by Weaver, Pam
‘I’ll lose my job on the paper, and then we’ll never get married,’ he’d told her. ‘I have to remain impartial. If they discover I’m stepping out with a local girl, they’ll move me on or get a new reporter.’
‘Don’t newspaper men get married then?’ she’d asked. ‘Surely they’re not expected to be like priests.’
‘Of course not, but I’m still on my way up,’ he’d insisted, ‘and I have to be seen to be impartial. Please don’t ruin everything for me, darling.’
‘But I want to be married,’ she’d pouted.
‘And we will,’ he’d said, pulling her closer.
‘I’m scared I’m going to end up having a baby,’ she’d said.
‘You leave all that sort of thing to me,’ he’d laughed, as he mounted her again. ‘You’re not in the pudding club yet, are you?’
She recalled how tender he had been in the beginning. He was different now; more irritated by her protests, and he’d begun choosing less desirable places for their lovemaking as well. This room was awful. She’d closed her eyes, because she couldn’t bear to look at it. They were in some seedy hotel in the back of beyond, where the landlord wanted some of his money up front and the men in the bar leered at her as Albert took her upstairs. He’d brought no suitcase, so it was obvious why they were there.
She’d tried to say something before they’d made love, but Albert was in too much of a hurry. At one point he’d even told her to ‘just shut up!’ and she’d cried. He’d qualified what he’d said by telling her someone was listening at the door, but she didn’t believe him. He was kinder after that, but Lily felt used and dirty.
Her mother had always taught her not to give in to a boy. ‘Once they’ve had their way with you,’ she’d cautioned, ‘they’ll either tell their mates you were easy and you’ll get a reputation, or they’ll get bored with you and find somebody else. Men never marry the girls they sleep with.’ Maybe Mum was right. After four months of seeing Albert there was still no engagement ring on her finger.
And another thing: he kept asking her questions all the time. Had she heard from Percy? Where was he, and when would he be back? He was still asking questions when they both went round to Aunt Bea’s with a birthday card for her on February 15th. Now that Percy was back home, was he going to take over where his father had left off? Was he out fishing tonight? Lily and Percy might be cousins, but she didn’t know what Percy was doing or thinking every waking moment. The funny thing was that, after asking her all these questions about the family, when she’d told Albert that Aunt Bea had been taken ill and had to get the doctor, he didn’t seem that interested. But if he wasn’t asking about Percy, he was on about Ruby. Why had she left Warnes? Had she got a new job yet? What was she doing at the hospital? On and on he went, so much so that Lily was beginning to wonder if this was an obsession.
‘Sometimes I think you’re more interested in Ruby than in me,’ she’d complained, but then Albert would kiss her and run his hand up the inside of her thigh and into her scanties, and she’d forget everything else. She sighed and turned her head to look at him. If only their relationship was heading somewhere. He opened his eyes and smiled. He moved closer. ‘One more time,’ he whispered in her ear, ‘and then we must go.’
Lily was busting for the toilet. ‘I have to go to the bathroom first,’ she said.
Albert rolled back and put his hand under his head with a sigh. Naked, Lily sat on the edge of the bed and reached for her coat. ‘You’d better do that up,’ he said sharply. ‘You don’t want anyone in the corridor seeing you like that.’
She stood up and buttoned her coat right down, then tied the belt tightly around her waist.
‘Hurry up, won’t you?’ he grinned, his voice softer now.
She padded out of the room and closed the door. Albert glanced at the bedside table and the clock. He’d have to be quick, if they were going to do it again, and he was dismayed to realize that he was already going off the boil. Lily’s locket was draped over the clock face and he pulled it towards him, to get a better look. It was silver but plain, and now that he looked at it more closely, he could see that the stone on the right side of the heart shape was a diamond. Who would give someone like Lily such a quality piece? It was hallmarked too: 1916. It had a seam around the edge but, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t open the locket. There had to be a secret catch somewhere, but the thing was so smooth and he couldn’t find anything. He was about to give up when he spotted it on the loop that joined the locket to the chain. He pressed it, but nothing happened. It was only when he slid the catch that the locket sprung open. He gaped, unable to believe what he was seeing. Lily? It beggared belief. How could she have deceived him so well? Albert stared open-mouthed for several seconds, before snapping it shut again. He was both astounded and horrified. The bitch! The conniving little bitch.
