One thing’s for certain; I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep putting my heart on the line and falling head over heels for another woman who’s destined to crush me. Not again. Not that there will ever be a woman who can top Chloe Hayden. She’s one of a kind. And she’s no longer mine.
The only good thing that happened to me yesterday is that Emma called me last night to tell me that she and my brother-in-law are expecting. I am happy for her; don’t get me wrong. But let’s just say I wouldn’t have had to fake my enthusiasm as much as I did if she called a few hours prior. It’s hard to show your happiness for somebody else when your whole world just got sucked into a black hole from right beneath your feet.
Telling Kyle goodbye was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. Seeing the hope and joy die on his face is something I will never ever forget. It’ll haunt me in my nightmares until the day I die. I hated making him feel that way. I hated even more taking the blame for it, so he doesn’t resent his mother. When he asked why, I had to lie straight to his face and say, your mother loves me, but I can’t love her back. So, now, I’m the villain in his storybook…all because I didn’t want to villainize his mother. Cuz even while furious with her, I couldn’t throw her under the bus like that. Not to her own kid. Even if it is the cold-blooded truth.
Still, it’s going to make it that much harder to look him in the eye today at the Science Fair. To be his supporting teacher, cheering him on when I know that he hates me and doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I know that’s how it has to be. But that doesn’t make it any less crappy.
I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle Kyle looking at me with anything other than respect or admiration. It’ll just hurt too much. Cut too deep. Gut me from the inside out. Because I didn’t just fall in love with Chloe, but I fell in love with her son too. Two breakups for the price of one…lucky me.
It’s been three days—three, endless, agonizing days. I’ve grown too accustomed to swinging by the bakery for my daily double dose of Hayden. But now, all I do is stay home and reminisce on the good times. The better times. The times I didn’t feel like there was a gaping void in my chest where my heart used to be.
Things only get increasingly worse at night as I lay awake and just miss her, thinking back on all the great times we had. The conversations that made me laugh. All the times I made her laugh. The kinda laugh where no sound comes out cuz you’re laughing too damn hard. I miss that. But most of all, I just miss her being near me, close enough for me to hear her heart beating loudly in her chest. To feel when her breath catches in her throat.
I feel horrible as I watch Kyle explain his Science Fair Project to the judges—the one I gave him the idea for, bought all the materials, and explained to him how to blow everyone’s freaking minds. I can’t help but smile as I watch him execute each step perfectly and with excellent precision. Pride surges through me as he answers each of the judge’s questions with ease.
I don’t want to sound biased or anything, but he, without a doubt, has the coolest project here. Creating polymer bouncing balls from scratch is a fantastic way to explain a complex chemistry topic to children in a more fun way. Besides, it’s school safety approved. His original plan, coloring fire, would’ve been just as cool but wouldn’t have received the approval he needed to proceed with his experiment.
When Kyle’s done with his experiment, he demonstrates the bounciness of the ball he created. Everyone, including myself, erupts into applause. When his eyes find mine, I wink at him, letting him know that I’m so proud of him. He doesn’t smile back. I don’t expect him to either. Kyle looks at me like he hates me—like I’m the person who ruined such a great thing, which is understandable since I told him as much. But being labeled the bad guy to someone whose opinion and respect matters to you a great deal hurts like hell.
I’m the Darth Vader in the storybook of his life. And in every story, villains never get their happily ever afters. So, it’s only fitting that mine slipped right through my fingers.
Trying to get Chloe to see past her fears and admit that she loves me back was like trying to grab water with your bare hands. No matter how hard you try, you always end up empty-handed in the end.
I try not to stare as he runs into his mother’s arms and shows her his first-place ribbon, but I can’t help it. As hurt as I am, I’m still elated to see that smile beaming on his face. I love knowing that he’s come all this way—that his hard work has finally paid off. He deserves all of this—every accolade, compliment, and round of applause he received today. He busted his ass to get here. And I could not be prouder of him than I am in this moment. Right here. Right now.
