She accepted his fingers, then began moving her hips against his hand, her body taking over as a wave of ecstasy swept everything from her mind except how absolutely perfect it felt to be with him. He continued to pleasure her as he removed her boots, then tugged her jeans and panties off.
“Hurry,” she whispered, her voice soft and pleading.
“I am,” he said huskily, and yanked off his boots. His jeans quickly followed. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. Seeing her lying on the bed, beautifully naked and staring at him, her eyes heavy lidded with desire, was almost more than he could take. She was so hot, so ready for him, that he almost forgot to protect her. He quickly found the packet in his wallet, sheathed himself, then moved over her and nudged her legs apart.
As he entered her, she welcomed him into her with a soft sigh, then slowly began moving against him. Her body gloved his perfectly, too perfectly, as if she were made just for him.
At that moment Deke knew he would never be the same again. But it was too late to turn back, too late to save himself from her. He needed her, needed to see her go crazy for him. He met her thrust for thrust, building her pleasure and his own. Her eyes drifted shut as she clung to him, her fingers digging into his flesh as she began to peak. Grasping her buttocks, he drove deeper, harder into her. When she cried out his name, Deke gritted his teeth and joined her in a world of ecstasy.
A short while later as she lay in his arms, Mary Beth felt him stir. She opened her eyes. He would leave her now, as he always did. Her arms were still locked around him, holding him to her. Her chest began to ache as she let them fall to her side, freeing him to go.
She had known this time would come, but despite expecting it, the thought of him leaving brought bone-crushing pain. Forcing herself to accept reality, she looked at him.
Deke raised himself off her. He kissed her hungrily, then stared at her, his blue eyes intense. “I’m not leaving.” He couldn’t. Not yet. Not when he still wanted her with a desperation that he didn’t even want to analyze.
He watched her for a moment, waiting until she gave a look of pure surprise. Her pupils became more focused as his words finally registered, and he tried hard to ignore the way that made him feel inside. She was absolutely beautiful, her face flushed from their lovemaking. He liked being the one who’d put that contented look in her eyes, that rosy flush on her skin. He had to tear himself away to get up and go into the bathroom.
Mary Beth had turned on her side when he left her, watching his magnificent naked body move with a mixture of simple grace and exquisite power. Though making love with him meant much more to her than it ever would to him, she couldn’t regret it. What she needed was to try to distance herself.
But even that could wait awhile, she thought, as he joined her again, pulling her against his hard body and welcoming heat. She sighed with immense pleasure and snuggled closer. Touching her hands to his chest, she boldly slipped her leg between his, pressing her thigh against his sex.
Her head lay tucked under his chin, so she couldn’t see his face, but his whole body tensed and he moaned and moved against her. Silence fell between them, and she lay there enjoying the intense pleasure of being with him. She was startled when he spoke.
“I’m sorry I left you so suddenly two years ago, sweetheart. I never meant to hurt you.” His hand stroked her back, tracing the small bumps of her spine, then cupped her breast.
“It’s okay.” It wasn’t at the time, of course, but she’d learned to live with his rejection. “This more than made up for it.” She lifted her head up so she could see him and gave him a slow, shy smile. “Do you want to know why I slept with you then?” she asked quietly, then looked away.
He touched her chin, forcing her to look back at him. “I know why. You were vulnerable after your father’s funeral, and I took advantage of you.” His finger touched her nipple, and it hardened beneath his touch. Deke felt like a lucky man. He’d treated her badly in the past. He didn’t deserve this time with her.
“Is that what you thought?” He gave her a grim nod. “It wasn’t anything like that.” She felt her face and neck flush as she went on, “I feel kind of silly telling you this, but you really should know the truth.” She hadn’t realized he’d felt guilty over the years. It didn’t make up for her hurt, but she had more respect for him. “I had the biggest crush on you when we were young,” she confessed, toying with the fine curls on his chest.
