“Please don’t give up on him, honey.” With a sad smile, she said quietly, “He needs you whether he realizes it or not. He always has.”
Gabby had gotten to know Colt’s mother a little through their mutual involvement in their small church, but they’d always avoided the topic of Colt. “I’d like to believe that, but I’m afraid I’d be deluding myself. Again. I can’t really afford to waste any more time doing that.”
“I know all about wasting time, sweetie.” She closed her eyes briefly before reaching for her iced tea. “I wasted most of my life loving a man who could never love me back. Everyone wondered why I stayed. So did I. But at the end of the day, it was because I loved him.”
“Love shouldn’t hurt, Genie.”
Her given name was Virginia, but everyone had called Colt’s mother Genie for as long as Gabby could remember. The first time she’d told Gabby to call her Genie instead of Mrs. Atkins, she’d joked that if she were a real genie, she’d wish for a new life. Gabby thought that was sad but understood given who her husband was.
“You’re right. It shouldn’t. But sometimes it does. I’m convinced that even the best kind of love hurts sometimes.” She smiled at Gabby. “You know what I mean. We’re all human. People say and do things they shouldn’t, and feelings get hurt. Or sometimes they don’t do things they should, like let those who love them hold them up when they’re too weak to stand alone.”
Before Gabby could respond, Taylor claimed the chair Colt had vacated. Genie excused herself, claiming she needed to use the restroom.
“How are you?” Taylor asked, reaching for Gabby’s hand.
“Forget about me,” Gabby said, looking into Taylor’s eyes. “Isn’t this your first funeral since…”
“I buried my husband and kids?” Her lip trembled when she nodded. “Yes, but I’m getting through it.”
Gabby gave her a hug. “Thank you for being here. You’re a good friend.”
“I’m trying to be.” She looked around the room. “Where’s Colt?”
“He stepped outside, said he needed some air.”
“Hmm.”
Gabby got the sense Taylor wanted to say more but was refraining. “It’s weird. He and his father weren’t close, but he’s acting like he lost someone who meant everything to him.”
Taylor’s eyes softened when she said, “Sometimes it’s more about the perceived loss than the actual loss.”
“What do you mean?”
“Your mind plays tricks on you when you lose someone you love. Instead of remembering all the times you had with them, you think about all the times you could have had. In the case of romantic love, it might be the wedding that will never be or the kids you’ll never have with that person.”
Gabby didn’t know why Taylor was talking about romantic love when Colt had just lost his father. “I suppose, but—”
“Gabby, just know that we’re here for you. I’m here for you, okay?”
“Thanks.” Gabby was more confused than ever. Shouldn’t Taylor have been offering her support to the one who had just lost a parent? Unless she knew something Gabby didn’t.
***
Colt suppressed a groan when Brenna stepped out on the patio and lit up a cigarette. “You shouldn’t even be here.” He glanced through the window, and his gut clenched when he saw Gabby talking to Taylor.
“I’m trying to be a good friend.” She tipped her head back and blew out a puff of smoke.
“But we’re not friends,” he seethed. “What happened the other night shouldn’t have happened. It was a mistake.” The biggest mistake of my life.
She looked through the window. “Have you noticed the way he’s been looking at her?”
“Who?” The last thing he wanted was to have a circular conversation with a woman he had no desire to talk to at all.
“Dave. He’s been watching your girlfriend all day.”
Colt scowled when he realized Brenna was right—Dave was watching Gabby. Son of a bitch. “I don’t even know why he’s here.” Unless he was hoping to use his father’s memorial service to get closer to Gabby.
“I asked him that,” Brenna said before taking another drag of her cigarette. “He said your mother is a client of his. Apparently his crew cuts her lawn.”
“Great,” he said sarcastically, hating that Dave had a legitimate reason for being there.
Brenna held up her cigarette, looking at it. “I’d quit, you know. Been off them for three months. Just started up again yesterday. Stress got the best of me, I guess.”
That explained why he’d never smelled smoke on her during their… exchange. “Why are you stressed?” he demanded, turning his back to the door. “I’m the one with everything to lose!”
