by Ava Benton
I would keep her from the filthy, nasty world. It wasn’t good enough for someone like her, someone so perfect. Maybe that was what my dream meant. I was supposed to hold her away from the rest of it, to carry her away to something better.
Geez. Who was I turning into? Some lovesick poet?
“The world can be a terrible place sometimes,” I muttered, looking down at my menu.
“Oh? You know that, too?”
“Do I ever. Life in LA isn’t always as glamorous as it’s made out to be. There’s a big, dark underbelly.”
And you used to live in the heart of that underbelly. You used to thrive on it, didn’t you? Maybe you should tell her about that. Tell her about the pain you caused, the lives you destroyed on a whim.
She might like to hear about the homeless man you set on fire, all because he stepped in front of your car when you were in a hurry. She’ll definitely want to spend time with you after you tell her that story. She’ll offer to have your children when you recall how you laughed at the poor, miserable wretch while he burned.
I didn’t really like who I used to be.
What was I even doing with her? I didn’t deserve anything as good as her, not after what I had done. It was like remembering somebody else’s life. Like I had been under a spell for all those years, sleeping in a quiet corner of my mind while another being—a dark, vicious, soulless being with endless hate, endless need to cause pain—took over my thoughts and actions. The moment Dominic stripped me of my powers, all of that had fallen away. I was ashamed of that person. That monster.
She would never understand.
“I’ve heard some stories,” she offered with a rueful smile. “I think everybody has. All the young hopefuls whose dreams were crushed out there. All the scandals covered up back in the old days. Especially when the people involved were powerful enough to sweep things under the rug.”
“You’re a student of Hollywood history?” I asked.
“Something like that. I enjoy reading about the past.” She looked down at the menu.
I couldn’t shake the impression that she was holding something back, but dismissed it as my imagination getting the better of me.
A movement outside caught my eye.
Her brother, pacing back and forth in front of the window. Reminding me of his presence.
“He’s intense,” I observed.
She didn’t need to ask who I was referring to. “Yes. By nature. It’s easier to let him think he’s the biggest dog in the room, if you get what I mean.”
“I don’t know how easy that’ll be for me. I’m used to being the big dog in the pack.”
“Are you?” She raised a playful eyebrow to go with a playful smile. “I should warn you. I’m a pretty big dog, too.”
“You don’t look so big from where I’m sitting.”
“Yes, well, appearances can deceive.” She held my gaze as she sipped from a glass of water, and I was sure she could see into my core.
An illusion, of course, and one which I was glad of. She wouldn’t like what she saw there. Even so, a part of me stirred to life. I shifted in my chair, grateful to the table for providing cover.
The air crackled around us and I knew only one thing for certain:
I had to be alone with her. Without her brother or anybody else. Just us.
Even then, I felt Holden staring at me through the window. Silently shutting me down.
8
Vanessa
I sat with my arms folded, facing away from him as the driver took us home.
“Still not speaking to me? Is this the way things are going to be from now on?” He had the nerve to sound amused, the bastard.
After the fool he made out of me, not to mention himself, he had the nerve to think the whole thing was funny.
“You’re too much to be believed,” I muttered, staring out the window.
Look at all the happy humans. If not happy, at least pretending to be. Look how they don’t need a chaperone when they go on a date. Look how they can ask a man home after dinner, like normal people do when they want things to go further.
“This is why High Sorceresses don’t typically date,” he pointed out.
I wanted to claw his eyes out. “Thank you for the history lesson. Maybe they don’t date because they’re usually much older than I am when they’re named coven leader. Did you consider that? My mother had already borne two children by the time she took her place. That time was over for her.”
He was silent as he considered this. “You have a point. Even so, I’m sure there have been instances such as yours. A young witch leading the coven. It’s a vocation.”
“I see. I’m supposed to forget about everything else in favor of my coven.”
“In a word, yes.”
“Unacceptable.” Especially since I had already named myself High Sorceress for the rest of my life.
Holden knew this, even though he wasn’t there for my pronouncement. When I woke him, the High Council had explained the situation. He would serve me for much longer than Nightwardens typically served, because only death would remove me from my position.
What a stupid, thoughtless, petty little bitch I was back then. Less than a year prior, but it might as well have been a lifetime. Instead of a happily-ever-after, I was stuck with the prospect of never having a relationship because the coven would come first until the day I died.
“I still don’t like him. More than ever,” he growled.
“Why? Because he stood up to you?”
“Because there’s something about him that doesn’t seem genuine.”
“You’re biased.”
“I’m experienced,” he corrected. “I’ve seen much more than you have, and I’m telling you this for your own good. Be careful with him. And don’t think for a second that I’ll leave you alone with him.”
“Holden, please. You’re being ridiculous.”
“It’s for your own good.”
“You are not my father,” I warned.
My palms went warm as my temper threatened to get the better of me. A simple flick of the wrist and he’d be dead. Gone. Shut up forever.