“You did?” Just thinking that she’d been infatuated with him made him hard again. He rolled her over on her back, then touched his mouth to one erect nipple. He bit it gently with his teeth, then looked up at her and enjoyed the passion that flared in her eyes.
“I used to dream of what it would be like to make love with you,” she said softly. She wasn’t surprised that he never knew. He’d had his pick of girls, had never looked at her twice. “When you kissed me that day, it was my chance to see if being with you was anything like I thought it would be.”
“And was it?” Deke asked, turning his attention to her other breast. He suckled her, drawing her deep into his mouth.
Mary Beth started to tell him exactly how she felt when he was making love to her—how she wanted so much for him to never stop. But she could never confess that intimate detail, could never tell him that at some point, her crush had changed to something much more profound. If she did, he’d leave her for sure.
She gave him a wicked grin. “I don’t know. I’m still trying to make up my mind.” Despite her words, she moaned pleasurably when he teased at her nipple with his hot tongue. Her back arched, and her hips moved against him.
“Well, sweetheart, it looks like you need more evidence,” he muttered thickly, his groin becoming heavy with his own desire.
Mary Beth gasped when his mouth left her breasts and traced a path across her belly. Then he spread her legs and tasted her. Hardly able to breathe, she groaned deep in her throat, then wave after wave of pleasure began to build inside her body.
And she no longer remembered what they’d been talking about.
Seven
Contented, her naked body sprawled wantonly over Deke, Mary Beth sighed softly. His warm hand caressed her body, gliding across her dewy skin with a lover’s gentle touch, sending a ripple of pleasure coursing through her. Taking a liberty she’d only dreamed of in the past, she pressed her lips against his chest. It felt so good to be in his arms.
Too good.
But she wasn’t going to let herself think past this moment. She’d savor their time together, wouldn’t worry about a future between them or if one even existed. But even as the thought crossed her mind, she felt him stir, and all of her emotional defenses went up. When she tried to move away, he rolled over, taking her with him. She looked up to find him watching her.
“What?” she asked, when he continued to study her.
Deke hesitated, then murmured, “Making love with you is fantastic.” He’d never felt like this with a woman—as if he couldn’t get enough of her. Which scared him as much as it excited him. He couldn’t afford to get sidetracked, couldn’t allow Mary Beth to become important to him. Still, he couldn’t seem to leave her. Not yet.
His admission drew a dreamy smile to her lips. To hear him admit that he enjoyed being with her made her tingle all over. “Mmm. It was wonderful, wasn’t it?”
“Oh, yeah.” Deke’s stomach muscles tensed. She was passionate and sexy, and he was going to have a hell of a time walking away.
Watching his expression grow distant, she frowned. “Oh. I thought I heard a but. What is it?”
He sighed, suddenly not liking himself very much. “Mary Beth, I don’t want to hurt you.”
Her eyes became somber. “You’ll hurt me more if you’re not honest with me.” She waited for him to speak, but she already knew what he was going to say.
“I’m not the kind of man you need.”
A hand squeezed her heart. “And what kind of man is that?”
“The staying
kind. The kind of man who can make you promises and keep them.”
She lowered her lashes slightly, concealing the pain his words caused her. “I don’t need a man, Deke,” she answered quietly, trying to swallow past the lump in her throat. “Besides, I don’t remember asking anything of you.”
Deke ran his finger down her cheek, and her eyes met his. Yet. In his mind, he heard the unspoken word. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, eventually she would. And he wouldn’t be there for her.
Again.
What was he doing? He’d hurt her once—and he would hurt her again. He was destined to hurt the people he cared about. And he was beginning to care about Mary Beth far more than he should. Whatever was happening between them, it was making his life pure hell. He blew out a breath. “Maybe not. I didn’t stay with you before because I didn’t have anything to offer a woman. Nothing has changed.”
He moved, and she thought he was getting up. Instead, he shifted his weight off her, then rested his head beside hers. His hand lay possessively on her midriff. She let herself relax against him. “Why didn’t you tell me that the first time we made love, instead of leaving like you did?”
