by ilo man
They hung loosely on his gaunt frame. He struggled to pull his boots on. It became apparent that a strength score of 1 just didn’t cut it. By the time he’d dressed, he felt fairly tired. He took a breath, waiting for it to pass. Five minutes later, he’d recovered.
His room was one of a dozen or so on the inn’s second floor. A mouthwatering smell wafted up the hallway. Vinnie followed it all the way to the top of a set of stairs. He carefully trod down them, curiously lacking any confidence in his stride. He began to wonder if he shouldn’t have allotted all his initial points into health and energy, rather than worry about virility. But with a scoff, and inwardly calling himself a dick, he remembered his magnificent penis and what the game was all about.
At the bottom of the stairs, a rather stereotypically chubby innkeeper greeted him and escorted him to the front of the tavern and into a rather nice looking bar that continued the cedar-wood feel of the whole place. The innkeeper introduced himself as Frederick and sat Vinnie at a window table, promising to return shortly with both some broth and ale.
While he waited, Vinnie glanced out of the window. Outside, a neat little town square presented itself, obviously the center of Hartsfelt. It had a single tree, possibly an apple tree, growing in its middle, edged with outward facing benches. Folk milled, sat, walked around, and Vinnie had the sense that very little would spur these folk to hurry, that this was a peaceful town.
Boring sprang to mind.
Frederick soon returned with a bowl of steaming broth, a mug of frothy ale, and a sack.
“Get that down you, son,” he said. “You look like you need feeding up—you’ll need all the energy you can muster. There’s more than a couple of women out to improve their esteem if you know what I mean.” He nudged Vinnie, winking, and dribbling a little bit.
Vinnie knew what he meant. Vinnie couldn’t wait to try out the new, super, improved Mini Vinnie. Wait! No! That wasn’t right.
He needed a new name.
Mega Vinnie! Yes! Mega Vinnie would do it. That was his cock’s new name.
“I know what you mean,” Vinnie said, joining in with Frederick’s lust filled nodding. “What’s that?” He pointed at the sack.
“Ah, that. Astral asked me to give it to you. It’s your bag. You can fit up to 20 different things in it. They’ll weigh about 10% of what they normally would, dependent on the inter-spatial network capability at the time—whatever that means.” Frederick nudged him again, grinning, leering, a shared joke, but one which Vinnie didn’t understand.
“Good one,” he said, anyway.
Your status with Frederick has altered. You have risen from 0, indifferent, to 1, still indifferent. He likes you.
Fortunately, Frederick withdrew behind the bar’s substantial counter. Vinnie ate his broth and then sat back. He scrolled his meager menus coming to a tab marked with the word inventory. Opening it, he studied the contents of the sack.
Ten gold, ten silver, ten bronze.
Sweet, he had money. The only question was, how much was each worth? Rather than ask Frederick, who was concentrating on buffing his counter, he decided he’d find out later.
One map – type – a little magical. The map shows you an area fifty miles square by default. To zoom out, place your fingers on it and spread them out. To zoom in, do the reverse.
Got it, Vinnie thought, just like a touchscreen.
He carried on studying the sack’s contents.
One golden ring – Put the ring on to improve your performance.
Vinnie scratched his hair, his short black hair.
He hovered his hand over the sack’s throat and asked for the ring. It appeared on his palm, and even though he could see it was far too big for his fingers, or even his thumbs, he tried it on. When it didn’t fit, he dumped it back in his bag and decided to worry about it later. Who had fingers that big? He mused, as his confusion still swirled around in his mind.
He shook his head in a futile attempt to clear it.
What else?
One health potion. One stamina potion. One lock of hair.
Lock of hair? What the hell’s that about? He took a swig of his ale, wiping the froth from his mouth. He asked for the lock of hair and, sure enough, it appeared on his open palm, a single lock of purple hair.
“I wonder,” Vinnie muttered to himself. Hadn’t the elf-like creature had purple hair?
He stashed it back in the sack and finished up his ale. Taking an age to push himself up, he eventually approached the counter.
