by Jenny Frame
Bridge rubbed her forehead and thought. “My Bible. I need my Bible.”
She went over to her desk and, inspired by all these intense sensations, wrote the week’s sermon.
* * *
After lunch Finn met Quade and her work crew at the Axedale stables, and headed out into the Axedale woodland in their trucks.
“Lady Harry wants to expand this for the wildlife in the area,” Quade explained as she drove them down a single-track road to the edge of the forest.
“It’s a wonderful woodland. Like something from a fairy tale,” Finn said.
Quade smiled. “It is, isn’t it? We used to play in here when we were children. Our parents didn’t see us all day, unless we wanted something to eat. You probably couldn’t do that nowadays.”
“It must have been great growing up here. My family travelled around a lot. Never got a chance to settle and make friends,” Finn said sadly.
Quade turned the truck into the edge of a clearing and parked. She patted Finn on the shoulder and said, “You have friends now, mate.”
Finn didn’t know what to reply. It was a simple thing to say, but meant so much to her. “Thanks, Quade. I appreciate that.”
“Right, let’s go. We’ve got trees to plant.”
When the rest of Quade’s team arrived, Finn helped carry the tools and the saplings over to the planting area. Quade handed her a spade and said, “Start digging there. We’re trying to fill up this open space with new oak. The forest was decimated during the Industrial Revolution, so we’re trying to get it back to what it was.”
“Okay. Sounds good,” Finn said.
Quade was digging next to her, and her team each took up an area on the spare ground. Finn enjoyed the manual work. It wasn’t something she had done before, but it was certainly helping her deal with all the emotions she was feeling.
As they dug, Quade said, “How are you getting on with Bridge?”
Finn stopped and looked up at her questioningly. “Why do you ask?”
“I’m not stupid. I’ve seen the way you look at her. You care about her,” Quade said.
Finn thought about denying it, but that would just be wrong. Quade was her friend. “Yeah, I do. A lot.”
“What does Bridge say?”
Finn speared the spade into the ground and leaned on it. “I think she feels something for me. There’s something between us, but I don’t know if it’s just attraction or something more.”
“I thought as much,” Quade said. “I’m not very good at reading people’s emotions, but when you two are together, there are sparks flying. Just like our friends Harry and Annie. Bridge hoped she would feel that one day, I know.”
Finn’s heart raced with excitement. If other people could see it, then it must be real. I want her. I want to know who she is.
“Thanks for telling me, Quade,” Finn said as she took a sapling and placed it in the fresh hole she had dug.
Quade walked a few steps to her. “I like to see people happy, but you be careful, Finn. Bridge has a hell of a lot to lose.”
“I know.” Finn was frightened that would keep them apart.
* * *
Bridge looked around the church hall with satisfaction. Everyone who had signed up to help was there and working hard on costumes and props, and even her lost sheep was over in the corner painting masks for the participants.
Finn had made such progress, Bridge thought. Not long ago she was slamming a door in her face, and now she was taking part in a community event. Bridge was doing her Christian work well. The only fly in the ointment was that she wanted to rip Finn’s clothes off, and that posed great difficulties in her role as spiritual leader of the community. The only thing she could do was to keep praying and trust that God would lead her on the right road.
A stream of children kept going over to Finn, asking to see tricks, and luckily Finn was in good spirits and happy to oblige. She noticed a few times Finn’s hand went to her shirt pocket by instinct, to take out her cards, and then she realized they were gone. Instead she did some coin tricks that delighted the kids.
Bridge wished there was something she could do to bring them back for Finn, but any new pack wasn’t going to have the same history. Then something popped into her head. Maybe there was something she could do, especially with Witch’s Night coming up. It was traditional to give a gift to someone who needed it, just like the witch was given her life.
She took out her phone and called her mother. When she answered, Bridge said, “Mama? It’s Bridge. How are you?…Wonderful. I’m calling to ask a favour, Mama, but just say if you don’t want to do it.”
