Chapter 13
It struck without warning, like a hot branding iron on my soul. It wasn’t physical — there was no way to touch the pain, to locate it, to deal with it. I screamed and thrashed, and Bran held me and kept reminding me to breathe, telling me he had me. As the pull and burn on my soul finally dissipated, the inside of my left wrist felt as if it were being branded, and I shook my arm and rubbed it as tears flowed from my eyes.
When it was over, a red and black flame was tattooed on the inside of my wrist.
I looked at Nathan and could see pain on his face, though he hadn’t made a sound and his eyes were dry.
“I’m so sorry, Nathan. You came to rescue me and now you’re having to pay for it.”
“We’ll talk later. There’ll only be a few seconds respite before the next hits.”
I thought I’d be prepared for it the second time, but it was like being branded over a spot that’d just been burned, and was exponentially more painful.
When it was over the second time, a detailed black and charcoal rope knot was tattooed beside the flame, and I was soaking wet and exhausted.
“I can’t do it a third time.”
Nathan came to me and picked me up from Bran’s lap. “You don’t have a choice. I’m done, so I’ll hold you this time.”
He was just as sweat-soaked as me, and I asked, “How do you have the strength?”
“I’m the Amakhosi. Put your arms around my neck and squeeze.”
He sat with me in his lap, and when it started this time I felt his warm lion energy bathing me, protecting me. My soul was still branded and it still hurt worse than I could’ve imagined, but Nathan’s energy made it easier to tolerate.
I screamed and writhed, and his energy helped hold me, helped tether me to this reality while it felt as if my soul was stretched into another dimension and branded in the fires of Hell. When it was over I had a third tattoo on the inside of my wrist — a red heart — and I felt as if I had three leashes tethering part of my soul to Hell.
I kept my head buried in Nathan’s chest and asked no one in particular, “Why didn’t you tell me what would happen?”
“It’s forbidden,” said Rafe, still kneeling close by. “No one can explain the process — you have to live it to find out.”
“I’ve said it before, but the supernatural secrecy stuff is bullshit.”
I turned my head to look at Rafe, and was surprised to see he’d been crying and his face was tear streaked. I reached out to touch him, remembered I couldn’t, and pulled my arm back. “You have all of the compassion and empathy they lost.”
He nodded. “Yes, and I’m so sorry for your pain, dearest.”
I looked at Nathan’s wrist, saw he had two lines that looked a lot like claw scratches, and then looked to the inside of my wrist. “What do the tattoos mean?”
Mordecai leaned forward and looked again, and then sat back with a scowl. “It only has to be three marks, and is usually simple scratches. Someone thinks he’s being funny by giving a pictogram to remind you your heart is tied to him.” He looked at me a few seconds before muttering, “Unless… but surely not.” He reached into his pocket and withdrew a fancy pipe. He put it into his mouth without loading it or lighting it and asked, “He won’t have called you by your name. What did he call you?”
“Usually Chère. Sometimes tiny human or little girl.”
He scowled and I added, “He was also worried there might be complications because…” I hesitated, unsure how much I could say in front of everyone present.
“Can I see your back?” he asked.
I shook my head and said, “Not in front of… no. Please.”
I’d thoroughly enjoyed the whipping and flogging, and I knew Nathan had seen the marks on my back, but didn’t want anyone else to see.
“Well,” he said, putting his pipe back into his pocket. It seemed to disappear, as if the pocket was a portal to somewhere else, because there wasn’t a lump in the fabric. “If there are consequences or ramifications, we’ll deal with them later. I believe the massage therapist is just outside the door. I’d like you and the Amakhosi to stay in here tonight, just as a precaution until I can verify a few things independently. Bran’s idea of someone helping you go to sleep relaxed so you aren’t as likely to have nightmares is excellent.”
The room emptied, but Rafe remained in the room with us and said he’d stay as our bodyguard until Mordecai was certain we were in the clear. We were told the lights needed to stay on, and Rafe offered us fluffy blindfolds so we’d feel as if we were in the dark. Nathan declined, but I needed sleep badly enough, I gladly put one on.
