“Son, you really messed up.”
“Story of my fucked up, so-called life.”
I shoved past her and stormed down to the gym, Gunther right behind me. I punched the heavy wooden door a few times before he opened it, grabbed me by the neck, and shoved me inside.
Chapter 5
Josie knew she had spent far too long dwelling on the past and really needed to put the Nick and Josiah business behind her. She still held a torch for Nick, and knew what she did with Josiah wasn’t exactly a mistake, but more like a passionate, spontaneous act. It wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t right, either. She felt bad about how she treated Josiah, especially since he was now gone.
When Nick died, crushed couldn’t even describe her emotions, but when Josiah died, she felt as if she had lost an acquaintance. It did sting, even though he seemed more into her than she him, although her limited sympathy made her feel a little heartless and guilty.
Her life seemed to be at a lull. It was time for her to move forward and find some happiness. She had to stop the ridiculous moping because it would surely drive any possibility away. At the very least, a friend would be something to treasure.
Unbeknownst to Jake, Josie had been watching him for a couple weeks. She liked how he seemed shy, but resolute. Whenever she would walk past him, he would look down like he lacked confidence, but he seemed tough every other time. He threw off some confusing vibes. Josie figured it had to do with all the scars on his face, but she didn’t care about that kind of stuff.
Jake sat at the table alone, drumming his fingers, obviously bored, rather adorable with his ball cap pulled tight over his eyes. She figured it was his security blanket because he always had it on, as if he wanted to hide the pain in his eyes from everyone.
Josie decided she needed to buck up and just go over there. At the very least, she could strike up a conversation with him. Her legs shook as she walked. She hadn’t ever been so nervous to talk to a guy before.
“Uhh… Hey.” He glanced up at her. No smile. No expression. No warmth. His light brown eyes looked lifeless and hollow. “Do you mind if I sit here?”
Wanting to leap out of the chair and scream, Yes! Please, sit with me, he lacked the courage to show his desire for Josie. From the moment he first saw her, he had been watching her. To him, her edginess was sexy. Not that he even knew what sexy was. Jake tried to keep his inexperience hidden underneath his hardened, scar-puckered exterior.
“No. I’m about to take off anyway.” He rose from the chair.
“Oh, okay,” she mumbled, her gaze moving away from him.
Jake’s brows furrowed. She was definitely disappointed, which confused him. “I suppose I can hang out for a minute or two. It’s not like I have anything pressing to do,” he muttered, dropping into the seat again.
As she sat, a nervous chuckle slipped out. “I’m Josie.”
“I know who you are. You probably haven’t noticed, but I’ve been here a while. Besides, I had to listen to Josiah go on and on about you and your little adventure in the music room. And then after the wedding.” He sighed with a heavy eye roll.
Immediately, Josie thought Jake was a complete jerk, and she couldn’t believe Josiah actually carried on about what they did. Her face turned red. “Oh. Yeah. I think… I think I’m going to…to go,” Josie stuttered, mortified. She stood and took off at a quick clip toward the door.
That went well, she thought. Maybe she just needed to give up on guys all together and stew in her room for the rest of her godforsaken, miserable, fucked up life.
Jake knew what he said was wrong and felt bad when she made a mad dash away from him, so he chased behind her. “Josie…” His large hand grasped her elbow, steering her around. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s fine.” No, it wasn’t. She was pissed and hurt. “I have to help Cora with something.” She tried to pull away, but Jake held firm.
His burdened gaze traced around her face for a moment, trying to read whether she was being truthful or not. He figured she was angry at his knack for not filtering what came out of his mouth. It all stemmed from not having much of a life outside his dark, depression-ridden basement bedroom. Social skills were not his forte.
“Right.” Jake let go of her arm and she hurried off toward her room.
Cursing at himself, he felt like such an asshole. His own personal misery wasn’t appealing, and he had no idea how to talk to anyone. He’d only ever dated one girl, which ended tragically. After that, he swore off girls and pushed away anyone he encountered, except for Chris, his best friend.