Deke hesitated, not sure if he should admit the truth. But she deserved his honesty. “Because you tempt me to stay more than any other woman ever has. And I can’t. Don’t depend on me, Mary Beth. I’m not made that way.”
“Because of the rodeo?” His whole body stiffened, and for a moment she wished the words back.
He eased away from her. “It’s more than that,” he said.
An uncomfortable silence fell between them. His tone held a harsh edge. Instinct told Mary Beth that the change had nothing to do with her. “Winning is that important? Or is it the thrill, the rush?” She’d heard that cowboys get rodeoing in their blood, that it became their life.
A muscle in his jaw ticked. “It’s complicated.”
Mary Beth ran her hand across his shoulder. She loved the freedom of touching him, loved the feel of his skin beneath her palm. “Then explain it to me, Deke.” He took so long to reply that she didn’t think he was going to. When he did, an underlying sadness lingered in his voice.
“My father and I enjoyed the rodeo. We used to go together and watch. When I was old enough, even though my mother was dead set against it, Dad let me train and then compete.” Looking away, he swallowed hard, remembering the stricken look on his father’s face, the pain he’d caused the man he’d idolized. “I miss him.”
Though she vaguely remembered Jacob McCall, Mary Beth recalled that he was well liked. She sensed that Deke and his father had been close. Did his drive to compete have something to do with their relationship? Or was Deke, in some confusing way, trying to restore memories of his father through the rodeo? Whatever the reason, he still hadn’t accepted the loss of his father.
Have you?
Mary Beth closed her eyes. How could she accept her own loss when her father never cared? Dammit, she didn’t want to think of him on her birthday, not when she was happy. She didn’t want to feel the pain, the hurt. But how could she help Deke with his distress when she couldn’t even deal with her own?
Opening her eyes, she found Deke watching her. “It hurts losing someone you love,” she said softly, thinking of her mother. Time had eased the pain, but hardly a day went by that Mary Beth didn’t think of Della.
Deke’s eyes darkened. “On my father’s grave, I made a promise to him that I’d win the title for him.”
She turned toward him more and propped her head on her arm so she could see his face. “You were young, Deke.”
He stared solemnly back at her, his jaw taut. “I was old enough to know what I was doing. Old enough to take responsibility for my actions. I said some terrible things to my father.”
Puzzled by his answer, she frowned. “I’m sure your father loved you,” she said gently.
He brushed her hand from his arm, then rolled away from her and sat on the edge of the bed. “We had a terrible argument the night before he was in that airplane crash.”
Mary Beth remembered that day, remembered hearing that his parents had been killed. She’d felt terribly for them all. They’d seemed the perfect family, then suddenly, tragically, their lives were forever changed. “What happened?”
Deke gave a bitter laugh as he looked at her over his shoulder. “I’d been pushing his buttons for days. That night I sneaked out of the house. He embarrassed me in front of my friend by coming after me and hauling my butt home. I was so angry at him.”
Ashamed, Deke had never shared what happened with anyone, not even with his siblings. But something deep inside him drove him on. “I told him I hated him.” He paused and drew in a breath. “I didn’t know he would die the next day,” he confessed, his voice ragged. He forced himself to look at Mary Beth, expecting to see disgust in her eyes. He was shaken when he discovered compassion and concern.
Mary Beth sat up and drew her knees to her chest. Her eyes filled with tears. Two years ago she’d thought Deke callous and self-serving. She had let that view of him fester, allowing herself to erect a barrier against his charm. It was unsettling to discover that she’d been so wrong about him. The demon driving Deke to pursue a bull-riding title was the fact that he’d let his father down—and himself, as well.
Her gaze slowly drifted over him. Unapproachable, he sat with his back to her, his muscles stiff and unyielding, his shoulders tense. He was hurting, and her heart ached for him. She wanted so much to ease his pain. “Your father was a good man, Deke. He loved you. I’m sure he knew you didn’t mean what you said. You can’t go on torturing yourself forever.”
