I had to admit it was an amazing feeling fulfilling the role of his muse. There was no doubt he was an extraordinary sculptor. He had received attention from major galleries after his freshman year, and by the time we were seniors his future was assured, with rich people from all over offering him commissions. That he spent an entire school year on one sculpture of me was humbling.
So I gladly removed my clothes and sat and watched him carve, even though he ignored me nearly the entire time. I watched the attention on his face, and it reminded me why I put up with all the bad parts of his personality—his temper, his dismissiveness, his refusal to take any interest in my work. He was focused only on one thing: His art. I accepted that and looked forward to stable years ahead.
There was a clang and I looked up. Phil had dropped his tiny detail chisel and was staring at the statue of me. “Everything okay?” I asked.
“More than okay.” He wiped his hands on his pants and removed his work apron. “I’m done.”
I leapt up. “Oh Phil! I’m so happy for you!” I ran over and gave him a hug, my nude body drawing no attention from him as he held me loosely. I looked up and he was staring at the statue. I let him go and turned. The statue was beautiful. White marble lovingly crafted into… me.
I had been nude for so long that I wasn’t even embarrassed that it was me. Anyone who looked at it, would know the shape of my breasts, the curve of my hip, and even the details of my pussy. But it wasn’t me. It was better. It was a piece of art representing me, something that would last forever.
“Let’s celebrate!” I said, running my hand down Phil’s arm.
He turned and smiled. “Dinner at La Croix?” It was a small cafe where we ate occasionally. My heart leapt. He hated it for its pretension and its romantic atmosphere. That he recommended it told me that things were changing. I was really looking forward to an intimate celebration.
“Yes!”
The dinner could not have gone much better. We had wine and reminisced about moments of our working together. I had never seen Phil so relaxed. It gave me hope for our future and reinforced my belief that I just had to be patient—he was an artist. I lifted my glass of wine and couldn’t help but get a little choked up as the candlelight glinted off his eyes.
“To our future. The artist and his muse.” Phil lowered his glass.
“I’m sorry, Jenny. The sculpture is done.”
I felt my stomach tighten, and I had to put the glass down as my hand started to shake. “Wh- what?”
“I need to move on to a new muse.” He must have seen the shock in my face, as he reached out his hand and took mine. “Oh Jenny, I’m sorry, but you should be happy. You were an amazing inspiration. I’ll never forget what you’ve done for me.” I pulled my hand away and stared at him. I couldn’t think of anything to say.
Phil shifted in his seat, clearly uncomfortable. “Look, if you’re going to get sentimental you may as well just leave. You were part of something special. I’m not sure what the problem is here.” He ran his hand through his hair. “You’re not going to cry are you?”
“No, I’m not going to cry,” I answered, my voice strained.
“Look, let’s get dessert. We can go back to your place later and have a go one last time. It will be nice.”
“A go?” I laughed. “I can’t believe I mistook your personality as being due to some kind of artistic quirk.” I pushed my chair back. “You’re not a crazy genius, Phil.” I stood up. “You’re just an asshole.”
I walked out, my steps stabbing the floor with the anger that boiled inside me. It was about a mile walk to my apartment, and I punched my thigh and cursed myself the whole way. I walked in the front door, closed it behind me, and then leaned back against it. The dark emptiness suddenly felt overwhelming. I sobbed.
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and fell onto the sofa. I had nothing. My life was littered with bad relationships with men and awkward superficial relationships with women. As I tried to look for a lifeline to cling to only one name came to me. Would he be mad? Would he care? Did I want him to care?
I grabbed my phone and dialed Aidan.
Chapter Twenty-Two
* * *
Aidan
“Aidan?”
I hadn’t talked to Jenny since she kicked me out of her apartment. I didn’t feel it would be right for me to call her. She had to make the first move. Not because of pride but because I owed her that space. When she was ready, she would call me.
“Jenny! It’s so great to hear your voice. I missed you!” I tried to be calm and let her pick the tone of the conversation, but I couldn’t really hold back my happiness.
“Aidan—“ There was a sniffle, and I knew that she had been crying. I had been lying back on my bed, but I sat up straight as I heard the pain in her voice.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m all alone, Aidan.” There was a pause and then everything came out in a rush. “Phil didn’t care about me he just wanted me to be his art whore and now I graduate in a few weeks and I don’t know what to do no one loves me and I’m afraid that I can’t even make friends with women since I never have.” She laughed. “I guess you spoiled me for friends, Aidan.”
“No, Jenny. You spoiled me. You have always been my best friend. Never forget that. You’re not alone. You’ll never be alone.” There was silence on the phone. “Jenny?”
“I’m here. I’d just like to believe what you said. It’s just kind of hard when the guy you spent the past six months with dumps you over dinner.”
“He’s an asshole, Jenny.”
She laughed. “I told him the same thing.”
“Like minds, beautiful.”
“You’ve never called me beautiful before.”
“You’ve always been the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.” I struggled how to explain my feelings to her without alienating her again. “I should have told you that more often.”
“No, you’ve always said the right thing, Aidan.”
“Are you okay? Do you need me to fly out and kick his ass.”
