain, misery, and suffering can be unlearned.
Released.
Let go.
Any limiting belief can be erased and replaced. Best of all, changing your beliefs doesn’t have to be hard, it just takes awareness, desire, and practice.
When you look more closely, a belief is nothing more than a thought that you’ve decided is significant and true. That’s it! There’s nothing actually holding that belief in place. No steel bars. No padlocks. No chains. Like any other thought that appears in your mind, you can deliberately choose to dismiss it.
You already have what it takes to transform yourself from a passive onlooker to a powerful creator of your destiny. So if you’re unhappy with any of the beliefs you’ve chosen (or unconsciously accepted from others), choose again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
The first step to becoming free from your beliefs is noticing which ones are creating hurt or misery for you. Practice becoming aware of what you’re thinking (i.e., believing) and know that, at any moment, you get to decide if you want to continue believing that thought.
Research has proven that our brains are highly adaptable. The brain is like a muscle in that it changes and gets stronger with use. Scientists often refer to this as “plasticity.” Studies in neuroscience show that we can grow new neural networks and train our brain to think in new ways. Whatever thoughts we repeat most often and with the most emotional intensity, we reinforce. Physically, we strengthen and build those neural networks. That means we can literally hardwire beliefs into our brains and nervous systems. Whatever thoughts we don’t use or reinforce will grow weak and eventually fade away.
Yes, permanently changing your neural pathways requires focus, repetition, and dedication. But seriously—can you think of a better use of your time than physically rewiring your brain to help you lead a better life?! Once you establish and reinforce new beliefs, those new ways of behaving will become habitual. That means better results with less conscious effort.
Naturally, our goal is to bolster the beliefs that support us and eliminate those that don’t. But here’s what’s thrilling. There’s no need to play Sherlock Holmes and hunt down every limiting belief rattling around in your mind. Instead, we’ll take a smarter time-saving approach.
All you need is one core meta belief, a master key that unlocks every imaginable door in the castle of your consciousness. It’s like throwing a switch that instantly illuminates a field of infinite potential. If you haven’t yet guessed, the whole purpose of this book is to inspire you to adopt the supremely powerful belief that everything is figureoutable!
Like toppling the first domino, this one belief sparks a cognitive chain reaction that expands all other possibilities. Once you embrace this belief both functionally and operationally—not just conceptually—there is nothing in this world that can ever stop you again.
Let’s start rewiring that beautiful brain of yours right now.
(Remember, repetition is a key principle of neuroplasticity.)
Say the following out loud. Even and especially if it feels silly.
Everything Is Figureoutable
Good.
Now say it out loud again. At least five more times. Each time, say it with increased energy, passion, and yes—gusto!
Everything Is Figureoutable
Everything Is Figureoutable
Everything Is Figureoutable
Everything Is Figureoutable
Everything Is Figureoutable!!
You’re damn right it is.
Make yourself a promise. Say this phrase—both aloud and in your own head—as often as you can. Five, ten, fifty times a day. Make it a ritual. Why? Because . . .
The most powerful words in the universe are the words you say to yourself.
With enough energy and repetition, you’ll plant this belief so firmly that it will awaken your consciousness on a deeper level.
Say “Everything is figureoutable” when you wake up in the morning. Sing it in the shower. Write it in your journal. Chant it while you’re working out. (The more you can use your body and your emotions, the deeper this belief will root into your being.) Say it whenever you find yourself tossing and turning at night. The more you think it, say it, write it, and feel it in your body, the more you’ll reinforce those neural tracks in your mind.
Soon, you’ll begin to live with an expanded sense of creativity, confidence, and authority. Before you know it, everything is figureoutable will not only become your most treasured belief, but the cornerstone of your reality.
INSIGHT TO ACTION CHALLENGE
If I didn’t believe the answer could be found, I wouldn’t be working on it.
Dr. Florence Sabin
Grab a journal and write your answers to the following questions. Remember, you won’t get results by silently thinking these answers in your head. Put pen to paper. Anything less is half steppin’.
Why did you pick up this book? What is it that you want to solve, change, or figure out? You might have a laundry list—that’s fine. Get it all out. Then choose the most important change you want to make now. (If you’re not sure which is most important, we cover that in chapter 6. You can revise it then.)
What negative or limiting belief(s) have stopped you from figuring this out until now? What have you told yourself about you, your capabilities, others, the world, or reality that’s prevented you from making this change once and for all?
