by Kimberly Fox
I shift in my seat as Tanya burps. She reaches into her pocket and pops another Gravol. The second one since she’s sat down. “I’ll be okay,” she says in a not too convincing tone as she clutches her stomach.
“You can go sit with Ethan if you like,” I say, trying to get rid of her before she empties her stomach on my lap. “You two are getting married this week. I’m sure you want to spend some time together.”
Megan laughs. “Look at her,” she says, pointing to Tanya’s green face. “She looks like Linda Blair in the Exorcist. Ethan can’t see her like this. He’ll back out of the wedding.”
“Thanks, Megan,” Tanya says, rubbing her sweaty forehead. “I can always count on you for support.”
“That’s why I’m the maid of honor,” Megan says proudly.
Tanya grins at her. “For now. That position can always be changed.”
Megan shrugs. “It’s not my fault you look like Shrek. Last one I promise.”
Tanya groans.
“I’m staying here with Cynthia until we land,” Tanya says, tapping the back of my hand.
Great.
“I don’t want you to sit all alone,” she continues. “And I want to spend some time with you guys. I miss you. I’m all by myself in Chicago.”
Tanya moved from our hometown in Buffalo and has been living in Chicago for the past eight months with her fiancee, Ethan. She is the new manager of the tattoo shop that he owns.
Megan makes a sad face. “All by yourself with Mr. Muscles,” she says sarcastically. “We don’t feel sorry for you. At all.”
“Please don’t worry about me being alone this week,” I say, feeling my chest tighten. “I have two good books that I’ve been wanting to read.”
This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. I don’t want their single friend pity all week. That’s just going to depress me more than I already am. My three best friends since high school, Tanya, Megan, and Julia, are all on this week long vacation with boyfriends, fiancees and husbands. And I’m the only single one.
I thought I could count on my best friend Julia to be as single as me but she met a bartender two weeks ago who she fell head over heels in love with. She brought him last minute and left me to bunk all by myself.
The airplane hits a little bump and Tanya closes her eyes and gasps.
“Oh shit we blew an engine,” Tanya says way too loud.
“No we didn’t,” I say, putting my hand on her trembling shoulder.
“Yes we did,” she says, panicking. “I’m going to die without being married.”
“At least you have a fiancee,” I mutter under my breath. I’m going to die alone.
Tanya opens her eyes and continues breathing when the plane doesn’t torpedo down to the ground.
“You’ll be married soon enough,” Megan says, still perched over her seat. “Just think, in a few days you’ll be on the beach marrying Superman. In Belize!”
Tanya takes a deep breath and actually manages to smile. “Thanks again for coming and for being bridesmaids,” she says. “I still can’t believe that I’m marrying Ethan.”
“It’s only been a year,” Megan says with a smirk on her face. “Are you sure that he’s the one?”
Anyone who has seen those two together knows that he’s the one for Tanya. They are perfect for each other.
Tanya has a wide smile spread across her face. “I’m sure.”
I’m so happy for them. Tanya is the best and she deserves all of her happiness.
“Is Julia okay?” she asks.
I glance over my shoulder and see my best friend Julia three rows back sleeping on her boyfriend, Matt’s, shoulder. She looks so peaceful and content with her new guy. I don’t know Matt but from what Julia says, he’s amazing. But she’s usually all-in when she’s in a new relationship only to fold up and leave a few weeks later. She always loses interest pretty fast.
“Ahh,” Megan says, craning her neck to watch the new couple. “Look at them. In the first stages of their relationship before they want to kill each other over not doing the dishes or wiping the dog’s muddy feet.”
“What’s that babe?” Lucas asks, turning his head. He’s sitting beside Megan in the seat in front of me.
“Nothing my little lamb chop,” she says, patting his head like a good little dog. “I love you.”
“Love you too,” he says, turning back to the little TV on the seat in front of him.
I’m happy for Julia, I really am, but it’s shitty timing for me. I’m going to be all alone on the wedding trip with a bunch of couples.
