I’d been told that someday I’d discover that it wasn’t all pain and darkness. That there was some light in the world. I hadn’t believed it.
But maybe…
Chapter 5
Joss
I was sipping cold tea on the back porch of the guesthouse where Kirkland and Mabel were building their lives on the Wyoming ranch, finding some peace in the natural landscape of this beautiful land. From here I could see the pastures where Sutherland still raised cattle, the hint of a fence that separated this property from the ranch next door still owned by her new husband.
It was strange for me to think of Kirkland living here. He was so content…I’d never seen him quite as happy as he was here. He’d always been an urban guy, the kind of guy who grew up on the streets and was happiest there. But he seemed to have embraced this life in a way I wouldn’t have imagined possible when we first became friends.
I could hear the baby fussing in the upstairs nursery. I’d forgotten how wonderful it was to hold a newborn baby. She smelled like baby powder and sweetness, her soft body molding perfectly against my chest. It pulled the fresh scab off the wounds inflicted by our failed attempts to get pregnant two years ago, making that spot in my heart ache painfully.
Mabel was a wonderful mother. Inexhaustible. I couldn’t imagine keeping up the way she did and still have a smile on my face. But she was beyond happy having that baby and her little boy to care for. She thrived on the chaos.
I admired her.
“A penny for your thoughts?”
I smiled up at Kirkland as he came from behind me, dropping into the chair beside me. “Aren’t you needed inside?”
“Mabel prefers if I stay out of her way when it’s feeding time. I’m apparently something of a distraction.”
I sobered, remembering how Carrington used to look at me when I nursed Aidan.
“I’m glad you’re here.” He reached over and took my hand. “I miss having you around, kid.”
“Same here. Why do you think I flew all this way?”
“Trouble at home.”
It was a statement, not a question. I inclined my head, tears filling my eyes. I rarely had such intense emotional responses to a simple statement, but I’d been carrying around so much stress lately that I guess it had just become too much. Kirkland was patient, just holding my hand as he waited for me to regain control of myself.
I wasn’t sure that was ever going to happen.
“I’m not sure my marriage is going to survive.” I voiced aloud the words I wasn’t able to say to anyone.
“Why? What’s changed?”
I shrugged. “All we do is fight. He blames me for not being able to have a baby and I can’t get past the fact that he cheated on me. I thought I could…I really thought I could for the sake of our family. But it keeps coming up, like an annoying bee buzzing around our heads.”
“It’s a tough thing to live with.”
I leaned forward a little, running my fingers through my hair as I took a deep breath. “It’s not even so much that he slept with another woman. I don’t think about her, don’t think about what happened between them. It’s that he did it to punish me for something that was completely out of my hands. It was that he lied to me and then allowed that lie to hurt Ash and Mina and you and everyone we care about.” I shook my head, still struggling to get my head around it. “If he’d just come to me with the truth—”
“He must have been afraid of letting you down. Of losing you.”
“But we’ve already lost each other!”
Tears rolled down my face, dripping from the edge of my chin. I rubbed at them angrily, annoyed with this display of my human frailty. Hadn’t I already been through enough? Why was this happening now? Why did we have to do this to each other?
“I love him,” I said softly. “I love the man he was when I first met him, love the man I married. But this man…I don’t know him.”
“Yes, you do,” Kirkland said. “He’s wrapped up in guilt. He can’t believe he betrayed you in this way and he hates what happened last year just as much as you do. You know that.”
“But how do we overcome that?”
“I don’t know. That’s something the two of you have to work out on your own.”
I nodded again, my head moving slowly, contemplatively. “And if we don’t? I don’t know if I can survive losing my family again.”
“You’re stronger than you think you are.” Kirkland tugged me back into my seat, leaning close so that his forehead was resting against my temple. “You were alone before. You aren’t alone anymore. You will survive.”
“Maybe,” I said softly, but I wasn’t sure I really believed it.
We sat quietly for a while, listening to the calming sounds of his family inside the house. The baby was no longer crying, but Matthew’s voice floated down to us as he asked his mother the kind of questions that burn in the minds of six year olds. It made my heart ache for Aidan.
“Mahoney’s after Carrington. He paid off the warden at Folsom to have James Conway released a few weeks ago for the sole purpose of going to our home and gunning my husband down.”
Kirkland stiffened, but he didn’t pull away. “You stopped him?”
“Ironically enough, we were running a case on the guy who happened to arrange the deal with the warden. I was there when Conway was released and recognized him as the man who Carrington pointed to as the Mahoney representative who forced him to cooperate with Mahoney here in Wyoming.”
“And now?”
I chewed on my bottom lip, thinking about Mike Spencer. “There’s an FBI agent I’ve been working closely with. He believes that Mahoney is still trying to get to Carrington. He…he thinks it has something to do with me.”