Jake decided to go wallow and walked to the room he shared with Eden, Farren, and Chris. He lay down on the bed, pulled the hat over his face, and placed his hands behind his head.
Going over the situation with Josie, it occurred to Jake that maybe she liked him. He wasn’t sure why a beautiful girl like her would even look at him, let alone want to have any sort of relationship with him.
He was ugly. Franken-fuckin’-stein ugly. Freak fugly. That’s what he was. The scars on his face and body were a permanent reminder of what a fuck up he truly was. Jake sighed at his own belittling thoughts.
“You all right over there, boss?” Chris asked from across the room, his nose in a book.
“Yeah. Just tired, I guess.”
“You thinking too much again?”
“Yeah. Shit,” Jake grumbled. “I just… Oh, forget it.”
“Come on, bro. What’s making you sweat?” Chris encouraged.
Chris knew Jake better than anyone. They lived across the street from one another their entire lives until Chris moved into his own place. Because of his self-loathing, Jake never left home, even though Chris tried to get him to move in with him for years.
When the virus hit North Carolina, Chris was visiting his parents. Except for each other, they both lost everything and everyone.
Chris lost more, though. Much, much more…and all because of Jake. He was surprised Chris didn’t trip him in the path of one of the undeads. He had plenty of opportunity to do so. Instead, when he lost his stomach in the fight, Chris came to his aid several times.
“Don’t worry about it,” he muttered.
Jake wanted to ask for some advice about Josie from the original ladies’ man himself, but he was too embarrassed.
“When you want to talk, I will be here to help you through it. I’ll even put on a cape, if need be. I just have to find one…” Chris trailed off, sitting up and glancing around the room.
Jake chuckled. “You are so fucking mental.”
“Hey, someone needs to be the superhero in this relationship. Might as well be me.”
“Whatever, dude.”
Mulling over the Josie situation once more, Jake decided he should go apologize to her again. He wasn’t even sure how to do it properly and thought he would figure it out. He hopped off the bed and headed out.
Chris shook his head, then shrugged. “I’ll never understand him.”
Being cramped in Cora and Gunther’s room with four kids carrying on, Josie had decided to take refuge away from everyone, taking over Gunther and Quinn’s old room. She enjoyed having the space to herself.
Josie sat on her bed with Nick’s guitar in hand, hoping to forget the whole Jake situation. She strummed out a few chords, then set it down. The frustration turned into pure humiliation. She couldn’t believe Josiah bragged about what had happened between them.
Who else did he tell? It wasn’t anyone’s business!
After a hearty growl, Josie grabbed a book off the desk next to the bed. Just as she settled in to read, there was a light tap on her door. She sighed and got up, wondering how many of the kids she had to watch this time.
As she yanked open the door, Josie said, “I’m not in the mood to watch the kids.”
It wasn’t Gunther or Cora. Forced to look up, way up, she saw Jake standing there. He was so tall, towering over her slight height. If it hadn’t been for his empty ey
es, she would have felt intimidated.
Embarrassed over her outburst, she murmured, “Oh, umm… Sorry.”
“Listen, uhh… I was a total dickhead to you and was wondering if you wanted to go for a walk or something so we could talk?” Surprised, she stared at him, mouth open. He pulled at his hat. “Right. Well… Never mind.”
Before he was able to turn away, she said, “Yeah. Let me get my gun and sweatshirt.”
Knowing Josie was a gun-toting, mini badass made Jake half-smile. It made his heart flip and he got some intense feelings below the belt. The idea of her taking on life with the powerful object in her palm turned him on. He silently begged his body to behave. He’d look like a total jackass standing in her doorway with a boner.
Jake watched her check the handgun for ammo, tuck it in the back of her faded, black skinny jeans, and pull a light blue, fitted hoodie over her head. He thought she was perfect, but with him being so fugly, he knew he wouldn’t entice her by any means.
