“Quinn…”
She pressed her fingers to his lips and shook her head. “I just need a minute, OK?”
Stepping out of his arms she headed into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Leaning back against it she closed her eyes, breathing in deep to steady nerves she hadn’t seen coming. She’d had sex with this man so many times, and yet, this felt like the first time he was going to touch her that way. Her stomach was dipping, her head was spinning, and she wanted to feel guilt; she wanted to feel sick about what she was about to do. But she couldn’t. She wasn’t feeling any of that. She didn’t know what she was feeling, but she wasn’t feeling sick or guilty, and she should be.
She pulled herself away from the door and wriggled out of her jeans, until she was left in nothing but tiny black bikini panties. This was happening. She was making this happen, she was letting it happen, and she was scared and excited and utterly terrified. She was letting Lukas Drake back inside her in every way possible, and she’d done nothing to stop that. Because she didn’t want to stop it.
“Quinn?”
She hadn’t heard him come in, and she didn’t turn around, she didn’t even look at him. But she wanted to feel him, she wanted him to touch her, and as he came up behind her and pulled her back against him she had to hold down a gasp because he was naked now, his skin touching hers, and every memory of sex with this man rushed forward like a tidal wave of emotions, crashing over her as his lips brushed the back of her neck, his hand splaying out on her thigh.
“Come on. Come to bed.”
She took his hand and let him lead her back out into the bedroom. “Lukas?”
He turned to face her, pulling her that little bit closer.
“I’m scared. Of what’s happening here. This is wrong…”
That guilt, it was coming now, it was starting to hit her.
He tucked a finger under her chin, tilting her face up, their eyes locking. “I’m not going to hurt you again, Quinn.”
But that was a promise he couldn’t keep, he couldn’t. What was happening here, all it was going to do was hurt people. All of them. There was no other way it was going to go, so why was she still here? Why wasn’t she walking away? Nerves were still knotting up her insides, twisting them around, making her breathless, and she knew why she wasn’t walking away. Why she wasn’t going to walk away. She was way past thinking straight now. She was someplace else, where right from wrong was blurred and every line was about to be crossed. She wasn’t going anywhere.
She closed her eyes as his fingers tangled in her hair, his mouth pressing down onto hers in a slow and beautiful kiss that did little to settle those nerves, but as he pushed her back onto the bed she felt excitement start to take over. And that guilt, it had gone. Or she was choosing to ignore it, either way her stomach was dipping and flipping for very different reasons now. But what they were doing here – they were about to unlock a door that should have stayed shut, for the rest of their days, and instead they’d opened it, unleashing something powerful and wrong, and it was too late to stop it now.
Throwing her arms up above her head she kept her eyes closed, arching her back as his mouth traveled lower, leaving tiny, light kisses in its wake, he was barely touching her skin, and it was beautiful. And when he reached her breasts, flicking his tongue over her nipples, she let the cry she’d been holding back all night escape, moaning quietly as he slowly slid her panties down, and she raised her hips to allow him to slip them off completely, smiling slightly as she heard him groan loudly, his fingers stroking her inner thighs as he spread her legs wide.
The anticipation was burning her up, but she kept her eyes closed because she liked the way it made her feel; not knowing what he was going to do, how he was going to touch her next, because that’s how it had always been with Lukas. Even when he’d started on that downward spiral; the times when he’d been lucid and the Lukas she loved, those times had been beautiful and wild and so fucking exciting. And he was playing with her again, now, making her wait, keeping her guessing. So when he finally touched her – when he finally placed his palm against her and she pushed down onto him, she almost came there and then. And he kept his hand there as he kissed her; kept it pressed hard against her until she thought she might explode. She was so close, but he knew her. He knew what to do, how to pull her back from the brink. He knew.
“Lukas…” she groaned, opening her eyes and looking up at him, and he shook his head as he stared back at her.
“Ssh. No talking.”
Her breathing was ridiculous, her chest rising and falling so fast, so quickly she felt like she was going to pass out. And then he touched her again, his fingers slipping and sliding in a wetness he’d caused as his eyes burned into hers, and she silently begged him to put those fingers inside her, to touch her deep; to do this. Because he was driving her crazy.
And then he did it; what she’d silently begged him to do. He gently pushed his fingers inside her, the heel of his hand resting against her clit as she let forth a deep, almost guttural groan. He thrust his fingers a little deeper, pressed his hand a little harder against her and she shifted her body slightly, angling it into a position that enabled him to touch her in a place that sent a wave of pleasure coursing through her, shaking her to her very core and she cried out again. She ached for him to press even harder, to bring her to that climax she was praying for but instead he pulled away, pulled his fingers out of her and she cried out again, this time in frustration. She’d almost forgotten this side of him. How he could make her crazy, make her want to beg for it, for him. Because she was begging now, she was begging so hard. She was giving Lukas back that control he’d always had over her, and she didn’t even care. Not right now. Nothing else mattered, right now.
