My mouth waters from the scent of pork, fried plantains, and olive oil that assaults my senses. Jamie pulls a chair out from the table, and like a proper gentleman, he waits for me to take a seat before pushing it into the table and sitting down beside me.
I rub my hands in front of me and lick my lips. “Rosario, you’ve outdone yourself. Seriously, this looks as amazing as it smells.”
Jamie stands to help Rosario in the kitchen, both Rico and him following Rosario into the dining room with more dishes and plates.
After growing up eating at a table full of kids without enough food to eat, I’m such a cavegirl, and I reach for the bread in the basket in front of me, about to lift it to my mouth, when Rico says, “You’re gonna get in trouble, Coach.”
“Oh, right,” I say, setting the bread onto my plate.
I had nothing to pray for while I was growing up other than a way out of my hell, so I always forget that normal families, especially those who are religious, like to say grace before they eat.
I look behind me as Jamie squeezes my shoulders and lets go.
“Before you get mad at me, just remember that you love me, and I’m your oldest and bestest friend in the entire world.”
“Huh?” I glance at him sideways, confused. “What the hell are you talking about? What did you do?”
And then I hear the doorbell, and Rico scrambles over to the front door. My jaw drops when I see Alex standing on the other side, holding two bouquets of flowers. One of them is a mixed assortment that he hands to Rosario, and the other has red roses. My heart rips from my chest, breaking into a thousand pieces, when I see how bad he looks.
His game has suffered lately, but the camera never zooms in close enough to his face, so I can see for myself. Judging by his sunken-in cheeks, he has lost some weight, which is the exact opposite of what he should be doing right now.
“You invited Alex?” I ask Jamie, touched and holding my hand over my heart.
“I can’t stand to see you like this, Charlie. You try to keep it together because that’s what you do—hold everything inside—but you have not been the same since you two broke up, and I think Alex needs you just as much as you need him.”
“Thank you,” I whisper as I get up from my chair.
“Hey, little man,” Alex says to Rico as he bends down to give him a high five.
Rico slaps his hand and then moves it lower, holding out his palm. “Down low,” he says.
I already know what he’s planning to do, and I laugh to myself as Alex goes to smack his palm.
Rico pulls it away and yells, “Too slow!”
“You’re such a punk,” I tell Rico.
He spins around and sticks his tongue out at me.
“Frederico,” Rosario says, shaking her head, “where are your manners? We have a guest in our home.” She hands the flowers to Rico. “Put these in a vase with water.” Then, she turns to Alex and places her palm flat on his back, “Welcome to our home, Alex.”
“Thank you for having me. I really appreciate you doing this for me.” He glances at me from under his brows. “For us.”
His words take me by surprise. I push my chair out from the table and join them in the living room. I care about him and hate that he’s hurting this much because of me, his face mirroring the way I feel on the inside.
The reporter from Sports Buzz, Kennedy, has been following him around for weeks. He hasn’t visited a single bar, strip club, or any of the old hangouts he used to be found at in the past. At first, I felt like a stalker by paying her to snoop on him, but I had to know that he was okay without me. Clearly, this breakup has been as hard on him as it has been on me, if not harder. I miss him every day and more so at night when I wake up, calling his name in my sleep.
After Rosario takes his coat, she walks into the dining room to fix our plates, leaving us with some privacy even though everyone can see us from where we are standing.
“Hi,” I mutter, my voice low. “How are you?”
He smiles, and it reaches up to his eyes that appear more gray than blue in this lighting. “Better now that I’m here with you. How have you been?”
“Okay, I guess. You don’t look good. You haven’t been taking care of yourself.”
He steps closer, our bodies only inches apart, and I can feel the heat radiating off him. Or maybe I’m burning up because being this close to Alex sets my skin on fire. We always had an intense sexual connection, but this time, my body is responding to him but not in a sexual way.
“I miss you, Charlotte,” he says, threading his fingers between mine.
