by Jolene Perry
Ocean looks torn. He shouldn’t be torn.
“You can’t do this!” I yell wishing I was brave enough to tear at Landon, but I’m smart enough to know that I’d just be taken down by the rest of them, and if the shadows do get free, I’ll need my strength. We all will. Or maybe the shadows will attack me to protect him.
Landon stops and stands up. “I have to, Kara. I’m sorry. I have to know that I did the right thing, even if the shadows don’t do the right thing with the gift of freedom.”
I’m scrambling for anything to convince him. I can’t overpower them. Not by myself.
“We’re not going into this blind,” Dean says. “We’ve all been thinking about it independent from the group. We’re not just following Landon, trust me.” He gives Landon a sideways glance before his eyes go back to Addison.
“You’re going to stand there and look at me and tell me that you’re willing to risk me for them?” I point to the shadows lining the trees.
“It’s not like that.” Landon frowns as he shakes his head.
Addison takes the shell from Landon. “I can feel the edges of the circle. It was her house. Do you see it? This is…amazing.” Her eyes widen in excitement as dread sinks further into my gut.
Landon shakes his head.
“Ha! Finally I’m one up on the great Landon Michaels!” She laughs. “I can see the edges of her house. They feel like…ash.” Addison reaches out and touches the air, then rubs her fingertips together. “Crazy, weird.” She starts to gesture with her arms. “The corner of it is here, and there’s a small window here.”
Dean stares down in the sand. “The lines are already drawn. Do you see them?”
Just as the sun slips down again, the cabin comes into view, Landon and Micah in the middle of it, though I can see them. The house is made of cement, like most old homes here were—conch shells make an interesting cement. But like Dean said, it’s here but not here. I can see through the walls, there’s nothing inside, and then black lines form on the sand.
Something heavy’s eating at my insides and I just stand, knowing how wholly I’ve lost.
“Middle Men on the way, Landon.” Ocean looks up. “They’re still a ways out, but on the way and not far.”
I back away from Ocean, everything in me helpless and screaming and it just got so much worse. “You’re joining them.”
Ocean steps in front of me, his hands resting on either side of my face, and I want to tear him apart but I also want to be in his arms but the way I’m starting to splinter inside won’t let either happen.
I’m gasping for air as I watch them light candles in some ridiculous witch ceremony that I know isn’t so ridiculous.
A flash of this same scene hits me.
I’ve seen this before. When did I see this before?
“Kara?” Ocean whispers.
I pull my hands to my face, pushing his away, and hold my head as tightly as I can trying to block everything else out. All I can do is shake my head.
Then it all hits me. This was done before. They didn’t have all the talents. I was on the helicopter flight with my parents. We landed with a group of Middle Men. We had planned. We were prepared. I shivered near the helicopter as Mom and Dad ran ahead. There were shots fired. I heard the noise of the tasers. I wasn’t in front of the hospital when I was burned.
I was here.
“No!” I scream as I lunge toward the group, but Ocean catches me first. I’m thrashing against him with no purpose but to get free. To get away. All of my training in how to escape holds is gone. Everything but the fact that I have to stop them is gone.
“Please! You will die! I’ve seen it before! I was here last time!” I scream, which has no effect on the four people preparing. In fact, I swear they all knew how I was going to react and they’re very purposefully not looking at me.
Micah freezes and wipes a few tears before continuing on. Right. She saw this. How can she go on? Or maybe that’s why they’re going on. Don’t they realize the shadows could be messing with whatever she sees?
The two shadows that stopped near Landon are now walking toward me. I can just make out their forms backlit by candles and the glowing water. I scramble behind Ocean to watch them.
This can’t be real. Can’t be real. Can’t be real.
My legs give out, and Ocean holds me tight. “Don’t worry, Kara. Don’t be scared. We got this.”
“You don’t understand! I was here last time they tried!” I just can’t remember enough to tell them what happened. I was young and it was dark, darker than it is now, and it was all so fast. “It won’t work!”