She felt his hands on her knees push her legs apart again, and she gasped as his warm breath hit her inner thighs, moaned as his mouth covered her clit, for the briefest of seconds, but long enough to almost tip her over the edge and the urge to reach down and bring herself off was overwhelming. And he sensed that, caught her hand moving just an inch and he was back up and over her in a second, his fingers intertwining with hers, keeping her arms up above her head. She was about to open her mouth to say something, but again he shook his head, silencing her before she had a chance to utter a word, and now she knew he had the power here, and yet, she still didn’t care. All she wanted was to feel what she was feeling now for a few more glorious, sex-fuelled hours. And then she’d feel guilty, and she’d hate herself for being this weak, for letting him do this; for giving in to him. But right now, all she cared about was the ache between her legs and the need to feel Lukas Drake take her and make her whole again.
His eyes stared deep into hers, and for a few, brief seconds a loaded silence filled the air; all she could hear was the beating of their hearts, their breathing. And then he dropped a hand and touched her again, and her body bucked slightly as she felt his fingers open her up, her breath hitching as she got ready to accept him; to take him. But he made her wait, keeping her open for what felt like a crazy, cruel amount of time before he slowly pushed into her, and that’s when Quinn fell apart; when her heart broke and her world came crashing down around her.
She wrapped her legs around him, her fingers crushing his she was holding onto them so tight as he thrust into her, hips crashing against hips, skin burning skin. She could feel him, inside her, and it was a feeling so familiar it was like he’d never been out of her life; never left her. Never hurt her. He was taking her over, filling her up, and she could feel every inch of herself accepting him, welcoming him; wanting him. Nothing else mattered right now, except this, except her and Lukas and a past they were reliving, a dangerous game they were instigating. He was inside her, and she’d never realized how much she’d missed this, how much she’d needed him, until now. And it hurt, and she knew the mess they were creating here was beyond comprehensible but she couldn’t stop it, it was too far gone, too real, and it was happening.
&nb
sp; He slipped a hand round onto the small of her back and pulled her up, pushing her right up against him and she felt him fall even deeper into her, so deep they were almost one. And still no one spoke, that loaded silence making everything more heightened, more intense, which in turn built up the excitement, increased the anticipation. He was barely moving inside her now, but she knew he was there, and he was still holding her close, his breath warm on her skin as his mouth touched hers; as he breathed into her. Oh, God, she didn’t know how much more of this she could take! He was killing her, slowly, and she loved every wrong and twisted second. He was killing her, and as he suddenly started to move again, his thrusts picking up a faster, harsher rhythm, she felt as though everything was tumbling down around her. She was falling over that precipice, and she didn’t want to be saved this time. And then he was coming, his explosion brutal and dark, so painful it felt like he was tearing her in two. He was ripping everything she’d ever known away from her as she felt her own climax hit, and she let it all out in a barrage of cries so loud and so fierce, the sound, it verged on terrifying. Her body bucked and jerked, and he continued to hold her against him as she came, staying inside her as her skin burned up and every cell, every vein felt as though it were on fire. It was a rush so raw and real; so beautiful and heartbreaking and completely overwhelming that she couldn’t stop the tears. They were flooding out of her, streaming down her face as he held her close and kissed them away and it was like all those years without him; all the pain and the hurt and the nights when all she’d wanted was him – it was all rushing back, hitting her head-on with a kick to the gut so hard she couldn’t catch her breath. She needed him to breathe into her again, to give her that strength she could feel spilling out of her. And he did that, his hand on her cheek, his mouth open ever-so-slightly as it touched hers and she closed her eyes as he kissed her, burying her fingers in his hair, pressing herself against him because she was scared to let him go now. Scared to let that new and dangerous reality in because what they’d done here, it was something she couldn’t begin to understand. They’d crossed that line, made a move that changed everything. And she was terrified of what was happening now. So she didn’t want to let him go, she didn’t want to let that reality in just yet. And he sensed that, he got it. And he kissed her again before he pulled her over onto her side, positioning himself behind her, pulling her back and she molded herself against him as his hand fell onto the curve of her waist, moving down to her hip, his mouth brushing the back of her neck. It was a moment of calm. A second of peace, and she let her mind go blank; let all the doubt and the crap this was going to cause flood away until she was back in that place where it was just her and him and this. She wanted this. She wanted him. Everyone was right, she was weak, where Lukas Drake was concerned. They were right.
She closed her eyes as she felt him gently push the hair back from her neck, and she shivered as he continued to kiss it, his fingers lightly stroking her skin, moving down until they touched her stomach, and she felt it contract as he pressed that little bit harder against it. Because she knew what he was going to do now. And she let him, giving in to him once more as he carefully moved her leg, just a touch, shifting her into a position that allowed him to enter her from behind, and as she felt him become a part of her again she sighed quietly and stretched out, pushing herself back against him, pulling him in, taking him deep. And when he was done; when he’d taken her and loved her until her body was tired and fragile, she’d sleep in his arms, right here, in the bed they’d shared so many times, and she’d hold him and know that she was about to be broken all over again. And this time, she’d done it to herself. She’d let him back in. She’d made this happen. This time, it was her fault. Nobody else was to blame…
Seventeen
He’d let her go, watched her walk out, and he’d known she’d go to him. He’d practically given her permission, but he’d been blindsided; completely overwhelmed by last night and what she’d told him. And it explained a lot – why Quinn had never wanted children, why she’d always shied away from the idea, even putting a block on talking about it. And he’d never pushed it, never really questioned it because he’d only ever wanted what made her happy. And if Lukas Drake made her happy, was he OK with that? Jesus, no, of course he wasn’t!