I cannot move or speak. Opening my mouth, nothing comes out, and I am utterly speechless.
He continues, “I can’t—no, I don’t want to live without you. I need my coach back.”
The sadness in his eyes and the pain behind his words tear my heart to pieces. Caring for Alex and letting him go has been one of the hardest and most gut-wrenching times of my life. My life has been nothing but loss and constant mourning, and with Alex, I finally felt I could share that part of myself with another person.
“Alex”—I squeeze his hand tighter—“I miss you, too, but…” I jump when I hear a metal serving spoon hit a plate behind me, breaking my train of thought. “Why don’t you sit down? I need to eat, and you look like you could use a real meal. I know you can afford one, so what is your excuse?”
He laughs, and even as our fingers separate, they still touch as we walk toward our chairs. “I don’t have anyone to eat with. See, I used to have this feisty brunette to make dinner for, but that didn’t end so well.”
Feeling guilty, I bite down on my bottom lip, avoiding eye contact with Alex. This was not my decision. Mickey forced it upon me.
I had no idea Alex was taking this so bad. While it was and still is hard for me to let him go, I’d had a rough life, and it had taken me years to make something from nothing. Starting over is not an option.
Alex holds my chair for me as I take a seat next to Jamie and pushes me into the table. Stuffing the bread I left on my plate into my mouth, I take one giant bite and then nibble on each piece as Alex sits across from me, resting his forearms on the table and distracting me with his beautiful body.
How am I supposed to eat anywhere near him without drooling onto my dress?
This man is perfection with those smoldering gray-blue eyes that make my insides melt, his big, strong hands that palmed my ass so many times I can practically feel them on my skin as he taps his fingers on the table, and his abs that scream lick me. His muscles flex beneath his fitted navy button-down shirt, and my mind wanders.
Dear Lord, save me. I’m not a religious person, but I feel as though I need to say a few prayers.
I have avoided him for this exact reason. But our connection was never just sexual. Our emotional bond is what fueled most of our relationship. And that was what I was afraid of most. That he would find a way to use that to get me back. As much as I want him, I can only hope that he will find someone else and forget about me. But I will never forget Alex. Very few people have made an imprint on me, and Alex Parker, unfortunately, is one of them.
“This is delicious,” Alex says. His eyes are focused on me as he chews his food and swallows before he runs his tongue along his lips. “I’m looking forward to dessert.”
My mouth opens wide, and I am a little surprised that Alex has decided to do this to me while we are in the company of friends. But I also allow it to happen.
The second he walked through the door, my insides clenched at the thought of all the things I’d like him to do to me. Unsure if it’s the spicy food I’m ingesting or the heat behind Alex’s gaze, my legs tremble in anticipation, and my skin feels as though it’s on fire.
Before I can get too excited, Rico breaks our staring contest by tapping Alex on the shoulder, diverting his attention.
“Do you think I can come to another one of your games sometime?” Rico gives Alex his cutest puppy-dog face, milking this opportuni
ty.
I cannot deny him when he gives me those sad eyes.
“Of course.” Alex wipes his mouth with the napkin from his lap and then sets it back down. “We have a home game next weekend. I’ll have tickets sent over.” He glances over at Rosario. “As long as you’re okay with it.”
“I’m not a big sports fan”—Rosario meets my gaze—“but maybe Coach and Jamie can take you, if they’re free.”
I finish chewing the mashed plantains and wash it down with half the water from my glass. “I wish I could, but I’ll be in San Francisco for five days. We have a big deal in the works, and I have to leave Friday afternoon.” I see Rico’s face deflate and feel guilty even though I really do have to work. “Sorry, kiddo. Jamie can probably take you.”
“We don’t need Coach anyway.” Jamie flashes me an evil but playful smirk and then winks. “We can have a boys’ day and eat all the junk food we want. How does that sound, buddy?”
