“You’re afraid I’ll let you down again because that’s what I do.”
“No.” She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down on top of her, though he supported most of his weight with his forearms. “You may think you’re the only one who’s made mistakes, but you’re not. I’m divorced, remember? What if I’m the one who sucks at relationships?”
She’d secretly wondered if that might be the case. She’d been married to a great guy who’d loved her and wanted to make her happy, yet she hadn’t been. They’d had so much in common, yet it wasn’t enough. He’d been her friend, her lover… but she’d wanted a soul mate. Maybe she was impossible to please. Maybe Colt’s faults would tear them apart, or maybe hers eventually would.
“You were married to the wrong man, that’s all.”
She wanted to believe it was that simple, but the problem could be a lot more serious. “Why didn’t I try to track you down? Why didn’t I come after you? Ever think of that?”
He rolled onto his side, propping his head in his hand. “Yeah, I have wondered about that, as a matter of fact. So why’d you let me go? Twice.”
“I was convinced you were going to leave eventually anyway. I thought it was best to get it over with.” Her limbs had stopped trembling, but her stomach was still quivering as she pulled the blanket up around her shoulders.
“You didn’t think about fighting for us?”
“Of course I thought about it, but I assumed it was a losing battle.” She looked out the window, too ashamed to look him in the eye while admitting her insecurities. “You didn’t love me enough to stay, so why bother trying—”
He grabbed her face, and his eyes widened. His body was now partially covering hers. “You really believed that?”
“How could I not?” She closed her eyes, cursing silently when another tear slid down her cheek. She hated crying, especially in front of Colt. “It was bad enough when you left after high school, but to leave when we could have had a second chance…”
“I already told you why I did that.”
“I know.” She didn’t want to rehash all of this. He’d explained himself, and she believed him, so why was she trying to sabotage what they could have by focusing on the past? It didn’t make sense to her, and clearly he felt the same way. “Maybe this is all just happening too fast.” She tried to sit up, but he had her pinned. “Maybe we should just take a little more time to think about whether this is what we really want.”
“I don’t have to.” He threw the covers back, his eyes leisurely following the contours of her body. “I know what I want.”
Her body. He’d always wanted her body, but he’d never been willing to take more.
“Yeah, well, sex isn’t going to be enough for me this time. That’s why—”
“What the hell are you talking about?” He covered her legs with one of his, making it impossible for her to escape. “Are you serious right now?”
“Dead serious.”
“Do I want to make love to you?” His eyes softened, and she was mesmerized by that smoky shade of gray she’d never seen before. “Of course I do. But not for the reasons you think. Not because I need the release. I could get that anywhere. Hell, I could get that without anyone else’s help, but you give me things no one else can.”
“Like what?”
His lips skimmed her collarbone, making her shiver for an entirely different reason, before he clasped her wrists and drew her hands above her head. “You make me feel real.”
Her eyes drifted closed as his mouth traveled down her shoulder. “What does that mean?”
“I wear a mask with everyone else. It’s all just a pretense. With you, I can be myself. It’s always been that way.”
“Oh God…” It wasn’t easy to think when his tongue was circling her nipple, but she managed. “But you’re afraid to lose your temper with me, so you’re not really being real, are you?”
“You want to see me get angry?” His eyes flared, warning of the change in his mood. “Try telling me again that I don’t love you or I’m only using you for your body.” His grip on her wrists tightened. “Tell me again that you’re afraid I’m going to bail on you or, worse, you’re afraid you’ll leave me.”
She almost wished she hadn’t challenged him because it was obvious he wasn’t trying to contain his temper anymore. As much as that scared her, it excited her too. She’d always wanted to see the real Colt Atkins, the one no one else got to see. “I’m trying to be honest with you.”
“No, you’re not.” He shifted his body so he was completely covering her, her hands still suspended above her head. “You’re lying to me and yourself. You think there’s a chance in hell I’d let you leave me?”
If anyone else had said that to her, the red warning lights would have been flashing, but she knew there’d never come a day when she’d willingly leave Colt. “What if I didn’t give you a choice? What if I did to you what you did to me, just left with no explanation?” Though she’d forgiven everything that had happened, she still wanted him to taste the pain and bitterness she’d experienced.
“I’d hunt you down.” He forced his tongue inside her mouth, making her whimper because she couldn’t use her hands to draw him even closer. The kiss was crazy-hot, both possessive and demanding. “And I wouldn’t stop looking until I found you.”
“What would you do when you found me?” she asked, pressing her hips into his, reminding him there was more than one way to show her.
“This.”
She gasped when he thrust inside her, fast and deep. He’d already worked her over and sheathed himself, but she’d expected more teasing before he invaded her.
“And this.” His eyes were locked on hers when he penetrated her with his mouth.
She moaned into his mouth as he took complete possession of her body. It was the most erotic thing she’d ever experienced. He filled her in every possible way, leading her in a dance she’d never known. They were moving in unison, retreating, teasing… yet satisfying each other in every way.