I can’t help but feel like I’m supposed to be over there, by his side—praising him. Flinging him onto my shoulders and running him around the room like a crazed maniac. That’s what I want more than anything in the world right now. And it pains me that I can’t have that—that I can’t be a part of his family. That I’m no longer the same man he looked up to.
I force myself to sneak out the back door early. Being in the same vicinity as the Haydens proved to be too much for me to handle. There’s only so much heartache one can take before they only feel like a fraction of themselves. No longer whole. No longer held together. That’s where I’m currently at—broken beyond repair. And there’s absolutely nothing I can do to fix that.
Chapter Thirty
Chloe
I suck in a deep breath, trying to muster up enough strength to walk into the place where it all started. Just standing outside of Lulu’s Diner causes all the memories to come flooding back to the surface. The good ones. The bad ones. And everything else in-between.
This is where everything began—where I met the infamous Mac McDowell. This is where he took me on our first date…and our last. This is the exact scene of the crime. We were sitting at the booth at table six when I told him I was pregnant. Not even five minutes later, he vanished from my life forever.
All these years later, I could think of no better spot to meet back up with him again. I was surprised he agreed to meet with me so easily when I receive his email yesterday after the Science Fair. It took a while for him to get back to me, considering I emailed him very late that Sunday night. The day of infamy, aka the dawn of my stupidity—they’re pretty interchangeable as far as I’m concerned.
Naturally, as soon as Matthew and Chase gave me his information, I looked him up. I was both glad and pissed that he only lived an hour outside of town. I hate knowing that he’s still so close—that he was never actually that far away. But what does it matter anymore? It’s not like I want him back, cuz I don’t. In fact, that’s the last thing I want right now. What I really want is to close this chapter of the book so that I can start fresh on a new page. One that’s not frayed at the edges or stained by tears. But one that’s promising and full of hope. One that includes Lucas.
It was painful to see him yesterday. It was even worse to watch Kyle give him the cold shoulder because of me. Later that night, I told him the truth—something I should’ve done before yesterday but didn’t. I guess I was so caught up in trying to track down Mac that it slipped my mind. Note to self: apologize for that too when you see Lucas again.
Kyle was confused, as expected. But what I didn’t expect was for him to be relieved. He cried in my arms last night and told me that he didn’t like hating Lucas—that he felt like he lost his best friend when we broke up. As his mother, his confession devastated me to my core—mainly because I caused it. But also partly because he felt the need to keep a straight face for me. I never asked for that. I never would’ve wanted him to do that. But I guess we all do crazy things for the people we love. A case in point…is what I plan to do to win Lucas back when I sneak into his backyard tonight. Matthew and Chase should already be setting everything up for me. Knowing Lucas, I don’t think he’ll press any charges if Thing One and Thing Two make too much noise and he catches them.
When I enter the door, I spot the back o
f his head instantly. He’s balding—way to go, Karma—but I’d still recognize that shade of light black hair anywhere. It’s a classic McDowell trait. I make my way over to him with heavy footsteps, determination driving each of my lengthy strides. The sooner I get this over with, the sooner I can try to win back the man I love.
This time when I think it, I know it’s true. It has been for a while. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself. Seeing Lucas cheer my son on despite what I did only solidified it for me even more. I love Lucas Ashford. Saying it in my head just feels right. And I cannot wait to prove it to him in person later.
When I’m standing before him—I refuse to sit down and bring myself to his level—I glance into those brown eyes, the ones he shares with my son, and smile, knowing that they don’t give me that same fuzzy feeling that they used to. Nowadays, I prefer a more hazel shade anyway. He crooks a smile, yet another thing he has in common with Kyle, which brings his dimples front and center. But rather than be charmed by it, I feel a wave of disgust—almost as if just seeing it makes me nauseous. Like when I was pregnant with Kyle and the smell of broccoli caused me to hurl instantly.
