‘Come to think of it,’ said Ann, ‘in the twenty plus years we’ve known her, I’ve never been to her place and seeing as we’re bein’ honest with our feelings at the moment, I have to admit I never wanted to go there anyway. Have you Deb?’
‘No way sis, I agree with you. If her address is fake, and Pony saw her talking with Vila, then she disappeared, who the hell is she?’
‘I doe Ka hou,’ said Pony.
‘That’s right!’ I said. ‘Remember what Kaz said in the morgue basement earlier? She said Pony showed up on her doorstep.’
‘So where’s Kaz’s house?’ I asked. We were all looking to Pony as if she had all the answers.
‘Ka par da Rook cavn.’
‘What did she say?’ asked the twins who looked to me.
‘I’m sorry, but I think Pony said car park dark look cavern. Does that mean anything to any of you?’
‘Nope,’ said Deb. ‘We’ll just get Pony to take us there on the way to the hospital.’
‘I don’t know what’s been going on,’ I said, ‘but it might explain why she’s such a bitch all the time.’
There were murmurs of agreement as we got the bike ready to ride. I prepared the trailer for Pony, and we talked about going to Kaz’s house.
‘I reckon it’ll be fun to surprise her,’ I said as Deb and Ann straightened the tarp.
‘I think we should also keep an eye out for Kaz anyway, just in case something has happened to her,’ said Ann.
‘Alright,’ Deb said, ‘but I’m not too distressed about her safety. If she can disappear, then I’d say she’s pretty safe.’
‘Okay,’ I said, ‘we’ll swing by Kaz’s house on the way to the hospital. Won’t she be shocked!’
‘Good choice of words. She’ll be shocked alright!’ Deb said with an odd look on her face, ‘but do we have too?’
‘I’m with you sis, but the look on her face will be worth it,’ said Ann.
‘You know, I’d call and report her missing,’ I said looking to Pony, then to Ann. ‘But I don’t seem to have my mobile on me, and the one hope we had, had been crushed on a countertop in a diner.’
Pony’s face went a shade of purple as she lowered her eyes. I presumed she still blushed red, mix that with green and well you know… purple. Ann didn’t seem fazed at all and Deb was trying not to make eye contact with either of them. She continued to adjust the tarp and jackets in silence. Noticing Pony had begun to glow that beautiful blue colour, I had to ease her guilt.
‘I’m just fooling with you Pony,’ I said with a smile.
I knew she was relieved because the glow returned to her lovely green.
‘Come on, let’s get you on the trailer.’
‘No,’ said Deb. ‘Pony can sit on the handlebars this time if she wants. It’s dark where we’re going, and she’ll love it.’
‘Okay, let’s get on the bike and find ourselves a dragon. So Ann doesn’t kill us over our morning coffees,’ I whispered before saying, ‘did I tell you I can’t stress enough how important it is for you to slay that dragon, Ann?’
Deb must have heard my whisper because I caught her staring at me in horror in a side mirror. Living with Ann, Deb knows how grumpy she already was in the mornings.
‘You’re right,’ Deb said. ‘It’s getting late, the moon’s beginning to rise and Ann’s got another dragon to slay.’
‘Onward and ever upwards into the jaws of death,’ Deb proclaimed. ‘We’re off to Millers Point where my sister will slay a dragon or five, and not me.
The Dark Forest
With Pony on the handlebars, Deb on the rear seat, and Ann on the trailer ready to lay back and watch the star’s wiz by, I realised I’d never been to Millers Point.
‘Does anyone know how to get to Millers Point from here?’ I asked stopping at the edge of the road, ‘And can we do it without being seen?’
‘I know how to get there,’ said Deb. ‘Take a right on Wilfred Ave and go to the end. It says it’s a dead-end, but there’s a bike path that crosses the Yaksi River. It brings us out about three blocks from Millers Point. It’s all bush and gravel roads on the other side of the Yaksi.
There’s a slight… no, we’re on a bike, I’m changing that to a steep incline on the other side of the bridge. Once we reach the top, take a left when you come to a small dirt track. It runs down to Swan Park, and Millers Point isn’t far from there.’