Connor indeed had magical fingers, and I was asleep on the huge, fluffy bed they set up in the middle of the room within moments.
Chapter 14
I came to consciousness slowly, in pitch black with a very warm and very muscled body under me. I froze until I remembered why it was so dark, and I moved slowly as I reached up to pull the blindfold off.
The bright light was painful and I buried my face in my arm and slowly let light in until my eyes adjusted.
I was draped over Nathan, my head on his chest, my knees on the mattress beside his hips. He was tall enough my groin wasn’t directly over his cock, and we were both in sweatpants, but it still wasn’t the most dignified position.
One of his arms was draped over me, the other was over his eyes. I tried to slide sideways off him, but his arm tightened around me. I looked up and met Rafe’s eyes. He was leaned against the wall and I asked, “You’ve stood there all night?”
He nodded. “It’s still night. You can sleep another two hours and still make it home in time to see your daughter off to school.”
“If it’s safe, can we turn the lights off, maybe?”
He shook his head. “Put the blindfold back on and sleep, dearest. We’ll discuss strategy tomorrow.”
I looked down and met Nathan’s gaze. “I need to use the restroom. I’ll be right back.”
The bathroom was attached to this room and had just as many lights. I squinched my eyes together and made my way, and then rubbed the inside of my left wrist as I sat on the toilet. I’d have to figure out a way to cover the tattoos with makeup, because no way was I going to explain them to anyone.
Nathan was sitting up when I returned, his eyes fully open. “Yeah, I think I’m awake, too,” I told him. “Is there anything I can do to make this up to you? It’s like you were punished for helping me get out of Hell. The trap was set for me, not you.”
He shook his head. “There’s a lot of history here, and it probably isn’t totally your fault. The Amakhosi before me was in league with the Prince of Hell, and it took me a while to weed out my people to get rid of those who wanted us to stay aligned with evil.” Nathan looked at Rafe. “She has the wrong idea about you, and you didn’t correct her misconception.”
Rafe lifted his eyebrows at Nathan a few seconds before looking at me. “I am not the biblical Raphael. Please do not try to put me in that box. I’ll be staying with you for the foreseeable future, and if you’re amenable, I can help adjust your frequency so the denizens of Hell won’t be able to hold onto you long enough to drag you back.”
I shook my head. “There’s too much I don’t understand. I need to speak with Mordecai, alone.”
“And you will.” He spoke so proper, reminding me of some of the old vampires who hadn’t kept up with the changes in language. “He will arrive in time for me to take you home to see to your daughter before she leaves for school, and he and the Lion have a few things to do. When they are finished, we’ll swap so I stand guard with the Lion while Mordecai explains some things to you.”
I nodded. “I’m assuming there’ll be a meeting at some point to discuss the fact the Celrau are growing their numbers in the other realm. I hope to be involved in the discussion, but I’ll need to have a private conversation with The Abbott, first.”
He shook his head. “I can’t speak to any of that. I have
permission to explain to you that whoever holds your bargain can bargain it to someone else. Based on the history the Amakhosi has with The Prince of Hell, it’s highly likely he’ll end up with the Amakhosi’s favors.”
“I’m aware,” said Nathan, his eyes dark. “It couldn’t be helped.”
I wasn’t sure about that, because I’d stipulated Xaephan had to request the favor, but I supposed if he traded them to the Prince, he’d just tell Nathan to do whatever the Prince wanted. I would find a way to make this up to Nathan, but it didn’t change the fact I needed to pull away from the danger I’d found myself in.
“Now that I’m back on Earth and relatively safe,” I told Nathan, “I think I need to come up with a plan to get out of all of the supernatural stuff. I’m a mom — it isn’t okay for me to get dragged off to other realms. Lauren’s lost one set of parents. I don’t think she’d survive with her emotions intact if she lost me, too.”
