After we made our way out of the building and she pulled me down the quiet, mostly residential street, she said, “I hope Steel didn’t scare you.”
“You mean that looming hulk of a guy covered in piercings and tattoos?” I teased. “Why would he scare me?”
“He’s not as bad-ass as he wants everyone to believe.”
I wanted to ask her if she had ever been with him but I have to admit I was afraid. She’d already told me she had quite a few more partners than I had, which was a bit intimidating if I was going to be honest. I never considered the fact that I might come face-to-face with one of her former lovers.
Or that she’d still be friends with him.
At least I assumed he was. Both. Her former lover and a friend. It seemed that way. But why was I even giving him so much consideration? Was I jealous? I always thought jealousy was for people who were unable to control their impulses and use their rational minds.
“Was he your boyfriend?” I found myself asking before I realized what I was saying.
She gave me an odd look, her brow furrowed and her head tilted slightly to the left. It was as if she was thinking I just asked the most ridiculous question on Earth. “I’ve never had a boyfriend.”
The statement was so matter-of-fact, it caught me off guard. “But you said you slept with fifty-eight guys,” I reminded her.
She laughed. “We didn’t do much sleeping.”
“Can we agree you’ve been with quite a few guys?” I asked.
“I guess it depends on your definition of quite a few but you’re right—I’ve had sex with fifty-eight guys. Good memory, by the way.”
I wanted to say: how could I forget. “I’m an engineer,” I said instead. “I have a thing for numbers. But what I don’t understand is how you could have been with fifty-eight guys and never had a boyfriend.”
Ella stopped and gave me a kiss on the cheek, which completely caught me off guard—again. She was really good at doing things that completely surprised me. “I wish I had an answer to your question but I don’t.”
Then she took me by the elbow and we started walking up the walkway to another Craftsman-style house. But while Arts² was rundown and neglected, this house looked like it had been immaculately restored. What immediately struck me, though, was that the front of the house was elaborately adorned with a plethora of amazing flowers and plants, beautiful lilacs and crocuses with a smattering of daylilies
I wondered why on Earth we were headed up to someone’s front door. I stopped midway up the walk. “What are we doing here?”
She gave me that look again, the one that said I was asking another completely ridiculous question. “We’re having lunch,” she stated.
“Here?” I must have sounded completely baffled because I was. I expected to arrive at a diner or café, not someone’s home.
She leaned close to my ear and whispered, “It’s my house.”
Between her closeness to me, and her soft breath on my neck, I felt like I was struck with a bolt of electricity, as every nerve ending in my body came to life. “This is your house,” I said lamely as the pieces of the puzzle started coming together.
She shrugged. “You said you wanted lunch.”
Ella unlocked the door and we both entered her house. The inside was in even lovelier than the exterior. The open beamed ceilings and hardwood floors looked newly restored as did the wooden mantles over the exposed-stone fireplace. I was amazed to see there were even some small carvings in the wood trim. But the most incredible part of the living area was the beautiful stained glass panels in the picture windows.
“Your place is great,” I stated as I took in the details of the architecture and finishing touches.
“I can’t take too much credit for it. I’ve only lived here a few months. When I bought the place it was already remodeled.”
“The previous owner did a great job.”
“I’ll let him know you said that,” she replied and that made me wonder if the former owner was another one of her past—I wasn’t sure what to call them since she insisted she didn’t have any boyfriends— lovers?
Ella grabbed my hand and she gave me a coy smile. Without saying another word, she pulled me towards what I assumed was the end of the house where the bedrooms were. We were certainly not headed toward the kitchen.
When she pulled me into a grand looking Master bedroom, I froze. All sorts of thoughts suddenly crowded my already over-crowded mind. The foremost of those thoughts was: this is not what I expected and it’s not what I wanted.