I tried again. “I’m trying to be better than I was, but you’re pushing me to my limit.”
“I don’t care about your limits. I care about your well-being. That’s my job. That’s my only job for the rest of your life. And I’m telling you, I won’t let you walk into a situation you’ll regret.”
I didn’t say another word until we got to the penthouse. I was too busy seething.
He did his customary sweep of the space, just in case somebody had broken in while we were out.
When I had a little more control over myself, I asked, “Would you like to feed before you go to your room?”
“Yes.” Just like that, he was my slave.
Or he might as well have been. The mention of feeding turned him into a salivating, single-minded creature who’d do anything I asked as long as he got what he needed from my veins.
I sat on the sofa and held out my wrist to him, which he took in his clawed hands. I turned my head away, so I didn’t have to watch his fangs descend and winced a little when they split my skin. No matter how many times I’d gone through it, I couldn’t get used to that first flash of pain.
Or the sensation of being drained, either. I could feel my life slipping away as he swallowed, again and again, greedy, sucking the blood from my artery as fast as my heart could pump it.
I felt myself getting weak, losing focus. That was always my stopping point.
“Enough,” I said with all the strength I could.
He hesitated for one breathless second—would he let go, or wouldn’t he? Then, he withdrew, his tongue sweeping over his lips to catch the last of the blood on them. It turned my stomach every time.
“Thank you,” he growled as he struggled to catch his breath.
“Of course.” I rose, a little dizzy, and walked in the direction of my bedroom.
“And if
you thought I wouldn’t catch the significance of you offering to feed me when you did, you’re wrong.” He was still breathing heavy, but he clearly had his wits about him.
I turned slowly, leaning on a small table to support myself.
I raised my chin. “What’s that mean?”
“It means you needed to remind me who’s in charge. Who needs who more.” He stood, in control of himself again.
It was incredible to watch, really. The way he went from a snarling, bloodthirsty animal to the handsome, self-assured vampire I saw in front of me.
I could’ve argued it. I could’ve wasted my time lying to him. He saw through me so easily thanks to the imprint—easier than ever immediately after he’d fed, too, like he’d downloaded my emotions and intentions with each greedy swallow.
Instead of making myself look foolish, then, I said, “There was nothing Elias could’ve done to keep me here that night, when Kristoff took me. He was a good Nightwarden, and he took his duties seriously. Kristoff was simply someone we never saw coming, and I don’t know whose fault that was. Maybe it was simply Kristoff’s fault for being who he was. There’s nothing you can do to keep me any safer than he did.”
“Is that supposed to reassure me?” he sneered.
“Yes. You don’t have to listen to me getting ready to go out. You don’t have to check on me while I’m sleeping. You don’t have to prowl around outside a restaurant when I’m on a date. You can relax a little bit. That’s what I’m trying to say.”
He stood there for a long time, his face unreadable. Was he processing or dismissing?
I would never know, since he went to his room without replying.
It was a different dream that night.
I woke with a start, breathless as always, but for a different reason. The dream was so fresh and vivid,
I looked to the pillow next to me and expected to see him there. I was alone. But it had felt so real. My skin still tingled from his touch, and there were goosebumps up and down my arms and legs. Arms that had held him, legs I had wrapped around him to draw him closer, closer…
I closed my eyes in a desperate attempt to bring it back before I woke up all the way. I had to get back to that place, where it was just us. His powerful body moving over mine, touching me, opening me up to a depth of pleasure I never knew existed. How could I have lived so long without knowing what my body was capable of? But he had known. And he had taken advantage of that knowledge, playing me like an instrument, making me sing.
There was no getting back to it. I consoled myself with the memory and dared to hope that it would become a reality soon. I didn’t know how I’d manage to be alone with him, but it had to happen. It was inevitable.
The way he’d looked at me all through dinner, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up. When his hand grazed my shoulder as he helped me with my coat and my knees almost buckled from that one little touch.
It was primal, my desire for him. He thought he was the Big Dog. I would show him a thing or two. The thought of how good we could be together was enough to steal my breath again.
Holden’s scowling face crossed my thoughts and burst my bubble.
I groaned, punching my pillow as I tried to get comfortable again. He wouldn’t be easy to get around, but I’d manage it. I used to sneak past Elias all the time in the early days—then again, he was easier.
He never came out of his room unless I’d asked him to. Holden walked around like he owned the place.
Even so, I would find a way.
Gentry was worth it. At least, he was in my dreams. And hadn’t he already proven just by existing that my dreams had the power to come true?
I fell asleep again with a smile on my face.
9
Vanessa
Going to visit Mom this morning. Meet for coffee beforehand? 10:00.
I beamed, reading the text again and again. He wanted to see me.
Holden hadn’t completely scared him off.
Of course. See you then.
I kissed the screen before tossing it aside to get ready and laughed in spite of myself. If Old Me had been asked to get up and be presentable by ten in the morning, she would’ve thrown a fit and gone back to bed just on principal.