Josie was unsure if hanging out with Jake was something she wanted to do, but one thing was certain. She was tired of being alone. She would love to have one friend who wasn’t a parental figure or under the age of ten. Maybe that would make her happy.
There were no words exchanged between them as they walked down the hall.
They ran into Henry, sweaty and exhausted. “Where are you two off to?”
“Just outside,” Jake said.
“All right. Stay alert.”
“Will do. I have my gun,” Josie said.
“If you get into trouble, come get me.”
Jake was a little pissed. Did Henry not think he was capable of taking care of her? Talk about emasculation right in front of Josie. He felt his balls hike right up to his spleen.
They watched Henry pause at his old door. After rubbing his face, he raised his hand to knock, then shook his head and walked away.
“Apparently, the honeymoon is over,” Jake murmured.
“Yeah, I guess. They have a lot to work through. Both tormented. Both stubborn.”
“I can imagine,” Jake said, remembering Henry passed out with a bottle in his grip.
As they walked outside, he desperately wanted to hold her hand, but she was certain to refuse his advances because he was such a knob. Besides, who would want to hold his hand? He shook his thoughts away.
“Where do you want to go?” Jake asked.
“Maybe the arbor?”
“Yeah. That’s cool.” They made their way toward the tree line, stopping at Sophie’s cross. He gazed at it, admiring its beauty. “Was this someone you knew?”
“No. I never met her. She was part of Henry’s group before they made it down here. They were friends when they were younger…good friends, if you know what I mean.”
“I feel you.” I wish.
“She was in the program with Henry and Gunther. Elaina promised Henry he would have a memorial for her when they settled somewhere.”
Josie choked up, thinking about that the day. The day Nick was murdered.
With tears welling in her eyes and the hitch in her throat, Jake asked, “You all right?”
“Yeah.” She wiped her cheeks. “Maybe. Fuck…” She let out a few strangled sobs. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Come here.” Jake embraced her. The top of her head barely reached his chest, but she felt good against him. Holding a girl wasn’t something he thought he could ever do again. “If you didn’t know her, why does the memory upset you so much?”
“The day Elaina gave Henry this cross, Nick was murdered. He was Elaina’s brother and my boyfriend…sort of.”
“Ah, I get you. Josiah said you carried a torch for someone. I suppose it was Nick.”
“Can we not talk about Josiah, please?”
“Yeah, sure. Sorry.”
Josie pulled away, even though she enjoyed how comfortable Jake felt. In silence, they walked toward the arbor.
As they sat on a bench, she sighed. “I come here when I need to talk to Quinn. That sounds weird, doesn’t it?”
Jake closed his eyes for a moment, remembering all the blood and death that day. He shuddered and opened his eyes. “No, not really. It was a terrible day. I understand.”
There were many days Jake would go visit the area where his life changed forever. The place that left him scarred on the inside and out. He would sit for hours beating himself up, wondering if he should slit his wrists and get it over with. He snapped out of his thoughts when Josie spoke again.
“She was like a mom to me and took care of me like I was hers.” In an effort to push away her emotions, she cleared her throat. “Anyway, tell me about yourself.”
“What do you want to know? I’m not very interesting.”
“I don’t know. Give me something.”
He shrugged and chewed his cheek for a moment. “Most people want to know about my scars.”
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” she murmured.
Josie gazed at Jake, studying him. He had to be at least six-foot-six with an athletic build, but not overly muscular. His light brown hair was a little longer than it should be, which was understandable under the circumstances. The sadness in his dark-edged, light brown eyes was powerful. The scars didn’t bother her. His heavily stubbled, strong jaw, and svelte lips made up for them.
Her stare made Jake feel uncomfortable and self-conscious. On top of that, it made him anxious. “You know, I don’t think this was a good idea.” He stood and started to walk away.