‘That was very precise,’ I said, turning slightly to look at her.
‘What!’ she said, responding to the smirk on my face, ‘I’ve been there before, and don’t ask who with, you don’t want to know.’
‘Oh, it’s that type of park!’ I said with a smile, but those directions were full on. Just nudge my left hip for left, my right hip for the right. Otherwise, I’ll keep going.’
‘Okay,’ Deb said, before asking, ‘Jo?’
‘Yeah?’
‘What did Vila tell you about Ann?’
‘It’s strange. I asked her if she could wipe Ann’s mind as she did with Eric… you know so that she wouldn’t remember Bob… and all the other crazy she’s experienced today. So she sat on Ann’s shoulder, took a whiff of her breath, and before I knew it she was back on mine. All she said was no.’
I was adjusting my seat on the bike as Deb thought about it. My arse, legs, and back were pretty damn sore from all the riding. I was sure I’d ground an inch off my lace-ups from the braking because the thick metal core of my wooden heels had begun to spark as they hit the road. I was also sure they also had a few frayed edges of old grey woollen blanket caught up in their splinters, from that poor fella’s blanket.
‘No? Just like that?’ Deb asked.
‘Just like that,’ I said.
‘And you let her taste Ann’s breath?’
‘No,’ I said, ‘and never, ever, tell her okay? I didn’t know Vila was going to do it.’
Deb sounded slightly confused. I thought I’d like to feel a little confused by everything at that moment too, but I wasn’t. All I felt was sore.
If the sore and aching started to lose ground, then the numb could take over with a vengeance. I knew it was just waiting for me to have a well-earned long hot bath, then bam! Instant pain all over.
‘Vila said she couldn’t take her memories because Ann’s a freakin’ war-god,’ I said, ‘who’s been woken up, and if we don’t get her to Millers Point, she won’t get full control of her powers.’
Kicking off, I let the bike coast down an incline leading to the small bridge crossing the Yaksi River, passing the “Dead End” sign just before we hit.
‘If she slays the dragon,’ I called, ‘she’ll get all her powers at once. If she doesn’t, well let’s just say I’m glad I don’t share breakfast with her. The only upside to this… Nah, there’s no upside Deb. I just hope the Man of the Trees can help.’
Pony must’ve been having a great time on the handlebars. Her ooze had begun to catch in the wind, and Deb and I were getting slimed occasionally.
‘Is that a bit clearer for you?’ I called.
‘Yeah, a little,’ she said. ‘I guess it’ll get clearer as the night goes on.’
Deb finished with a laugh. It was a nervous laugh, but that was kinda the mood at that moment. Nervous, yet happy. Scared but unafraid. Weird and random.
‘What about that couple coming out of the light back at the park?’ asked Brain. ‘What was that all about?’
‘I don’t know; no-one else seems interested in what happened. I’m worried about Kaz though. Keep a lookout will you Brain?’
‘Will do.’
‘Right,’ I muttered. ‘Millers Point it is.’
I was so happy Wilfred Street was all downhill, but after we’d crossed the bridge, it was pedal time. I found the bike was struggling, and I had to fight to push the pedals around. I thought I was going to have to pull over to pump up the tyre. Before that happened, I looked down to see how flat it really was, and copped a face full of dirt from the Pea gravel spittin
g up from the ground. After my brief, “Oh my God, I can’t see a thing” moment, I noticed Pony’s lace-ups were digging into the road.
‘Pick your feet up Pony,’ I called. ‘Your lace-ups are digging into the gravel making it harder for me to pedal.’
‘Okay,’ she called from the handlebars. I watched as she turned her head, then she released a large glob of slime that smacked straight into my forehead. It splat against my head like a bug on a windscreen. I was past dry retching at that stage and used my Horse juice, blood and slime covered shirt sleeve to try to wipe it off.
‘Deb,’ I called over my shoulder. ‘Can you ask Ann if Kaz left her jacket on the trailer?’
‘Okay. Ann?’
‘What is it? I was almost asleep,’ she said sounding grumpy.
‘Is Kaz’s jacket there.’
‘Yeah, why?’