After chatting for a few minutes, she hung up and smiled with satisfaction. Finn was going to love this, she hoped.
Mr. Butterstone approached and said, “Vicar? Good turnout, isn’t it?”
“It is indeed. I think we’re going to have a great night this year. Bigger and better than usual.”
“And you managed to get Ms. Kane to help.”
Bridge followed Mr. Butterstone’s gaze to Finn, who was showing Sophie, Riley’s best friend, a trick repeatedly, and making her laugh.
“Yes, she’s doing very well,” Bridge said.
Mr. Butterstone was silent and then cleared his throat nervously. “Have you managed to ask her—”
Bridge closed her eyes and shook her head. “No, not yet. She’s going through an extremely emotional time right now, and I don’t want to push her more than necessary, but I will ask her when I think she’s ready.”
“That’s all we ask, Vicar. Thank you.”
He walked away and Bridge watched Finn closely. It was one thing doing some tricks for an old lady and some kids, but pushing Finn to perform and direct a show was an entirely different thing.
Bridge had a need to protect Finn as she stumbled her way through grief and back to life, and pushing her was not going to help. She thought about how much she cared about Finn already, and it scared her.
* * *
“Thanks for showing me your cool tricks, Finn,” Sophie said. “My friend Riley is going to be so mad she didn’t see you. She has all your shows on DVDs.”
“I tell you what—I’ll sign some things before I leave, and you can give them to your friend, okay?”
“Oh, thanks! Riley will be so happy. I better go and get my mum. See you, Finn.”
“Bye, Sophie. Nice meeting you.”
Finn got up from the floor and brushed down her jeans. Everyone was starting to pack up, so she gathered up all the masks she’d painted. Her good mood was starting to go downhill when she thought of what she’d said to Sophie. That she would be leaving Axedale sometime. The very thought scared her. She just couldn’t imagine going back to her life in London, and being alone. If she did that, all there would be was lonely grief, and the illusion of Finnian Kane.
At least here she had two friends, Quade and Bridge, the woman who dominated her thoughts. Watching Bridge stride around the church hall tonight, clipboard in hand, keeping everyone on task, only served to remind her how much she wanted Bridge.
It was a passionate need that was building with each passing day. Her atheist acquaintances would laugh at her predicament of being in lust with a vicar, but there was more than that. Bridge made her feel safe, calm when her soul was in torment, and cared for, just as Finn cared for her.
All this was in Axedale, and in London her old life lay in wait. She had bought her way out of the last few shows in her contract, but she still had commitments. People who relied on her. Her PR, her management team, all waiting on Finnian Kane to return, but she didn’t think she could be that person any more.
Bridget walked up to her smiling. “Would you like to walk me home, Magician? I might even let you buy fish and chips.”
“Oh God, now you’re talking. Just let me clean up.”
* * *
Finn waited in line at the smallest fish and chip shop she’d ever been in. As she looked around, Bridge said, “Not quite Londo
n, is it?”
“I think it’s great. Very quaint. I didn’t think you’d have a fish and chip shop in Axedale.”
“It’s not been open long. Mrs. Robinson who owns the village tea shop thought the new tourists would like an alternative to her tea, sandwiches, and cakes at the Axedale tea room, something a bit less formal, so she rented this little stone building from Harry and has her son run it. It’s been a roaring success, with the locals too.”
“Sounds like Lady Harry has brought a lot of money and jobs to the village. Quade was telling me as much today.”
“Yes.” Bridget sighed, then looked right into Finn’s eyes. “And all because she let love into her heart.”
Finn felt those words were directed at her, and they stood gazing at each other until the server said, “Can I help you?”
They had come to the front of the queue without Finn noticing. Time spent with Bridge seemed to do that.
“Yeah, sorry. Um…” Finn looked up at the menu on the back wall quickly.
Before she had the chance to answer, the server said, “Are you and the vicar together?”