“Chloe, it’s good to se—”
I wave my hand to stop him. “Save it. I don’t want you to speak, just to listen.”
He folds his arms over his chest and harrumphs like the spoiled baby he always was. How am I now just noticing his bratty side?
“I have spent a lot of time thinking about this moment. About what I would say. How I would tell you off for what you did to me. Cuz that was a really crappy thing to do to a very frightened teenage girl. But now, I have you here in front of me, and all I want to say is…I forgive you.”
He arches his brow and leans farther back into the booth. “That’s it?”
I nod. “Yeah, that’s it. I forgive you.”
Just saying those three words aloud makes me feel a million times lighter. My chest loosens, and I feel like I can finally breathe again. Like I’ve been reborn into a new person with a new perspective on life.
“And that’s all I wanted to say. So, goodbye forever, Mac. Have a nice life,” I say before I turn on my heel and walk out on him for a change.
“Hey, Chlo, got a second?” a familiar, friendly voice brings a smile to my face before I can turn around and lock gazes with its owner. Grayson Malone, the only other man besides my three brothers who calls me Chlo.
His crystal clear, light blue eyes give me a sense of warmth. As usual, they flicker his concern for my wellbeing. Grayson and I go way back. He was a light in a very dark time for me. After Mac left me, I took a waitress job here at LuLu’s. Grayson was not only my coworker, but he was also a friend when I had none. It turns out nobody wants to be friends with an expecting teenager in a small town. That’s like having an open target on your back for gossip. But Grayson took that chance. He’s the kind of guy that would always agree to help you out before you could even ask for help. Very much like Lucas, now that I think of it.
Grayson covered a few of my shifts back when Kyle was an infant and he got the flu. I was a nervous wreck, and to this day, I still owe him one. Not that he will ever cash in on it. Every time I bring it up, he just shrugs it off like it’s no big deal.
“Yeah, what’s up?” I ask, walking the rest of the distance to his booth. He’s sitting across from his younger brother, Grady. The family resemblance is there. Both gentlemen share the same messed up brown hair. They both have blue eyes too, but Grayson’s are more crystal clear, Grady’s are more aqua. Both men are insanely attractive; every woman around town knows that the Malone boys are Sunnyville’s greatest attractions. But just as every woman knows that, we also know Grant, Grayson, and Grady are all spoken for now. A drastic hit to the Sunnyville Bachelorette Community, I assure you. But I, for one, am happy for all of them. Everyone deserves to be happy. Including me, I remind myself.
Grayson nods his head toward where Mac is still sitting. “Are you okay, Chlo? I see trouble sitting at table three.”
Grady chimes in.
“Or do you need us to kick that asshole’s ass? We can get away with it too; we know a few cops.” Grady winks.
I laugh, knowing damn well that their oldest brother, who’s a cop, still won’t turn a blind eye if they beat someone’s ass at a diner.
I smile at both of them, touched that even after all this time, the Malone boys—or I guess men now—are still looking out for me.
“I’m fine. Really. I just asked him to meet me so I could finally let go of this burden that’s been holding me back. Now, if you’ll excuse me, Gentlemen, I need to win someone back.”
“I know the feeling,” Grayson scoffs.
Grady raises his mug to me. “As do I.”
Grayson raises his brow and smirks. “How can we help?”
“At ease, boys. This one is a solo mission.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Lucas
“I love you, Lucas. But lately, you’re just being a miserable fuck,” Emma states bluntly—so bluntly that I can’t help but laugh.
“Language. What if your unborn baby can already hear you?” I tease.
She swats at my shoulder. “Then he or she will be conditioned to know what it sounds like when Mommy’s pissed off.”
I chuckle. “I love you, Em.”
She smiles back at me. “I love you too.”
Emma pushes around the piece of steak on her plate with her fork. I eye it skeptically.
