by Andrea Thome
Finally, he spoke. “So, I have some news. I’m sure you noticed that things were a little strained with Buck. He told me yesterday that he’s been seeing my mother for the past couple of months.” Logan saw the confusion on Laina’s face. “Thing is, he didn’t know she was my mom until she told him last week. Now Buck’s convinced that he’s in love with her and that she’s changed. But I can’t wrap my brain around why she kept her identity a secret from him for so long. Nothing good begins with a lie.”
Laina was shocked. “Logan, I’m not sure what to say. And you haven’t had any contact with your mom since you discovered Willow was your sister, right? Do you think she somehow found out? Is that what you’re worried about? That she’s after your money?”
Logan sighed. “Honestly? I don’t know. But that’s certainly not out of the realm of possibility. She’s been sending me letters every few weeks for about a year, but I haven’t read them. They’re in a drawer in my kitchen.” He smiled at her ruefully. “I guess we both keep our secrets in the kitchen drawer. Anyway, I’m not sure I want my mom back in my life. Why open myself up to the possibility of getting emotionally crushed by her again?”
Laina held the reins in one of her hands, reaching out to touch him on the shoulder. “I know we talked about this in California. Karma. At some point, you should do yourself the favor of dealing with this. When you’re ready, obviously. It doesn’t sound like she’s going anywhere, and I know how important your relationship with Buck is to you. I’d hate to see this drive a wedge between you. What does he want you to do?”
“He’s convinced she’s changed. He practically begged me to give her a second chance, but he doesn’t really grasp the history. I know I’m going to have to meet with her. I’m just not sure I’m ready yet. I’m inclined to tell Buck that I need some time before I can come face-to-face with her. Maybe I should start by reading the letters. Buck told me that if he had to choose between us, he’d choose me. Which only proves that his friendship is worth fighting for. But it also broke my heart a little bit. It might mean I have to suck it up and give their relationship a chance, regardless of whether or not I can have any kind of communication with my mother. I guess I need to have another conversation with Buck. I’ll do it when we get back this afternoon.”
They arrived at the clearing where they’d had the campout and then traveled single file the few hundred feet down the path through the woods to Lake Bonhomie. Logan climbed down off his horse onto the beach before helping Laina to dismount. He secured the horses to a fallen tree near the shore so the animals had access to the fresh, cool water and tall, wispy grasses that grew along the banks. Logan stretched his arms over his head, surveying the lake.
“It’s really remarkable, isn’t it?” He reached down to grab Laina’s hand, bringing it up to his lips. “Swim?”
Laina laughed. “You know darn well I didn’t bring my bathing suit.”
The electricity crackled between them as Logan looked her up and down. “I’m more interested in your birthday suit, actually.”
They spent the next hour thinking about nothing but each other, letting the bluebird skies and crisp lake water cleanse them of their worries.
It was late afternoon by the time they got back to Logan’s place. Buck had just finished closing up the barn for the day and was walking across the gravel drive toward his truck.
“Go talk to him. Don’t let this fester, Logan. I’ll wait for you in the house.” She halted her horse next to the hitching post and climbed off. Logan nodded, dismounting and taking the horses reins from her hand as she walked away.
“Buck! Hang on a minute.” Logan tied the horses up and moved toward where the older man stood waiting for him.
“I’ve been thinking about everything you told me. I see how heavily this is weighing on you, and I would love to tell you that it’s all going to work out. I need a little more time. That said, if you want to continue seeing my mother, I’m not going to stop you. I realize this means I’ll eventually have to face her and hear what she has to say. But give me some time. I need to resolve some things within myself before I can do that. Fair enough?”
Buck inhaled deeply and shook his head. “Of course. I know how hard this is for you, son. And you telling me this shows me how much I mean to you. The feeling is mutual. I wouldn’t be asking you to give her a chance if I thought there was even a possibility that she would hurt you again. You’re like a son to me, Logan.” He swallowed the lump in his throat before continuing. “Let her explain to you, Logan. Give her the opportunity to prove herself. When you’re ready. I think she might surprise you.”
