by Marie James
I only let it go on for a little while. Misty is exhausted; I can tell by how fast she fell asleep last night. She hardly stirred all night.
I ease myself out from under her and tug on a pair of boxer briefs. After turning off the baby monitor, I slowly make my way to Griffin’s room.
The first door I open is the bathroom, so I continue on to the only other door down the short hallway.
I have to admit, she found a really nice place. This place is bigger than any other above garage apartment I’ve seen. It’s clean, in a great neighborhood, and I noticed it has an alarm. If I can’t convince her to come back to the clubhouse with me, at least I know she’s safe.
I open the door to Griffin’s room, and I have to chuckle. He’s on his knees with his tiny face pressed against the slats of his crib. I can see one magnificent blue eye staring back at me; the other blocked by the dark wood slat of the crib.
“I missed you,” I tell him as I hold him to my chest.
In answer, he reaches up and tugs on my beard.
It isn’t until he tries to shove a handful of it in his mouth that I realize he’s hungry.
“Come on, big guy. Let’s get you some breakfast.”
I tickle his stomach and quietly close the door to the bedroom Misty is sleeping in as I make my way down the hall toward the kitchen.
After strapping Griffin into his highchair, I begin opening cabinets looking for his food. I find a box of rice cereal and a jar of baby food peaches. I hand him an already mixed formula bottle from the fridge for him to start on while I mix his cereal. For powdered flakes, it sure smells awful. I check the expiration date on the bottom, and the sale by date is months away. I go ahead and mix it up, remembering I had the same aversion to the smell of his formula last month as well.
He grins around the nipple of his bottle as I sit in a chair in front of him.
“Here you go,” I say holding the tiny spoon to his mouth.
Half of the cereal rolls down his chin, but his mouth is moving like he’s just taken the biggest bite he can handle.
We continue the process of bites in and food rolling out for the better part of thirty minutes. Once we’re done, I’m certain he has more food on his body and in his hair than in his stomach.
“Your mother is going to kill us,” I tell him as I reach in and unsnap his safety buckles.
I hold him at arm’s length and carry him to the hall bathroom. Setting him down in the empty tub, I look in the cabinet for his tiny bath tub. I don’t find the foldable bath we’ve been using since he came to the clubhouse, but I do find a box with the picture of a blown up duck and a half-naked baby in it.
I shake my head over at him. I feel ridiculous as I open the box and begin to inflate the bright yellow duck. Griffin sits inside the tub and watches with wide eyes as the plastic animal materializes. After several minutes of huffing air into the contraption, I strip him out of his ruined clothes and place him in the tub section of the duck.
Filling it with water, I hand him a wash cloth to play with while I clean him up.
“I was hoping he’d like that thing,” I hear Misty say from the doorway.
With a hand still on Griffin, I turn my gaze to her. My eyes sweep from the dark pink paint on her toenails, up her sexy-as-fuck legs, to the seductive V of her robe at the top of her breasts.
I cut my eyes away quickly. With my son taking a bath, even at his young age, the last thing I need is to pop wood in front of him. I clear my throat roughly, giving my head a little shake for good measure.
“We sort of made a mess with breakfast,” I say.
I hear her soft laughter, and I close my eyes briefly and let the sound wash over me.
“He’s very,” she says with a brief pause. “Interactive when it comes to eating these days.”
I look over my shoulder and give her a smile.
“He was covered in it,” I tell her.
I feel a soft towel land on my shoulder and the quick trail of her fingers down my arms a few inches. Just that simple touch has my blood humming through my veins. I want more. I need more.
“I’ll make us some breakfast while you get him dried off and clothed. I haven’t had the chance to unpack his things yet, but he should have a change of clothes in the diaper bag in his room.” I feel the loss of her presence the second she leaves the doorway.
Fifteen minutes later, Griffin is as happy as can be playing with a tiny, yet very noisy, piano in his playpen. Misty hands me a steaming cup of coffee the second I walk into the kitchen.
I lean in and kiss her head in thanks and feel her stiffen under my touch. It’s as if last night didn’t even happen. Making love to her was beyond blissful, and she seemed happy when she fell asleep. I have no idea what changed between then and now, but the sated, content woman who fell asleep in my arms last night is not the same woman standing in front of me.
Refusing to let her step away from me this time, I place the cup of coffee gently on the counter and wrap my arms around her waist. She’s facing the stove, picking at sausage links with a pair of tongs.
I rest my head on her shoulder. “Darlin’,” I say against her neck.
I see the goosebumps pop up on her skin as my warm breath glides over it, but she doesn’t relax in my arms.
I hear her sigh. “I can’t keep doing this, Shadow.”
I can sense her resolve; it’s rolling off of her skin in waves.
“I need you with me, Misty.” My throat is dry, and I feel like if I keep talking, I’m going to somehow fuck this up. It’s so much easier for me to show her with my body, my hands, and my mouth what she means to me. Words fail me every time.
She sighs, again. I feel like I’m losing her even though she’s in my arms.
“We’re a family, Darlin’. We need to stay together.”