By the time she came back into the room he was almost fully dressed.
‘Are we going already?’
He didn’t speak, but his cold stare frightened her.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘You know exactly what’s wrong,’ he said harshly. ‘Now get dressed.’
She obeyed him, but by the time she was ready, Lily was in tears. ‘What have I done? Please tell me, Albert. Why are you so angry with me? I don’t understand.’
‘Shut up. Shut up,’ he snarled as he hustled her out of the room.
The men in the bar leered as they hurried through. Lily waited miserably by the door as Albert paid the barman.
‘You come back later, darlin’,’ shouted one of the customers, ‘and I’ll give you a better time than he obviously did.’
Albert manhandled her through the door to the sound of their humiliating laughter.
Percy waited on the beach until someone came. This was a big step, but he had no choice. The weather was a lot better than it had been for ages, and the fishermen would be out on the water tonight. Sod’s bloody law, he thought bitterly. Silas Reed was the first to come across the pebbles with his son, William, and Toby Granger.
‘Hey up, Percy,’ he called cheerfully. ‘You sailing with the tide too?’
Percy shook his head. ‘When I first came back here,’ he said, ‘you made me an offer on the boat, the tackle and the locker. Does that still stand?’
‘Might do,’ said Silas, pulling a face, ‘but it’s not in such good nick now, lad. It’s nearly six months since Nelson went.’
‘How much are you offering?’ asked Percy.
Silas named his price – thirty pounds down on what he’d offered before.
‘Done!’ said Percy, almost before the breath had left his body. He shot out his hand and the old man shook it firmly as he spat on the stones.
Percy walked away, calling over his shoulder, ‘I’ll come round tomorrow for the money.’
‘Well, I’ll be blowed,’ said Silas. ‘That was easy.’
‘You’d better check that boat first, Father,’ chuckled William. ‘Make sure he ain’t put an ’ole in the bottom.’
Ruby’s patient sat next to the fire, with a stone hot-water bottle covered by a blanket under her feet and a thick shawl around her shoulders. Ruby tried to spoon some broth into her mouth.
‘I’m not a child,’ said Bea, taking the spoon from her.
‘But you can’t be trusted, either, can you, Mother?’ said Ruby. ‘You kept telling us you’d eaten, but you hadn’t.’
‘I didn’t want you to worry,’ said Bea stubbornly.
‘Oh, Mum,’ said Ruby, taking her mother’s hand. ‘You gave us such a terrible fright. For one awful minute I thought—’
‘Well, I wasn’t, was I?’ Bea interrupted tetchily.
Everyone in the room had been appalled to see Bea pass out like that. Ruby and Percy had carried her upstairs to her bed, while John had run for Dr Bloom. After a thorough examination, he’d pocketed his shilling and pronounced that there was nothing wrong with Bea that a square meal wouldn’t cure.
‘However, I advise caution,’ he told her stunned family. ‘It’s obviously been a long time since she’s eaten, so her stomach will have shrunk. Give her small meals. Little and often.’
Ruby had never felt so ashamed. What hadn’t she noticed? Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t seen her mother sit down with them at teatime since Christmas. Bea was always saying she’d just eaten or would have something later. It had made a difference, not having Ruby’s wage to put on the table. And her mother had been annoyed when Ruby, to spare her feelings, had announced that she’d left Warnes because she’d wanted a bit of a change.
While Bea sat on one side of the fire sipping her broth, Ruby sat on the other, thinking her dark thoughts.
‘What’s wrong, Ruby?’
Ruby shrugged. ‘Feeling a bit sorry for myself, that’s all, Mum. Nothing seems to go right these days.’
‘That’s life,’ said Bea philosophically.
‘It was difficult when Father was alive,’ said Ruby. ‘It’s even worse now.’