“Ha. He’s not worth the effort. He’s a fucking asshole is all. I’ll get over it.”
“I hate that you have to get over it at all. You’re too wonderful to deserve this, Jenny. You’re passionate, kind, and always give your heart into everything. That someone betrayed that makes me so angry. I wish I could just be there to protect you.”
“Yeah, well I had to grow up eventually.”
“Not like this. Jenny, seriously, do you need me to come out? I will.” I paused, and then added. “I’d do anything for you.” I didn’t hear anything and had a sudden fear that she had hung up on me. I tried to hide the desperation in my voice as I spoke again. “I love you, Jenny.”
I heard a sob and then Jenny’s voice, clear and steady. “You don’t need to come out, Aidan. I’ll be okay.” She quickly added, “I have to go.”
I didn’t understand. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No, Aidan. I’m just mad at myself. You could never say anything wrong. Goodbye.”
As the phone went dead, I whispered into it, “But I have.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
* * *
Jenny
Aidan was what I had always remembered—sensitive, understanding, loving. I guess I needed to be unloved to know how much real love meant. I found it overwhelming coming after such a painful breakup, so I said goodbye and didn't call him back. I desperately hoped he would call me, but he didn’t, and I didn’t blame him. I tossed him out of my apartment, and then I called him all needy.
Who would put up with that shit?
In a cruel twist of fate, Aidan’s and my graduations were on the same day. Mom and Dad split up, with her attending Aidan’s and Dad attending mine. Both of our birthdays were a month earlier, as well, so Mom and Dad planned on a huge birthday/graduation party for both of us on the weekend of the Fourth of July, because—heck—it’s one more celebration to
add to the mix so why the hell not?
Aidan was accepted into Berkeley’s competitive Marine Biology program, while I was living at home again. I found it a little embarrassing. He had his life together, while I was a stupid mess. The thing was I knew that Aidan would never make me feel like the loser I was.
He'd hug me and say the right words and make everything right. He was to fly in on Thursday the third and fly back out on the sixth. I couldn’t wait to see him.
He came in around midnight and looked tired. But even tired I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He looked older, more mature. His smile, always dazzling, had a hint of pain about it. His hair was growing out after swim season ended, and was just long enough that he couldn’t reasonably control it. He was still tall, still lean, and still commanded the room with a kind of understated charisma.
He was, without a doubt, the handsomest man I had ever seen.
His eyes lit up when he saw me, and he dropped his bags in a rush to meet me. “Jenny!” The enthusiasm in the way he wrapped his arms around me made me almost want to cry. I squeezed him so tight I never wanted to let him go, but I pictured him with some smart and pretty grad student in California and knew that I had to move on.
He looked at me up and down. “Holy cow, Jenny, you’re even more gorgeous than the last time I saw you!” He turned to Mom and Dad. “You know, it’s just unfair that she gets more and more beautiful and smart every year, and I get uglier and dumber.”
I punched him in the arm. “Shut up, you nut.”
We all moved to the dining room and got caught up. I had been around long enough that Mom and Dad were more interested in Aidan. I was glad, as all I wanted to do was just watch him talk. He always had the softest most beautiful lips.
“Okay, kids. It’s late, and we need to get ready for the party tomorrow. So let’s get off to bed.” I stood up and hugged our parents good night. Aidan and I lived in rooms that were next to each other on the ground floor, while Mom and Dad’s bedroom was upstairs.
I nodded to Aidan as I stood at the door to my room. “Good night, Aidan. It’s so great to see you.”
He stared at me for a moment, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that he had this profound sadness inside. I promised myself to ask him about it the next day. I was his friend, and I didn’t like the idea of him being in such deep pain. “Good night, Jenny. You really do look great.” And with that he turned and walked into his room.
I couldn’t fall asleep. I kept thinking of Aidan walking in the front door. His gorgeous face. His soft lips. His strong hug. I hadn’t fantasized about Aidan in a long time. He was pushed aside by the almost violent passion of Phil, and after our recent blow ups it almost seemed wrong to think of him that way.
I doubted things were much different, but I wanted them to be different, so I closed my eyes and squeezed my tits as I thought back to him at the lake house. I then dropped my right hand between my legs and thought of seeing him at the end of the hall in the lake house. His gorgeous cock so close and yet so far. I stroked my clit and imagined that all those moments led to him softly opening my door, getting into my bed, and then slowly sliding himself inside me as he whispered in my ear how much he wanted me.
My body shook with an orgasm so powerful and fulfilling that all the tension flowed out of my body. It was my best night of sleep in a very long time.
The party the next day was nice enough, but it was overwhelming in all the people that were there, offering birthday wishes and congratulations. After the hundredth “congratulations” I went over to the bar in the backyard and grabbed a glass of wine. It was early afternoon, but I needed it.
“Good thing you’re twenty-one.”
I turned to see Aidan standing next to me. Our paths had crossed all day, but we kept being pulled apart by friends and relatives. The most we said to each other was a comment about how the weather was at least cooperating.
“You, too,” I replied. He was also holding a glass of wine. “I have an idea,” he said, and I swore his eyes were twinkling in the sunlight.