“Frederick, that was fantastic. How much do I owe you?”
Frederick looked up from his diligent polishing. “Two bronze.”
Vinnie gave him three.
Your status with Frederick has altered. You have risen from 1, indifferent, to 2, still indifferent and a long way away from good buddies. No, you’re getting along fine.
“Very generous of you.” He leaned in. “Not often you get an adventurer with manners. Tell you what, and I wouldn’t normally bother, but if you need a quest there’s an easy one posted on the notice board by the apple tree, just out there.” He pointed through the window.
“Gotcha,” Vinnie replied, chuffed to bits, quite unused to folk doing things for him without expecting something back. Then he realized he’d been polite, and he wondered about that strange behavior. The normal hustle and bustle of life didn’t allow him such luxuries.
Maybe it was the laid-back feel of this mountain village? He shrugged, bid Frederick a good day, and ambled outside, standing on the tavern’s stoop, stretching, yawning, and breathing in the fresh mountain air.
He wandered over to the tree. It was indeed an apple tree and laden with ripe red fruit. Strolling around it, he came to the notice board. There were several notes posted.
A lost cat, a lad looking for odd jobs, an announcement of a parade in celebration of the imminent visit of Princess Blanche, a wanted poster—some vicious looking rogue growling out, and a folded piece of paper, pinned and marked Quest.
He unpinned it and read it.
Adventurer required. Grandma Lorkin has broken her toe. Could you, brave adventurer, pick up her supplies from the general store and take them to her little cottage in the woods? She lives on the Western Road, a half-mile down, and up the trail that crosses the stream? Reward – 100 XP and increased status with Grandma Lorkin. Do you accept the quest? Y/N.
Vinnie normally played in front of huge crowds, wild fans. He filled stadiums, had his own personal rocket and a collection of sports cars. Realistically, he had just about everything a man could have, but this simple request from a poor old lady touched his heart.
Maybe Felicity was right, maybe his life did need a reset, and hopefully, this game was the game to do it.
“Sure, old lady, I’ll get your groceries,” he declared, feeling quite good about himself, and hoping that the 100 XP was enough to help him gain a level so he could get a little of his strength back.
He looked around the square, searching out the general store.
A line of shops opposite the tavern offered him his best shot. One had all manner of bric-a-brac outside it, including some odd items you wouldn’t normally expect to see in a remote mountain village.
As he neared, he spied an open barrel packed full of whips, a bench with all different types of manacles laid on it, some brooms, a few baskets, some bales of hay and a box full of gels of some kind. He raised his eyebrows and pushed through the door, barely managing that.
A little bell rung out, and a head popped up from behind the counter.
The head belonged to a gorgeous blond…creature, and blond she was, from her head to her waist and probably farther down, but the counter hid her lower half. Floppy ears shot up in a half-perk before drooping down. A little button nose topped her small snout, her whiskers twitching. Her smile was almost human, broad and creasing her furry cheeks into two cute dimples.
A red and white striped apron covered her small but well-proportioned breasts, and as she lean
ed on the counter, Vinnie caught an eyeful.
“Put all your points into your cock then?” she said, her grin, if possible, getting even bigger.
Vinnie muttered yes.
“Must be one handsome appendage,” she teased. “Can I see it?”
Vinnie tried to gather his wits, but they’d buggered off back into the square, so he blushed and handed her the note. “Really?”
The rabbit laughed. “I’m a rabbit; you know what they say about rabbits. What y’got? Just the one stamina, or just the one health? Either way, I’d ruin you in five minutes. You can show me your trophy dick when you’ve got some juice in your batteries.”
“Deal,” said Vinnie, in a feeble attempt to be his cool self.
The rabbit looked at the note, smacked her thin lips together and ducked through a backdoor, soon retrieving a bag. She hefted on the counter. “Here, that’s all of it.”
Vinnie looked at it, wondering how in hell he was even going to pick it up. Determined not to show himself up, he reached out and grabbed it. Straining to lift it, he immediately felt giddy and nearly collapsed. The rabbit woman tittered, rounded the counter and said, “Here, hold out your sack. As long as it’s in its bag, it’ll only take up one slot.”
