Grey nodded. “Yes.”
Anne laughed. “Far from good! Cheeky, as always.”
“Oh, Grey bear. What shall I do with you?”
“Not go well with the realtor?” she asked.
Gunther glanced up at the stairs. “It went well. We put in some offers.”
“I thought he would be more excited.”
“I’m worried about him.”
“I am, as well.”
“He went into some sort of paranoid delusion, thinking someone was following him.”
“I can’t blame him for feeling that way.”
Gunther shook his head. “I feel like he’s spiraling.”
“Yeah.” Anne lowered her gaze and pursed her lips. The secret she held was devastating and she wanted to say something to someone, but she had made Henry a promise.
“Is Cora upstairs, too?” Anne nodded. “Thanks for helping with Grey.”
“My pleasure.”
Gunther trudged up the stairs, worrying about facing Cora. He hadn’t really talked to her in days. Just a few parenting things and that was it.
He knocked on the door and waited the eternity it took for her to open it just a crack. “Parker said it will be about six weeks for the house, but he would try to get them to be quicker about it.”
“Okay,” she said in a whisper.
“We, ahh… We put in some offers on two storefronts.”
“Okay.”
“All right. I’ll, uhh… I’ll bring Grey by when he’s asking for milk.” They continued to stare at one another. Gunther jammed his hand in his pocket. “I don’t like this distance.”
“I don’t, either.”
“Then let’s not do this.”
“It’s difficult for me to get past it.”
“The longer we stay in this spot, the harder it will be to heal. This just doesn’t make any sense. We need to come together, at least for the baby.”
“I fully plan on you being there for everything.”
“The birth?”
“If that’s what you would like, I don’t want you to miss it.”
“Thank you,” he said shyly, then turned to head down the hall.
Cora watched him duck into his room. Quietly, she shut the door and leaned against it. What he didn’t know was she heard the entire conversation he had with Anne after they had their argument. She was touched by his near confession of love, but saddened because of how he saw her. She knew she was pulling him in and pushing him away at the same time, but she had no idea how to get those feelings of jealousy and anger out of her system.
Cora dropped down on the bed and allowed her frustrations with herself and with the relationship she had with Gunther take over. Tears ran from her eyes. She just wanted to feel loved. He loved her for what she did for him and Grey, but Cora wanted Gunther to show her the bliss of untamed lust and desire. The moment when there is no longer an option to look in the other direction… That’s all she wanted.
She feared that if she kept pushing, he would run to the first warm bed he could find…Carly’s. It would have been so easy for him to go and have his way with her.
“I’m such an ass,” she whispered through her tears. “I’m a grown woman jealous over what? He fucked her, had a child with her. He feels obligated to take care of her because of Joel.” She gasped. “Oh god…”
Cora jumped up and stormed out of her bedroom and went right to Gunther’s, pounding on the door. He whipped it open, his face full of worry.
“Cora… Are you okay?” He pulled the door open and reached for her, but thought he had better not. His gaze darted around her body, looking for signs of issues. “Is it the baby?”
“Do you feel trapped?”
“I’m sorry?” he asked, shutting the door behind him.
“Do you feel trapped with me? Is that why you can’t move forward? You knocked me up and feel like I’m just a responsibility…just like Carly.”
His face contorted in confusion. “What?”
“Answer my question,” she growled.
“Do I feel trapped?” She nodded. “No. Why would you think that?”
“Because…you would go to her if you could.”
“To whom?”
Her fists clenched. “Carly!”
“Holy fucking mother of mercy. Is that what you think? You think I’m doing all this because I feel trapped?”
“You came here to find her.”
“Correction. I came here to be with Henry’s family. I asked you to come along because I wanted you and my baby to be close to Grey and me. Since I was coming here, I wanted to see if Carly and my child were alive.”
“Would you have sought them out if you had stayed down there with me?”