Ocean’s eyes go from me to them, and I know he’s still conflicted. Maybe he can make them stop.
“Ocean. Please,” I whisper as I grasp him more tightly. “Please make them stop. Please make them believe me. I don’t want to die here.”
Our breath mixes between us as our faces get closer together. I stare into his clear blue eyes wishing so hard that he could know how I’m feeling. That he’ll choose me instead of them.
His face is contorted in agony, and the idea that he might still be considering joining in with the group hits me again and steals my breath.
“Kara. You have to know I’ve wrestled with this. I have.”
“We’re ready, I think.” Addison stands near the center of the circle and then walks through the cabin to the backside where the shadows are slowly emerging at the edges of the trees.
The sun is nearly gone, and the eerie light reflects off the water and the sand, but not the shadows. They’re greedy and take the light.
Dean comes up behind Addison, resting his hands on her shoulders. My body’s coughing in sobs as the reality of how truly helpless I am hits me. “Please…”
“We’re trusting you,” Addison says to the shadows. “We’re trusting you to take this gift and move on, not back.”
“They know,” Landon says.
Ocean’s hands meet mine as desperation makes me weak. His face is filled with sadness and regret and I don’t know if it’s for me or for them, but my heart starts hammering in fear and the need to be set free.
“I’m so sorry.” His lips graze my cheek and I know in that moment, he’s going to join them. He’s going to do it.
I turn away from him and stare at the ground. His betrayal pierces through every piece of me and I stop pushing against him and when my knees give out, I don’t even try to stay standing and end up in the sand. There’s no point in fighting anymore.
“Kara, please understand.” He tries to take my face in his hands but I jerk away again completely unable to stop the tears from streaming down my face. “I’ve been completely tortured by this decision, but I believe we’re doing the right thing.”
It’s done. I’ve lost. And he put in the last hit.
“We’ve got to make sure she doesn’t interrupt,” Landon says. “I’m sorry, Kara. I know you think I’ve been completely deceived here, but you have to accept the idea that you might have been equally deceived.”
I stare at Micah hoping that my very real fear has sunk in enough to make her walk away. Our eyes meet and she steps closer to Landon, showing her allegiance to him. Her face is apologetic, but that won’ t save any of us. When will that little voice that compels us all to do things kick in and save us? Why aren’t they feeling the fear and acting on it? Have the shadows become that powerful?
Right. I know how to be the one on the outside. But this time it counts for everything. Everything. Everything I am. Everything I’ve spent my life working for. Everything I want in the future. Even if the shadows do go away, I’m pretty certain we’ll lose our talents. I can’t… I can’t be that kind of nothing and survive—assuming the shadows let me live.
“Ocean,” I whisper, salty tears filling my mouth and spilling down my neck. “Please don’t do this. You have the power to stop it. I came to this place. My parents were at this place. This is where I got burned. I’m sure of it. What if they burn us all? Wh
at if it doesn’t stop with a leg?”
He has to see reason. Why aren’t they listening? Are the shadows powerful enough to put everyone under some kind of spell? Am I the only one who isn’t affected because of who I am? Where I came from? The training I’ve had?
“I’m so sorry.” He uses the thin line from the boat to tie my hands and I don’t move or protest, just sit as he ties me up. It’s over. I just lost both things I’ve been trying to fix. I lost my fight to keep this from happening and I lost Ocean.
I try a new tack. If the shadows won’t scare them into stopping, maybe people will. “What if The Middle Men come, and—”
“But they’re not bad, Kara. Remember?” His tone is hard, sharp. “They’d never hurt their own, would they?”
I stare at the sand because I know we have, but only when there’s no other choice. Ocean might not ever think there was no other choice. And why were shots fired when I was here last? Who fired them?
And I’m going to die some kind of horrible death as I’m tied up. After losing my first almost real group of friends and Ocean. Maybe it was stupid for me to ever stop fighting them or letting down my guard. Maybe if I hadn’t been so afraid of failure even after a desperate attempt, we wouldn’t be here now.
