Frantically, I pull away, nearly sideswiping a car parked on the other side of the road. All this does is work me up even more, making me grab my chest as I fight to catch my breath.
I shouldn’t be behind the wheel right now, and even that knowledge isn’t enough to make me stay and admit the truth. He doesn’t need to know who I am.
All I want to do is get as far away as I can before Jaxon sees how much of a wreck I am.
Before my old best friend can see I’m a lost cause not worth saving anymore.
As soon as I pull up at the bar, I jump out of Jaxon’s truck and slam the door shut.
I notice Blaine outside smoking a cigarette, but the last thing I can do right now is socialize or even be around another person.
“Where’s Jax? Everything okay?”
I hear his footsteps on the pavement behind me, so I turn around and throw Jax’s keys at his head, before I dodge into my car and drive off in a hurry.
I don’t bother to look back at him to see his reaction. I just drive, trying my best to concentrate on the road the best I can before the pills kick in.
Once that happens, mixed with the alcohol I won’t be able to function. That’s what I’m depending on, at least.
When I pull up at the house and park in the garage, I notice my roommate’s car is gone and I don’t see James’ vehicle either, which means I’m completely alone to ruin myself in peace.
And that’s exactly what I do.
A few more pills, mixed with more whiskey, and the next thing I know I’m waking up to my roommate’s fingers down my throat.
“Let it out, dammit!”
I barely make out her yelling at me as I begin to come to a bit.
I gag as she shoves her fingers down my throat again until I’m puking all over them and the floor I passed out on.
“Good . . . good. There you go. We need to get this shit out of your system.” She pats my back, while shoving her fingers in one last time, making me puke out more of the liquor and pills.
I’m not really sure what happened after that, because after puking my guts out I passed out again.
But in the midst of it all, I still somehow thought about Jax and what he would think if he saw me this way.
That’s enough to make me wish I’ll never wake up at all . . .
I’M STILL STANDING HERE MINUTES after she took off, trying to decide on my next move. My mind is racing from what the hell just went down.
The last thing I want is for her to feel threatened by me, but I also feel uneasy about her being out there alone, driving around upset.
I should’ve picked her ass up, threw her into my truck, and drove her home myself, but the look in her eyes told me she most likely would’ve ripped my head off for trying.
“Shit. Fuck it.”
Grabbing my jacket, I slip it on and reach for the keys to my bike, before heading out the front door in hopes I can catch her before she leaves the bar.
As soon as I step outside, I take a moment to pull out a smoke and light it. I’m looking down at my cigarette as the flame lights when I notice something white on the porch step.
I slip my lighter back into my pocket and bend down to pick it up. I can tell right away the thick plastic card under the random receipts that must’ve fallen from her purse before she left is her ID. But since I’m in a hurry, I slip it into my pocket and rush over to my bike, straddling it.
I want to try and catch her before she gets too far away, because chances are, she might not even be heading to the address on the card and I need to make sure she’s safe out here.
There are so many assholes on this side of town that I barely even feel safe being out here at night, and I can take care of myself.
The only reason I got a place over here was to be close to the bar in case Blaine screws up and I need to get there in a hurry.
I take off and head toward Savage & Ink. I make it a few minutes from the house when some asshole at a stoplight begins revving his engine at me, wanting to race.
Usually, I’d drop everything I’m doing at the chance to show some dickhead up, but the thought of not getting to her before it’s too late has me feeling anxious. So, I give him the middle finger and take off, making a left turn toward the bar.
When I pull up, my eyes instantly land on my truck. My heart speeds up at the thought she might still be here, but it only takes me seconds to realize her car is gone.
“You missed her.” Blaine’s voice has me looking toward the door where he’s locking up and reaching for a smoke. After lighting it with his Zippo, he tosses a set of keys at me. “She threw these at my head and took off. What did you do to the girl? Fuck, that shit hurt.”
I steel my jaw and my first instinct is to give Blaine an earful, because usually when a girl throws something at his head it’s because he fucked them and broke their heart. But unless he somehow screwed her against my truck in under two minutes, she most likely threw them at his head because she’s mad at me.
“I didn’t do shit. She ran off after we fucked.”
He laughs, clearly amused by my current situation. I should kick the dickhead’s ass. “I’d give her time to cool off, unless you want your dick ripped off.” He smiles at me, while placing his smoke between his lips. “Were you that bad?”
Needing to calm my nerves, I reach into my jacket in search of a joint. Relief hits when I realize there’s one left. “Hell no. She wanted me to be rough with her, so I was . . .” I walk up next to Blaine and lean against the building, beside him. “I warned her first that my rough might not be what she’s used to. But I don’t think that’s what made her run.”
He gives me a confused look before reaching for the joint as I pass it to him. “Did you say something stupid that pissed her off? We both know how easy it is for assholes like us to say the wrong thing.”
I shake my head and release a frustrated breath, remembering the look on her face before she left. “Nah . . . I just told her what my name was. That’s when she freaked out and stormed out of the house like she couldn’t get away from me fast enough. I can’t say I’ve ever had a woman run off on me after sex or hearing my damn name before.”