Logan smiled wryly. “Well, it wouldn’t be the first time.”
The men embraced and said goodbye. As Logan turned to walk toward the house, his phone buzzed in his pocket.
Van: We’re all set for this weekend. Game tix? Check. Road snacks? Check. Oh, and you’re driving.
Logan: Did you clear it with Laina?
Van: Just got off the phone with her. Figured if she put you in lockdown, I’d find a babe to take with me.
Logan: Wow. Glad I’m so replaceable.
Van: We leave Saturday morning. Game time 1:05. We can head back after the game or early Sunday so you can work.
Logan: It’s a date.
Van: I’m not putting out.
Logan: I just threw up in my mouth.
Laina opened the front door as Logan climbed the steps. “How’d it go?”
Logan moved toward her, lifting her chin to kiss her softly. “We agreed to hold off on any meeting—for now. But Buck and me—we’re going to be OK, no matter what.” He kissed Laina again, more deeply. “I hear you’ve given me the green light to go to the Rockies game this Saturday with Van. Sick of me already?” Logan slid his arms around her, pulling her closer to him before lifting her shirt and grazing the skin on her back with his palms.
Laina shivered. “Never. I told Van not to make a habit of taking you away from me.” She kissed Logan’s neck lazily as she talked. “He needs this distraction. I know he needs to talk to someone, and it can’t always be me. He’s going through a difficult time too.” She pulled back to look at him. “He can fill you in this weekend. I think you guys are good for each other. After what you’ve told me about your mom, maybe this trip is just the thing both of you need right now.”
Logan reached down to scoop Laina up in his arms, striding through the front door and into the hall with her. “What I need right now is you. I’m not sure if I’ll ever fully scratch this itch.”
Despite his doubts, he spent the rest of the afternoon trying.
CHAPTER
TWENTY-FOUR
There wasn’t much time that week for Logan to dwell on the situation with his mom. To Buck’s credit, he carried on with their scheduled rides, keeping his interactions with Logan light and professional. Logan used the long summer days to get the barn cleaned out, pouring his nervous energy into the hard labor, turning things over in his mind as he worked. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to read her stack of letters yet, but he had removed them from the drawer, and they now sat in a pile on the counter as a constant reminder that he’d have to deal with them sooner than later.
The busy week flew by, and Saturday morning dawned. Logan was looking forward to the chance to get out of town for the night with Van. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been to a Major League Baseball game, and both Colorado and the San Francisco Giants were in the playoff hunt that year, so the matchup promised to be a good one. He threw his overnight bag into the Bronco and set off toward town. Parking outside Van’s town house, he took a moment to send a text to Laina. He’d spent the previous night with her but had gone home to shower and check in with Buck before he left for Denver.
Logan: Waiting for Van. Missing you already.
Laina: I’m still lying in bed. You’ve turned me into a lounger.
Logan: Forget Van. I’ll be right there.
Laina: lol. You guys will have a
great time. Don’t worry about me . . . I’ll work, come home, and binge on brownies and Netflix to cure my loneliness.
Logan: We’ll be back tomorrow morning before noon. You won’t have time to miss me. Although I do look pretty sexy wearing my Rockies foam finger.
Laina: God I love you.
Logan: love u2
Logan watched Van lock his front door and make his way toward him, a black backpack slung over one shoulder, his signature Ray-Bans covering his eyes. He wore an unbuttoned Rockies jersey over his usual all-black ensemble. He opened the door and got into the truck next to Logan.
“Ready to rock. Sorry, I was finishing up a call with my brothers.” He hesitated. “Long story.”
Van buckled his seat belt and rolled down the window, setting his arm on the door.
Logan could tell he was preoccupied. “Well, we’ve got a long ride if it’s something you want to talk about.”