Don’t get me wrong, I crave sex as much as any guy. But it was way too soon and I truly wanted to get to know Ella before we jumped into anything physical. I hoped she didn’t think when I suggested lunch that it was some kind of code for getting her in bed. I really just wanted to grab a bite to eat and talk.
“What’s wrong?” Ella’s brow was furrowed.
I gulped. I had never found myself in such a precarious position and I wasn’t sure exactly how to proceed. I quickly decided the direct and honest approach was the best course of action.
Before I could reply, Ella’s hands were on my chest and she was gazing up at me with her magnificent blue eyes. She momentarily took my breath away and I was caught up in the sparkle of her gaze.
I had to shake my head to bring myself back to reality and the fact that her hands were quickly making their way down my body toward my belt buckle. I carefully grabbed both of her wrists and stopped her from unbuckling my belt.
When I slowly shook my head, a look of confusion spread across her face. “I thought that’s what you came here for.”
There was so much wrong with that statement, I wasn’t even sure where to begin. “You’re the one who brought me here, Ella. I thought we were getting lunch.”
She crinkled her nose and she seemed to be thinking about what I said. “You’re right. I guess I just assumed you wanted to get laid.”
I choked. “Why would you assume that?”
She frowned. “That’s what all guys want.”
I grabbed Ella’s hand and led her to the oversized Cinderella bed. I sat her down and I sat down next to her. “Tell me why you’ve never had a boyfriend.”
She swallowed then averted my gaze. “If you’re hungry, I could make us peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches. I may also have a can of tomato soup kicking around somewhere. I’m not much of an eater, so I don’t keep a lot in the house.”
“Ella, please look at me.”
“And I already ate all the deviled eggs I snatched from the wedding,” she added.
I knew she was trying to avoid my question but I wasn’t going to let her off the hook. “Ella, please look at me.”
She heaved a sigh then looked up at me through her long lashes.
“I am hungry,” I said. “But I think we need to talk first. Okay?”
She crinkled her nose again then finally agreed.
“I’m not sure what happened in the past with the other fifty-eight guys and I’m not sure why you say you’ve never had a boyfriend. But I don’t just want to be fifty-nine. I don’t want to be some random guy you hook up with because you think you have to or you think that’s what I want. I want to get to know you, Ella. Maybe even be your boyfriend. It’s not that I don’t find you incredibly, overwhelmingly attractive. I do. You utterly captivate me and you take my breath away whenever I see you. But I want more than just sex. Does that make sense?”
I could see a teardrop escape down Ella’s pale cheek. I fought the urge to wipe it away. Why did I have an overwhelming desire to somehow wipe away all the pain I saw in her sad eyes? But of course, that would be impossible.
Ella cleared her throat. “Guys like to have fun with me. They tell me I’m a good time. But they don’t stick around. I know it’s not their fault. I’m just not the kind of girl that guys want for the long haul.”
The depth of pain I saw in her eyes was almost unbearable. It made my chest ache. I blinked a little more rapidl
y to keep my own tears at bay. I didn’t want Ella to think I was some kind of sensitive sap even though that’s exactly what I am. I like to at least perpetuate the illusion of being somewhat masculine. Especially after seeing Steel. If that guy has a sensitive side, he keeps it well hidden.
“Maybe you haven’t given any guys a chance to really get to know you,” I ventured.
She looked down at her ivory-colored lace bedspread and outlined some of the embroidered flowers with her index finger. “What are you really doing here, Lucas?”
Before I could stop myself, I grabbed her index finger and held it. When she glanced up at me and our eyes locked, the energy that surged between us was so intense, I gasped. I had never kissed a girl on a first date, and this wasn’t even date. For the first time in my life, I allowed my instincts, rather than my rational mind, to control my body. I leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Ella’s lips.