His face lights up, his hands slamming down on the table, and he squeals with delight. “Yes! I can’t wait. Thank you, thank you!”
Rosario mouths a quiet, Thank you, to both Alex and Jamie, who nod in acknowledgment.
Alex seems a little disappointed that I have to skip the game, but he plays it off well.
After we finish eating dinner, Rosario gets up from the table to clear the plates, and Alex and Jamie both offer to help, telling her to sit back and relax after cooking such a wonderful meal.
All of my favorite boys are in one place. This is what a family should feel like, and that feeling is so overwhelming, tears begin to form in my eyes. I blink them away, doing my best to hold them back. Staying away from Alex has been hard on me. The nightmares of my parents went away after the first two weeks without him, quickly being replaced by memories of Alex.
Instead of waking up, screaming from horrific visions of my father and mother, their bodies limp and cold on the bed next to me, I cried over the man I lost. The man I am in love with. And it scares the shit out of me. It suffocates me.
Choking and gasping for air, I sit up in bed, hyperventilating and clutching my stomach from crying so hard because it hurts. My tears spill out, drenching my pillow and matting my hair to my face, and the only person who can take the pain away lives next door, which is why I’ve temporarily moved into Jamie’s apartment. Every day, I think of Alex, but I refuse to give in to what I truly want. I have endured so much heartbreak in my life that I know I can get through this.
After we eat dessert, Alex and Jamie stay a while longer to hang out with Rico, taking turns playing NHL 17, the hockey video game Jamie bought for Rico after we went to the Flyers game together. Watching them as they yell and cheer, the men flashing their world dominance over another, brings a smile to my face. I’m sitting in the living room on the couch with Rosario, getting a kick out of them being together. One thing that brought me closer to Alex in the beginning was that he took so well to Rico.
While we are not blood-related, that kid is like a son to me, and both Rico and Rosario are like family. And Alex swooped right in without any instruction and made Rico’s day, somehow squeezing his way into my life and my heart.
“Do you really think that looks like me?” Alex asks Rico with a huge smile.
“Nah, you’re uglier in person,” Rico says, his voice full of laughter.
In response, Alex takes Rico’s head in his hands and rubs his knuckles into his dark brown hair, giving him a noogie, laughing.
Rosario leans over and clamps her hand down over mine, holding it against my knee. Like me, she has had a tough lot in life. Raising a twelve-year-old boy on her own and working two jobs is something I have never done, but I can relate to the struggle.
“Alex is a really good man,” Rosario says before taking a sip of her coffee and setting it back down on the saucer in her hand.
A tiny smile tugs at my mouth. “Yeah, he’s nothing like what I expected before we met. Sometimes, people take you by surprise, you know?”
She nods. “I know exactly what you mean. I never expected a big-time sports agent to take my Rico in when he needed someone the most. I really appreciate you helping us out.” She glances down at the couch and sighs. “That’s why I want to help you even if it’s just a small get-together among friends.”
Confused, I raise my eyebrows.
She seems to notice and continues, “Alex asked me to arrange this dinner.”
With less than a fifteen-year age gap between us, Rosario is too young to be my mother, but it has been so long since I’ve been around someone who I’d consider one that I often forget our small age difference. My mother was distant even before she started to get high with my father. Having Rosario and Rico in my life for the last four years has made a huge difference in how I now view family.
“He really cares for you. Alex was so nervous when he came to see me. I had no idea that you were involved until he asked me to help him out.”
I lean back against the cushions, sinking my elbow into the microfiber to get comfortable even though I feel on edge. “It lasted two months before my boss made me break it off. Things between us weren’t serious,” I lie.
“From what Alex told me, it sounded a lot more serious than you’re letting on. He cares for you. In my experience, men don’t go around, asking for help unless they need it, and you are clearly more than just a fling to him.”
“Me, too,” I mumble. “But, as long as he’s a client with my firm, we cannot be together. I’ve worked too hard to get to where I am today, and I almost had it ripped out from under me after the media got ahold of our pictures.”