Dean jogs up but stops a few feet away. “I’ll do it, Ocean. You don’t have to tie—”
“No one else is touching her.” Ocean’s voice is quiet, defeated as he continues with the ropes.
Can’t have little Kara ruining the way they’re about to destroy all of us. My heart beats so hard my chest hurts.
I look around Ocean because he’s trying to look at me.
“Well, we’ll never make it into a coven with this mess.” Landon chuckles and everyone but Ocean laughs with him. “I think our good intentions are going to have to carry this through.”
Is Landon always this relaxed when he’s not recovering from being with the shadows? This is probably the biggest event of his life and he’s cracking jokes.
“Ocean. Please,” I hiss through my teeth as despair has started to dry up my tears. “This isn’t going to end well. No one knows what they’re doing. Please.”
He finishes the knots, and they’re tight, but not enough to hurt me unless I try to escape, which I won’t because I have no doubt that Ocean’s as good at tying knots as he is with everything else he does.
“Kara. I feel that this is the right thing in every part of me. It’s killing me to do this to you.” There’s so much honesty in his voice that I have to believe him, but it doesn’t make me feel any less betrayed.
I close my eyes and refuse to look at him. Instead I lean back in the sand and wonder what I should do with the last minutes of my life. At least I almost hope they’re the last minutes—that would be better than whatever torture the shadows might have in store for me.
I’m so angry at all of them for making me feel like a fool over this.
“Why didn’t you just lock me up on the boat? Why could you not leave me with a tiny bit of dignity?” I yell.
“Kara.” Ocean’s voice breaks. “It’s not like that. I wanted to be here with you. I want you to join us, and I guess I still hoped that you would.”
I clench my jaw not wanting to hear any more. No. They all played on my weaknesses and asked me to come so they could keep an eye on me. It had nothing to do with wanting me here. And they brought me, and still are pushing forward with what I’ve begged them not to do.
“And if you’re right, and it all goes horribly, I wanted you close,” he whispers. “We couldn’t wait. Not with how we’re being followed.”
“We’re the ones following, Ocean. Us.” I widen my eyes. “We’re The Middle Men.”
He shakes his head. “There’s no way your dad would have only sent the two of us. We had to just be distraction. Had to be. We don’t have time to think over this decision any longer. Like Dean said—they’re close. They’ve just been waiting.”
The only way to keep myself from looking at him is to squeeze my eyes more tightly. I don’t want any part of my anger or resolve to weaken just because of him. “If you think it might end horribly, then don’t do it.”
Tears start falling again as I think about my parents and the house I grew up in and never seeing them again. Maybe the shadows will take our place in Middle Men headquarters. Maybe something horrible disguised in my body will show up at my parents’ house and kill them both. Maybe that burn on my leg was just a preview of what they plan to do.
The pain ratchets its way through my body and I start to sob again as I lie in the sand.
“Kara. Please…” Ocean’s fingers run up and down my legs.
“Don’t touch me!” I scream as I kick my legs against him until he moves out of reach. But I still don’t look at him. I won’t. He doesn’t deserve anything from me. Not after this.
No way he didn’t know. He kissed me today in the water, and he knew they’d already planned to do this. As awful as it seems, the humiliation is as worse as knowing I’m probably about to die.
“Come on,” Landon says. “While it’s still calm out, and before it’s black outside. We’re losing light fast, and we have company on the way. Or here and hidden.”
“We need the candles to stay lit,” Addison adds, her voice sort of laughing but trill with nerves.
“Kara. Please don’t be mad at me.” Ocean hovers just out of my reach.
My chest aches with betrayal. I don’t move.
“Kara…” he pleads again.
“I think we’re ready,” Dean calls.
Ocean touches my toe, which earns him another kick. My eyes close more tightly and I wish to disappear into the sand.