“What’s changed since last night?” She asks angling her head so she can see my face.
I turn her in my arms so her eyes can meet mine. “Nothing.”
It’s the truth. Everything I felt for her in the darkness last night I feel for in the daylight.
I see a tear roll down her cheek. I catch it on the tip of my finger and stare at it, begging it to tell me what she’s thinking, what’s causing her pain.
She attempts to hang her head, to break eye contact with me. I don’t allow it. I cup her cheek in my hand, bending my knees slightly so I can look her directly in the eye. With my other hand, I point to the front door.
“I pictured myself walking out of that front door. I imagined what walking away from you would be like.” I stroke her cheek with my thumb, hating the way her lip is quivering. “I couldn’t walk away even if it was the best thing for us. I don’t want to walk away from you, Misty. I can't.”
She blinks quickly trying to keep the tears from flowing. She fails, hot tears rolling down her flushed cheeks.
“Everything I’ve been fighting is everything I already have.” I lean in and kiss away one of her tears. “I love taking care of Griffin and watching him grow. I love seeing how good you are with him. I love waking up in your arms. I love you, Misty. I want to be a family, the three of us.”
I see her eyes widen, and I wonder for a brief second if I said the wrong thing. I tilt her head up and kiss her mouth. I do my best with that one kiss to put into action exactly what my heart feels. She and Griffin are my life, my soul, and there’s nothing I won’t do to have them with me always.
Chapter 39
Love?
He loves me?
That’s what he was trying to tell me last night? Every moan, every mumble, every gasp of pleasure and searing look into my eyes wasn’t about sex. It was a declaration, a confession.
Instinctively, my fingernails scratch the back of his neck. I pull my head back slightly, breaking the contact of our mouths.
I let my brown eyes dart between the brilliant azure of his, looking for and hoping to find an ounce of deceit. The last thing I need is him manipulating me to get Griffin and I
back under the roof of the clubhouse.
His lips turn up slightly, his eyes shine even brighter at my appraisal. It’s almost like he’s proud that I’m not just taking his words to heart.
“Love?” I ask softly drawing my hands from his neck to hold on to his face at his jawline.
“Love,” he says tenderly. His gaze drops to my lips.
I swallow roughly. “I love you, too,” I whisper.
“Darlin’,” he says breathlessly as his mouth finds mine again.
Now that I let myself believe it, I can feel the devotion in his touch. I allow my heart to open freely to him. How did I miss this before? This touch, the gentle sweep of his tongue is so familiar. This is the same way he held me, caressed me the night before he left for this last mission.
That’s not what this is. Not anymore.
His words from our time together after the Children’s Museum come back to me. He was trying to tell me then. I’m a damn fool.
It isn’t until I feel the softness of my bed that I realize he’s lifted me up and carried me into the bedroom.
“You are so beautiful,” he praises lifting his mouth from mine and trailing his fingers up my side.
He reaches for the waistband of my sleep shorts, and I shift my weight so he can pull them off easier. He tugs me to the edge of the bed.
With a hand on each knee, he gently spreads my legs. With heaving breaths, I look down at him between my splayed legs.
“Darlin’,” he says reverently as his thumb slowly swipes over my clit.
I whimper with need at the sensation of the rough pad of his finger on my delicate flesh. Closing my eyes, I swivel my hips, looking for purchase against his hand.
His hot breath skates over me a second before I feel his thick tongue push inside of me.
I gasp; he groans as if tasting water for the first time after being stranded in the desert for months.
I grip the sheets by the handful as he assaults my body. Two amazing long fingers slide between the folds of my cleft, parting me before hooking inside.
With feet flat against the bed, I push up slightly, shoving more of myself against his mouth.
I hear him chuckle lightly at my enthusiasm.
The orgasm hits suddenly, taking my breath away.
“Fuck,” I hear Shadow mutter in the haze of my explosion. “That’s it.”
I haven’t a clue what he’s doing with his mouth and the half dozen hands he has on my body, but I love every second of it.
“Misty.” I look up just in time to see him pull the band of his boxer briefs down. My mouth waters at the sight of his thick erection. Immediately, I slide from the bed to my knees in front of him.
I fist him in one hand and lower my mouth over the plump head of his cock. He hisses loudly, and an animalistic growl comes from deep in his chest.
I hear Griffin begin to cry in the living room. I’m honestly torn.
Shadow makes the decision for me by shifting his hips back and covering his glistening cock once again with his boxers.
“You grab him, and I’m going to grab a quick shower.” He smiles wide at the pout on my face.
I watch his back as he leaves the room heading to the shower.
“A very cold shower,” he mumbles.
I tug my panties and shorts back on. I find the source of Griffin's despair as I walk into the living room.
“Well,” I say picking up the stuffed monkey from the floor. “If you quit throwing it out of there you wouldn’t get so upset.” I toss it back into the playpen, and his sobs stop instantly. I know I’m getting played, and he better be glad he’s so damn cute.
Ten minutes later Shadow once again joins me in the kitchen. This time, I’ve actually managed to complete breakfast.
“This looks great,” he says as I place a full plate in front of him.