They headed east on CO-82, planning to take Independence Pass instead of going through Glenwood Springs, as it was faster and more scenic. They passed Laina’s house a few minutes later, honking the horn as they drove by, but saw no signs of life.
Van broke the silence. “Has Laina told you about my family situation at all?” He glanced over at Logan, who was focused on the winding road ahead of them. Taking the pass was faster, but the drive wasn’t for the faint of heart. Logan was used to mountain driving, but he still had a healthy respect for the hairpin turns that he was presently navigating.
“Honestly, she hasn’t said much. She mentioned you’re going through a rough spot, but I guess she figured you’d tell me about it if you wanted to.”
Van stroked his blond goatee, pulling on it absentmindedly. “Of course. She wouldn’t. Laina is the most loyal lass you’ll ever meet.” He drummed his fingers against the side of the car, choosing his words carefully. “My family lives in Oregon. My parents moved there from Edinburgh, Scotland, when we were kids. I’ve got two younger brothers and a sonof-a-bitch father who I haven’t seen in years. He’s dying. Brain cancer. I have to say I’m surprised he’s lived this long with his black heart. He’s not a good man. My brothers have been calling me, trying to persuade me to come and see the old man before he dies, but I can’t make myself warm to the idea. My relationship with Will and Ben has suffered because of the lines they chose to draw in the family sand a while back in support of my father. I could never get past him putting his hands on my mother. He was a nasty drunk, and she bore the brunt of his anger in order to protect the three of us. It’s hard for me to understand how they could forgive him that despicable sin. And so we’re at a bit of an impasse.”
Logan exhaled sharply. “Damn. That’s a lot to think about. Were you close with your brothers growing up?”
Van nodded. “Very close. We were best friends. Up until my mum died. I was twenty-four. Ben and Will were starting college at the time.” He paused, lost in thought. “I don’t know how they managed to rationalize things in order to maintain a relationship with our father. I’d seen and heard enough. I can still close my eyes and remember the sound of his meaty fist connecting with my mum’s jaw. I wish I could forget. Some things aren’t forgivable. Violence against a woman is one of those things.”
Logan considered Van’s words. Was what Logan’s mother had done worthy of forgiveness? He wasn’t sure he had an answer for that question yet, but he could feel the clock ticking up against his decision.
“Agreed. I think I might feel the same way if I were in your shoes. I grew up without a father, but there were a few guys that my mom brought around while I was young that weren’t exactly upstanding citizens. I’ll give her credit for one thing: she put up with a lot of shit, but not violence. One of her boyfriends took off his belt to whip me for breaking curfew, and my mom pulled a gun on him and told him that would be his last mistake. He left and never came back. She made a lot of mistakes, but she kept me safe and she made sure there was always food on our table. I can’t imagine how it was for you not to feel safe in your own home.”
Van sighed. “Yeah, it sucked. I remember counting the days until I was old enough to get the hell out of there. Problem is, I didn’t leave right away. I felt too guilty leaving my brothers behind. I knew they’d be OK as long as my mum was there to be the buffer, but I couldn’t make myself go. I stayed to protect them. Finally, after working my ass off in a mediocre restaurant in Portland for years, I was offered a full scholarship to the culinary institute thanks to an unexpected letter of recommendation from my boss. It was an opportunity to escape, one I couldn’t pass up. My life finally began at twenty-four when I moved to New York. But it was the beginning of the end for my mum. Sometimes I think I let her down by leaving, even though she is the one that encouraged me to go.”
Van looked out the window for a long time, lost in thought. “I miss them. My mum. And my brothers. I can’t believe they’ve got me even considering going back to Oregon. But I am. If we stay divided, the old man wins. I have to figure out if I’m strong enough to forgive him and set myself free of the past in the process. Damn. It’s hard to wrap my brain around the idea, though.”
