Eye on the Prize

by Dmytro Holmes

  Mikai fully pushed her away.

  “Yeah, I understand. It’s all fun and games that everyone in the office knows we’re hooking up but God forbid the neighbors see anything. I thought you were in love with me, Cate. You’re going to leave him anyway. Why can’t I come to your place for once?”

  Caitlyn lost her contented expression and glared at Mikai.

  “Because I don’t want Patrick to hear about you before I have had the chance to tell him. He is a difficult man at the best of times, Mickey. Please don’t force the issue.”

  Mikai gritted his teeth to stop himself from saying anything else. Patrick was obviously a bone of contention in their relationship and Mikai was finding it increasingly difficult to hide his sentiments. He did not want to share Caitlyn and despite her constant assurances that she was not in love with Patrick, Mikai was beginning to have his doubts. If she really wants to be with me, she would have left him by now, Mikai thought, watching Caitlyn stare nervously at her hands. His heart softened as he realized the predicament she was facing and he took her hand.

  “It’s okay. My place is fine,” he finally said. Caitlyn turned her shining eyes upon him hopefully and eagerly grasped his hand.

  “Yeah?” she asked.

  “Yeah,” he conceded. He knew that she would make her choice soon enough and he would come out the winner in the end. They embraced again and Caitlyn buried her face in his broad shoulder so Mikai could not read her expression. I don’t know how much longer this is going to last. I am hanging onto him by a thread. Mikai is going to be so hurt to know that I can never leave Patrick, she thought miserably, blinking away her tears.

  6

  Chapter Six

  When Caitlyn McCormick was a little girl, she had the world at her feet. She was lovely, sweet and very bright. Her smile and big eyes endeared her to everyone and her teachers saw her potential from a young age. She was often sent home with notes from her school singing praise about her tenacity, her ability to absorb concepts and her impeccable behavior. It wasn’t until she was in Junior High School that her instructors began to see an issue with their model student. Caitlyn was a pushover. The word “no” did not seem to exist in her vocabulary and by the time anyone realized exactly how accommodating the pixie faced blonde was, it was almost irrevocable. The prepubescent boys in her class had discovered how eager she was to please and had fully taken advantage of her sweet, loving nature in the worst possible way. By the time she had gotten into high school, she had earned herself a reputation as being “easy”, but to the surprise of her guidance counsellors, she did not care. Her marks were extremely high and if not for her promiscuity, she would have been beyond reproach. Yet when she was confronted in her freshman year by her mentor, Caitlyn had simply shrugged her shoulders.

  “What’s the harm in a little bit of sex?” she had asked the stunned teacher. “In this day and age, it’s hardly taboo. I’m safe and everyone does it. If it makes them happy, why should I care?”

  “But – but does it make you happy?” Mr. Forrester had sputtered. Once again, Caitlyn had shrugged.

  “It doesn’t make me unhappy,” she answered. No one had ever bothered to press the issue again. If someone had taken the time to dig a little deeper, they would have found a disturbing history attached to the child. Never mind that Caitlyn McCormick had been reared in extreme poverty, her mother a barely functioning alcoholic who could never hold onto a job. They did not even qualify for welfare as Jennifer McCormick had already scammed the government twice in her teens so the mother and daughter were forced to exist on whatever meagre, inconsistent income Jennifer could wrangle. That did not seem to faze Caitlyn who was resilient and adaptable to change. She considered everything an adventure or an experience.

  The real issue was Caitlyn’s daddy issues. Never having married, Jennifer loathed Caitlyn’s father Andrew and even when the man was not doing time for some variation of robbery, he made himself scarce in their lives. To Andrew’s credit, he did attempt to contact his daughter but Jennifer went out of her way to ensure those visits were few and far between, often resorting to either calling the police or physically threatening harm on any of the parties, including Caitlyn. However, from a young age, Caitlyn always believed that Andrew’s infrequent appearances were a result of something she had said or done. She learned to be perfectly obedient, catering endlessly to her father whenever he did materialize, learning about his passion for boxing, even though she secretly abhorred violence.