Julia has always been my best friend. We spent the whole week single together at Megan’s wedding in Cancun last year and had a blast. I was just hoping for more of the same. I just don’t want to go to another one of my high school friends’ wedding as the only single one.
And not only single but with no prospects whatsoever.
“You won’t be alone,” Megan says, reading my mind. “We’ll all take turns staying a night in your room. It will be fun!”
My shoulders slump down and I shake my head. “Guys I’m not some kind of charity act or someone that needs to be taken care of. I’ll be fine. I live alone, ya know.”
“Actually,” Tanya says, looking worried and for once it’s not about the plane crashing. “The travel agent called me this morning and we have a bit of an issue. We can’t have anyone staying in a single room and still get the group rate.”
“Okay,” I say, feeling my stomach start to flutter. “Am I staying in the parking lot?”
“Maybe,” she says, biting her lip, “if you don’t like your roommate.”
I close my eyes and brace myself. “Please tell me it’s one of Ethan’s hot friends.”
Tanya is shaking her head when I finally pry my eyes open. “My aunt Ophelia.”
“What?!?” I scream out, way louder than someone should scream in an airplane.
Every head in the three or four aisles around us turn but I don’t care.
“That old horn dog?” I ask. “Why?”
Megan bursts out laughing. “This is perfect!”
“Why are you laughing?” I ask, glaring at her.
She’s not intimidated by my cold eyes and just laughs harder. “Because it’s hilarious.” Megan finds nothing funnier than an awkward situation.
I glance down the aisle of the plane past Julia to where Tanya’s aunt Ophelia is reading an erotic book called the Slut for the Sultan. The pages are dog-eared because she’s probably reading it for the tenth time. Her cheeks are rosy under her thick black-rimmed glasses and she’s chewing on a pen so ravenously that she must be reading a sex scene. Her hair is big and bold like she can’t decide between a perm and an afro. I mean it’s big. Like she should have booked two seats big; one for her and one for her man-eating hair. It looks like she’s spent the first half of the flight with her head out the window. But her hair I can handle. It’s the smell. She smells like she spent the whole morning trying every perfume sample at the mall. I can smell the stale flowery perfume from here. And I’m stuck with her for the whole week. Fucking amazing.
“She’s not going to try to have sex with me is she?” I ask when I turn back to my friends. I wouldn’t put it past her. She’s got the libido of a sixteen-year-old boy who just unlocked the parental controls of his laptop after eating a whole box of Viagra.
Megan starts a new round of giggling.
“I don’t think so,” Tanya says, with a sigh. “But you never know with Ophelia.”
I take a deep breath and suck it up. I don’t want to do anything to put a damper on Tanya’s wedding. She’s trying her best and it’s not her fault that I don’t have a boyfriend.
“It’s okay,” I lie. “It will be great. She can teach me some makeup techniques.”
Megan laughs. “Like how to put on mascara with a paintbrush.”
“Or how to use a whole stick of lipstick in one sitting,” I say, giggling. The damage is done. Might as well have a fe
w laughs.
“I’m so sorry,” Tanya says.
“Don’t worry about it,” I say, trying not to show my irritation. I really don’t want to cause her any stress this week.
“If it’s bad you can come stay with us,” Tanya says.
I laugh. “Oh, I’m sure Ethan would love that!”
“Two girls?” Megan says, raising an eyebrow. “Of course, he would.”
Tanya swats her away like the pesky fly that she is.
“Hello, girls,” Tanya’s dad, Mr. Prentis, says in his deep voice as he walks by. Mrs. Prentis is behind him, smiling as she clutches a bible to her chest.
“Tanya are you feeling okay?” her dad asks. He’s dressed in his corduroy slacks and wool vest like he’s about to go to church rather than on the way to the Caribbean. Knowing him he’d rather be in a church than on a beach.
Tanya nods. “Just a little airsick is all,” she says. She’s starting to get some color back at least. That half pack of Gravol she devoured seems to be kicking in.