“What? You don’t like my cooking now? I invite you over to my house for dinner, and now you insult my food?”
She shakes her head. “It’s not that. I’m just too anxious to eat.”
I arch a concerned brow. “Is it morning sickness? Can you have morning sickness at night?”
“No, it’s just that I know what’s about to happen, and you don’t. And I hate keeping secrets,” she admits, still fidgeting with the food on her plate.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m not supposed to tell you,” she singsongs in that annoying way she used to when we were younger, and I asked her if she had a crush on a boy in school.
I point a finger at her in warning. “Don’t start that singing crap with me. I don’t want to have to tickle a pregnant woman. But I will.”
There’s a tap on the glass. I turn around to find Chloe standing in my backyard. My heart swoops at the sight of her here.
Emma starts clapping. “You’ll find out soon enough. You know, for an academic, you sure are a dumbass. You didn’t even realize that I was just stalling you as Chloe asked me to.”
I turn and glare at my sister. “Chloe asked you to stall me? Why?”
She rolls her eyes obnoxiously. “Go outside and find out. Geez!”
In a matter of seconds, I stand up and propel myself toward the sliding glass door to my backyard. As soon as I open it, Chloe starts speaking.
“I know I’m an evil bitch. Just like I know you won’t ever call me that. But hear me out. I want to be completely transparent with you.” She swallows. “I messed up. I messed up really bad. I never should’ve let you go. And I’m so damn sorry that I did. That I lied to you. That I freaked out and said that I didn’t love you. When the truth is that I knew I did. And that’s what terrified me. I told myself that I would never fall in love again. But you’re just so damn lovable. You made it so easy to fall in love with you that I didn’t even notice it was happening until it was already too late.” Her words sound rushed, almost as if she’s afraid she’s going to forget something, so she’s trying to shove all her thoughts out at once.
I open my mouth to speak, albeit I have no clue what to say, but she places her hand over my mouth and stops me. “Don’t say anything yet. I want to show you something.”
She reaches out her hand to me, and I take it with no hesitation. It feels great to touch her again, even if it’s just because she wants to parade me around my backyard. We stop in front of a makeshift car, made entirely out of cardboard pain
ted blue and taped onto a golf cart. She steps over the ledge and into the seat. I follow her. Sitting beside her feels so right. As our knees touch, a spark ignites inside me—a feeling I haven’t felt since she ended things.
“When I first met you, we were at an auto repair shop. I was listening to an audiobook, staring at you while pretending that you were the hero having sex with me,” she admits, causing her signature blush to creep up her cheeks.
I smile mischievously. “Really?”
She nods. “One-hundred percent true. I told you I was going to be honest—to be the open book that you always are to me. You deserve that, and so much more, Lucas.”
She turns the key in the ignition and presses the gas. Slowly, we start moving to our next stop. It’s a tower of cupcakes…but not just any cupcakes. The exact same one she made for me that night I walked into her bakery.
“Once upon a time, a guy walked into my bakery and touched my ass.”
“Whoa. I remember that quite differently,” I chime in. “More like you backed your ass into me.”
She waves a flippant hand in the air. “Semantics. Anyway, that sexy guy begged for me to make him a cupcake cuz he’s shit at baking.”
“That part’s true,” I laugh. Snuggling up closer to her side, I rest my head on her shoulder. “And what was the baker thinking here?”
“She was thinking, oh, dear Lord, how many times can I embarrass myself in front of this cute, sexy guy?” Chloe remarks, squeezing my thigh. I chuckle, thinking back on how many faux pas she made that night, including not realizing that she was wearing a name tag.
“True. You’re kinda prone to embarrassment,” I supply.
“Don’t I know it,” she scoffs. “Next stop, Brownie Town.”
We stop in front of a bowl of brownie batter. One of her signature The Nutty Cookie aprons draped over the side of it.
“This is where I saw you shirtless for the first time and wanted to jump on you.”
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