“You?” Kirkland pulled away then, studying my face closely. “Why you?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. He doesn’t know. But no one can figure out why Mahoney is so fixated on Carrington. He’s going to testify against Mahoney, but there are other witnesses with much more damning evidence to present. In the long run, Carrington is a minor witness in this whole thing, yet Mahoney’s going after him like he’s his biggest threat.”
Kirkland frowned, clearly trying to put the pieces together himself. He was there when Carrington was brought in after Ash’s kidnapping. He listened to Carrington’s confession, his explanation for what had happened while he was forced to work for Mahoney. He knew as well as anyone what a minor part Carrington played in the overall agenda of the organized crime syndicate. In fact, we’d all pretty much come to the conclusion that Carrington was targeted simply because of his knowledge of Ash Grayson.
“What about Ash?” Kirkland asked. “You don’t think this has something to do with him?”
“I don’t know. Ash put us on the case that took us down the road to Conway’s attempt on Carrington. But he swears he had no foreknowledge of it. He was working off of a tip the governor of California gave him. In fact, we’re still working a couple of cases related to those tips.”
“And none of them are connected?”
I shrugged. “They involve small factions of the Mahoney Cartel that are still active. But they haven’t seemed to have any connection to Mahoney’s vendetta against Carrington.”
“Are you sure?”
I thought about it, running the details of the two other cases over in my mind. “We had a couple of guys running prostitutes out of a motel downtown. It didn’t take but a day’s work to clear them out with Emily’s help. And there’s this coyote running people over the border with Mexico. I have an operative down there right now working with the border patrol. She hasn’t reported anything unusual.” I shook my head. “We’re preparing another operation against some guys we think might be attempting to take over the sale of illegal girls to Asia as sex slaves, but, again, it shouldn’t be a complicated case. Just busy work.”
Kirkland was quiet for a moment. Then he turned his head, his kind eyes washing over me. “Have you talk
ed to Carrington about this?”
“Of course. But he swears up and down he told us everything.”
“What about your FBI friend? She talk to him?”
“He. And, yeah, but it didn’t go well.”
“Why not?”
I blushed a little. “Carrington thinks this guy is interested in me. He refused to speak to him.”
Kirkland grunted. “Is it true?”
It was. Mike was not shy about admitting it, either.
“The one thing has nothing to do with the other.”
“Doesn’t it?”
I stood up, suddenly feeling nervous energy build up inside of me. “I love Carrington. If he can’t trust me because of what he did, that’s his problem. But I would never cheat on him.”
“But maybe this agent’s feelings for you are clouding his opinions.”
I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe it was true.
“That’s why I was hoping to talk to Clint while I’m here.”
Kirkland inclined his head. “I can arrange that. He’s on a case in Cheyenne at the moment, but he’s due back in a day or two.”
“I’d appreciate it.”
“Of course.”
Kirkland stood and moved up behind me, slipping his arms around my shoulders to pull me back against his chest. “Everything will work out, Joss. You just have to be patient and let it all run its course.”
“And if it’s not? If Carrington gives up on me?”
“He loves you. I’ve never doubted that.” He sighed. “Besides, he’s too afraid of me to ever break your heart.”
I laughed, remembering how Carrington told me of the threats Kirkland made when my friend first became aware of my romantic interest in my target’s father. Carrington never doubted that Kirkland would fulfill his threats.
I never did, either, and it was one of most reassuring things anyone I cared about had ever done for me.
“I don’t know how I’ve survived all this time without you around, Kirkland. I hate having you so far away.”
“I know. I miss you, too.”
He kissed the top of my head just as the sound of a child’s feet running onto the deck pulled us apart. Matthew, all smiles, jumped into his father’s arms as Mabel, daughter in arms, stood watching from the door.
“Dinner time, Daddy!”
Kirkland swung the child high up over his head, making him giggle. I watched, still fascinated at the sight of my playboy of a friend so content to be settled in such a complete, wholesome way. He used to swear he’d never marry, never have children. It just wasn’t him. But I guessed the love of the right woman could soften even the hardest of hearts.
I just hoped it wasn’t as fleeting for him as it had been for me.
Chapter 6
Erin
I took a seat in the bar, turning so that I could keep an eye on Carrington from this short distance. He was taking a lunch meeting with the same men he’d met with at his office the day before. Something to do with a furniture store hoping to use his shipping company to move their furniture for domestic and international shipments. It must have been a lucrative contract because Carrington was incredibly patient with the loud woman’s stupid jokes that seemed to dominate their meetings.
Even as I watched, the woman leaned forward to slap him on the shoulder after yet another bad joke. What’s red, black, and white? A zebra in a blender! I’d heard better jokes over the comms of pilots flying over enemy airspace.
I was glad I wasn’t Carrington Matthews. If I had to deal with people like that woman on a daily basis…
“Can I get you something?”
I glanced at the bartender. “Water, please.”
He barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes before walking off. I didn’t expect I would get my water any time soon.
“Water? I thought your drink of choice was white wine.”
I stiffened, the familiar voice so close to my ear that he must have been standing just inches away. And I hadn’t heard him coming in the noisy restaurant.
