by Helen Lacey
Cole was loading the cart onto the bed of Ted’s old truck later that afternoon when he learned that Ash had left the fair and gone home early because she wasn’t feeling well. Maisy informed him, and she’d been told by Nancy, who had taken charge of all the kids and was getting ready to take them for ice cream. His parents and sisters were hovering, too, full of praise for Jaye and his achievements. The boy held his trophy as though it was attached to his hand, and Cole remembered how Ash had looked when Jaye had been presented with his prize—incredibly proud...and something else. Certainly not ill, just sort of...sad.
It concerned him. A lot. Too much, because it was all he could think about as the afternoon dragged on. After the awards were handed out, Cole spent some time with his family over lunch and made small talk. Maisy was in good spirits and appeared to make an effort to get along with everyone—him included—and Cole was grateful for the opportunity to hang out with them all.
But by three o’clock he was driving back to the ranch in Ted’s truck...alone.
He pulled up outside the barn and got out of the pickup. The two dogs came up and rushed around his legs and Cole gave them a pat in turn, while Rodney was walking up and down in his pen and the goats were bleating their customary chorus. Other than that, the place was quiet. Her old truck was parked beside the house so he knew she was home. Cole walked up the steps and tapped on the front door. Nothing. After a moment, he opened the door and entered.
He found Ash in the living room, sitting on a chintz love seat by the window, her legs crossed, her arms folded. Cole took a few steps into the room and stood behind the sofa. She looked so alone in the huge chair and he rested his hands on the back of the sofa, watching her, wondering what she was thinking behind her bright green eyes.
“Maisy said you weren’t feeling well,” he said quietly. “Are you okay now?”
She nodded, saying nothing.
“The kids are staying with your mom and Ted to watch the fireworks tonight.”
Still nothing. Not a movement. Not a flicker.
“Ash...talk to me,” he implored, feeling the pain in her drawn, unhappy expression through to his bones. Something was seriously wrong. “Please, say something.”
She swallowed hard. She still wore the green dress, but her copper hair now waved around her shoulders. Cole’s skin itched with the need to stride across the room and take her in his arms. But he stayed where he was, watching in silence as she got to her feet and walked toward the fireplace. She looked at the photographs for a moment, saying nothing, simply staring at the snapshots. Finally, she swiveled on her heels and met his gaze. Her eyes were bright, glittering like buffed emeralds.
“I’ve always believed I was good parent,” she said, her voice shaky as she placed a hand to her chest. “I felt it in here. I never questioned it, never second-guessed myself. Maybe because I had to make all the decisions since the day Pete walked out.” She made a brittle, almost scoffing sound. “Who am I kidding? Even when he was around he was close to useless in the parenting department. Still, I always thought that my son had everything he needed—all the love, all the support.”
She stopped speaking for a moment and wrapped her arms around herself. When she spoke again the tears in her eyes were agonizing to see.
“But I was wrong,” she said quietly.
“Wrong?” he asked. “How?”
“Because I haven’t given him everything he needs.” She shook her head. “Because I can’t, and I can’t because I’m his mother...his mom. That’s my job. My role in his life. And it doesn’t matter how good I am at it, how devoted I am, or how much I love him...it will never be all he needs.”
The pain in her voice was unmistakable and he instinctively refuted her claim. “Of course it is, Ash. You’ve done an incredible job with him,” Cole said gently. “He’s such a great kid. He’s amazing. He’s smart and kind and funny—and he’s all those things because of you.”
Her lip trembled. “I know how special he is. And I’ve tried to raise him to be honest and respectful and kind to others. He’s had it tough, too. Not just with the accident and the operations and the ongoing physical therapy, but with the way things are here on the ranch. With how he’s had to share this place and his family with so many other children over the years. And he’s never complained,” she said and took a long breath. “Not once. And because he didn’t complain, I thought he was getting enough, that he had all he needed. But I was so wrong.”