“Oh yeah?” I sipped my drink.
“Let’s grab a bottle of wine and visit the Dome.”
I laughed. “Oh my God, do you think it’s still there?”
“It is! I checked it out earlier.”
“Don’t be crazy. We wouldn’t even fit inside.”
Aidan reached over and grabbed a full bottle of wine from the bar. “What’s the matter? You scared?” It was the kind of thing that thirteen year old Aidan would have said. I was the impetuous one, but I was also the scaredy cat.
“Oh, you are so going to be embarrassed when you get all scratched up by the branches.” I grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the wooden door in the fence that led to the alley which led to the Dome.
“Do you think they’ll miss us?” I asked, glancing back to the house.
“Of course. Do you care?” Aidan was smiling as his long legs set a quick pace. I had to half jog to keep up.
“Not really,” I replied, laughing.
The Dome had either grown or it was way bigger than I remembered. The city did a good job with the park’s upkeep, and the bush still looked like its namesake. “You first,” I said.
Aidan shrugged, and got down on his hands and feet, and crawled in with the bottle of wine. There were a few snaps, and then he called out, “You coming or not?”
I followed his path in, and it was like going back in time. A rush of emotions filled me. I sat right there when I asked Aidan about his dreams, his fears, and his desires. Aidan was clearing out room by snapping branches and shoving them behind the main trunk. In a few minutes, we had plenty of room in our secret place.
I sat cross-legged and held out my empty glass. Aidan pulled a corkscrew out of his pants. “I didn’t think you’d remember that, and I was preparing to tease you mercilessly.”
“If I learned one thing in college it was to always travel with a corkscrew.”
He filled my glass, and I raised it. “True that.”
He stared at me long enough that I started to get uncomfortable. “What?”
“I’m just trying to understand how lucky I’ve been. You’re my best friend. You’re so smart and kind and fun, and you’re also this incredibly gorgeous young woman who is passionate and sexy.” His eyes went wide, and he added, “I’m sorry. That was out of line. I just wanted to tell you how lucky I am.”
“No.” I forced a smile. "I'm a loser, so keep going with the how beautiful and sexy I am. I could kind of use that right now.”
“Are you kidding? Do you own a mirror? Guys fall all over themselves to be near you!”
“More like they fall all over themselves to get away from me.”
Aidan frowned. “Honestly, Jenny. Stop that.” He drained his glass, and then looked me right in the eye. “I don’t think there’s a smarter, more wonderful, and more beautiful woman in the world.”
“Thank you, Aidan, but outer beauty is one thing. I’ve fucked up so much in my life. I attract the worst guys. My only future is in graphic design, which I hate with a fiery passion, and I’m fucking living in the same room I lived in when I was thirteen.” It was my turn to drain my glass. “Yeah, big winner here.”
“Jenny—“
“Don’t try to make me feel better. Look at you. You’re going off to grad school at the top marine biology school in the country, which I might add was the dream you told me about in this exact spot like five years ago. So score one for you, the one who is actually living his dream. And, Jesus, Aidan—you could be a fucking Abercrombie & Fitch model. And you’re so kind and generous. I—”
Aidan broke in. “I don’t feel like I’ve been kind and generous.”
I shook my head. “No. I just never let you be you, Aidan. You were always the analytical one. You needed to be secure in anything before you dove in. I can’t begrudge you for that.” I held out my glass. Aidan filled it and then filled his own.
I knew what I wanted to say, but I wasn’t
sure if I could. It had been burning in my heart for a long time, but it seemed dangerous, the kind of thing that could forever ruin everything. I took a deep gulp of wine and maybe I was getting drunk or maybe I couldn’t not say it, but I did. “Look at the promise you made to me, Aidan. You were clearly not ready for, well, you know. And you could have just said “no” to me, but you wanted to provide me with the promise of a future. I like to think it’s because you believed in that future, too. So you analyzed your feelings and did what you thought was right, but you did it in a way that made me excited about our future.”
I took another drink while Aidan watched me. There was an intensity in his eyes. I knew it well. He was examining the situation, holding his instincts in check while he calculated all the variables. Silly Aidan. I knew him better than he knew himself. “Well, it was a future, if not the future,” I added.
Aidan drained his cup and tossed it aside. He wasn’t smiling, and I could tell he wasn’t analyzing. Instead, he had an intensity of purpose. It was thrilling in a way. It was the look of a man who has chosen his path and nothing will get in the way of it. “Tell me the promise.” His voice was firm, intense, practically a growl.
I felt a little nervous. Was he going to hurt me again? What could he possibly gain by talking about a promise that we both broke multiple times with multiple partners? We stared at each other, and the there was a coiled tension in the air, the release of which could never be undone. In the end, I opened myself up to a man one last time. I loved Aidan. I trusted him. He wouldn’t hurt me.
“If we both graduate college while being virgins, we would lose our virginity to each other.” As I spoke the words the thrill and hope and potential of the original promise seemed so beautiful and real. How could we have let it go?
My Stepbrother's Promise (Contemporary Stepbrother Romance) Page 9