A loud series of groans erupts from the boys, filling the living room. Rico pounds his fists in the air, excited, as the screen lights up that his team won the game.
He laughs and spins around on the carpet to face us. “I beat Alex Parker in hockey. The real one and the fake one.”
Alex shrugs with an adorable grin on his handsome face that has a warming effect on me.
“Yep, you beat me. I got schooled in hockey by a kid.” He shakes his head.
He let Rico win, same as how I let Rico believe he had beaten me in basketball the night I let the team off the hook for suicide drills.
“I can’t wait to tell everyone at school.” Rico jumps up to his feet and runs over to his mother. “Can you believe I won, Mama?”
Jamie rises up from the floor and brushes his hands down the front of his dark khaki pants to smooth out the wrinkles. “Well, I think I’m going to head home.” He walks over to us and holds out his hand to help me up from the couch. “Ready, Charlie?”
“Yeah, I’m exhausted.” I raise my hands above my head to stretch, attracting Alex’s attention as his eyes travel up the length of my body.
My pulse quickens when our eyes meet. The air in the room is all of a sudden thick, and I’m dying to get out of the apartment and away from Alex.
“I guess I’d better get going, too,” Alex says without breaking contact with me.
We take turns in hugging Rosario and thank her for having us over for dinner, talking about how we should do it again, before leaving the apartment. On our way down the hall, I lock arms with Jamie, mostly because I’m afraid that I’ll instinctively reach out for Alex.
When we reach the elevator, Jamie unhooks from my grasp and wraps his arm around me, squeezing the life out of me. He whispers into my ear, “Talk to him. Just hear him out.”
My eyes open wide in shock. “You traitor,” I say, keeping my voice low. “How could you?”
Planting a kiss on my cheek, he rubs his hand across my back. “It’s your turn to be happy, Charlie. Give him a chance.”
Jamie has a date tonight, and I agreed to stay at my apartment, so he can get laid. I knew the time would come when I had to move back and act like a big girl.
“Fine.” I sigh, unsure of what to do. My heart and body want Alex, but my mind…
Jamie presses the button on the wall to call a car up to our floor. “You
overthink everything, Charlie. Keep an open mind.”
I look at Jamie from underneath my brows, contemplating what to do. At the very least, I can have one conversation with Alex. There’s no harm in that. The elevator doors open, and then Jamie steps inside and gives us a wave before they close again. We are completely alone now. I am terrified of what I might do or say around Alex without supervision.
Alex is already staring at me when I glance in his direction. “Let me walk you home.”
I smile and fall in line next to him.
Once we reach my apartment, I stick the key into the lock, hesitating to open the door because I’m afraid I’ll ask him to come inside. I turn around to face him and place my hands on my hips. I realize I am nervous around him. My body trembles as I bite down on my bottom lip and stare at the ground, afraid to make direct eye contact.
“Did you really ask Rosario to have us over for dinner tonight?”
He nods and steps closer to test the waters, closing the space between us, and I sigh.
“I went to see Jamie, too. I had to see you. I needed to see you, Charlotte. I’m a fucking mess without you, baby.” He strokes my jaw with his thumb. “You were never just a hook-up for me.”
“I know, Alex.” I turn my head to the side, staring down the vacant hallway. “I feel the same way, but I’ve worked too hard to start over. My feelings for you have no place in this business.”
Tipping my chin up with his index finger, he stares at me so hard and intense. “Please,” he breathes against my lips. “I’m in love with you.”
I gasp because I know he has never spoken those words to another woman in his life. Words like that have meaning to a man like Alex.
“I’d give up hockey right this second if that was what it would take to get you back. You don’t have to be afraid. I’m not going to hurt you like everyone else in your life. I would never leave you. You are it for me, Charlotte.”
Parker (Face-Off Series Book 1) Page 19