I pull my arms closer, but they only come so far. Right. He had to tie me to a fixed point, like a small tree, so I can’t interrupt. I start to shake again but I can’t have my last moments be panic moments. I try to pull up good memories.
I see Ocean dancing in the converted dining room and then freezing when our eyes meet.
Okay. Something else.
The feel of our hands touching on the small sailboat.
Try again, Kara. Younger.
Taylor, the girl who helped me more than anyone learn to block both energy gifts and—
“Thank you,” Landon says interrupting my thoughts. “I know you all are putting a lot of trust in me for this.”
I’m just trying to breathe. Trying not to think about the burn on my leg, how long I could be tortured until I die. It’s not my fault those people were trapped. It’s not my fault they’re so angry.
“We’re all here because we want to be, Landon,” Addison says.
The shadows start to appear from everywhere as the five of them sit down. I can’t keep my breathing even and choke a few times as I try to get myself under control. I can do nothing now.
It’s over.
I try to drown out their voices and mutterings of holding hands to direct energy and bring myself to a happy place. Any place. It’s what I’ve been taught. Trained. I lie on the sand and listen to the ocean and the clacking of the palm trees and pretend I’m home.
I’m home and the people who are almost my friends are there. Samson is next to me. I reach my fingers out in the sand to reach him even though, logically, I know he’s not here.
“I’m not ready to die,” I whisper, but I’m sure no one hears.
The wind picks up, and an unnatural coolness hits my legs pulling a whimper from me. It’s the shadows. They pass through me again and again making me shudder and I jerk to try to get away, but it doesn’t work. My hands are bound and I’m tied to some kind of tree, but I’m still afraid to look.
“Please!” I yell again with no response as my heart jumps back up to its’ frantic pace. “Help! Ocean!”
I try to focus on memories—Samson in the sand next to me checking out the hot lifeguards, but he’s not there. Ocean’s there. And I don’t want to see Ocean smiling at me right now because I hate him right now. But he could help.
“Ocean!”
I jerk my feet as fire touches them. My eyes fly open, and all I see is a swirl of shadows around the group on the ground. The light from the blue hole is dimming and the candles are all out. What’s happening to them?
The fire moves up my feet and I stare. There’s no fire. There’s nothing, but pain.
The pain is burning, searing, I’m just waiting for the smell of my skin to reach my nose, but it doesn’t. It’s like something inside me is peeling apart.
I’m screaming and Ocean’s screaming that he has to help me and Landon’s yelling for him to stay in the circle and focus. But it’s like every cell in my body is on fire and then the ripping feeling starts. It’s not just burning anymore. My screams turn into wails. Nothing matters but the pain.
“Help!” I scream again because if I’m screaming and they’re not, no one here but me is hurting.
“Ocean! Almost. Hold still!” Landon again.
The pain continues to rip up my legs, through my torso, my chest, my arms, even my fingers. “Please…” I sob. This is what it’s like to be torn apart. Why couldn’t they kill me first? It feels never ending. I’m not sure if seconds or hours have passed since the burning began.
I can feel by body rebelling, trying to lose consciousness as the pain goes up my neck, over every part of my face and head, and just as I welcome the blackness pressing in, everything stops. The pain. The air. The cold. The fire. The ripping. Silence wraps around me, suffocating. I suck in a deep shaky breath as I squeeze my eyes more tightly waiting for round two.
Choking sobs wrack from my body, and I can’t even try to hold them in.
I roll onto my side and the idea that the pain is gone hasn’t sunk into my brain yet. Am I still in one piece? Am I alive? Dead? Watching from a different place like the land where the shadow people live? My body starts to tremble, and I’m suddenly freezing, teeth chattering.
“Go,” Landon says quietly and footsteps come my way.
Ocean’s hands are shaking and pulling at the ties on my hands, but I can’t move.
“Kara?” His voice shakes like he’s crying but my eyelids are suddenly too heavy. My hands are too heavy. My legs are too heavy. “Kara? Please.”