“Ash, I don’t think—”
“I’ve seen my son happy and sad and willful and stubborn and so many other things. But today... Today I saw my child experience something else—real joy,” she said quietly, almost as though the word pained her. “I saw him so happy, so fulfilled, so proud of what he had achieved. And I know he felt that way because he had something today that he’s never really had before—he had you.”
Cole stilled and stared at her, not sure what he should say. He knew Jaye had become attached to him and Cole had come to care for her son in return. It was clear the kid was craving male attention—a father figure...a dad. And responsibility quickly pressed down between his shoulders. He felt guilty that he’d developed a relationship with her son and now she was hurting because of it. And guilty because he was leaving in a week and he suspected Jaye would feel as though he’d been abandoned. He’d become too involved, too quickly, and the young boy was going to pay the price.
“I didn’t...” His words trailed off for a moment and he swallowed hard. “I didn’t mean to make Jaye believe that my being here was, you know, permanent.”
Her green eyes glittered brilliantly. “I know that. But he’s come to worship you and I can’t bear to think about how hurt he’s going to be when you leave.”
“I’m sorry,” he said on a heavy breath. “I should have realized where this was heading a couple of weeks ago. But he was so excited about the soapbox cart and the race, I couldn’t have refused to help him. He’s such a great kid, Ash, and a credit to you.”
She managed a tight smile. “I never realized how much he missed having a man in his life. Someone who would listen to him and praise him and just be there. Someone he could look up to and learn from and hang off every word. Uncle Ted just didn’t cut it, you know,” she said tightly. “And then you arrived and he was besotted from day one. Not surprising, of course. In Jaye’s eyes you’re this picture-perfect image of what a father should be—strong, kind, considerate, trustworthy...you’re everything that my son longs for. And there was a moment earlier today when I was so angry, when I resented you for being this dadlike figure that he’s clearly wanted, but I’ve never given him. And I felt like such a failure as a parent. And then a fraud,” she said and made a soft, self-depreciating scoffing sound. “Because you came to the ranch for my help, for my advice and guidance, and I feel as though the tables have been turned and I’m the one who needs help—I’m the one whose child is in trouble.”
“Does it really matter?” Cole said quietly. “If we both needed help, then this all came about at the right time.”
She shrugged. “I’ve never considered myself to be the kind of parent who needs help. But today, I realized that I’ve been so busy and so wrapped up in being a good police officer and a good parent and looking after foster kids and this ranch, I didn’t take the time to let anyone into my life. Because I forgot that my life isn’t only about me.” She shook her head. “Or maybe I’ve known it all along, maybe I’m just terrified of letting someone in.”
“That’s understandable,” he said quietly. “Considering.”
“Because of my abandonment issues?” She gave a husky, brittle laugh. “Because my father and stepdad both walked out. Or since Pete broke my heart when he bailed on me and his son. I’ve talked about that very thing to countless kids over the years. I guess I should have had the same conversation with myself. But the idea that my ch
ild has been suffering because I’ve been too afraid to—”
Cole was around the sofa and reached her in a couple of strides. “You’re gutsy and strong and not afraid of anything,” he said, cutting her off as he grasped her hand.
She didn’t pull away. She didn’t move. Their gazes met, and linked, and Cole was quickly drawn deep into a connection that rocked him through to his blood and bones. His desire for her was intense and filled every part of him.
“I am afraid,” she admitted, her voice quivering as she glanced to where their hands were linked together. “I’m absolutely terrified. Of you. Of...this.”
“Me, too,” he said quietly. “This thing between us, it goes both ways.”
She nodded slightly. “So...what do we do?”
Cole shrugged. “I don’t know. Ignore it. Go with it. Honestly, I have no idea how to compartmentalize how much I want you, Ash. It’s kind of surreal and yet, unbelievably authentic.”
The admission came out raw and honest. Like his uncontrollable desire for her. Like his growing feelings for her. And Cole knew she was as torn and confused as he was.
