by Kris Bryant
“What does that mean exactly?” I stood and walked over to her. She averted her eyes. “Seriously. What do you mean by these kinds of things?”
“Kennedy, I’m not great at this,” she said as if I knew what she meant.
“Not good at this? Like kissing? Making out? Sex? Exactly what aren’t you good at?” I was mad and I didn’t want to think about why.
“All of it. I don’t want to open myself up to this and then you leave in two weeks. I tend to put a lot of emotion into connecting with another woman and I don’t want either of us to get hurt.” She walked around me, but stayed close. “Somebody a lot like you hurt me a long time ago and it took me a long time to get past it.”
I walked over to her and carefully touched her arm. “I’m not her. I’m sorry you got hurt, but that’s not my intent. I like you, Brynn. You are strong and sweet and you make me feel…” I paused and searched for the right word. “Protected. You make me feel safe.” Brynn hung her head. I could tell she struggled with her own demons. I stepped back away from her. This wasn’t going to happen no matter how much I wanted it. “Can you please take me to my cabin?” I didn’t want to cry in front of her. What was happening to me? Back home, I didn’t care if a woman said no to me. Well, actually, I couldn’t remember the last time one did. She nodded and I walked out of the bedroom in front of her. “You do have a nice place,” I said and granted myself one last quick look on my way out the front door. I doubted that I would ever see it again.
Chapter Twelve
“Thanks for inviting me over. It’s nice having new friends,” I said. I toasted Mandy and her wife, Lisa, before we started our dinner of smoked salmon. I was excited to try genuine fresh Alaska salmon and Lisa promised me it would be the best I ever tasted.
“Thank you for taking time out of your schedule to have dinner with us. Mandy said you were working on a big spread for Antlers & Anglers magazine. We love tourists here. They support all of the local businesses,” Lisa said. She clinked her glass with mine and then with Mandy. The look they shared was sweet and tender and I felt guilty for witnessing it. Ten years and they still shared passion. I loved it and hated it at the same time. I doubted I would ever find that for myself. I was too set in my ways at thirty-one.
“Hopefully I’ll get it right and send some people your way,” I said. I took my first bite of the salmon and moaned as it practically melted in my mouth. “I found heaven in Alaska.” Fresh fish was so light and tasty and void of the sharpness that a lot of fish dishes had. It flaked right off my fork. I also tried not to think that just one hour ago, this fish was alive and happily swimming in the ocean.
“You’ve been here about a week, right?” At my nod, Lisa continued. “Plenty of time to try everything.”
“I tried a halibut burger and a salmon burger earlier in the week. Both were delicious,” I said. I felt a pang of sadness thinking about Brynn. I thought about her more than I should. I hadn’t talked to her since she dropped me off at my cabin yesterday afternoon. I cringed thinking about our exchange in her bedroom. Not one of my finest moments.
“From Buster’s?” Mandy asked.
“I honestly don’t know. I met a ranger from the Alaskan Wildlife Rescue. She brought me dinner last week after I had an incident hiking.”
“She probably got them from Buster’s. Everybody goes there for great burgers,” Mandy said.
Lisa nodded. “Which ranger was it? We know some of the rangers stationed at the Sanctuary.”
“Brynn Coleman. Do you know her?” Mandy and Lisa exchanged a look. I wondered what that was about, but I played it off instead. I was good at extracting information when the time was right.
“Yeah, we know Brynn. She’s great. How did you meet her?” Mandy asked.
I groaned. I didn’t want more of Alaska to know that story so I downplayed it. “I had kind of a run in with a moose. Brynn showed up and did her moose whisperer magic and got it to leave me alone.” I left out the part about the car getting squished and me near tears over the entire incident.
“That sounds like Brynn.” Mandy smiled. “She’s so good with animals. Working at the sanctuary’s truly the best job for her. Most of the time, it’s rewarding, but I know it’s so hard for her when she has to put an animal down. I can’t even imagine what she goes through.”