Holding out his sack, Vinnie decided he couldn’t remember a time he’d ever felt more humiliated. He was fairly sure there had been multiple times, but that was the benefit of drink-induced forgetfulness and never checking social media.
“What’s your name?” he asked, as she carefully dropped Grandma Lorkin’s sack in, flashing her gravity-defying boobs.
“Velvet—on account of how smooth I am, all over, and I mean, all over.” She winked at him and licked her lips. Vinnie felt his cock fatten. His head went a little woozy, and his knees buckled a bit. She reached out, “You want some advice?”
“It’s my first day; I’d appreciate any.” Vinnie wondered whether a slight chubby had just nearly killed him.
“Take an apple or two with you. With your stamina, you’ll never get all the way to Grandma Lorkin’s house, but eating as you go, that’ll prolong what little you’ve got.”
“Got it.”
Velvet held the door open for him. He staggered out, crossing the square and picking four juicy apples from the tree. He popped them in his sack, and then stashed that into his tunic. Velvet still stood in her shop’s doorway. She looked as sexy as fuck. Vinnie averted his eyes before he became aroused, but Velvet turned and bent over seductively, wiggling her perfectly-formed naked ass.
He tore his eyes away, desperate to avoid any form of an erection.
He needed his energy for the quest. He needed to get some power in his pump.
Vincent staggered off up the Western Road, trying his hardest to think of an old and craggy Grandma Lorkin.
Chapter Four
Vinnie hadn’t got much farther than a couple of hundred yards when he had to stop for his first rest. Thankful that he’d taken Velvet’s advice, he sat by the roadside and munched on one of his apples. He wondered if he wasn’t a bit twisted.
First, he’d gotten a virtual bone-on over a blue imp, and just moments ago he’d got the hots for a full-grown rabbit.
He took a deep breath.
“You’re overanalyzing, Vinnie-me-boy,” he said. The bottom line was, he smirked a little at that, they were damn horny, imp or rabbit or not. They were certainly mostly human, so as far as he was concerned it was all just harmless cosplay.
And the tits, man, they were all to die for.
His thoughts strayed back to the sad elf-like creature.
Had he imagined her strife? He certainly didn’t think so. More to the point, why did he care? Bang ‘em and forget ‘em, that was Vinnie Targetti’s mantra, bang ‘em and leave ‘em, and he’d better start living by it. After all, despite his current, feeble body, he did have the greatest cock in Hartsfelt, he was sure of that.
He pulled his pants into a tent and glanced down. There it was, ripe, ready, and powerful, like a wizard’s staff.
He jumped up, went a bit dizzy, and staggered on.
“It’s like a wizard’s fucking staff!” he cried, though not loud enough to cause him any health or stamina issues.
He just about made it to Grandma Lorkin’s turn-off before he needed to sit and rest again. While the road was not much more than a flint and mud track now, the trail on the left was a mere grassy path surrounded on either side by a thick, overhanging forest.
Thinking nothing of it, he finished up his second apple and ventured on.
Fully refreshed, not a thought of a chubster on his mind, he almost picked up his pace to a jaunty stride but thought better of it and settled back to his feeble shuffle. Shivers ran through him as the trees stifled the sunlight. With no fat or gristle to keep the warmth in his bones, he knew he had to get used to the cold.
He began to glance around, feeling suddenly vulnerable.
Ambling dead center of the trail, relief ran through him when he came to a clearing with a small, quaint cottage in its center. Its chimney belched puffs of smoke and window boxes brimmed with colorful flowers. For just a moment, Vinnie wondered if he hadn’t entered cartoon land, and fully expected to see white-spotted, red-capped toadstools and grazing deer nuzzling fluffy white bunnies.
Knowing he’d found Grandma Lorkin’s place, he craned his skeletal neck and urgently tried to search out the homely old bird.