‘We’ll get by.’
‘Maybe I want more out of life than just getting by,’ said Ruby bitterly.
Bea smiled. ‘I used to be a dreamer like you.’
‘Father was right,’ Ruby sighed. ‘He always said I had notions above my station.’
‘Huh!’ said Bea. ‘And what did he know?’
They didn’t hear the back door open or Percy coming into the scullery. He was taking off his boots and hanging up his coat.
‘Why did Father hate me, Mum?’
Bea looked up sharply. ‘Don’t be silly.’
‘Listen, Mum,’ said Ruby. ‘After what happened to you the other day, the time for pretence is over. Things have to change in this family, and we might as well start by telling each other the truth.’
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ said Bea huffily. ‘And while you’re flinging brick bats, what about you? You haven’t exactly told us the truth, have you?’
Percy stood on the other side of the door with his hand raised, ready to push it open, but somehow he couldn’t do it.
‘You’re right,’ said Ruby and, taking a deep breath, she added, ‘I didn’t leave Warnes because I wanted a change. I was sacked.’
‘Sacked!’ cried Bea. ‘Whatever for?’
‘They said – or at least Mrs Fosdyke said – that I was stealing a brooch. But honestly, Mum, I wasn’t.’
‘If you say you weren’t stealing it, then I believe you,’ said Bea stoutly.
‘The old woman had lost it. I was helping her to find it when her daughter came into the room—’
‘Ruby, my darling,’ Bea interrupted. ‘There’s no need to give me all the details. I believe you.’
‘Oh, Mum …’ said Ruby, her face crumpling. She knelt beside her mother’s chair and the two women embraced. Percy watched through the crack in the door and waited. ‘Father would have loved to see me in this state,’ said Ruby, looking up at her mother. ‘He never liked me much, did he?’ She paused. ‘He was horrible to Percy as well. Why was he like that, Mum? He always spent time with May, but he never seemed to want Percy or me. Why did he treat both of us like dirt?’
At the mention of his name, Percy froze.
Bea began to cry softly.
‘Oh, Mum,’ said Ruby, ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Please don’t cry.’
‘It’s all my fault,’ Bea choked.
‘No, Mum,’ said Ruby. ‘How can it be your fault? You’ve been the best mother in the world. Nobody could have been better.’
Bea shook her head. ‘It is my fault,’ she said, fishing up her sleeve for her handkerchief. ‘He did it because I made him angry.’
‘I don’t understand,’ said Ruby.
‘He couldn’t forgive me, you see,’ said Bea.
‘Forgive you for what?’
The atmosphere in the room was electric. Behind the door Percy held his breath and waited.
‘I never was the paragon of virtue that you always think I am,’ said Bea. ‘I was young and foolish. Oh, Ruby, I was already carrying Percy when Nelson and I got married. He always made out that I’d trapped him, but it wasn’t like that. Then the war came, and he was a changed man. We tried to make it work, but it was impossible, and he never forgave me for having another man’s child.’
Her words hit Percy like a slap in the face. A cold rage began to swell in his chest.
Ruby stared at her mother. ‘You loved another man?’ she said incredulously.
‘I still do,’ said Bea. ‘And Nelson knew it too. God forgive me, I’ve never stopped loving him.’
The scullery door swung open and banged against the wall. Percy stood in front of them, his face like thunder. ‘You never said a worse thing, Mother,’ he spat. ‘I was another man’s child?’
‘No, no!’ cried Bea. ‘You don’t understand.’
Ruby jumped to her feet.
‘Oh, I understand all right,’ said Percy between his teeth. ‘All my life I tried to please that bastard, thinking he was my father, but I never could, could I? And now I know why. It was all your bloody fault.’
‘No, listen, Son,’ said Bea, getting up.
‘Well, I’m not stopping here no more,’ said Percy. ‘From now on, you and Ruby and May are on your own. I wash my hands of the lot of you. I owe you nothing, and I’m not sticking around here wasting my life trying to be something I’m not.’