I never thought about that. That was probably why she disappeared off of my radar for almost two days after the first partial tour of the sanctuary. When she got the call, she tensed immediately and I felt her pull away as she steeled herself against what was to come. “I couldn’t do it. I’m not a super huge animal fan, but still. That has to be the hardest thing.”
“She’s so emotional, too, even though she tries hard to hide it,” Mandy said. I cocked my head with interest. That was news to me.
“Do you know her well?” I asked. They shared another look. “Okay, I know she’s a lesbian.”
“Okay, phew. We didn’t want to out her if she hadn’t said anything yet.” Mandy said.
I wasn’t going to share the fact that we’d kissed several times and I’d felt her gloriously tall and strong body on top of mine. Or that I’d all but begged her to have sex with me. Nope. I was going to go to my grave with that embarrassing information.
“We’ve known Brynn about five years or so. We’ve seen her in some of the clubs and we play on the same softball team. She’s a bit standoffish, but super nice and a great athlete.” Mandy refilled our wineglasses.
“I can’t even tell you how many times she has saved me this past week. The moose, my boots, the fire.” I shook my head at all of my mishaps.
“Wow. So you really do know Brynn. She keeps to herself most days. She must like you,” Lisa said.
“She’s been very helpful, like Mandy, on getting me information for my articles. It’ll be hard to narrow down the sanctuary story to ten pages and photos. My boss is crazy if she thinks she’ll be able to sum up the sanctuary with so few photos. Maybe I should ask Brynn to be less informative.” I chuckled.
“Brynn’s the first one to help someone. Always. We just wish she would find somebody up here,” Mandy said.
Thank God I wasn’t hitting on somebody who was taken, although it didn’t make me feel any better. It just meant that Brynn wasn’t interested in me and that stung.
“Is the queer population large here in Alaska? Are you comfortable being out?” I couldn’t imagine my life as anything but out. California was so open, it never crossed my mind to hide my sexuality.
“I don’t think Alaska has a large queer population. I think it falls right in the middle of the spectrum. There aren’t a lot of people here, but the percentages are about the same as anywhere else. There are moments when we haven’t felt safe, but for the most part, people are accepting. When they finally legalized gay marriage, we ran to the courthouse and got married as soon as we could,” Lisa said.
I swore if I wasn’t there, they would’ve had sex right on the table based on the smoldering look they shared. I wanted to steer the conversation back to Brynn, but I was having a hard time coming up with an appropriate segue without being obvious.
“That’s sweet. I’m sure it’s hard to meet someone here in Alaska. You are kind of separated from the rest of the states. But Brynn’s adorable. I’m sure she’ll find somebody soon,” I said.
Mandy took the bait. “I just wish it was sooner than later.”
I tried not to smile. “Did she have bad luck in the past?”
“It took forever for her to get involved in any social activities or even hit the bars. She’s dated a few women, but nothing serious. I think she’s waiting for the right woman to come along, but it’s not as if Alaska’s brimming with available lesbians. She would do so well in the lower forty-eight. Tall, gorgeous, athletic. You should take her back to California with you, Kennedy,” Mandy said.
I nodded, surprisingly jealous at the thought of Brynn in my social circle, dating women I knew. “Well, other than not having a
partner, Alaska seems like the perfect place for her.”
“Agreed. We should have her over for dinner again. It’s been too long.” Lisa turned to Mandy. “Next time you see her, invite her.” Mandy nodded. I guess the Brynn conversation was over. The only information I’d gathered that evening was that she wasn’t dating anyone else, but she clearly wasn’t interested in me.
Chapter Thirteen
I decided to branch out further than Anchorage because I was getting antsy. Brynn could be anywhere and I didn’t want to accidentally run into her. I did, but I didn’t. I wanted it to be on my terms. I grabbed one of the maps she gave me the first time we met and headed out with my backpack, the ridiculous bear spray, and a walking stick. There were several streams and lakes within an hour’s drive and I wanted to get some photos of popular places. I worked on the fishing story the night before and got quite a bit done. It was still boring, but I had faith that I would come up with a fun twist.