Now, cross out each of those negative or limiting beliefs and write “BULLSHIT” next to each negative or limiting belief. (Do it. It’s fun!)
Next, riff on why each of those negative beliefs or stories are indeed total bullshit. Litigate the other side. Make your best, most impassioned case for the exact opposite perspective. (Hint: A deeper, wiser part of you already knows those limiting beliefs are bullshit—otherwise you wouldn’t have picked up this book.) Get real. Be honest. Answer from your heart, not your head.
Now imagine, who would you be without this limiting belief? What would be different in your life if you were incapable of ever thinking that negative, small-minded belief again? How might you behave differently in your relationships or at work? What might change for you physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, or spiritually? Really imagine yourself without this belief and describe your reality from that place.
Design a creative, playful plan to embody the belief that everything is figureoutable. Remember, repetition and emotion are key! Maybe you want to write t
he phrase twenty times in your journal every morning for the next ninety days. You could make “Everything Is Figureoutable” the wallpaper on your smartphone. Perhaps you’ll chant it while washing dishes or folding laundry, or grunt it out loud while you’re doing squats. Use as many modalities as you can—your voice, writing, graphics, audio, embodied movement, and most important, repetition. For more ideas and resources, visit MarieForleo.com/EIF.
Figureoutable Field Notes
Movement is her life—but after this surgery, she’ll never be able to move like that again.
My daughter is a competitive solo dancer and team hip-hop dancer. Movement is her life. She wore a body brace for scoliosis for twenty hours per day for three years and it didn’t work. She eventually needed to get a spinal fusion surgery that fused eleven vertebrae, making it impossible for her to dance again.
For the last couple of years, I’ve been unable to accept this limitation her beautiful free body will have for the rest of her life. One night as I was lying in bed crying, yet again, I was scrolling through my phone and came across Marie’s Oprah talk. It all clicked. I thought to myself, “What would Marie do in this situation? What would her mom do?” Then it came to me. “Damn, we’ll figure it out!!”
So I did. It started with acceptance. I thought about what I wanted for my daughter’s life overall: for her to be happy. Could she have a happy life with a broomstick in her back? Damn straight she could! My mission was to make it all beautiful. And it is. Emma has become a scoliosis icon and a model for the cause.
I worked backward toward the goal I wanted to achieve (a beautiful life for my daughter) versus focusing on what I thought would give her a beautiful life (dancing). My daughter is better off than before her diagnosis—mentally and physically—and I am at peace. I don’t cry myself to sleep anymore.
I had a cool funky coffee cup made by an artist that says, “What would Marie’s mom say?” and use it every day to remind me of this mantra. I came to believe that everything we need to know in the world is held within that one sentence, “Everything is figureoutable.” Because it truly is.
—TARINA
MONTREAL
4
Eliminate Excuses
The worst lies are the lies we tell ourselves.
Richard Bach
Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that.
Haruki Murakami
Ever had a morning like this? You went to bed with every intention of getting up early. You were going to work out, meditate, write—you know, finally become that incredibly productive human you know you can be. Now the phone is vibrating next to your head. Already? Noooo! It’s so dark. I’m so cozy. Sleep is important for my health, right? Just five more minutes. Five minutes pass. Okay, maybe ten more. By the time your feet hit the floor, you’re chasing the day. The dog is begging to be walked. Your phone is blowing up from an unexpected meltdown at work. You notice a stain on your shirt after you’ve walked out the door. Cue David Byrne: Same as it ever was, same as it ever was.
Now what about a morning like this? Your eyes pop open in the dark. You turn your head and grab the phone. Really, only 4:30 a.m.? The alarm isn’t set to go off for another hour. Your flight doesn’t leave until 8:45 a.m., but you’re so pumped for this trip that you can’t sleep another minute. You hop out of bed, work out, and head off to the airport—early.
What’s the deal? How is it that sometimes we’re able to effortlessly get ourselves to do exactly what we need to do, but other times it’s a struggle? What holds us back from consistently performing at the levels we’re capable of?
To find the answer, we have to look inside. No matter what we’re trying to figure out, the biggest barriers are often in our own minds:
I need to start exercising again, but I’m just so busy with work and the kids. Can’t do it—no time.
My finances are a mess. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get ahead. I’m just not a numbers person.