“I’d have to be an idiot to let this slip away again,” he rasped, his breathing labored as he finally released her hands, pounding into her relentlessly. “You… this…”—he gripped her hips hard, curling his fingertips into her flesh—“is as alive as I’ve ever felt. This is as real as it gets for me.”
Gabby was stunned by his intensity as she watched his animalistic side, the one he’d kept carefully hidden from her, surface. She wasn’t afraid of him crossing the line. She wanted him to erase the line until no barriers stood between them anymore, nothing off-limits.
“When I’m inside you, there’s this…” He was breathing hard, thrusting even harder as his eyes locked with hers. “Connectedness. Body, heart, mind, soul−all of it.”
She understood exactly what he meant. She’d never felt it with anyone else. No matter her state of ecstasy, this experience had always been limited to Colt.
He hooked her legs over his shoulders. “So if there’s ever a doubt in your mind about whether I’d leave you, think about this…”
She gasped as her release came out of nowhere, catching her off guard. That had always been one of Colt’s many talents—orgasms on demand. “Oh… I…”
If her own release had stunned her, his shattered her. She throbbed around him while he pulsated, groaning while gripping her ankles and riding out the last waves.
“I’d die before I leave you again.”
His soft-spoken words were so unexpected her heart, which had already been beating hard, may have stopped for a split second.
***
Colt didn’t want to let Gabby go the next morning. Since her assistant had taken the van, he’d driven her home so she could shower and change for work. But they were still sitting in her driveway kissing, and he didn’t want to stop. Ever.
“Can I pick you up after work?” he asked, kissing her neck. He didn’t intend to make this easy for her either. If they had to be apart for a few hours,
he wanted her to be counting down the seconds until she could see him again.
“Sorry, babe. I’ve got a date.”
His head flew back so fast he almost caught her on the chin. “What did you say?”
“I said I have a date.” She ran her hand down his shirt before patting his chest. “So you’ll just have to find some other way to entertain yourself tonight.”
She was messing with him. She had to be. “I know I did not just hear you tell me that you’re going out with another man tonight. ‘Cause that’s not happening.”
She giggled. “I don’t think I said it was another man, did I? I told you I have a date.”
“Who the hell is it?”
“My little sister.”
Colt sat back, rubbing his hands over his face. They’d had sex half a dozen times between last night and this morning, so his brain may not have been firing on all cylinders, but he knew one thing—Gabby was an only child. “You don’t have a little sister.”
“I do now.” She grinned. “Surely you’ve heard of the Big Brothers Big Sisters program?”
“Well, yeah, but—”
“I always wanted to be a big sister,” she explained, slapping his thigh. “Now I am.”
“Why is this the first I’m hearing of it?”
She shrugged. “It’s not like you ever asked what I do in my spare time. If you had, I would have told you about Shanda.”
He really was lousy at this boyfriend thing, but for Gabby, he’d figure it out. “Sorry. Okay, tell me about her, this girl who’s going to be taking you away from me tonight.”
“She’s awesome.” Gabby smiled. “She just turned fourteen, and I’ve been her big sister for almost two years now. She and her dad moved to town about three years ago, after her mom died in a—”
“Hold up a minute.” Colt hated himself for even asking this question, but he had to. “Her dad. What’s the deal with him?”
“He’s a nice guy. He works at the—”
“I don’t care where he works,” Colt snapped. “Is he into you?” He could just imagine some good-looking single father looking for a replacement for the wife he’d lost. Who better than someone who’d already shown an interest in his little girl?
“Temper, temper,” Gabby teased before kissing him. “The agency frowns on that kind of thing. You know, the parents dating the volunteers.”
“What if they didn’t frown upon it?”
“Colt, I’m not interested in Shanda’s father, and he’s not interested in me,” she said as though she were placating a small child. “We’re just friends.”
He shouldn’t even have had to ask, but trust didn’t come easily for him and it had been a long time since he’d had a girlfriend worthy of his trust. Probably since Gabby. “Fine, I’m sorry for being such a jerk about this. I think what you’re doing is great, being there for a kid who lost a parent.”
“If you think it’s so great, put your money where your mouth is.”
“Of course,” he said without hesitation. “I’d be happy to write a check. Just tell me where to send it.” He and Wes made an obscene amount of money, and both were eager to donate to worthy causes.
“These kids don’t need your money, Colt. They need your time.”
“Uh…” He knew nothing about kids. Even when his younger brother and sister were growing up, he hadn’t spent much time with them. Because he was never home.
“You have that deer-in-the-headlights look,” Gabby teased. “But I know you’d be great at it. Think about it. Who better than you to mentor a boy who’s been through hell?”
What did he know about setting a good example for an impressionable kid? Most days he had a hard enough time keeping his temper in check. “I don’t know if—”
“Just think about it.” Gabby reached into her purse and pulled out a business card. “Tom Warner runs the local chapter, and I’m sure once you went through the initial interview and screening, he could set you up with someone in no time. There are so many kids in the program just waiting for a volunteer to step up.”
That sounded more like Wes’s kind of thing. Maybe Colt could pass the card on to his best friend when he returned from his honeymoon.