“What do you want?”
“You were much warmer the other night.”
I glanced over my shoulder. Stephen Walker was standing behind me, more casually dressed today than the time before. He wore jeans and a t-shirt under a heavy leather jacket—just as sexy as the suit, but decidedly less formal.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m following you.” He took a seat in the stool beside me. “Thought we could have a conversation.”
“About?”
“You did a good job setting me up. The recording was quite impressive.”
I froze. How did he know? There was no anger in his voice. I’d have expected anger. A need for revenge. But his body language was calm, casual, his tone appreciative.
What kind of game was he playing?
“Recording?” I raised my eyebrows to feign confusion.
“I know you work for Gray Wolf Security, Erin Brayden. I know you were hired to prove I was a cheating husband.”
I bristled at his use of my real name, fear shooting through the center of my being. But I was careful not to let my fear show on my face. I simply tilted my head, asking, “And?”
“And I’m impressed. You played your game perfectly.”
I forced a knowing smile. “She kicked you out?”
He shrugged, his gaze moving slowly around the restaurant. When it stopped, I couldn’t help but turn to see what he was looking at. My fear turned to something that was just a notch below terror.
He was staring at Carrington Matthews.
I straightened up a little higher, my back stiff as a board. “What do you want?”
“It’s not so much what I want. It’s more what you need to know.” He dropped a business card on the bar in front of me. “Check this out.”
He was off the stool and headed toward the exit when I turned. “What is this?”
His eyes moved slowly over my face. “Check it out. I’ll be in touch.”
He was gone while I was still trying to figure out what the hell was going on. The card he handed me was from the law firm his wife worked at. In fact, I was pretty sure it was her card. On the other side, however, he’d written the name Boone and a date of birth. Nothing else.
Who was Boone and why did I get the impression that he’d just made a threat against Carrington?
***
“He’s all yours now,” I said, dropping the keys to the front door of the Matthews house on the table in front of Tony. “I’ll be back in the morning.”
“Anything unusual happen today?”
I shook my head, lying through my teeth. “Just another meeting with that loud, obnoxious furniture lady.”
“Aw, she’s not so bad,” Carrington said, strolling into the kitchen in sweats and a t-shirt. His hair was wet from the shower, his body exuding a warm, woody scent that made me want to sneeze. “Try spending four afternoons in a row with her. Then you can complain.”
“I simply feel sorry for you, sir,” I said.
He smiled. “Don’t. I’m the guy who has the beautiful women following him all around town. My life isn’t so bad right now.” He winked at me, then turned to study the contents of the refrigerator. “Anyone hear from my wife today?”
There was a certain tension in his voice when he asked. I glanced at Tony, hoping he had some information because I didn’t.
“She called the office this afternoon and told Jules she’d be another couple of days in Wyoming.”
“I’m sure Kirkland is loving that.” Carrington slammed the refrigerator door and turned, his eyes moving from Tony to me. Then he sighed. “I think we’ll order pizza.”
I left a few minutes later, glad I wasn’t Tony. Working Carrington was bad enough, what with the loud woman he had to spend his day with. But brooding Carrington, the man who was clearly unhappy with his wife’s absence, was something I really didn’t want to deal with. It was none of my business what was going on in my boss’ marr
iage and I really didn’t want to observe more than necessary, much less get in the middle of it all.
But if I had a husband as charming and handsome as Carrington…
My mother called as I was driving home, the sound of her voice a warm source of comfort. She was worried about me.
“I’m good, Mom. The job is good, the house is good. Thank you for coming out and helping me pick furniture.”
“Of course.”
“How’s Millard?”
I could hear the hesitation in her voice. She always hesitated when she spoke of the man she’d begun dating not long after I joined the Navy. Ten years and they still only shared the occasional meal. I worried that my experiences had impacted her adversely. The last thing I wanted was for my mother to spend the remainder of her life alone because of the violence that happened to me, because of the poor choices I made one night the year I turned fifteen.
“He’s fine. We went to this new Mexican restaurant last night.”
“Did you enjoy yourself?”
“Of course. It’s always nice to break out of the regular routine.”
I tucked a piece of my short hair behind my ear and sighed. I could never tell if she was saying those things to protect me or because they were true.
I’d seen Millard with my mom. I saw the way he looked at her. He certainly felt more enthusiastically about their nights together than she implied.
“You’re sure you’re okay?” she asked. “You’re sleeping well?”
“I am,” I said, lying for the second time in less than an hour. “The exercises Dr. Paine taught me work well.”
“You’re not having trouble with your new routines? The house feels safe?”
“I’m fine, Mom. Really. I even met a guy a few nights ago.”
There was silence on the other end of the line. “You what?”
“I was at a bar and I met this guy. He’s really very nice. Charming.”
“Erin—”
“I want to live a normal life, Mom. I want to be able to go out with friends and go out on dates. And I want you to have a normal life, too. We can’t let this shadow that’s been following us around darken every aspect of our lives.”
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