“Don’t worry Tanya, if anything happens you can fly away on your broomstick,” Megan says. “You know because your face is so green.”
Tanya just gives her a look and turns back to her dad. “How are you guys doing?”
Mr. Prentis’ face is tight and expressionless. “I don’t like this airplane,” he says with a frown. “They’re showing R-rated movies on the little TVs on the seat. It’s obscene.”
Tanya sighs. “So don’t watch it.”
Her dad ignores her and looks towards the back of the plane. “I’m going to complain to the manager. What kind of airline is this? It’s going to fly us straight to hell.”
“I’m already there,” Tanya whispers.
Megan and I snicker.
“Bye Mr. and Mrs. Prentis,” I say as they continue walking. Mrs. Prentis never says much. She’s usually busy with her nose in a book, which is usually the bible.
“Still strict as ever?” I ask when they’re out of earshot. I remember when we were kids and Tanya had to go to church every Sunday while we played soccer on the street. She always hated it.
Megan is bubbling over with laughter. “Tell her what happened when they met Ethan,” she says, giggling.
“What happened?” I ask.
Tanya shakes her head and gets a look like she’s recounting a tragic tale. “I was at church with my parents and my dad decided that they were going to follow me home for something. Ethan was supposed to be in Chicago for the weekend because he sold his bar and they were signing the papers.”
“Yeah,” I say, shifting in my seat.
“Well, he came for a surprise visit and he was in my apartment when we got home.”
Megan is gripping the seat as she giggles.
“Will you stop laughing?” Tanya asks her. “It’s not funny.”
“You’re right,” Megan says, snorting a laugh. “It’s hilarious.”
“So, what happened?” I ask.
Tanya sighs. “We walked in and Ethan was cooking lunch.”
“Yeah.”
“Naked.”
Megan bursts out laughing. “I would have paid to have seen the look on your dad’s face,” she says.
Tanya closes her eyes. “It’s etched into my brain forever.”
“What?” I ask with a grin. “Ethan cooking naked or your dad’s face?”
“Both,” she says, shaking her head. “I’ve been trying to get them to talk but my father refuses.”
I glance back down the aisle and Mr. Prentis is talking passionately with a confused stewardess. “At least he came,” I say. “That’s a start.”
Tanya lets out a frustrated breath. “He said that he couldn’t miss his only daughter getting married, even if it was to a barbaric caveman.”
“Ouch,” Megan says. “I’m sure they’ll like him once they talk to him and get to know him this week.”
Tanya flashes her a look. “Have you met Ethan?”
“Yeah,” Megan says. “They’re going to hate him.”
Tanya covers her face with her hands and grunts in frustration.
“I think your husband is calling you,” I say to Megan who can’t stop giggling over her best friend’s misfortune.
“No, he’s fine,” she answers.
“You’re supposed to be the maid of honor,” I say, rubbing Tanya’s shoulder. “It’s your job to help.”
Megan shakes her head. “No, it’s my job to look pretty.”
I glance back over my shoulder at Julia and her new boyfriend Matt. They’re snuggling under a blanket and watching a movie together. They’re even sharing a set of headphones. I have a feeling that this week is going to be a lonely one for me.
“Did Ethan bring any hot single friends?” I ask, turning back to Tanya.
“No,” she says, making my stomach drop in disappointment. “He decided not to invite them. He didn’t want to get in deeper water with my parents than he already is.”
“What about his brother?” I ask. Ugh. I can actually hear the desperation in my voice. “Doesn’t he have a hot Navy SEAL brother?”
Tanya nods. “I’ve never met him but he couldn’t make it. He’s over in Iraq and couldn’t get a leave of absence.”
Shit. Another lonely vacation.
A whiff of strong flowers assaults my nose from a few rows back. Tanya’s aunt and my new roommate, Ophelia, is squeezing the erotic book in her hands with a crazy grin on her makeup slathered face.
I won’t be alone. I’ll be rooming with Ophelia.
Lonely sounds like paradise all of a sudden.
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Thanks for reading! See ya next time!
-K