“You’re not going to do it, are you?” Gabby shook her head as she stuffed the card back in her purse.
He hated to disappoint her, but he didn’t want to start this only to let her and a kid down. “Sweetheart, it’s not that I don’t want to, but what could a kid possibly get out of hanging out with me?”
“Are you serious?” Gabby frowned. “You’re the perfect mentor. You had a rough life growing up, but you managed to get a scholarship—”
“Then I quit school. I doubt that’s the kind of thing the boy’s mother would want me to share with him.” Colt was looking for excuses, but something told him he should just man up and take on this challenge. Not for Gabby. For himself. And for some kid who felt the way he used to—alone and confused.
“Sure, you quit college.” She tucked a curl behind her ear. “But you’re not just a college dropout, Colt. You went on to become a huge success. Don’t you think plenty of kids would be inspired by your story?”
He shrugged. He’d never thought of himself as an inspiration. He’d just done what he had to in order to survive. “If you say so.”
“I do.” She leaned in to kiss him, her hand against his cheek. “Just think about it. I wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t think it would be good for you. I can’t tell you how much having Shanda in my life has helped me.”
He took a deep breath, prepared to jump without a net. “I don’t need to think about it. Give me the card.” He held out his hand.
“Are you sure?” She looked skeptical as she fished it back out of her purse. Before she handed it to him, she said, “I don’t want you to do this for me. It has to be something that you want, that you’re committed to. Because once you sign on for this, you’re gonna have some kid depending on you, and you can’t let them down.”
Colt felt as though this was a test, especially after their talk about parenting last night. But how would he know if he could be a father if he never put himself out there? “I’m sure. I want to do this.”
She handed the card to him, her smile spreading. “Have I told you how much I love you?”
He smirked, thinking he would never tire of hearing those three little words from her sweet lips. “Not in the last hour.”
“Well, I do. I’m really proud of you too.”
She was proud of him. Colt had accomplished a lot in his life, in spite of the odds, but making Gabby proud of him topped the list.
“Thanks,” he whispered, overcome with emotion as he kissed the top of her head.
Chapter Twelve
“So are you gonna tell me about the new guy or what?” Shanda asked, munching on a French fry.
They’d already been to see a romantic comedy and were now at Shanda’s favorite burger joint for fries and milkshakes before Gabby took her home.
“What makes you think there’s a new guy?” Gabby asked, stirring her extra-thick vanilla milkshake.
“Because when I called you to arrange a time, you said you and Dave broke up.”
“So?”
“You haven’t wiped that smile off your face all night. That can only mean one thing—a new boyfriend.”
When Gabby had first met Shanda, she was a sweet, shy girl trying to get over the loss of her mother. Now she was a self-confident young lady who’d just made the cheerleading squad her freshman year. Gabby couldn’t believe the transformation in just two short years.
“We’re supposed to be talking about you,” Gabby reminded her. “Not me. So, all ready for school?”
Shanda rolled her eyes. “No way. Remember, we agreed. This sharing things goes both ways, Gabby. If I’m gonna trust you with my secrets, you have to be willing to do the same.”
Gabby had agreed to that before she’d had any secrets worth sharing. “Okay, fine. My ex-boyfriend’s b
ack in my life. Happy now?”
Shanda sat up straighter, wiggling her fingers at Gabby. “Go on. I’m listening.”
“It’s no big deal,” Gabby said, shrugging. “We dated in high school.”
“Was he your first love?” She leaned in, lowering her voice. “The guy you lost your virginity to?”
They’d had the sex talk when Shanda told her a few months ago that she’d kissed a boy for the first time, so there was no reason for this to be awkward, but Gabby didn’t want to talk about her sex life. “Yes, Colt was my first. Now can we please drop it?”
“Oh my God!” When two cute teenage boys in the next booth turned to stare at her, Shanda clapped a hand over her mouth. “I can’t believe you’re getting back together with your first. That is so cool. It’s like that movie we just saw, where the guy looks up his first love on Facebook after twenty years apart and finds out she’s single too. Is that how it happened for you two?”
Gabby smiled at Shanda, who was wide-eyed as she sipped her drink through a straw. “I actually reconnected with his best friend on social media.” It seemed as if a lifetime had passed since Wes messaged her the first time. She’d told Shanda all about Wes and Sage falling in love again and finding their son, and Shanda asked about them all the time, though she had yet to meet them. “His best friend is Wes.”
“So Wes set you two up again?”
“Not exactly.” Since Gabby had promised to be honest with Shanda, and Colt would no doubt be an important part of her life moving forward, she decided to tell her the whole story. “Remember how Wes and Colt decided to move their business back to Vista Falls?”
“Backwoods Outdoors? Colt and Wes own that together?”
“That’s right. So—”
“So he’s loaded.”
Gabby laughed. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. Anyways, Wes wanted to move back to Vista Falls, but Colt wasn’t thrilled about it. He was here for a little while last year. We hooked up, then he went back to Houston.”
Letting Go (Vista Falls #3) Page 12