Finn looked back at Bridge, who appeared a little unsure, but somewhere inside herself, Finn knew. She winked at Bridge and turned back to the man at the counter. “Yes, we’re together. Could we have two large fish suppers with mushy peas, lots of salt and vinegar, and two pickled onions.”
When the server went off to get the food, Bridge sidled up beside her. “Did you just order for me, Magician?”
Oh God. The very sound of Bridge’s voice when she reprimanded her made Finn shiver.
“I did. You did say I could buy you fish and chips and walk you home.”
Bridge smiled. “I suppose I did. Very well, but I am not eating mushy peas.”
Finn gave her a mock look of shock. “That’s an essential part of the perfect fish and chips, but I forgot you were so posh, Bridge.”
“Oh, shush.” Bridge gave her a swat on the behind and set off all sorts of excitement in her body.
They got their food and walked slowly along the river. Finn suggested they take a seat on one of the benches to eat. It was getting dark in the evenings, but the streetlight gave them enough light to see each other and their food.
Bridge said, “It’s maybe not London calibre, but still very tasty.”
“I don’t know. London is all tempura batter and trying to improve something that doesn’t need improving.” As they ate Finn said, “You know this is like a first date, Vicar.”
“How so? I’ve never been on a date. My past social interactions were a bit more intense, but no dates,” Bridget said.
“Neither have I, but from what I’ve seen on TV and what Carrie told me, they usually consist of sharing food, talking, and sometimes long walks.”
Bridge smiled. “I see, well we have three points already. What else do people do on dates?”
Finn shrugged. “Find out the things you like, food, colour, drinks, music. Then you can use the information on your next dates, if you’re lucky enough to get any more.”
What had started as a joke for Finn was now a way of testing out Bridge’s feelings. Luckily Bridge appeared happy to play along.
Bridget wrapped up her remaining food and sat it to her side, then opened a bottle of water.
“Well, we have to follow the rules on our pseudo date. You already know my drink preferences…so, food? I would say ice cream. I have an ice-cream fetish, but unfortunately, we don’t have a good ice cream parlour. I like the kind of place where you walk in and are faced with fifty different choices, along with sprinkled nuts, hot fudge sauce, the whole shebang.”
Finn dispensed with what was left of her food and moved closer. “What flavour’s your favourite?”
“Hmm, praline or raspberry ripple,” Bridge replied.
Finn only wished it wasn’t a pseudo date but a real one. Then she would plan something special with that information.
“And your favourite colour?”
“That’s easy, but again I’ll choose two.” Bridget moved closer, and said with a flirtatious smile, “Red and black.”
Finn gulped. She could imagine Bridge in all sorts of red and black outfits that would make her wild. While Bridge was so close to her, Finn said, “And your favourite song?”
Bridge’s gaze searched her eyes and face slowly, and then Bridget brushed Finn’s fringe away from her eyes, and said in almost a whisper, “‘Can’t Help Falling In Love.’”
Finn stopped breathing and Bridge waited a beat before saying, “By Elvis Presley.”
Their lips came together softly, slowly, small kisses at first, and then Finn felt Bridge’s fingers thread through her long fringe. Their kiss deepened and Bridge’s nails scratched down the short-haired back of her head, and dug in slightly at the nape of her neck. Finn groaned and slipped her tongue into Bridge’s mouth. Her body was thrumming, and she wanted to taste every part of her.
Bridge suddenly pulled back and the intense moment they shared was over. “I’m sorry. I can’t.” They sat in silence for a moment or two, and Bridge said. “Shall we walk back?”
“Sure,” Finn said with sadness. Bridge couldn’t or wouldn’t face what was between them, and it was making her heart hurt.
* * *
Bridge could not believe she had kissed Finn. Something in Finn was pulling her like an unstoppable force, and she felt almost powerless against it. Not a sensation that Bridget liked. All the prayer and pleas to God for help with these feelings were not helping. She was sure Finn was just as interested, but it would be doomed to failure.