Nathan looked at Rafe and back to me. “If something happens to you, I give you my word Lauren will be taken care of. I know the women in my Pride can never replace you, but they can give her a house full of mothers who are so up in her shit, she’ll never get away with anything she doesn’t have permission to do.”
I shook my head. “My parents would finish raising her if something happened to me, but the point is…” I buried my face in my hands at just the thoughts of Lauren being told I was dead or missing. “I’m a mom, not a soldier. I need to focus on being a mom, Nathan.”
Rafe kneeled in front of me again, tears in his eyes as he said, “I’m not sure bowing out is an option. Doing so might put you in more danger than you’re currently in. Right now, you’re training and working towards more strength, and you’re surrounded by people with power. I believe that pulling out and going it alone would bring even more bad guys to your door.”
“He’s right,” Nathan agreed. “Like it or not, you’re a warrior and we need you fighting on the side of good. How will you feel if you refuse to help and evil wins out? I was alive as we came out of the dark ages, and I know what it took for good to take over again after evil had such a firm foothold on the planet.”
Everything hit me all at once and I burst into tears. I’d held it together in the Underworld, and last night with everyone around, but I finally fell to pieces and Nathan held me as I did.
Without being asked, Rafe brought tissues, and I was careful to keep from touching him as I accepted them with a tearful thanks.
I don’t know how long I cried, but when I was finished, I washed my face, thanked the men for taking care of me, and let them know I was ready to go home.
Chapter 15
Rafe let me drive one of the Drake Security vehicles to my house, with him in the passenger seat. My car had been moved from my work parking garage to the Drake lot, but they didn’t want me driving it yet and I didn’t argue.
I needed to sleep for twelve hours, but it wasn’t going to happen in the too-brightly-lit room with Rafe watching us. I called Cora on the way to let her know to expect us, and then yelled upstairs as I opened the front door. Lauren came running and leapt into my arms, and immediately said, “Ick. You stink, mom. What is that?”
I couldn’t smell myself or Nathan anymore, and Madeline had said the smell was only faint now, but leave it to Lauren to pick up on it.
“It’s a long story, but I’m fine — if a little smelly.”
Cora came around the corner from the kitchen and stopped, her face reflecting reverence as she took in Rafe.
“You’re… you’re…”
“I am,” he told her with a smile, “but for right now you can just call me Rafe, without any fanfare.”
Cora knew what he was? Did wolves and angels have some kind of deal I didn’t know about? I sighed in frustration, thinking once again if something got me killed it was most likely to be all the damned secrets keeping me in the dark.
“I have eggs and pancakes just about ready to start cooking,” Cora told us. “Xiaolan’s in the shower. I was trying to time it so she can eat when she gets out.”
She looked at Rafe as if she was having to force herself not to bow, and turned and practically ran to the kitchen.
Rafe looked at me holding my daughter, and I told him, “I want to get into some of my own clothes. Maybe you can go to the kitchen and talk to Cora while Lauren and I go upstairs to talk?”
He shook his head. “Until I get notification from… my employer, I’ll need to keep you in my sight.”
Right, in case someone popped open a door to Hell and tried to drag me through. I thought they’d said my house was safe from that, but I didn’t argue. “Fine, then Lauren can get her things together while I change clothes, and then she and I can talk a little.”
I shooed her into the family room to load her backpack and make sure she had everything, and when she’d gone, I asked Rafe, “You’re sure she’s safe? And Xiaolan?”
He nodded. “Mordecai made it so, and I’ve just verified it for both of them.”
Smokey had come into the foyer, but stopped about ten feet from me. I called him to me, but he just sat and watched me. “Give him time. He knows something isn’t right and it’s to his credit he isn’t barking his head off,” Rafe told me.
Over the next forty minutes, the five of us ate breakfast and talked, and Cora stumbled over her words every time she had to speak to Rafe.
Lauren hugged me extra hard before she left for school, and I resisted the urge to stand on the front porch and watch her drive out of sight.