Logan felt something shift inside himself. If Van could even consider forgiving his father, Logan should make himself dig deep and find a way to do the same for his mother. Her only sins were lack and limitation. She’d done the best she could with him. She’d managed to simply survive. That was the instinct that had kicked in when she’d urged him to go after Willow’s inheritance. Janice Matthews saw a way for her son to have long-term financial security, so she pressured him to capitalize on the opportunity. It didn’t dawn on her that Logan would grow so fond of Willow and of Garrett in such a short time. Logan was sad that his mother had known so little about her own son that she’d thought him capable of such a grievous deception. But maybe that void in their relationship was partly his to own. Logan had distanced himself from her, moving to Colorado Springs to get as far from her as he could after he’d finished Ranger school. He tried to imagine now what a new-and-improved relationship with his mother could look like, daring to allow himself a small amount of hope in the process. He realized what he had to do. He’d talk to Buck when they got back and set up a time and place to meet. He’d go by feel.
Van reached over to turn the music up. “Enough of this heavy shit. Let’s forget our troubles, lad. They’ll keep. Right now, we have a baseball game to break down.”
He reached down to grab the newspaper he’d brought with him from the floor, opening it to the sports page. “Who’s pitching for our boys?”
The rest of that afternoon and evening revolved around beer, brats, and baseball. The game went into extras, with the Rockies winning on a walk-off homer in the eleventh. Van and Logan had stopped drinking early enough that they decided to start driving back, making it halfway before pulling into a hotel near Copper Mountain to crash for a few hours. Logan was jolted a few hours later from a deep sleep by a pounding on his door at four in the morning. It was Van, his face drained of all color.
“It’s Laina. We’ve got to go.”
House of Belonging was officially the hottest ticket in town. Laina had worked tirelessly beside her kitchen staff that Saturday night, finally leaving them around eleven to finish closing without her. She was usually the last one out each night, but she hadn’t gotten much sleep all week, not that she was complaining. She figured she’d better take advantage of the boys being in Denver to catch up on some much-needed rest.
As she pulled up to her house, she noticed two trucks parked by the side of the road and wondered to herself if her neighbors had hosted a party earlier. Aspen was such a small town; it wasn’t uncommon for people to walk home after having had too much to drink. Laina smiled to herself as she unlocked her front door, sliding her foot across the hardwood floor in front of her to clear any mail that might be lying on the floor. There wasn’t any, though, which was strange, because she almost always got at least a couple of trade catalogs or bills each day. She se
t her messenger bag and the velvet bag that housed her knife set down on the hall table, and she was reaching for the light switch when she felt the hair rise up on the back of her neck.
She wasn’t alone.
“You should be a little more creative about stashing your extra house key, Laina. A hide-a-key? Really?” Jeremy.
Laina felt her legs start to give out. Her mind raced as she tried to figure out what to do next. Her knives. She felt in the dark, reaching into the velvet pouch to withdraw her butcher knife. She slid it out of the set, spinning around and holding it out in front of her in the direction of his voice.
“I don’t know what you’re doing here, Jeremy, but you should leave. Now.”
The light flicked on, blinding her for a moment. It was just long enough for Jeremy to lunge toward her. He grabbed her wrist so hard, she winced, causing the knife to tumble from her hand and clatter across the floor, landing a few feet away in the living room.
“Relax, Laina. I just needed to talk to you. Alone. That’s not easy to do, with your new cowboy friend always around. But now we’ve finally got some privacy. Indulge me, sweetheart.”
She felt like she might vomit. She jerked her hand in an effort to get free, but Jeremy just squeezed harder, spinning her and pushing Laina up against the wall, with her arm twisted behind her back.
He stepped closer, whispering into her ear. “Play nice, Laina. You should stop resisting. I’m going to show you what you’re missing.”
She could smell the alcohol on his breath and felt his hips pressed up against her behind, the effect making her knees buckle again.
She knew she’d have to fight.