“You’re leaving in a week.”
“I know.”
“And long distance is—”
“Impossible,” he said, finishing her sentence as he gently rubbed her palm with his thumb. The action was hypnotic and sexy and she swayed toward him. “Ash...” He groaned out her name. “You’d better tell me to get out of here.”
She reached up and touched his face, cradling his jaw, her fingertips electric against his skin. In all his life, he’d never had such intense chemistry with someone. He’d never felt as though he was at the mercy of his desire. But with Ash, he was all out of control.
“I should...” she said, her words trailing. “But somehow...I can’t.”
Cole swallowed, his throat tightening. “I promised myself, I promised you, that I would keep my distance and—”
“You said it was my decision,” she said, cutting off his protests. “My choice.”
“It is.”
She traced his jawline softly. “So, this is my decision. My choice. I need to be with you, even if it’s just for a moment, or an hour, or a day...” She sighed heavily. “Or a week.”
Cole reached around her waist and tugged her close. She felt so good against him. So right. But he had to be certain. “Are you sure?”
She nodded. “I know what I want. And who.”
He kissed her then, deeply and slowly, taking his time to move his mouth across hers, feeling her sigh as her lips parted and she let him inside. He went in, rolling her tongue around his as his hands moved to her hips and drew her harder against him. He kissed her again and again, anchoring her head gently as each kiss deepened. Finally, out of breath, Cole lifted his head and stared into her upturned face.
“We should probably take this somewhere else,” he suggested. “The cabin?”
Ash shook her head. “Upstairs.”
She grabbed his hand and led him upstairs and into her bedroom. It was a pretty, feminine room, decorated in pale cream and lilac, with a mountain of cushions on the bed and a purple duvet. The drapes were drawn and when she flicked on the bedside lamp the room lit up intimately. She closed the door and turned the lock, flipping off her shoes almost immediately. Cole stayed where he was by the end of the bed, his legs suddenly lodged in cement. She looked achingly beautiful in her dress and with her hair flowing around her shoulders.
“I haven’t done this for a while,” she admitted.
Cole took a couple of steps and reached for her hand. He rubbed her fingers and then brought her knuckles to his mouth and kissed them softly. “Is it stupidly macho of me to admit that I’m kind of happy about that?”
“Probably.”
He chuckled and kissed her, pushing the strap of her sundress and bra off her shoulder to expose her creamy skin. Cole trailed his mouth down her jaw and neck and she turned her head, offering him greater access to her throat and the sensitive spot below her earlobe. He kissed her there, heard her moan in an encouraging way, and found the zipper on her dress, pushing it down with as much finesse as he could manage. Finally, the dress slipped off and landed at her feet, leaving her standing in a white lace bra and modest, high-cut briefs that were just about the sexiest things he’d ever seen.
“You’re so beautiful you take my breath away,” he said hoarsely.
And it was true. He did feel breathless. And humbled by her simple beauty and riveting colors—her bright copper hair, pink lips, pale skin lightly dusted with freckles. The very image of her almost brought him to his knees. He watched, mesmerized, as she twisted her hands behind her back and unhooked her bra. The garment fell away and he sucked in a sharp breath. Her breasts were fuller than he’d dare allow himself to imagine, her nipples rosy against the pale skin. She continued to undress, hitching her briefs over her hips and then down to her ankles. She stepped out of them and the dress, and moved closer. Naked, she was pure temptation, torturing him more with each passing second. Cole stared at her, his appraisal long and deliberate, missing nothing. He silently pledged his intent to make love to her as thoroughly as she would allow.