‘Get her to pass you the jacket,’ I called out, listening to the conversation, ‘then Pony can change out of Ann’s blazer.’
‘Okay, she’ll be happy about that.’
‘That’s what we want isn’t it?’ I said. ‘A happy Ann.’
‘Yeah,’ Deb said in a more sober tone.
Ann passed the jacket up and, without thinking, I pushed it under one of Pony’s arms.
‘Pony?’ I called, forgetting for the briefest of moments about the wind to ooze ratio. It all happened in slow motion. Pony turned her head to look at me. I saw it coming but had no time to move, and nowhere to go. Happy Pony ooze sprayed all over my face.
Her gigantic lips were flapping in the wind. She had a huge open smile, giving me a good look at those teeth towards the back of her throat. Then images of Bob being pulled into her mouth began to play out in my head, and I quickly looked back to the road.
Wiping my hand across my closed mouth trying to remove some ooze, I accidentally pushed a bit up my nose. Trying to reduce the gross factor, it all turned into a series of unfortunate events, because the wind meant the more I wiped, the more ooze took its place. In lifting my blouse to try for a quick full-face wipe, I realised it was just mixing Pony’s ooze, with dried Horse juices. I almost threw up. I wasn’t sure if Deb would’ve appreciated it, seated behind me as she was.
Yeah, just another fantastic night out with the girls.
Of course, as I lifted my blouse with one hand, while trying to manage the Pony heavy handlebars with the other, my blouse lifted completely. The blouse was a button up, and fanned into a ‘V’ shape, giving me the ability to see through the ‘V’. I was so glad it was a warm night, and I was wearing my new purple bra.
With a glowing Pony on the handlebars, and me riding around with my shirt up over my head. The entire scene would have looked hilarious.
Having removed the slime from my face, I decided to leave my blouse in front as a wind guard. No-one could see us anyway, and Pony had turned back to the front.
After finally shoving the jacket into Pony’s hand, the bike began to get a small wobble up.
‘Stop,’ I shrieked, hoping Pony would realise what she was doing.
She stopped moving, and the bike stopped wobbling.
Falling off a push-bike is not something anyone looks forward to. Pony took off the blazer and passed it back to me with a deceptive ease.
Then it caught in the wind and wrapped around my head.
I heard Deb yelling something, and I knew it would’ve been about an imminent something, but until I unwound the jacket from my head, everything sounded muffled.
Finally, it detached from my face, even though my blouse was still covering it, I gave it to Deb, who threw it to Ann. I pulled the bike back to the road just before running us all into an old wire fence edging it, before finally feeling in control again.
The force of the wind held my shirt in place, and it was only when Pony put the jacket on that it occurred to me how stupid the entire thing had been.
‘Where was Brain?’ I thought. Usually, he had something to say about my dumb ideas.
‘To be truthful with you Josephine,’ said Brain, ‘that was one of the least stupid things you have done tonight. I am keeping my warnings for the big ones, and I am sure there will be one or two just around the corner.’
I sighed in agreement. Brain was usually right about those sorts of things.
Even though we’d whizzed out from the bridge with enough speed to take us up the big incline, before the road flattened out again, I had to pedal as hard as I could to get us to the top. We were only halfway up the incline when we almost went off the road and Pony changed her jacket. While I was still reliving the horror of what could’ve happened due to my stupidity, I felt a sudden sharp pain in my left hip, then heard Deb’s voice.
‘Turn now,’ she said nudging my left hip a little harder than was necessary. It was hard enough for me to take my eyes off the road for a moment.
A moment was all it took.
I turned so hard and fast, the front tyre skipped against the edge of a large rock I didn’t see until the last minute, and for a few moments, we were airborne. As we landed back on two wheels in soft sand, with a flattish front tyre, the trailer also clipped the rock. I saw it disappear from my side mirrors for a moment but caught sight of it as it came out of a 360-degree spin, before landing upright on its two small dolly wheels. It bounced for a few moments before coming to a stop. I fought hard to stabilise us and, after what seemed like forever, I righted the bike just enough so when we all fell off, we didn’t suffer too much bodily harm.