He staggered forward, right at the ends of his energy, pulled himself up onto her stoop and collapsed by her ruby red front door. His hand reached up, balling to a fist, and knocking on its wood, in a final and desperate act. As the door creaked open, he crawled in on all fours, right up to a pair of shiny black boots, so buffed he could see his feeble reflection in them. With the very dregs of his stamina, he looked up.
Grandma Lorkin had the longest legs he’d ever seen, smooth too, and curiously…young looking. His eyes followed their soft contours, all the way to a silken thong, the same ruby red as the door. He tore his eyes away from her pouting crotch and let them continue their journey upward, past her cute navel, on to a black lace corset and over a pair of vast and overflowing breasts. He eventually set eyes on her sharp but gorgeous face. Her narrowed eyes looked down at him, a scowl simmering on her lush and also ruby red lips. She looked annoyed, impatient and downright disgusted, all at the same time.
“Grandma Lorkin?” he gasped.
“Oh for fuck’s sake have an apple or something,” Grandma Lorkin said, rolling her eyes. “Didn’t Velvet tell you to pick some apples?”
With the last crumbs of his stamina, the very ends of his energy, he called for his third apple. Taking a bite, he waited for his stamina to recoup. All the while she stared down at him impatiently.
“Well?” she said, hands on hips. “Have you got my bag?”
Vinnie realized he was staring straight at her thong. “Oh no, oh no,” he muttered as he felt Mini Vinnie stir. He grabbed for his bag, hoisting it up, trying to empty it on the floor.
“Not how it works, you freaking idiot,” she growled. “Hover your hand over it. Call for the sack, and I’ll do the rest. Why did she send such a weakling?”
He was beginning to suspect Grandma Lorkin wasn’t a cute old lady. Glancing up again, he decided she was, in fact, cute but in a dominatrix sort of way. His man-about-the-world instincts kicked in. The rabbit, he’d no doubt about it, had duped him. It was a test, his first since coming to this land, and he was determined to pass it. He turned the sack back over and called for her bag. “What’s your name?” he asked.
She cocked her head, lifted one of her perfectly proportioned legs, and booted him straight in the ribs. “Cresta, and don’t you forget it.”
Vinnie rolled around on the floor, grabbing his concave chest, his fragile bones exploding in pain. “Ouch! Fuck! What did you do that for?”
“I like doing it.” She clicked her fingers, and he screamed as a fresh hell visited his ribs as they knitted back together. “I
s that your real name? Not very medieval.”
“What Vinnie?” cried Vinnie.
Congratulations! You have completed the quest: Deliver Grandma Lorkin’s supplies. The land rewards with 100 XP.
Congratulations! You have leveled up. You are now level 2. You have two unallocated attribute points. You have 400 points until level 3.
“Finally,” said Cresta. “Now, perhaps you could dump the points into stamina so we can, you know?”
Vinnie looked up. “No, no I don’t know.”
Cresta looked flabbergasted. “What aren’t you getting about this place? So you can fuck me, numbnuts. God knows you could do with the esteem, and I need a top up too. One condition.”
Vinnie’s mind scrambled around for a decent response. He desperately needed esteem. He desperately wanted his body back. “Anything.”
“You tell no one, got it? This butt is used to getting shafted by handsome princes, gritty warriors, and the richest Lotharios.” She leaned in; her face screwed up in revulsion. “If you tell anyone, and I mean anyone, it’s curtains for you in this land. Got it?”
Hell yeah! Thought Vinnie, ignoring her last few words, scrambling to allocate his attribute points. Stamina, definitely stamina, need stamina to fuck, definitely stamina. He allotted the points, and both stamina and agility increased. He felt his penis grow, ready for the sultry maiden in front of him. Cresta pulled him up, grabbing his shirt and ripping it open. She looked at his puny body. “You must have put a shit ton of points into your dick,” she purred. “Surprise me.”
Cresta turned, bending over a nearby table. She inched her thong down, gradually, teasingly. Vinnie’s mouth watered in anticipation. He reached out, gently stroking her soft skin. His bone-on pulsed, trapped in his pants.