I parked in a gravel lot and gave a sigh of relief when I saw two other trucks, both with trailers hitched to them. I’d seen this a lot already. It meant I would not be alone out here. I hoped that was good news, not something I had to worry about. Most of the people I’d met in Alaska were friendly, but I knew to always have my guard up. I grabbed my stuff, tightened my boots, and picked a trail. All of them led to the wide fishing stream, just at different places.
The hike I chose was a mile and a half long. I approached it with gusto and prayed that I wouldn’t encounter anything larger than a squirrel. When I reached the stream, I stopped and soaked in my surroundings. It was so lovely and virtually untouched by civilization. The water was crystal clear, unlike any I’d ever seen before. Tan, gray, pink, and white rocks dotted the bed several feet down. I smiled at the tiny fish darting around the stones.
I snapped several photos and walked upstream until I saw a doe, or elk, or some deer-like creature drinking peacefully. She was majestic. I took a few photos of her close up, and zoomed out so I got the stream and the mountains. It was a beautifully balanced photo and I loved everything about it. When I heard the gunshot and saw the doe drop, I gasped.
I instinctively crouched to hide. I had no idea what was going on. I was unsure of hunting around the area and I was wearing a brown jacket. I didn’t want to be mistaken for a deer. I wished I could remember what Brynn told me about hunting season. This was part of a national park system, I thought, and only the rangers thinned out the herd. Why would hunters be here when it was obviously a place for tourists with trails and markers? I didn’t stand up and identify myself when they surrounded their kill. One of the hunters pulled out a knife and I looked away. I didn’t want to see what he was doing.
“Really, Randy? Why did you shoot it? It’s not like we’ll get anything for her. Now we’re going to have to take her with us.” One of the hunters slapped his hat against his leg in frustration.
“Yeah, well, you can thank me later when you’re eating caribou burgers,” he said.
None of them had safety orange on. From the looks of it, I had just witnessed poaching. I slowly scooted to my left so I would be covered by more underbrush and took photos of the three hunters that were standing around the doe. Through the lens, they all looked similar; unkempt beards, brown clothing, and tall boots. They dragged the carcass to a clearing off to the left.
“Go get the truck.” There was no way they were going to get one of the trucks through these woods.
I heard the names Randy and Jim, but the third man was never identified. I didn’t move an inch. All of this screamed danger and I was smack dab in the middle of it. My legs ached from being bent at an awkward angle. My neck was cramped. I was hungry and I had to go to the bathroom. I wanted to cry. I wanted Brynn. I pulled my phone out of my pocket but realized she had my number, but I didn’t have hers. Son of a bitch. I should’ve sent myself a text from her phone when she had me fill out my contact information. I considered calling 9-1-1, but the response I’d gotten before didn’t give me much confidence.
I slowly moved around and stretched out my legs so they were flat on the ground. I was quiet, careful not to attract their attention. It would be a while until the third returned. The parking lot was over a mile away. I slowly wiggled my legs, one at a time, to ensure that I still had blood flow and feelings. My back was killing me because I was hunched over. I was miserable.
“What was that?” One of them asked.
Fuck. Did I make a noise? Just my luck, some critter scurried right outside of the brush I was hiding behind. I bit my hand to keep from screaming out. I grabbed a rock with my other hand so I could bash its head in if it tried to make a meal out of me. I didn’t know what was worse—getting killed by poachers, or eaten alive by a bear. A rodent that looked like a guinea pig on steroids ran across my leg and I muffled my yell. Thankfully, he shot out past me and left my hiding place. I heard the guys laugh at it.
“You’re so on edge, Jim.”
“Hey, this isn’t something we do this close to the road, let alone in broad daylight.” Poaching confirmed.
They stopped talking when the hum of an engine approached. No way did that trailer get in this deep. I peeked out. They had an off-road four-wheeler with a flat, steel trailer on wheels. The driver jumped out and walked over to the other two.