We were lucky the verge had recently been upgraded with clean white sand. We all rolled off the bike into the sand as it came to a stop. I was dazed and was lying on the ground looking up at the sky wondering how bad had it been, when muffled screams rose from beneath the jackets on the trailer.
‘Farrk!’ I yelled. ‘We forgot about Ann.’
Getting up, I helped Deb to her feet, and we began digging around in the jackets and tarp trying to free her. Ann was pretty tightly wrapped.
She had one leg sticking out of a hole in the tarp, an arm wearing a blazer sleeve, with the rest of the jacket seemingly tied in a neat bow around her neck. She was so twisted up in the stuff on the trailer; it took us all a few minutes to figure out what to undo first.
Eventually, we untangled her, and Pony helped her up.
Ann was incoherent and told us we were all “Fuckin bitches”, and if it wasn’t for gravity and a good grip, “You bitches would’ve killed me”!
Deb tried to put her arm around her shoulder to calm her down. All I heard was, “Fuck off”, and watched as Ann shrugged her arm away. She was walking around in circles swearing and shaking. Everyone was shaking, except for Pony who seemed to think it was all good fun. While I tried to ease my tremors, I walked around laughing a little too much while checking my body for blood.
‘It’s a good thing we’re not hiding from anyone,’ I thought sitting down on an old tree stump.
I realised my shirt was still up around my ears and pulled it back down as my laughter eased and the shock began to wear off. I never knew Ann was so proficient in her profanities. Deb, also in shock, was trying her damnedest to calm Ann down, but nothing was working.
It was a good five minutes before I’d calmed enough to stop shaking, and noticed Ann had stopped cursing. I’d sat on the old stump, and after a while a large cloud shifted, lighting it up in the moons glow. That’s when I noticed the stump had a plaque nailed to it.
I couldn’t read it of course, but I wondered why anyone would cut down a perfectly good tree, that looked like it was a hundred years old if it was a day, then memorialise its stump. It made absolutely no sense to me at all.
‘Sorry old fella,’ I said to the stump, running my hand over the many rings across its top. For a moment, I felt a slight tingle along the tips of each finger, and a strange memory popped into my mind. It was me, but not me, and I was talking to the tree, then my fingers were running across it, and I watched my tears fall to the freshly sawn stump… then the memory wa
s gone.
‘What the hell was that Brain?’ I asked, but he’d become silent. I get annoyed when he does that, and lately, he’s been doing it quite a lot.
I was so caught up in the stump and that memory, I never saw or heard Deb approach. She gently touched my shoulder and started to speak, but it scared me so much I fell off and landed in a prickle patch. While Deb laughed, she tried to help this time, but each time she’d pull me up, she’d drop me again. For some reason, my pain was funny to her.
‘Are we gonna get going,’ an angry Ann asked, ‘or are you going to sit there all night and commiserate with that stump?’
‘Alright,’ I whispered, then said a little louder, and snarkier, ‘feeling better are you?’
‘Fuck off!’ Ann said.
‘Back at ya!’ I said, running my hands down along my bum to try to get all the prickles off me, only to find they were doublegee’s.
Would you like me to tell you why they’re called that? It’s because one prickle can have up to three or four spikes sticking out of them. So they don’t make you say “Gee” just once.
I climbed back on the bike, only to find there were more than a few doublegee’s in the back of my jeans. They were piercing my skin, and I hopped off the bike as if the seat had burnt me. I knew I must’ve been dancing around like a rainmaker from some old movie, looking for the last of those little buggers.
As usual, instead of helping, my so-called friends howled with laughter. The last of the prickles were sticking into my bum, and the only way for me to get them all was to take my jeans off.
‘Woo hoo,’ called Deb, as I undid the zip.
‘Take it all off,’ laughed Ann. At least she was feeling better.
‘Pony hep Jo?’ I heard as two green hands grabbed each side of my belt, knocking me slightly off centre.
‘I can do it, thank you Pony,’ I said as I undid the zip. I began to lower my jeans and felt the tips of the prickles slowly let go of my skin. Just before they reached the ground, it occurred to me it’d be better if I took the jeans off on the sandy track, and not in the bushes where I got the prickles in the first place.
Josephine Marlin and The Alternatives Page 15