“One of the things Quinn and I had talked about…” When Cora rolled her eyes, fury erupted through Gunther. He jabbed his finger at her, making her step back. “Don’t you fucking dare, Cora! I swear to you there will be nothing for us if you ever speak ill of her. She is untouchable! Am I perfectly clear?”
“I’m sorry. That wasn’t what I intended.”
“Then what exactly did you intend?”
“I-I just… Would you defend and honor me like you do her?”
“Of course! Have you gone mad?”
“Yes!” she yelled. “I’ve been through a lot, too! I’m crazy. I’m emotional. I’m not thinking clearly. And I’m jealous.”
“No shit. Should I put an ad in the New York Times to warn the world of the wrath of Cora when jealousy rages on?” Her lips and chin trembled for a moment before she burst out laughing. “What?”
“It didn’t occur to me how ridiculous I sounded until you said that.”
He threw his arms in the air. “Finally! Thank you for seeing this for what it is. Ridiculous!”
“I’m sorry.”
Gunther leaned on the doorframe. “Listen, I don’t feel trapped. Yes, I do feel obligated to take care of Carly because it’s the right thing to do. Suffering hell, Cora. Don’t be jealous about her. If I wanted to, I could’ve a thousand times over by now. Do you feel me on that?”
“Yeah.”
“But I’m here, aren’t I?” Cora nodded. “Quinn and I discussed that when things settled down, we would come up here and look for Carly to see if they made it. Other than being a friend and the mother of my son, there’s nothing in here for her.” He patted over his heart.
“Okay…okay. I feel better now.”
“Thank fuck because I was teetering on the knife’s edge of sanity myself.”
A loud crash came from inside. Both Gunther’s and Cora’s eyes widened with fear. He spun around and threw open the door.
Grey was standing on a chair, pulling books out of the bookcase. “Grey!” Cora and Gunther yelled in unison, running to him.
“Book?” he said with a toothy smile, holding one in his hands.
“Yes, that’s a book, little monkey.” Gunther picked him up off the chair and pointed to the bottom shelf. “If you want to read a book, yours are down there.”
“Read?” he asked.
“Do you want to read?” Cora asked and Grey nodded. “Come then. Let’s go find your brother and sissies. We can read together.”
“Yes,” he said.
Gunther set Grey down and Cora took his hand. With a smile, he watched them waddle out the door together.
I was exhausted after the long day, but the utterances in my head were debilitating. I did my best to be the person everyone thought I was, but it wasn’t working. My demons were just cultivating obscene amounts of trepidation. The haunting of my every moment felt gruesome and uncalled for, but it was the life I had to live. There were only two ways out, and both would make me lose everything.
I wasn’t sure what time it was because the moon was hiding behind the clouds. The desire to hide myself in much the same way grew with every waking day. I was weary and it showed in my behavior.
Rocking him in the chair in his room, Nicky snuggled into my ches
t. My fingertips ran across the dark fringes of hair on his forehead. He stared up at me, suckling on a pacifier, making grunting noises.
He had been sleeping for a couple hours, but his tummy wanted more milk and his nappy had been soaked through. Nicky enjoyed cuddling and rocking during the night. I was happy to oblige because I enjoyed the quiet moments with him. I was usually awake anyway, staring at the ceiling, listening to the chatter in my mind. Why bother Elaina when I could just take care of him myself?
“Don’t you think it’s time to go back to sleep now, monkey?” I murmured in the dimly lit room.
The pacifier dropped from his lips, which formed into a circle as if he were trying to mimic my words. As I spoke to him, I rubbed my hand over his head.
“What do you think, Nicky? Has Daddy completely lost his marbles?” I sighed, continuing the soothing rocking motion. “I wish I was a better father to you. Being like this is not something any lad deserves. Some days, I just want to run away, but then I think of how it would hurt your mummy…and your granny. When those thoughts strike, your face and little smile, these chubby arms of yours, all come to mind. You need to know if you choose not to love me, or find me too unstable to be around, I won’t blame you in the slightest. But it scares me, monkey. I don’t know what I would do in a world without you. It wouldn’t be pretty.”