I really want to take that design class. It could open up a whole new career! But it’s too expensive—I can’t afford it.
I wish I could meet someone special. But I don’t have time for dating, I’m too old, and besides, all the good ones are already taken.
Sound familiar? My hand is raised because I’ve said things like this to myself. Many times. But here’s the truth: One of the biggest obstacles that holds us back are those excuses. The little lies we tell ourselves that limit who we are and what we ultimately accomplish.
Everybody makes excuses from time to time, so don’t feel bad. But if you’re committed to figuring things out, all excuses have got to go. It’s time to call yourself out and uncover all the ways you bullshit yourself. Once you get honest about how flimsy your excuses really are, you’ll reclaim not only enormous stores of energy, but also your power to change.
TWO FOUR-LETTER WORDS THAT WILL ANNIHILATE YOUR BS EXCUSES
Let’s start by looking at your language and two common words that blur your ability to be honest with yourself. Those two four-letter words are “can’t” and “won’t.” Think about how often people say some version of the following:
I can’t get up and work out every day.
I can’t find the time to get writing done.
I can’t forgive her for what she’s done.
I can’t take that job, it’s across the country.
I can’t ask for help.
I can’t ask for a promotion because I’m not good enough yet.
I can’t launch this project because my boss didn’t approve it.
I can’t __________ [take the class/learn the language/start the venture/etc.] because I can’t afford it.
Here’s the problem: 99 percent of the time when we say we “can’t” do something, “can’t” is a euphemism for “won’t.” What does “won’t” mean? “Won’t” means we’re not willing. In other words . . .
You don’t really want to.
You don’t want to do the work.
You don’t want to take the risk.
You don’t want to get uncomfortable or be inconvenienced. It’s simply not a big enough or important enough priority.
Before you disagree or find exceptions (which there are), humor me for a moment.
If you consider how this might be true in your life, even a portion of the time, you’ll break free from the vast majority of self-deceptive crap that holds you back. For example, go back to all those statements and replace “can’t” with “won’t.” You’ll discover something much more honest:
I won’t get up and work out every day.
I won’t find the time to get writing done.
I won’t forgive her for what she’s done.
I won’t take that job, it’s across the country.
I won’t ask for help.
I won’t ask for the promotion because I’m not good enough yet.
I won’t launch this project because my boss didn’t approve it.
I won’t __________ [take the class/learn the language/start the venture, etc.] because I won’t afford it.
In my life, whenever I say “I can’t,” most of the time what I really mean is “I won’t.” I don’t want to. I have no desire to make the sacrifice or put in the effort to get that particular result. It’s not something I want badly enough or something I want to put ahead of my other priorities. Saying that you don’t want something (or don’t want to put in the work or sacrifice to get it) doesn’t make you bad or lazy. It makes you honest.
Here’s why this distinction is important, especially when it comes to leveraging the figureoutable philosophy. Often, when we use the word “can’t,” we start to behave like victims—powerless against our circumstances. It’s as though we have no control over our time, energy, or choices. We take no responsibility for our lives.
When you use
the word “won’t,” you feel and behave more powerfully. You remember that you’re in charge of your thoughts and actions. YOU get to determine how to spend your time and resources. You’ll feel more alive and energized and free because you’re taking full responsibility for the state of your life.
Speaking of taking responsibility, a quick reminder about an essential universal principle:
You are 100 percent responsible for your life.
Always and in all ways. It’s not your parents. It’s not the economy. It’s not your husband or your wife or your family. It’s not your boss. It’s not the schools you went to. It’s not the government or society or institutions or your age. You are responsible for what you believe, how you feel, and how you behave. To be clear, I’m not saying you’re responsible for the actions of others or injustices that have happened to you—but you are responsible for how you respond to the actions of others. In fact, lasting happiness can only come when you take 100 percent responsibility for yourself.
Now you might say, “Marie, you don’t know my story. So many horrific things have happened to me that aren’t my fault, that are outside my control, and that I didn’t choose. How can I be responsible for that?” Or you might say, “But, Marie, things are happening to me right now that I have no control over because of the culture and society I was born into. How am I responsible for those things?”
You’re right. There are external forces, situations, and social constructs that affect us all. What’s crucial to understand is that no matter what happened in your past or what’s happening now, if you’re not at least willing to take full responsibility for your life—which includes your thoughts, feelings, and behavior—you give up the power to change it.