  By the time Jennifer had temporarily sobered up and remarried, Caitlyn had become the perfect handmaid to her new stepfather, Brent who never had a kind word even though Caitlyn ran herself ragged seeking his approval. In the mornings, she would wake before anyone else, put on coffee, make breakfast and more often than not, be gone before anyone else rose. After school, she gave up the opportunity for extracurricular activities and ran home to stay near Brent lest he needed anything. She ironed his clothes herself and washed his jeans by hand. Over the years, his mistreatment of her did not diminish and after Caitlyn’s two brothers were born, Brent ignored her altogether, again leaving Caitlyn feeling as if she had done something wrong, and making her desperately try to overcompensate, despite the fact that she was a product of failed parenting, nothing more.

  It was just about that time when the boys at school began noticing her budding figure and lovely face. She found herself invited under the bleachers where they would paw at her and call her “beautiful” and “sexy.” Never did Caitlyn feel that there was anything wrong with what was happening and for once she felt wanted and cherished. She heard the rumors the other girls spread about her, and at first she was stung by their vicious words, but eventually Caitlyn realized that she was genuinely indifferent to the way they felt about her. It wasn’t until she met Nigel that everything changed.

  Nigel was an exchange student from England and as soon as he stepped foot in Caitlyn’s biology class, she was instantly drawn to the stranger. When she thought about the experience later, she understood that Nigel shared a lot of similar characteristics with her biological father. He had aqua eyes and an unruly tuft of fine hair which Caitlyn found incredibly endearing. She had gone out of her way to be near him from the first day and he had returned her attention immediately. Nigel did not seem to know of her reputation or if he did, he didn’t seem to care. He courted her properly, and eventually he became Caitlyn’s first real love. They were together every moment they could spare. At first his need to be near her was exactly what she needed. Nigel would call her and speak to her for hours on the phone until Brent would inevitably burst into bedroom and snatch the phone from her hand, slamming the receiver onto its cradle. Nigel would get into fights with other boys in the cafeteria when he felt they were staring at Caitlyn too long, and suddenly he was accusing her of looking back at them. Overnight, he had forbidden Caitlyn to talk to members of the opposite sex and by Christmas of their Junior Year, she had become scared to voice an opinion, lest Nigel fly off the handle and launch into a diatribe.

  The first time Nigel punched her, Caitlyn told herself she deserved it. By this point she knew better than to antagonize him but she had made some snarky table-turning comment about him looking at another woman. His blow had smashed into her cheek, leaving her with a bruise for two weeks. When asked about it, she made up a story about falling down the stairs. No one questioned it because no one knew she lived in a trailer. For the first time since meeting Nigel, Caitlyn wasn’t sure about him, but she had never been wanted by someone as much as Nigel appeared to want her. The thought of being alone again was too much to bear. So she endured the abuse which became more and more frequent and harder and harder to hide from everyone.

  When Nigel finally boarded the plane back to London in the summer, Caitlyn said a genuinely tearful good-bye to him and promised to visit the following summer. They exchanged passionate letters until abruptly they stopped and Caitlyn found herself alone again. In her anguish, she started seeking out the
company of older men, men who seemed to appreciate her more than the ones her own age. Because of her insurmountably good looks, they flocked to her side and soon Nigel had been replaced by Rob.