Stunned for a moment, Josie chased after him, grabbing his arm. “Jake? Did I say or do something wrong?”
He turned to face her. “I… I just… Shit.” He pulled off his hat and rubbed the brim across the top of his head. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“This was a bad idea. You don’t want anything to do with me. Trust me on that. I just ruin people’s lives.” Jake took off at a jog back into the building.
Bewildered and pissed off, Josie hoped to at least make a friend, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen. Now, she felt like a total loser.
Yes, being a hermit emo girl sounded like a fan-fucking-tastic idea.
Slowly, Josie headed inside to go to her room and curl up in a ball of loneliness. As soon as she turned the lock on the door, she broke down.
Realizing she smelled like Jake, she tore off her sweatshirt, chucked it across the room, then fell on to her bed and crawled under the blankets.
What kind of freak was she? No family, no friends, and absolutely no lovers. The word “alone” echoed in her head until the exhaustion sucked her in.
Chapter 6
“Work on these ten word problems, then I want you to read the passage on page twenty-five in the Language Arts book and write a summary,” Cora instructed.
Kate sighed. “Mom, I hate word problems.”
Silas was being his usual rambunctious self, spinning around and squealing. Cora grabbed him by the elbow and redirected him back to the chair. “You need to sit and write out the alphabet in upper and lower case. This is your last warning, Si.”
“But, Momma, I want to-”
“Stop trying to make mom mad and do your work,” Kate hissed.
Silas stuck his tongue out at her. “You make her mad, too.”
“Both of you, just… Ugh.” Cora threw her arms up and walked away from the table to one of the couches across from where Gunther and Grey sat.
Lips pursed, he watched her wipe a couple tears off her cheeks. Gunther wanted to do something to ease her pain, but he wasn’t sure how she would react. Not liking the way the kids treated her on occasion, he wanted to discipline them for their misbehavior. Again, he wasn’t sure of her reaction. He touched his scruffy cheek, thinking about the time she slapped him across the face over the incident with Silas when he went missing.
Helpless, Gunther finally asked, “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m wonderful.” Cora crossed her arms
over her chest.
“Well… I think I’ll take Grey to the library for a little reading.” He hoisted Grey on his shoulder, stood, and headed to the door, wanting to shake off the uncomfortable feeling in the room.
Gunther opened the door, seeing Henry and Elaina in the tension-filled hall. Her back was to Henry and the sorrow on his face reminded Gunther of his own. He closed the door and went back to the couch, Cora giving him a curious look.
“Looks like Henry and Elaina are in a battle of wills out in the hall,” he said.
“Oh? I hope they work things out.”
“Yeah.” He blew out a breath and settled back into the cushion.
Day after day for weeks, I knocked on our door and Elaina never answered. One day faded into the other, all ending the same…
I was alone.
Every morning and night, I would follow her to the cafeteria, then sit at the table with her. Of course, she would get up and leave every single time.
It was our new routine—a cat-and-mouse game. There was always hope for a different result, but I knew it would just continue to piss her off. I would’ve taken a fist to the face, a knee to the bollocks, anything for my wife to acknowledge my existence.
As per usual, Elaina headed to the cafeteria, my heavy footsteps behind her echoing in the hall. She walked quicker and I matched her pace. Finally, she stopped…
As did I.
Elaina spun around and I thought I saw steam rolling out of her ears. Regardless, she was more beautiful than the day I met her. “You have got to stop this behavior right now! You cannot follow me everywhere and watch my every move. I don’t appreciate you stalking me!”
Unprepared for that, my heart hit the floor. A kick to my bollocks definitely would’ve been so much better than the knife she twisted into my chest.
She whipped back around and continued her quick pace away from me.
“Elaina, I just want you to talk to me. That’s all I’m asking.” She stopped again. “Please… Just fucking hear me out.”
Blind Faith (Shattered Lives, Book Four) Page 5