“We have a problem. There’s another car in the parking lot. Somebody’s here.”
Just when I thought they were five minutes away from leaving and I thought I was going to get out of this unscathed.
“Well, let’s get this back to the camper and take a look around.” I shrank even lower. I watched as they loaded the body and put a tarp over it. I kept my eye on them until they drove out of sight. The second they disappeared, I jumped up and ignored all the aches and pains in my body and ran as fast as I could the other way. I was hoping I could get to the parking lot about the time they turned around to look for me. I’d hide there until I felt like I could make a clean dash to the car.
I thanked my personal trainer back home for always kicking my ass. Because of him, I was able to run at a steady pace. I stopped to load my camera into my backpack because it was too tight around my neck and bumped against my ribs. When I approached the parking lot, I slowed down and hid behind a large trail marking boulder. They were done loading the carcass into the trailer and were pushing the four-wheeler into the other one. They would start searching for me next.
Since my camera was packed away, I took my cell phone out and snapped a few photos of the trucks and even got a few faces. I was too far away to make out facial details, or license plates, but I was closer than I was before. When they locked up, I slid down the back of the rock and prayed they would not come this way. The main guy barked out orders and I shivered when the other two responded. One was headed in my direction. The only choice I had was to show myself. Running away would be a dead giveaway. I did the only thing I could think of. I took off my boot and sock and started crying.
“I found someone.” The largest man I could imagine looked at me. His beard was brown on the verge of gray, and his eyes were squinting so much that I couldn’t tell the color. He looked like he had no idea what to do with me.
I reacted the only way I knew how in Alaska. Damsel in distress. The past week had given me ample practice. Judging by the way he held himself and the menacing way he looked me over, I was screwed. I was going to have to put on the performance of a lifetime.
“Oh, my God. I’m so glad you’re here. I didn’t know someone was on the trail. Can you help me back to my car? Look at my blisters.” I stopped to sob for a moment. “I don’t even know how I managed to get this far.” I held my hand out for him to grab, loathing myself for having to stoop to this level.
He pulled me up, almost into his chest, and I had to stop myself from recoiling. I had to pretend he was just some guy I happened to run into in the middle of nowhere. He walked me toward the other two, who were standing right by my car. I hobbled the best I could and pretended
I was in a lot of pain. My blisters still looked bad and I hoped they would believe me.
“What are you doing out here?” The obvious guy in charge crossed his arms and massaged his beard with his right hand as he waited for my answer.
“I was taking a walk and decided to come back to my car because my blisters started hurting.” All three looked at my foot. It was covered in dust, but the blisters were evident.
“How long have you been here?” he asked.
“Not long because I didn’t notice her car until this last time.” The one whose name I think was Randy said. The other one smacked him.
“He’s right. I just got here. I thought I could walk today, but I overestimated it. Is this a good trail though? I have a ton of trail maps that the hotel gave me when I got here and this wasn’t too far out of my way.” I was rambling and doing everything I could to throw them off. I placed my boot on the hood of my car while I slid my sock on.
“What’s in your backpack?” The leader asked. I tried to look nonchalant. I hope it didn’t translate into fear.
“Protein bars, water, and my camera. Oh, and extra socks. Why?” I dropped my boot onto the ground and slipped into it carefully. I had to keep the ruse of painful blisters going.
“What are you taking pictures of? Mind if we look?” The look in his eye told me I didn’t have a choice.
“Yes, I mind.” I tried to act inconvenienced. He roughly grabbed my backpack almost causing me to fall. His strength scared me. “Are you kidding me? You can’t accost me like this and demand to go through my things. I have rights,” I said. All three laughed.
“Who knows how to turn this thing on?” He held my camera like it was a toy. Even though I didn’t pay the thousands of dollars it was worth, my company did. I didn’t want to have to file another personal property claim with our insurance company for it.
“Careful with that.” I stretched for it and he held it out of my reach as if playing a game of keep away.