  Rob’s fists were just as hard but his apologies were heartfelt and followed with flowers, money and promises to never do it again. Until the next time. Rob stayed with Caitlyn until she turned eighteen and then decided that she was too old for him. By this time, Caitlyn realized that she never had to be alone and soon found herself in the same situation with a different man. This abusive relationship was short lived as the second time he put his hands on her, Mark landed her in the hospital which was a violation of his parole and he ended up back in prison for five years. However, before that happened, one evening Mark had introduced her to Patrick, a successful lawyer in Manhattan who provided every ounce of stability which Caitlyn desired. She spent the first three years of their relationship waiting for the other shoe to drop. He had not ever hit her and while he could be crass and sometimes short tempered, she began to relax, accepting that perhaps she belonged in his life. Without the physical abuse, Caitlyn didn’t realize that she was trapped in yet another abusive situation. Patrick was emotionally demanding, a narcissist with an invisible hold upon her. When the proposal came, Caitlyn had never felt happier in her life. She knew that Patrick was not going to leave her now. It did not matter that she did not find him exceptionally attractive or that their sex life was a bit tedious. All of the name calling and suspicions of unfaithfulness were forgotten as she accepted the ring. All that mattered was that he loved her and that she would never be alone. Caitlyn had never questioned her commitment to Patrick. Despite her promiscuous years, she had never been one to stray in a serious relationship, no matter how difficult the times. She was a very monogamous creature and she could not understand why anyone would risk the loneliness she had felt her whole life for a physical act.

  That is, until she met Mikai Duquette. The second they had collided outside the bathroom, Caitlyn had been overcome with an emotion a thousand times stronger than the one she had experienced with Nigel in her teens. It was something deeper than simple physical attraction. There was an electromagnetic pulse coursing between them, some invisible force which seemed to connect them as if they had known each other in each one of their past lives. Caitlyn had tried desperately to ignore the growing attraction but she was defenceless against Mikai. He represented everything that Patrick was not. She was at a crossroads but it was not one she was willing to upset. She had a sure thing in Patrick. He was constant, not prone to outbursts, while Mikai was moody. Patrick was boring. Mikai was a firecracker. Patrick was successful. Mikai was struggling to build a career. In boxing, no less! I am just asking to be a punching bag if I leave Patrick and go with Mikai, Caitlyn reasoned with herself. But it did not matter what she said to herself. She was completely in love with Mikai and as the days passed, she was falling deeper and deeper into the web of passion he had ensnared her in. He is going to be so hurt to know I can never leave Patrick. It was wrong and Caitlyn knew it but she did not ever want to let Mikai go. He inspired emotions in her which she had never experienced. She realized the house of cards she had built was apt to come tumbling down but she didn’t want to think about that. All she wanted was to relish the feeling of being in her lover’s arms, sneaking off with him during work hours and finding time to be in his apartment when Patrick was away. Not that it’s sneaking around so much, Caitlyn thought ruefully. They had barely bothered to conceal their affair but it didn’t bother her as much as she thought it would. Perhaps it was because she and Patrick did not have any mutual work friends or maybe it was because she felt that the situation she shared with Mikai was protected by an impenetrable bubble.

  Either way, Mikai had been skating on thin ice at work, having been written up several times. It did not seem to faze him either. Mikai had been on a winning streak, his rating increasing with each match. With one more win, he would be competing in the semi-finals and Caitlyn was feeling both elated and sickened by the idea. She had not been lying to him when she told him the thought of seeing him hurt churned her stomach but she also knew how much Mikai desired the title and how much he deserved it. Outwardly, Caitlyn oozed with support and adoration but inwardly, she wished that he would give it up and find something less dangerous.

  All of these thoughts were going through her mind when Mikai walked into her office, but she was so preoccupied she didn’t notice him. He stood in the doorway silently, watching her. In the three months since they had begun their affair, Mikai thought that Caitlyn had become even more beautiful. He knew that it had everything to do with her heart and little to do with the full lips and high cheekbones on the classic patrician face. The more time he spent in her presence, the more infatuated he became with every aspect of her. “Mickey,” she gasped, snapping him out of his reverie. He smiled at her.

  “How long have you been standing there?”

  “I just got here. I have some news.”

  “Sit down! What happened?” Mikai crossed the room and sat in the chair across from her desk.

  “I’m two fights away from the title fight,” he told her slowly. Her eyes lit up with happiness.

  “I can’t say I’m surprised. I am so proud of you!”

  “I need to focus on my training more than ever,” he continued, leaning forward on the desk, his large hands reaching for hers. Eagerly, she deposited her palm in his outstretched grasp.

  “Of course!” she agreed. “You’re so close to getting exactly what you want!”