They were a few minutes from the vicarage, and they had both been mostly silent, until Finn said, “Why Elvis?”
“What? Oh, my grandmother was a huge fan, and she and my grandfather spent a weekend with him at Graceland—”
Finn started laughing hard. “Of course they did. Is there anything the Claremonts haven’t done?”
Bridge played along. “Hmm, not really—oh, go to the moon. We’ve still to do that.”
“I’m sure one of you will, one day. So, Elvis?”
“Oh yes, I grew up hearing his music, but that song just always melted my heart, and ‘Always On My Mind’ always made me cry.”
“Bridget Claremont cry over a song? Never,” Finn joked.
“I have a softer side, Magician.”
She felt Finn’s fingers caress her own. “I know that, Vicar.”
Finn suddenly stopped and looked behind quickly.
“What’s wrong, Finn?” Bridge asked.
Finn scanned around her in all directions. “I don’t know. I just had the feeling someone was watching us. I’m probably just being paranoid. Let’s keep going.”
They got to the vicarage gate, and Finn said, “So do I merit a second pseudo date?”
Bridge felt like Finn was only half joking, and she had to make things clear. “Finn, you know what I told you about my position in the Church? We are supposed to remain celibate within a gay relationship.”
“But I thought it was a don’t ask, don’t tell kind of thing.”
“Unofficially it is, and those colleagues in my gay Christian group respond to that in different ways. Some have a normal sex life but are discreet, while some are not discreet believing that more militant protests will bring change more quickly, and some keep their vow of celibacy to the Church, hoping that change will come soon. The first two types of clergy I mentioned risk losing their jobs, their homes, their church, their vocation every single day, depending on the attitude of their bishop. My last bishop wouldn’t have cared, in fact he would probably have encouraged me, but this one—to put it simply, to have a sexual relationship, I’d have to risk losing my job every day. I’m not sure I’m ready to make that choice. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone to ask them to give up a sex life to be with me. So, dates or pseudo dates are not a good idea.”
Finn shook her head in disbelief. She couldn’t understand Bridge living like that. “Bridge, how can
you live like that? You’re such a passionate woman. If someone cares about you, why would you give up on that?” Finn said angrily.
Bridget snapped. “Because I love God, something an atheist could never understand.”
“Well, if some have the courage to be open about it, I can only conclude that I was right in what I said when I first met you. You’re hiding behind that dog collar, frightened that you might possibly feel love and get your heart broken and rejected. Maybe no one will ever be good enough for a place in your heart like Ellen was.”
Bridget’s face went stony. “Goodnight, Finn.”
Before Finn could reply, Bridge was gone up the path to the vicarage doors. “Why did I say that? Idiot.”
It might have been better left unsaid, but Finn was convinced it was true.
As she walked home the guilt started to set in. If someone had mentioned Carrie in the way that she had used Ellen’s name, she would be both angry and hurt. It had just been such a good day, and they were becoming so close. That’s exactly what Finn wanted, to be close to Bridge, because when she was she didn’t feel pain, and when she did think of Carrie she remembered only good times, and how well Carrie would have gotten on with Bridge, the only two women who could put her in her place.
When she got to her cottage door, her phone rang. She was used to screening her calls at the moment, but when she saw it was her publicist, Allegra, she answered. “Hello, Ally.”
“Hi, Finn. How are you?” Ally sounded reticent. The last time they had spoken, Finn hadn’t been in a good way.
Finn walked through the front door and locked it. “I’m much better, Ally. This break in the country is really helping.”
“Wonderful! I knew it would. I can’t guarantee how long the press will leave you alone. They’re trying everything to find you.”
Finn went to the kitchen, took a bottle of beer from the fridge, and sat at the kitchen table. “I’ll just have to deal with it when it happens. What can I do for you?”
“It’s what I can do for you. I have the information you wanted on Bridget Claremont.”