Once Lauren was gone, Cora dropped to her knees in front of Rafe and said, “I’m not worthy to be in your presence, Your Majesty.”
He bent forward and touched her head. “Yes you are, little wolf.” His hand went to the side of her head and he cupped her cheek, forcing her to look him in the eyes. “I know you’re here because your employer paid you, but you went above and beyond to take care of your friend’s loved ones.” He glanced at me and then looked back at her. “I can’t touch her, but I can transfer energy to you, which you can then gift to her. I can see and feel the connection the two of you have. It’s most unusual for a human to bind to a wolf in this manner.”
“Hold up,” I said, and even to my own ears I sounded grumpy. Oh well — a trip to Hell, sleep deprivation, and then people not telling me secrets — I had a damned good excuse to be grumpy. “I thought you were an angel. Why is she calling you Your Majesty?”
Cora looked at Rafe a few seconds, and then to me. “He’s royalty, Kirsten.”
I shook my head. “I had the feeling Mordecai told Rafe what to do. Did I have it backwards? And can you please stand up?”
Rafe helped Cora up and told her, “I appreciate the acknowledgment and respect, but it won’t be necessary again in this house.” He looked at me. “Some wolves are aligned with my counterpart in the realm of dark and fire, some are aligned with me. Her Alpha is aligned with me and thus she is an extended member of my court.”
“Who’s your counterpart in the other realm? I thought The Prince and the people just under him would be equal to Mordecai? I don’t think I met anyone else?”
“Names are powerful in that realm and I’d really rather not teach you more than you know.”
I rolled my eyes. “Fine. If I have some time before Mordecai arrives, I’d like to go out back and meditate. I know it’s freezing, but I’ll layer up. I have a few tree friends I’d like to commune with.”
He nodded. “An excellent idea. I’ll stick close at first, but if you’re truly communing with nature, I’ll be able to move back and give you some space.”
He had Cora hug me before we left, and I felt a warm, loving energy seeping into my aura. I sighed in pleasure as I let her go and said, “Thank you, to both of you.”
As we walked to the backyard, I told Rafe, “You’re using contractions, now.”
“Excuse me?”
“Most of the really old ones say ‘will not’ instead of ‘won’t’. Contractions. Yo
u didn’t use them yesterday or this earlier morning, but now you are.”
“Interesting observation. I’ll stay here until you figure out where you’d like to sit for your meditation.”
I’d intended to sit on the ground just inside the woods at the back of my yard, but the pool called to me. The cover went over almost all of the concrete around it, as well as the diving board, but I wanted to sit on the diving board. I made my way carefully as I walked on the cover and stepped onto the board, walked part way out, and sat with my legs crisscrossed.
It was twenty-eight degrees and I shivered a little, but I gathered enough energy to keep me warm in all of my layers as I reached metaphysical feelers out to the water beneath me and the trees around me.
And I felt life.
Birds, bugs, worms — and it may be winter, but the evergreen trees exhilarated in the cold as they reached their branches toward the newly risen sun.
It seemed as if I lost the last vestiges of the Hell realm as I sat on the diving board and let the trees welcome me home. This place was mine — it was where I belonged and no one would ever take me away again. I tuned into the earth’s energy, so thankful to be home and once again part of the planet that gave me life.
It seemed as if I meditated ten or fifteen minutes, but I’d later learn I was out there nearly two hours. When I came back to reality, I stood and walked off the diving board and into the woods so I could hug one of the cedar trees.
Rafe appeared before me, brighter than he’d seemed before, almost as if he were glowing. I smiled at him, trying to figure out the difference, and he said, “The difference is in your perspective. I’m the same.” He shook his head. “It should’ve taken a week or more before I could do this.” He reached towards me and touched my hand before I could jerk it away.
I stared at my hand in his — it was a normal touch. No burn. I looked at him in question and he gave me a gentle smile as he explained, “You’re fully of the Earth, now. I sense no remnants of the Hell realm in you at all.”
An Unhuman Journey Page 11