I hoisted him up on my shoulder and carried on with the rocking. Circling my hand around his back, I hummed a few lullabies. He grew heavier against my body, his breathing mellowing out.
After waiting several minutes, knowing he was out, I stood and moved to his crib, doing my best not to disturb him. As I laid him down, all his limbs kicked out, then he settled.
I stared down at my son. How could this beautiful, innocent lad be stuck with a man like me? It was unjust. I felt sorrow for him while he slept innocently, oblivious of all that ailed me.
“I’m sorry, Nicky,” I whispered. “I’m not worthy of you, but Daddy loves you.”
Kissing two fingers, I reached and touched his perfect nose. A little emotional, I headed out of his room and back to mine.
When I opened the door, Elaina leaned up on her elbow. “What were you saying to him?” she asked with a yawn.
“Just singing.”
She smiled. “You’re such a good daddy.”
“Could be worse, I suppose.” Pulling back the covers, I lay back on the bed with a sigh.
Elaina rolled over and cuddled into me, pushing her hand under my t-shirt, running her fingers around my lower abdomen. “Henry?”
“Hmm?”
“Make love to me.”
For the first time in my life, I didn’t want to. I had refused her before, with good reason, but there was no desire this time. It wasn’t as if the attraction wasn’t there. I just didn’t feel good enough to be her lover, spouse, or even someone with whom she shared air. Like Nicky, she deserved much more than I could give.
“I’m tired, Elaina.”
“Don’t make me give you my best pouty face.”
Faking a yawn, I said, “Sorry, love. Nicky wore me out.”
“Maybe in the morning?”
“Maybe. Goodnight, love.” I kissed the top of her head and listened to her drift off, hoping she wouldn’t notice my distress.
Chapter 34
Gunther dropped the last box on Kate’s bedroom floor. “There you are, lass. Now, get your clothes folded and put them in your dresser drawers.”
“Thank you,” she murmured.
“You’re very welcome.” Gunther stood with his hands on hips, scanning the freshly painted room. “You like the color your mum picked?”
“Yes! I’ve always wanted a bright pink room.”
“It was hard to paint. Henry and I went over it at least three times. You like the furniture, too? I was hoping white was okay. They didn’t have a lot to choose from.”
“This is perfect. Thank you,” she said, smiling shyly.
“Good. I’m glad you like it.” Gunther smiled. “Would you mind helping with Silas, Callie, and Grey? Your mum isn’t feeling all that great and I need to get some of her stuff unpacked, then put something together for you kids for dinner.”
“I don’t mind helping. Do you think she’ll be having the baby soon?”
He nodded and rubbed his head. “Well, the doctor said-”
“Gunther!” Cora shouted from her room. He ran out of Kate’s room and rushed into Cora’s. She leaned against the mantle, panting. “It’s time.”
Gunther took her hand. “What do you need me to do?”
“I need to lay down. It’s happening so fast,” she whimpered.
“Okay, give me one minute.” He turned and started going through the stack of boxes, pulling out several sheets. “The bed? The floor?”
“The floor. I don’t want to ruin the new mattress.” She bent over and groaned. “I have to push!”
“Going as fast as I can.” Gunther rushed around, spread out the sheets and placed a pillow down. He grabbed Cora’s arms, supporting her. “It’s going to be okay,” he murmured, helping her to the floor. “I’m going to call the doctor and have Kate get Elaina and Anne.”
“Hurry, please!” she yelled as another contraction hit.
He ran out of Cora’s room. Kate was standing in her doorway. “Your mum… The baby is coming now. Go over and get Elaina and Anne. I need to call the doctor.”
“Is she going to be okay?”
Gunther ran down the stairs, Kate following right behind. They both stopped in their tracks when they heard Cora scream.