She’d barely finished speaking when he stood and snatched his pants from the floor. “I didn’t ask for your opinion.” He pulled his jeans on with jerky movements.
His words cut into her, for a moment stealing her breath. “I’m sorry,” she said automatically. But Mary Beth sensed that his sudden emotional withdrawal stemmed from unsettled issues with his father, rather than his feelings for her.
Still, it hurt when he pulled away. He’d been too busy running from his ghosts to deal with his past. Of all people, she understood. Her issues with her own father were why she’d remained in Crockett, why she continued to give every waking breath to making Paradise a success.
So the decision was hers. Protecting her heart from further pain, she could accept what he offered of himself, knowing he would never be there for her. Or she could say goodbye to him now and watch him walk out of her life.
Again.
Deke turned toward her, his expression remorseful. “Look, I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay,” she said, interrupting him. She got out of the bed and scooped up her clothes. Her hands trembling, she slid on her panties and jeans, then turned away to put on her bra.
He cursed under his breath. “I just wanted you to understand that I can’t stay.”
Glancing over her shoulder, she struggled to keep her face impassive when emotions inside her were exploding. Whether or not being with him led to something deeper, she wasn’t ready to let Deke walk out of her life. “I’m not expecting anything from you. I told you that,” she answered very softly.
She fumbled with her shirt for a minute before she was able to get it on. “You’re reading way too much into this.” She said the words she knew he wanted to hear. “Making love with you was special, but you don’t have to worry. I’m not going to fall in love with you.”
Wishing he could see her face, Deke narrowed his gaze on her. “What?”
She turned and faced him, her heart pounding. “Regardless of what you think, I’m not waiting around for a man to make my life complete.” She’d given that dream up long ago. “Nor am I staying in Crockett.”
Deke felt gut punched, which was ridiculous. He didn’t want her to fall in love with him, did he? And he wasn’t in love with her. No chance of it. Hell, he’d even spelled it out for her.
So why did it bother him that she had di
smissed their intimacy as little more than enjoying an afternoon of heat between the sheets? “What are you talking about?” His tone sharpened. “Where are you going?”
“I’m leaving Crockett as soon as I get Paradise solvent. I enjoyed living in San Antonio, a lot more than here. Besides, there are a lot of places I’ve never been. I’m not sure where I’ll end up living.”
That explained all those travel magazines he’d seen around her house. He sensed that she wasn’t telling him something. “If you miss it so much, what’s holding you here?” She didn’t seem in any big hurry to head back to San Antonio. Nor did she appear to have the money to travel the world like a socialite.
She shrugged. “Like you, I have something to prove. My father spent his entire life letting me know what a disappointment I was to him.” She walked to her dresser and picked up her brush. “I was the daughter he never wanted,” she told him, dragging the brush through her hair.
That explained a lot, Deke decided. Though she acted as if she hadn’t been hurt by her father, he could see in her eyes that she was still suffering. Why else hadn’t she cleaned out his things? Apparently, the pain of losing him was still too fresh to sort through years of memories. “And it means that much for you to make the ranch a success?” he prompted, wanting to know what she was thinking. “Your father isn’t here, Mary Beth. He won’t even know whether or not you succeed.”
“Your father isn’t here, either,” she said pointedly. “Besides, I’m doing this for me.” His expression said, “yeah, right,” and she glared at him. “I am. For years I begged him to let me help around the ranch, but he totally ignored me because I was a female. Now I’m the one in charge, the one making the decisions.” She tossed the brush on her dresser. “I am going to make this ranch a success. I know I can do it. Especially now that I have Lightning and Lady.” Thinking of the money she needed to hold on to the ranch, she sent up a silent prayer that she would succeed. She couldn’t bear the thought of failing, especially in front of Deke.
Her Texan Temptation Page 9