“I can’t say the same, brother.” He slaps my shoulder and pushes away from the building, heading for his motorcycle. “I’ve got some shit to take care of. I’ll catch you tomorrow.”
I take another hit off the joint, watching as Blaine jumps on his bike and takes off.
I remain for minutes after, cooling off and trying to convince myself to just go back home and forget her for tonight when I remember her ID is in my pocket.
I toss the joint down and reach into my jacket, pulling the plastic out.
I’m already making my way to my motorcycle before I can even get the chance to see where it is that I’m headed.
Except it isn’t the address on the card that has my world feeling as if it just imploded.
It’s the name.
The one name that’s enough to shake my whole fucking existence and leave me fighting for air.
“Alexandra Adams.” I whisper the name a few times to be sure I’m not just imagining shit.
It’s not until her name leaves my lips for the fifth time that I finally begin to believe my mind isn’t playing tricks on me.
“Fuck!” I punch my motorcycle, letting my aggression out, before I kick it over and begin pacing around the parking lot, feeling as if I’m about to lose it.
She was right there in my house and I just let her leave. I let her walk out my door and watched her drive away.
The worst part of it all is the way I fucked her. I pounded into her as if she was nothing more than a hole to stick my cock in.
I was rough with her; when years ago I promised her I’d never be anything but gentle when it came to her.
Rage fills me and before I know it, I’m repeatedly slamming my fist into the side of the building, not giving a shit that I might’ve broken a finger or two.
I can’t breathe
or think right now.
And I can’t take back tonight.
I can’t take back the fact I carelessly fucked the one person I promised I’d always take care of but failed.
After I’ve calmed down enough to get my thoughts in order, I take another look at Alexandra’s ID, hoping it’ll lead me to her.
Instead of making progress, I drop to my knees and run my hands through my hair, feeling helpless, because the address on the card is an old one.
There’s a good chance I won’t see her again for a while, because now that she knows who I am, I doubt she’ll be coming back to the bar or to my house.
For some reason she wants to hide from me and I want more than anything to find out why.
“Fuck this. I’m not letting you hide from me, Lex.”
Ignoring my busted-up hand, I jump on my bike and take off in a hurry.
I drive around for a good hour, looking for her red car, but can’t find it anywhere.
It sets me on fire with rage; angry with myself for not realizing it was her all along.
I need to get to her. I can’t let her go again. It hurt way too much the first time and back then I was too young to do anything about it.
Not anymore.
The thought occurs to me there’s a chance she’s hiding her car, so I decide to give it a rest for the night and head back home.
I’m a few blocks away when the same car from earlier pulls up on my left side, fucking with me again.
“Come on, pussy. Show me how fast that piece of shit is!” he yells. “Unless you’re chicken shit.”
I have no shits to give right now, so this asshole is at the wrong place at the wrong damn time.
Kicking my stand down, I hop off my bike and walk over to his car, yanking the passenger side door open.
“What the hell! Are you crazy?”
“Yeah . . . something like that.”
Before he has the chance to come up with the bright idea of driving off, I shift his car into park and grab him by the throat, squeezing as I get up in his face.
“Fuck with me again and I will snap this twig of yours in half. Got it, motherfucker?”
He nods, gripping at my hand, attempting to pull it away.
“Say it!” I yell in his face, while squeezing tighter.
“I got. I got it.” He begins coughing as soon as I release his throat.
“Now fuck off,” I growl out, before slamming his door shut and straddling my bike.
With the way I’m feeling right now, this asshole is lucky I gave him a second chance.
The beast inside of me is ready to take out anyone who stands in my way of getting to Alexandra. Or anyone who even so much as looks in my direction while I’m trying to get to her.
I’m going to find her, and once I do, I won’t let her get away. Not for a third damn time . . .
Fourteen Years Ago . . . Twelve Years Old
I ASKED ALEXANDRA TO MEET me here tonight as soon as she gets a chance to sneak out of her house.
I’ve been waiting for over an hour now and even though it’s getting cold and late, I don’t want to leave until I see her.
I would’ve had her meet me at my house like she usually does, but my mom’s dealer, Jasper, has been hanging out there a lot lately and I refuse to let him take advantage of Alexandra’s weakness and twist her up like my mother.
There’s an old school bus in the woods that’s been here for as long as I can remember, so I decided it’d be the best place for us to hide where no one would come looking.
I’m pretty sure she remembers how to get here.
I hope she does, at least, or else I’ll worry about her the whole night and not be able to fall asleep again.
Finally, I sit up from the seat and look toward the front of the bus when I hear Alexandra step inside and close the door behind her.
“Hey, Jax.” She shivers and takes a seat beside me, scooting in close, until her long, pale hair is hanging over my jacket. “I almost forgot how creepy it is out here at night. I kept hearing noises that scared me.”