At that moment, I finally understood why cartoon characters who kissed always had an explosion of stars above their heads. When my lips touched Ella’s, I was overtaken by an eruption of feelings and senses that threatened to completely consume me. And for the first time in my life, my chaotic mind was silent except for a single thought: more. I was overwhelmed with the desire to have more of Ella. I wanted more of her lips on mine. I wanted more of her touch. I wanted more of her looking up at me through her long lashes. The urge to feel her, and touch her and taste her was so overpowering, I felt I could be consumed by it.
As badly as I wanted Ella, I knew I had to keep those urges in check for a while. I didn’t want her to think I was just like all the other guys—that I would have sex with her and dump her. I knew I needed to take things very slowly and carefully. I wanted her to know without any doubt that I wanted to be with her for the long haul.
Ella looked at me for a moment and then she carefully placed her delicate hand on my cheek. “You’re sweet, Lucas.”
As she moved her hand down my cheek, I took in a breath. The more she touched me, the more difficult it became to control my urge to completely ravage her.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispered.
“How would you do that?” I wondered aloud.
“Just being me.”
She placed another soft kiss on my mouth and it was like an avalanche of sensations again. When our eyes met, she was biting her bottom lip. “You taste like cherries.”
“Cherry lip balm,” I explained.
“I like it.”
“The lip balm or the kisses?”
“Both.”
Now she was grinning from ear to ear. I loved when she smiled. As much of a cliché as it was it was also true, Ella’s smile brightened the whole room.
When my stomach growled, Ella started laughing. It was a rather loud rumble.
“We’d better get some food into that thing,” she said as she rose from the bed and grabbed my hand. “It sounds angry.”
“I am hungry,” I admitted. “Even the peanut butter and marshmallows sounds good right now.”
Ella wasn’t lying when she said she didn’t keep much food in the house. Her refrigerator was devoid of anything edible with the possible exception of a jar of pickles that was just a week past the expiration date.
She grabbed a jar of peanut butter that was sitting by itself on an otherwise empty shelf in her small pantry. “The marshmallows are in the container on the counter,” she said as she pointed behind me.
I grabbed the cylinder and opened it. There were just a few marshmallows kicking around in the bottom of the container. “Looks like you’ll have to do some shopping soon. We’re most likely going to use the rest of these.”
“Bread?” I asked.
“There should be some in the fridge.”
“You have a jar of pickles. That’s it.”
“That asshole ate the last of my bread and didn’t even tell me.”
I gulped. “What asshole would that be?” I asked even though I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the answer. Had she recently had a guy staying in her house?
“Steel.”
I could feel my entire face drop. “Steel?” I heard myself say but I knew it was stupid as the word fell out of my mouth.
She waved a hand dismissively. “He crashes here sometimes.”
“Does he crash in your bed?” My voice sounded much angrier than I meant for it to.
“Sometimes.” Ella turned away from me and pretended to be looking for something in her completely empty cupboard.
“Look at me, Ella.” I insisted.
She slowly turned to face me.
“When was the last time Steel crashed in your bed?”
She averted my gaze. “I don’t remember.”
I could feel my jaw tense. “Don’t remember or don’t want to tell me?”
She gulped. When she looked up at me again, I could see her eyes were wet with tears. “Don’t want to tell you.”
I sensed that she and Steel had been together at some point, I just didn’t know the point was so recent and that she didn’t want to tell me.
I took in a breath before speaking. I didn’t want to say anything I would later regret. “Are you planning on letting him crash in your bed again?”
I never considered myself the jealous type but I was definitely the monogamous type.
She squirmed around a bit and then shook her head.
“Are you sure?” I wanted to hear her say the words. I needed assurance that she didn’t want to be with anyone else but me.
After a moment that felt like an eternity, she finally replied. “I’m sure.”
Even though we were only a few feet apart, it suddenly felt like there was too much space between us. I closed the distance and took her into my arms. I knew it was too soon—for everything. We barely knew each other. But at that moment, all I wanted was to feel Ella next to me, in my arms.
As she exhaled, she melted into my chest. I breathed in the floral scent of her shampoo and her hair tickled my nose a bit. I relished the moment as she nestled close to me. I didn’t want it to end.