“Yes, no worries. Your mum is an expert at this.” He picked his phone up off the table, pulled up the doctor’s contact, and tapped CALL. Kate was standing still, staring at Gunther. “Go, Kate. I need them to help.” She nodded and ran out the door.
“Gunther!” Cora screamed.
“I’m coming!” he yelled when Elaina opened the door and stepped into the house, followed by Anne and Kate. He shoved the phone at Elaina just as the call picked up. “Here… Talk to the doctor. The kids are upstairs.” He took off and Anne ran up behind him, heading right for the kids’ rooms.
Gunther ran into Cora’s only to see the baby halfway out already. “Whoa!” He dropped in front of her while she pushed. They locked gazes. “You’re doing amazing,” he encouraged, wrapping his hands around the baby.
When Cora pushed once more, the sound of a baby crying was bliss. “Show me,” she said, weeping. Tears tracked down Gunther’s cheeks as he held up the baby. “Oh god… She’s beautiful!”
“She is,” he murmured, laying her on Cora’s chest. He leaned over, left a kiss on his daughter’s face then Cora’s forehead. “Thank you for this gift.”
Reaching up, Cora placed her hand on his cheek. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Elaina’s calling the doctor.” He stood, went to the boxes, and rummaged through until he found the blankets. Once more, he knelt by her side and helped wrap the baby.
Anne knocked on the open door, smiling as she peeked in. “Did I hear a baby cry?”
“It happened so fast. I pushed four times and out she came.”
“Oh, look at her.” She held her hands in front of her mouth. “Just stunning. The doctor is on his way. He said he would phone emergency services, as well, just in case.”
“Thank you so much,” Gunther said. “Sorry about the short notice.”
“My pleasure. Kate caught us working in the yard. I’d much rather be doing this. The kids are downstairs with Elaina. They are very excited.”
“After the doctor checks her and the baby, they can come in and see them. Until then, please tell them they have a baby sister.”
“And her name?” Anne asked with a raised brow.
Gunther looked at Cora. “I liked Everette when we talked about names, but you wanted to wait to see her.”
“Well, if that’s what you want, then Everette it is.” Cora smiled.
“Brilliant! I’ll go let them know.”
Anne headed to the door, but glanced over her shoulder. “Congratulations.”
Gunther and Cora murmured their appreciation, focusing their attention on their new little girl.
Chapter 35
The days were quite busy between our home, Gunther’s home, and the gym.
Elaina and my mum were busy redecorating our house. Every room had new paint and furniture. She donated what was already there to those who were starting from nothing. New flooring in the bathrooms was next on the list.
Gunther and I had spent a considerable amount of time painting his new house and getting things ready for them to move in. With the arrival of Everette, the poor bloke never had a moment’s rest.
I was excited about everything going on, but the extra stress pulled at my demons, making them even louder. Still fighting them in private, I never once told Elaina they were back. Thankfully, my mother kept my secret. I didn’t need Elaina worrying over me while she had Nicky to care for.
He was growing well, charming women everywhere with his big blue eyes and drooly smiles. The doctor said his development was spot on, which was wonderful news.
I bought vehicles for both Elaina and I. For some odd reason, she wanted another Tahoe. Hell-fucking-no. I wasn’t about to drive one, but if that’s what she wanted, that’s what this husband was going to get.
I was lucky enough to find myself a Triumph Daytona. She was so mad when I brought it home, and we fought for an entire week over it. She told me I was going to kill myself, someone would hit me, or I would drive it too fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was a sweet bike and something just for me. I rarely did anything for myself. I had my eye on a few other SUVs, hoping they would come down in price, but I just wanted to feel the freedom a bike brought for a while.
The gym remodel was in full swing. The crew we hired was doing a great job. They were very thorough and precise, which worked well for me. The space was quite large and we had several ideas flowing, along with a lot of money exchanging hands. We received a hefty grant from the government to help us get started, but Gunther and I still had to shell out a pretty penny to get it started.
Blind Faith (Shattered Lives, Book Four) Page 31