He withdrew a foil packet from his wallet and tossed it on the bed and then, without a word, Cole stripped out of his clothes, chucking off the shirt, his shoes, jeans and briefs swiftly, until he stood in front of her. She looked at him. He looked at her. Cole had seen plenty of women naked over the years, but no one had ever had the profound effect on him that Ash McCune did. And he realized that what he was feeling was more than attraction. More than desire. And that making love with her would be more than sex. Much more. He’d been in love before, but this felt different from that, too. As she reached out and touched his chest, as her fingertips connected with his bare skin, Cole sucked in a sharp breath, feeling the connection through to his blood, through to his very soul. And in that moment he knew he was a goner. Done for. Out of his mind in love with this woman he’d known for only two weeks. The words burned on the edge of his tongue as they swirled around in his head. He wanted them out between them—full disclosure—so she knew exactly how much being with her meant to him. As she tilted her head and met his gaze, he experienced a connection so intense it amplified every feeling he had for her.
And she was his. For the moment. For an hour.
And as he reached out and gently cupped her nape, Cole realized she was the one woman he wanted for the rest of his life.
* * *
Ash had never seen a more beautiful man. His chest was smooth, his biceps honed and well-defined. Even the scar on his rib cage and another on his hip didn’t detract from the perfect symmetry and beauty of him. She stilled and took a shallow breath. His arousal was unmistakable and she experienced a heavy feeling way down in her belly, feeling her body thrum with a kind of primal and instinctive desire she hadn’t known she possessed.
The longing in his expression was like a narcotic and Ash was drawn toward him as he cupped the back of her neck, tilting her head gently. And then he kissed her, a long, sensually drugging kiss that was made even more erotic by the way their bodies were now pressed together, skin-to-skin, breasts-to-chest. His hands roamed down her back and anchored her hips, drawing her closer, making her want him more than she’d ever wanted any man, ever. And then they were on the bed, touching, stroking, discovering each other as one minute turned into two, and then five, and then ten, and longer. Time stilled, and suddenly the world didn’t exist beyond the walls of her bedroom.
Ash had never experienced such rampant desire in all her life. He caressed and kissed her with a kind of instinctive confidence and it fueled her need to do the same. There was no hesitation in her touch, no reluctance to bare all that she wanted to give and receive in return. He worshipped her with his hands and mouth, trailing his lips down her collarbone and to her brea
sts. He took one straining nipple into his hot mouth and caressed the tender flesh with his tongue, until she was moaning his name over and over. He touched her intimately, his skillful hands drawing out her pleasure, making her writhe and press closer to his hard, lean body.
“Cole,” she muttered against his throat, dragging her lips across the pulse that throbbed wildly in his neck. “Please... I want—I want...”
“I know,” he said and then her words were smothered by his kiss, his tongue dueling with hers in a dance that fueled her desire and need to have him above her, around her, inside her. She gripped him hard, returning each kiss, each touch, each erotic thrust of his tongue against her own and then she arched her spine in complete and utter surrender.
He grabbed the condom and, once it was in place, he moved over her, settling between her thighs. Ash relaxed, loving how the weight of him pressed erotically against her. She touched his flexing biceps as he supported himself on his elbows. And as he entered her slowly, he kissed her, over and over, his tongue mimicking the intimate way their bodies were joined.
“You feel so good,” he whispered against her mouth.
Emotion burned behind her eyes and Ash marveled at the intense physical connection they shared. “So do you. This feels like—like...”
“Home,” he moaned and kissed her deeply as he began to move, creating a silent, steady rhythm that catapulted her need for him skyward, driving her to place her hands on his back, urging him closer. And she matched every kiss, every gentle thrust, every soft word of encouragement until finally release claimed her and she let her body soar on a plateau of pleasure so torturously intense Ash thought she might pass out. And when he joined her, when his strong body arched and shuddered, she gripped him tightly, her growing love for him so overpowering in that moment that she couldn’t hide the emotion in her heart and the tears in her eyes.
When it was over, he rolled over onto his back, his strong chest rising with each labored breath. He grabbed her hand, pressed her knuckles against his mouth and kissed her softly. After a moment, he excused himself and headed for the master bathroom. When he returned, he sat on the edge of the bed and reached for her hand again, holding it tightly within his.