When my stomach rumbled again, Ella commented, “We really need to get you some food.”
How could I possibly tell her that I wanted to hold her much more than I wanted to eat? It sounded pathetic. But now that she was in my arms, I just didn’t want to let her go. Maybe part of me was afraid that she might not want to get this close to me again.
She took a step back and grabbed my hand. “Come on. Let’s get something to eat.”
Three
I had to laugh when we found ourselves at the Chinese restaurant near campus that Rainy and Aaron frequented. They loved to eat there and talked about it constantly.
“I haven’t been here in a while but I used to come here a lot with Rainy.”
“Do you still love her?” Ella asked.
After Rainy and Aaron got engaged, I tried really hard to get over my feelings for Rainy. It wasn’t easy and I wasn’t sure I was completely over her until I met Ella. My feelings for Rainy were strong but my feelings for Ella were all-consuming. It was like the difference between a solid surfing wave and a tsunami.
“I think a part of me will always love Rainy,” I admitted. “But now it feels more like the love I have for my sister. Maybe it’s better to call in fondness. It’s definitely not passionate.”
Ella nodded. I wanted to tell her the things I felt for her were already much more intense than anything I had ever felt for Rainy but I knew it was way too soon. I didn’t want to scare her away.
By the time we were seated it was already past the lunch hour rush so the place was deserted. I didn’t mind, though. It felt more intimate to have the restaurant to ourselves.
Ella ordered Beef Fried Noodles and I ordered Szechwan Chicken. After the waiter took our menus and left, Ella placed her index finger on my hand and started outlining my knuckles with her finger. She seemed to really like to outline things with her index finger. Maybe it was a nervous habit. I certainly didn
’t mind having her touch my hand like that.
“I’m going to have to have a talk with Steel,” she said.
I exhaled. I knew that was inevitable but part of me didn’t want her to ever talk to him again and I had no idea where that part of me was coming from. I was an educated professional. An engineer. Some would say I was a geek. I wasn’t some possessive alpha male. Even with all these rationalizations, I still didn’t want her to see him again.
“I’ll talk to him,” I blurted before I could stop myself.
“Really?” She seemed surprised.
“Of course.” I tried to sound nonchalant about it but inside I was scared to death. The guy was big and scary and I just volunteered to tell him not the sleep with Ella again. Oh, God, was I turning into a possessive alpha male after all?
After the waiter brought our lemonades, Ella leaned close and said, “I have to be honest. I’ve been afraid to tell Steel that he can’t stay at my place anymore.”
A little alarm bell went off in my head. “How long have you been afraid to tell him?”
She swallowed and started to fidget uncomfortably. There were times when I couldn’t read Ella at all and other times, I knew exactly when she was thinking. She definitely kept me on my toes.
“A while,” she finally admitted.
I had to control the anger that starting to bubble up inside me. She was having sex with a guy because she was afraid to tell him that she didn’t want to. That was not acceptable. There were so many things I wanted to say but sitting in a Chinese restaurant, albeit an empty one, didn’t see like the appropriate venue.
I took her hand in mine and looked into her eyes. “Just promise me that you’ll never allow me to do anything that you don’t want to do, okay?”
She nodded. “I promise.”
On the walk back to Ella’s house, I put my arm around her shoulder and she nestled against my chest. I was already starting to crave the feeling of having her warm body snuggled against mine.
I made sure to steer us so that we were taking the long route back to her place. I just couldn’t fathom having to drop her off and go back to my apartment alone. Then I had to mentally kick myself for being so ridiculous. How could I be falling so quickly and deeply for a girl that I’d only known a few days? If another guy had told me that happened to him, I would have immediately labeled him a fool. How could I possibly be feeling all of the things I was feeling for someone I had only known a short period of time? It completely defied all reason.
Final Play (Matchplay Series) Page 4