‘Percy …’ Bea reached out her arm, but he pushed past her and bounded up the stairs two at a time. May came out of her bedroom crying, because she had been woken up. Ruby hurried upstairs to comfort her. As she settled her sister back in her bed, Ruby could hear Percy moving around in his attic room. He re-emerged a few minutes later with his bags packed.
‘Percy, you’ve got this all wrong,’ said Bea, coming to the stairs to meet him. ‘Please let me explain.’
‘No explanation needed, Mother,’ he said haughtily. ‘You’ve said quite enough.’
‘But it’s not what you think,’ she cried after him.
‘Too late,’ he said, as he reached the front door. He turned the second before he went through it. ‘Oh, by the way,’ he said, ‘don’t bother to come looking for me. I don’t want to see any of you ever again.’
Then the door slammed and he was gone. Bea gasped and began to cry again.
‘Don’t worry, Mother,’ said Ruby, helping her back into her chair. ‘It was only temper. He’ll be back in the morning.’
‘Oh, Ruby,’ said Bea brokenly. ‘Do you really think so?’
‘Of course,’ said Ruby, hoping she sounded a lot more convincing than she felt. ‘He’ll be fine.’
‘I should have told you the truth years ago,’ Bea began. ‘The trouble was, Nelson forbade me to speak of it. He could be such a cruel man.’
‘Are you really saying that Percy was someone else’s child?’ Ruby asked cautiously.
Bea dabbed her nose with her handkerchief. ‘No, no, Ruby. Percy was Nelson’s boy,’ she nodded. ‘He was the reason why we had to get married.’
‘You mean you were an unwed mother?’ said Ruby, trying not to sound shocked. Her mother had already admitted she wasn’t perfect, but this was quite a revelation; the sort of thing nobody ever talked about.
Bea nodded. ‘I was a silly girl with stars in my eyes, and he was so handsome and strong. He filled my head with beautiful words and carried my heart away with him as well.’
‘Father?’ said Ruby. It was hard to believe that the man who said such heartless things could ever have said anything beautiful.
‘He was a bit of a poet back then,’ said Bea. ‘When we first got together, he wrote me love poems.’ She smiled wanly. ‘I’ve still got them. I’ll show you sometime.’
‘I don’t remember him doing anything nice until May came along,’ Ruby said bitterly. ‘He always treated you badly, he never stopped shouting at Percy and he hated me.’
‘He wasn’t always like that, Ruby,’ said Bea. ‘The man who
came back from the war wasn’t the same man who had gone away. The war changed him. In fact, I think something dreadful happened out there. Whatever it was, he could never talk about it.’
‘But if Percy was his son,’ said Ruby, ‘why did Father treat him so badly?’
‘Nelson had no intention of marrying me,’ said Bea. ‘When I told him I was having a baby, he denied the baby was his, and told me it was only meant to be a bit of fun. When our families found out, his parents and my parents got together and they made us get married.’
‘Oh, Mum,’ said Ruby, kneeling in front of her and putting her arms around Bea. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘I tried to make him happy, Ruby, really I did,’ Bea choked. ‘But he said Percy had trapped him into something he didn’t want, and that’s why he took it out on the boy.’
They fell silent, each with their own thoughts, until Ruby suddenly knelt up. ‘But I don’t understand. You said you had another man’s child.’
Bea held her gaze. ‘Your father had been injured at Ypres,’ she said, pronouncing the word ‘Wipers’, as they had done at the beginning of the war, before the men came back and explained the correct way of saying it. ‘He was sent back home to recuperate and I went to see him.’
Ruby’s legs were becoming numb, so she had to get up from the floor and sit in the chair opposite. ‘Do you want something to drink while I’m up, Mum?’
Bea shook her head, pulled the cushion away and pushed herself back in the chair.
Ruby said, ‘Go on.’
At first her mother hung her head and screwed her handkerchief around her fingers. ‘That’s when I met him,’ she said quietly.
Ruby held her breath, but then her mother’s head came back up and she looked Ruby in the eye.
‘Rex Quinn. Your father.’