I yank my hat off, feeling like an idiot. “I should’ve met you outside the woods. I’m sorry for being such a jerk. You could’ve gotten hurt because of me. That’s the same as me hurting you, Lex.”
“You’re not a jerk, Jax.” She grabs my arm and holds it against her. “You’re never mean. You’re really nice all the time. You’re the nicest person I know and I know you’d never hurt me. Ever.”
The thought of me ever being rough or hurting her makes my heart sink. “I could never be rough with you or hurt you. I’d hate it and myself if I was ever anything but kind and gentle with you, Lex. You mean too much to me.”
She gives me a saddened look and squeezes my arm tighter. “I’d hate it too, Jax. Because you’re the only one who takes care of me. If that ever changed then I wouldn’t have anyone left in this world to keep me safe. Or anyone who probably even cares about me.”
Hearing her say those words makes me want to puke. I feel physically ill at the thought of not taking care of her and always protecting her from assholes who want to hurt her.
“Shhh, Lex. I’ll always be gentle and keep you safe, so let’s not talk about it anymore. Okay?” I grab her head and pull it down onto my shoulder. I can’t stand to look at the bruise on her face that still hasn’t gone away. It hurts my chest. “Do you want to talk?”
She shakes her head.
“Then we don’t have to for a while. We can just sit here together.”
“I’d like that.”
“Me too.”
We sit here in silence for a while, just enjoying being with each other, until Alexandra stands up and grabs my hand. “Let’s go play on that old tire swing down by the river.”
Keeping ahold of her hand, I stand up and lead us off the bus and toward the river.
It’s so dark I can barely see where I’m going, but we’ve been to the tire swing enough times I could probably find the place with my eyes closed.
Once we reach the spot, I stop and look over at Alexandra’s face just so I can see it light up like it does every time we come here.
“It’s all yours, Lex.”
She lets out her cute little laugh and runs toward the old tire. It’s been a few weeks since we’ve been here and I hate it, because I know it’s one of her favorite spots.
I always push while she swings, because no one else ever has. When I’m with Alexandra, my goal is to make sure she’s happy, because I know she’s unhappy at home and it’s not fair.
Her shitty dad should know her happiness is supposed to always come before his.
I’m not even thirteen yet and even I know how girls should be treated. Boys are supposed to take care of girls and protect them.
“Come on, Jax!” She leans her head back to look at me. “Give me a good one this time. You don’t have to be afraid of me falling. I’m not eight anymore.”
She’s the bravest girl I know and probably even the bravest eleven-year-old I know.
“Okay, Lex. Hold on tight, okay.” I grab the bottom of the tire and pull it back as far as it will allow me to. “You holding on?”
“Yes! Let it go!”
I run forward and let go of the swing once it’s above my head.
We stay here for a while, until I begin to worry that her dad will wake up. “I think we should go now, Lex. I don’t want your dad waking up and finding out you’re not in your bed.”
“What about your mom? Do you think she’s worried?”
I shake my head and grab for her hand. “No. She doesn’t really worry about me.”
She gives my hand a squeeze. “Is your mom still high?”
I nod my head. “She’s sick and probably always will be.”
“I never see her come out of her room or leave the house to go shopping. My dad is drunk all the time but always leaves the house to go to the store and stuff. He’s there almost every day because he needs more beer.”
“When she needs
something from the store, she sends me. It’s only a few blocks from the house, so I walk there. Have been since before I met you.”
“Isn’t the stuff heavy to carry?”
I shrug. “Sometimes.”
“You’ll just end up being strong from carrying things all the time. So, I guess that’s not bad.”
“Not really. I’m used to it now, so I don’t really think about it.”
When we get to her house, I stop and hold her back from walking. “I want to make sure your dad isn’t awake. Let me go to your window first. Stay here.”
She nods and stays back at the street as I quietly make my way around the back of the house. I always tell her to leave her window open after she climbs out so there’s less of a chance of her closing it too hard and waking her dad up.
I poke my head inside her window and listen for any noise. When I don’t hear any, I walk back to the street and grab Alexandra’s hand. “He’s asleep.”
“Are you sure?” she pulls me back from walking. “Last time he woke up he beat me with his belt. I don’t want him to hurt me again.”
I hate her dad so much. I would hurt him if I could.
“I’m sure.” I tug on her hand to get her walking again. “Do you trust me?”
She nods. “Yes.”
It feels good hearing her say yes.
“Good, Lex. I promise I’ll always look out for you.”
Luckily her bedroom window is close to the ground and really easy to climb into without making too much noise.
Once she gets inside, I carefully close the window most of the way, before I lean down and talk through the opened part.
“I’ll meet you here tomorrow night once I know it’s safe. Okay?”
“You promise?”
“I promise. No more meeting me in the woods. I’ll come to you.”
“Okay.” She gives me the same saddened look she gives me every time we have to say goodbye. “Bye, Jax.”
“Bye, Lex.”
I close the window the rest of the way and then stand outside for a while just to make sure her dad doesn’t wake up before she falls asleep.
Beautiful Savage (Savage & Ink Book 2) Page 8