But Old Me didn’t know Gentry, either.
Then again, neither did New Me. But I wanted to. And if he looked for excuses to meet up with me, he felt the same way.
Holden was dressed and waiting when I got out of the shower.
“Coffee again?” he called out as I passed by, clutching my towel closed.
Not that I knew why I felt so self-conscious. He was nothing. He might as well have been a Ken doll, just molded plastic below the belt.
“Yes. Coffee again. And you’ll be on your best behavior.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he growled, but at least he went back to the other side of the penthouse so I could have a little privacy while I got ready.
I wondered if I could trade him in for another model. One a little less opinionated. And a little less pissy.
It was another beautiful day. Maybe it seemed more beautiful than it was because I was on my way to meet Gentry. Even the Halloween décor didn’t bother me the way it had less than a week earlier. What a shame he hadn’t shown up sooner.
He was already waiting for me when we got there, and I noticed how he pointedly ignored Holden.
“I’m glad you could make it over on such short notice,” he smiled as he leaned in to brush his lips against my cheek.
I shivered a little and hoped he didn’t think I was a fool for blushing.
“I had to clear my calendar,” I joked as we got in line.
Holden waited by the door, looking for all the world like a bouncer.
“Does he even have eyes?” Gentry muttered with a grin.
“Shh. Please. Don’t talk about him.”
Because he can hear you and he already wants to tear your throat out and throw you in the river. How do I know? Because I can feel his feelings and they’re pretty nasty.
“Oh. You’re right. It’s not my place. He’s your brother.”
“I didn’t mean it that way—but I guess you have a point,” I added. “He’s only trying to help me.”
“Understood.”
Our hands brushed against each other, and he wound his fingers around mine. I didn’t stop him. Nothing had ever felt so right. We chatted about nothing in particular as we waited for our drinks. I wanted to ask about his mother but held back, telling myself we didn’t know each other well enough yet. He would tell me about her when he was ready.
He checked the time when our drinks arrived and winced. “I’m already running a little late. I promised my brother I’d be over there at 10:30. Would it be too much if I asked you to walk to Mt. Sinai with me?”
“No, not at all.” I was glad I hadn’t worn heels, though the hospital was only two blocks away.
Holden fell in step behind us as we left and was discreet enough to stay a few feet away.
“He didn’t ask where we’re going,” Gentry observed under his breath once we were outside.
I chewed my lip and hoped he didn’t make a big deal of it—I should’ve said something instead of relying on Holden’s hearing. I had gotten so used to treating him like my shadow, something not to think too much about.
“You’re meeting your brother at the hospital?” I asked in an attempt to change the subject. “Does he live nearby?”
“Dominic? Oh, yes. Over on Beekman.”
“Well, well,” I grinned. “Your family did pretty well for itself.”
“You could say that.” Only his voice was tight, and he spoke through clenched teeth.
Sore spot.
“Is he your older or younger brother?”
“Older by three minutes.”
“Twins! Wow. Is it true that you have a connection, the way twins are supposed to?”
“In a way, yes. We’re much closer than most siblings, I suppose.” He looked at me.
“What about you? Brothers or sisters?”
“One sister.” I looked away, ahead of us. “She’s… not here anymore.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I’m sure she’s better off now.” That wasn’t a lie, at least.
She was happy with Elias. It didn’t matter where they were—I had seen enough of the two of them together to know location wouldn’t make a difference.
“That’s a fairly dark perspective,” he murmured.
“That doesn’t mean it isn’t the truth,” I replied, and he left it there.
I wondered if we would ever get to know each other when we both held so much back. I could never tell him the truth about Mariya, even though I knew there was nothing he could do to hurt her. He was just a human. It wasn’t as if he had connections to my world.
What was I doing with a human? It was almost beyond belief.
“I wonder if I’ll feel the same about my mother when she passes on,” he mused.
“I didn’t mean to come off as insensitive.”
Getting to know a man was exhausting, especially with such a complicated life as mine. Always afraid to tell the entire truth, always hoping I didn’t say the wrong thing. No wonder I had avoided it for so long.
“You didn’t. Trust me. I was only thinking out loud. She’s in a lot of pain. It’s difficult to visit her, seeing her like that. She was always the liveliest person in the room, no matter how full the room was. The sort of person who draws the eye. Spellbinding.”
I smiled to myself at his choice of words. If he only knew how familiar I was with spells.
“She sounds wonderful. I’m sorry she’s going through this—and you, too.” I let my hand brush against his again, and he took it as he did in line.
A wave of all-consuming fury hit me from behind, but I made it a point not to react when I felt it.
I was too busy glowing inside to bother with Holden just then. He had to learn to deal with Gentry, sooner rather than later. I had the distinct feeling that Gentry wasn’t going anywhere.
That warm, glowing, all’s-right-with-the-world feeling didn’t last long.