  Mikai stared at her unspeaking for a moment.

  “What? What is it?”

  “You are on my mind every minute of every day. You are the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think about at night and even there it doesn’t stop. I dream about you. I can smell you when I’m in the mall, I see you on the street. You are always on my mind.”

  Caitlyn returned his love filled gaze and he could see that she felt exactly as he did.

  “I’m so in love with you, Caitlyn and I don’t know if I can live without you.”

  Tears filled her lovely eyes and she squeezed his hands in affection, not trusting her voice.

  “I feel exactly the same way, Mickey. I can’t believe that I have fallen so hard for you. Not a minute goes by that I don’t feel you. I think we have been kindred spirits for many lives.”

  Mikai stared at her for a long moment.

  “Caitlyn, I can’t share you anymore. You need to make a decision. It’s either me or Patrick.” The shiny look of adoration faded from Caitlyn’s aqua colored eyes and she tensed visibly.

  “Mikai, I thought we had talked about this.”

  “You talked. And I listened. I’ve been listening to you for months. Your excuses are endless. Do you love me?”

  “Yes! Yes, I love you!”

  “Then why is this so difficult? End it with Patrick.”

  “It’s not that simple, Mikai. We live together – “

  Mikai pulled his hands away from her and rose to his feet.

  “People who live together separate all the time. You aren’t married. You don’t have children. What is keeping you from leaving him?”

  “Mikai, please try to understand.”

  He was pacing the room now, trying not to let his temper rise.

  “I think I do understand. I think that I’ve been a fun play thing for you the entire time. I think that you never had any intention of leaving Patrick and you’ve led me along this entire time.”

  “No! It’s not like that, Mickey! Please don’t – “

  “Is it because he makes more money than me? Because you make more money than me? I swear, Catey, I am so close. You just have to have some faith in me. The entire world will be ours soon!”

  “Mikai, no! It has nothing to do with money!”

  “Then what is it? I am going crazy. I can’t focus on my career when I think that you might be in Patrick’s arms.”

&nbs
p; “Mickey…”

  “I can’t do this anymore, Caitlyn. You have to make a choice. Me or Patrick.”

  Mikai stopped pacing and they looked at one another. He hadn’t meant to lay it out as an ultimatum but he knew that he was at his breaking point with Caitlyn. He was torturing himself every day, envisioning that idiot with his angel. But as he looked into the limpid eyes of the woman he had grown to love so dearly over the months, Mikai felt goosebumps rise on his skin. The expression in Caitlyn’s eyes told him everything he needed to know. He knew what her decision was going to be.

  “Mickey…”

  A swift knock on the door announced the arrival of Patrick who sauntered in, uninvited.

  “Heya, babe. I was just in the neighborhood. Do you know your dumb receptionist bitch wouldn’t let me in? Who does she think she is? She said you were in a meeting. You don’t look like you’re in a meeting to me.”

  Mikai and Caitlyn continued to stare at one another as if Patrick hadn’t walked in the door, the pulse between them intensifying.

  “Hello? Am I interrupting something? Should I come back?” Patrick joked sarcastically. Mikai broke his gaze with Caitlyn and smiled briefly.

  “No. I was just leaving,” he said gruffly. “I just came to say good-bye.”

  “Oh? You going somewhere, bub?” Patrick asked without any genuine interest. Mikai looked up, his face laced with sardonic anger.

  “Yeah. I’m done.”

  He turned and walked out of the room, ignoring the gasp from Caitlyn. He was done.

  II

  Part Two

  7

  Chapter Seven

  Three Months Later

  The quaint wood and glass chalet was reminiscent of Switzerland and of course, the weather had cooperated, casting a blanket of snow about the ski village, turning it into a picture postcard. Caitlyn peered out the windows at the mountains, her heart as cold as the scenery outside. She could not stop the tears from filling her eyes and for the first time since she had been with Patrick, she felt completely alone. Her long, slender fingers traced the pearls around her lovely neck and she took a deep breath as a knock on the door startled her from her reverie. She swallowed deeply and cleared her throat.