Before I can walk away, he catches my arm and tugs me to sit on his lap. I love the feel of his beard as it scratches down my neck.
“Do you want me to stay here with y’all, or are you coming back to the clubhouse?” he asks against my ear lobe before sucking it into his hot mouth.
“Umm,” I moan helplessly. “I can’t concentrate with you touching me like this.”
He grunts quickly, running his hand over my breast, but he lets me stand back up.
I walk to the counter and grab my plate.
“I like the extra room here. If we go back to the clubhouse, it’s all of us in one room.” I scrunch my nose up. “Eventually, the things we can get away with now with him in the room will not be okay.”
He takes a bite of sausage and taps his lip with the fork as he chews. After swallowing he says, “we can put in a door between the two rooms so we have easy access to him. We can deadbolt the outside door in my room, and he can have that one. The only way to get access to him is through our room.”
“I do like being around your family, the other girls.” I take a sip of the now cold coffee.
He reaches into the pocket of his jeans, pulling out his phone. After some quick typing, he puts it back into his pocket.
“Done,” he says and continues to eat.
“What’s done?”
“Some of the guys are heading over to help get your stuff back to the clubhouse.”
I gawk at him. “Shadow, I’m paid up for the month. I signed a six-month lease. Last night was only the second night I’ve been here. I can’t afford to break my lease after two damn days.”
His eyes sparkle as his eyebrow pops up. “I’ll take care of your lease, Darlin’.”
He goes back to eating, like handing over almost four thousand dollars and not even using the apartment is no big deal to him.
“We can live here until the lease runs out,” I offer.
He wipes his mouth with a paper napkin. “Is one of the garage stalls under us part of your rental?”
I shake my head. “No, I don’t even have a car.”
“I need a garage, Darlin’.” Fact, plain and simple. As if the statement requires no explanation.
I know he spends hours upon hours in the garage back at the clubhouse.
I just nod my head and smile back at him.
“Clubhouse it is,” I finally say.
Pick your battles right?
***
“He loves being in your arms,” Shadow says over my shoulder.
We’re back at the clubhouse, sitting on the bed. His back is against the headboard; my back is against him.
“Look how calm he is,” he says brushing a soft finger over his forehead.
Griffin’s eyes are closed as he drinks his last bottle of the evening.
“You make me calm too,” he confesses near my ear.
Shadow has been completely different all day. Before he left for his last mission, we always had some amount of space between us, both literally and figuratively. Neither has been present today.
He hasn’t avoided me like before; in fact, he’s found any reason at all to have his hands on me every chance he could.
“Marry me,” he whispers in my ear.
I jerk so hard the bottle falls from Griffin’s mouth.
I shake my head and climb off of the bed. I place Griffin softly in his crib, gripping the side rails in my hands, refusing to turn back around and face him.
“Darlin’,” he says against my neck.
I startle for a second, so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I didn’t hear him get off the bed.
“I can’t,” I whisper. “You don’t have to do this. We don’t have to get married just so things look good for court next week.” I turn around to look him in the eye. “I don’t want a sham marriage with you. It would break my heart.”
“Do you love me?” he asks softly.
I nod. “Of course, I do.”
“I love you,” he says huskily. “There’s nothing sham about that. You, me, and Griffin for the rest of our lives,” he says before his lips find mine.
I whimper against his mouth as his tong
ue explores. His hands join in, gripping and caressing over my body.
“We’ll wait until after court. What’s going on between us isn’t about that. I’m talking about future, Darlin’, not some little bump in the road.”
Chapter 40
I stop Misty with a hand on her forearm before she makes her way into the conference room to meet with our attorney Angela Spears. Our hearing is scheduled in less than an hour, but I feel the need for full disclosure. I’m struggling with it. Not actually telling her, but the actual urge to talk to a woman about my history. It’s a new emotion for me.
I want to pull her to my chest and comfort her. Her eyes are already red-rimmed, and even though she’s fighting hard, she can’t seem to control the tremble in her hands.
“Hey,” I say taking another step toward her. “I feel like we need to have a full disclosure moment right now.”
She looks up into my eyes, lip quivering like I’m fixing to tell her I don’t think we can win this case.
“Angie. Angela, our attorney,” I rub my hand over my beard and regret not telling her this during our eight-hour drive up from Farmington, or last night at the hotel. I can blame my silence on the fact we met up with Josie and Kaleb for dinner last night, but I know I just wanted to put off the fact that she was going to have to come face to face with part of my whoring ways.
“Spit it out, Shadow.” Her voice breaks on my name, and it nearly guts me.
“Angie and I had a…” What the fuck do I even call it? “A sort of physical relationship.”
“So you fucked her?” she asks with no emotion.
“Yeah.”
“Do you want to fuck her now?” she asks.
I shake my head. “Hell no.”
“So it’s in your past?”
I nod.
“Is she a good attorney?” she asks, looking as if she’s growing bored with this conversation.
“The best,” I answer with a rough swallow.
“Do I have to worry about her hurting the case because she’s some sort of scorned lover?”