“What’s going on, Aaron?”
Aaron looked up to see Harry standing there. “What’re you talking about?”
“Where’s Quinn?”
“I don’t know, Harry, OK?”
“You don’t…?” Harry grabbed his arm as he made to go, stopping him from leaving. “You don’t know?”
Aaron just glared at him. He wasn’t in the mood for this, not here. They’d just arrived on-set for the start of location shooting and he could already see the crowds and paparazzi beginning to gather, waiting to see what the next installment of their fucked up real lives was going to bring. He wished he knew himself because, right now, he knew nothing.
“Aaron?”
“She told me, all right? About her and Lukas; about the baby. She told me.”
Harry just raised an eyebrow, and Aaron felt his hackles rise.
“It’s complicated, Harry.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I don’t. I don’t know. She told me, we talked, and I don’t know how much good that did because I got the kind of truth I’d never really wanted. She told me shit I didn’t need to hear, and she…” He pulled his arm free of Harry’s grip but stayed where he was. “I needed time, Harry.”
“You needed time? To do what, huh?”
“To think. Have you any idea of the kind of bombshell she fucking threw at me last night?”
“I was there, Aaron. When that bombshell happened, I was there. And I never wanted her to keep this a secret from you, but right now my main concern is Quinn’s whereabouts.”
“I think we both know where she is, Harry.”
“Jesus Christ…”
Aaron watched as Harry pushed a hand through his hair, his body language beyond agitated.
“You seen either of them this morning?”
Aaron shook his head. “Lukas is on his way, apparently. Look, I’ve got to get to wardrobe…”
“Hang on, Aaron. What the hell’s going on here?”
“What do you want me to say, Harry?”
“That all of that didn’t happen. That you didn’t let her walk right back into his…” Harry bowed his head, and Aaron knew what he’d been about to say.
“Back into his bed?”
Harry raised his gaze. “You really think she went to him?”
“Do you?”
“Jesus!”
Aaron glanced behind him as a car pulled up close to where all the catering trucks were parked, and Quinn jumped out, looking beautiful and relaxed as she leaned in to speak to the driver, laughing at something he said.
“What the fuck is going on…?” Harry sighed.
“She’s being professional.” Aaron watched as she closed the car door and slid her purse up onto her shoulder, flicking her blonde hair back. “She’s playing the part, Harry. She’s deflecting the shit-storm, she’s making it OK, in everyone else’s eyes. Isn’t that what you want her to do?”
Harry didn’t reply, but Aaron knew that’s exactly what he’d want her to do. It’s what they all had to do, no matter how much it hurt or how hard it was.
“She’s doing what she needs to do,” Aaron said quietly as Quinn glanced over, and their eyes locked. And her expression never wavered, not one flicker. He hoped his was the same because all eyes were on them now, he could already hear the clicking of cameras and shouts from the paparazzi for her to look their way, and she obliged, breaking the stare to give people what they wanted – Quinn Baxter, kick-ass movie queen.
“Where the fuck is Lukas?” Harry muttered under his breath.
Aaron didn’t care where he was. He only cared that Quinn had arrived, alone, although, that in itself was enough to raise question
s. He could hear people asking her why she’d arrived separately to him, but she didn’t answer them. Instead she turned away from the crowds and walked over to him, and he held out an arm and slipped it around her waist, pulling her against him, and he kissed her, and he felt his heart break a million times over. She tasted of mint and blueberry jelly, her mouth soft and warm against his but he knew – he knew she’d been with him. She’d been with Lukas. He knew.
“You OK?” he asked her, playing his part, too, as he gently brushed a strand of hair from her eyes, keeping her pressed against him.
She nodded, and she smiled at him, and his heart broke all over again as he returned her smile, allowing the paparazzi to claim another shot of them together, happy and in love and – if only they fucking knew.
“I’d better go find Jodi,” she said, stepping out of his arms and he ached to pull her back into them; ached to keep her close and make her see that he was OK, he was fine, with what had happened. They’d get through it, because they were strong, together. They’d get through it. They could get through anything. “I’ll see you in a bit. All right?”
He smiled again as she walked off toward the on-set trailers, and he’d never felt so lost. So confused.
“I need to talk to her…” Harry sighed, and Aaron watched as he almost ran after her. Yeah. He needed to talk to her, too. He was just terrified of what he might hear.
***
Quinn had no sooner closed the door of her private trailer than Harry had barged his way in, locking the door behind him. She just stared at him. “Do you want something?”
“Do you have any idea of the fucking mess you might have caused?”
Quinn turned away and opened the fridge, hoping they’d stocked it with her favorite grapefruit juice and chocolate. They had. These people were stars.
Breathe Into Me Page 21