“Are you blaming me for…?” Brenna looked over her shoulder, smiling sweetly. “Oh hey, Dave.”
Dave glanced at the cigarette in her hand before glaring at Colt. “Thought you gave those up.”
“I did.” She threw the cigarette on the ground then crushed it under the toe of her stiletto. “And I will again.” She winked at him. “Maybe I just need the right incentive.”
Dave rolled his eyes before slipping a hand into the pocket of his dress pants. “Yeah, well, good luck with that.” Both men watched Brenna walk back inside before Dave asked, “What the hell’s going on between you two? And don’t tell me nothing. I’m not blind. When I came out here, the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.”
No way was Colt confessing to this guy before he’d had a chance to talk to Gabby. “I suggest you mind your own business.”
“Gabby is my business.” They made eye contact, and the challenge was obvious. “She’s a friend, and I always look out for my friends.”
“If Gabby needed your protection, I’m sure she’d ask for it.”
“I’m in love with her.”
Colt felt as if he’d been gut-punched. Some other man, who probably deserved her, was in love with his Gabby? “Why are you telling me this? Because you know I won’t kick the shit out of you at my old man’s memorial service?”
Dave chuckled. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone luckier… or stupider than you.”
Colt stepped closer, clenching his teeth and his fists. “Care to explain?”
“I’ve been watching you two all day, and instead of acting like the luckiest bastard in the world because you get the privilege of being with a woman like Gabby, you’ve been treating her like the enemy. What gives, man?”
“Gabby is—”
“Going home.” Gabby looked from Dave to Colt as she stood in the doorway. “I just came out to tell you Wes and Sage offered to give me a lift home. I’m pretty tired. I hope you don’t mind?”
“No, I understand.” Colt folded her in his arms, knowing it might be the last chance he got to hold her. Once he told her the truth about what he’d done, it would be over for them. “I’m sorry about today… if I seemed distracted.”
“It’s okay. I understand.”
He held her face, knowing the next time he saw her, that beautiful face would likely be streaked with tears because he’d broken her heart again. “I love you, Gabby.”
She gave him another hug and whispered, “I love you too.”
“I’ll pass by your place tomorrow, okay? We can talk.”
“Sure,” she said, seeming hesitant. “I’ll be home in the afternoon. I have brunch with my parents in the morning. I was going to ask you to come with me, but…”
“I have a few last-minute things to deal with.” He gestured inside. “You know, go with my mom to pick up the old man’s things from the home and—”
“It’s okay, no need to explain. I’ll see you when I see you, I guess.”
***
Colt showed up on Wes’s doorstep early the next morning. He needed to unburden himself to his best friend before he figured out how to break it to Gabby.
“Hey,” Wes said, rubbing his face as he opened the door. “What’s up, man?”
“No, no problem. Get in here. I was just making coffee. Sage is in the shower.”
Colt followed his friend into the kitchen, where the smell of muffins assailed him.
“Sage made them,” Wes said, gesturing to the pan of blueberry muffins. “Help yourself.”
“Thanks, but I’m not hungry.”
“Still upset about your dad?”
He shook his head. “This is about Gabby. I screwed up, Wes, and there’s no way to fix it. When she finds out what I did, she’ll be done with me.” He sank into a chair at the table, dropping his head into his hands. “I can’t believe this. I’m finally on the verge of getting everything I want and one night, one stupid mistake and—”
“Just tell me what happened.” Wes poured a cup of coffee and handed it to Colt. “It may not be as bad as you think.”
“Trust me, it’s worse.” He looked his lifelong friend in the eye, feeling shame that almost rivaled the shame he’d felt when he looked into Gabby’s eyes the previous day. “What’s the one thing you could do that Sage wouldn’t be able to forgive you for?”
Wes chuckled. “Well, if I cheated on her…” His smile slipped as he shook his head. “No. No way. You are not telling me you cheated on Gabby. You wouldn’t do that. You love that girl.”
“I do love her, even more than I realized.” Because the thought of losing her was slowly killing him. “But I did cheat on her, Wes.”
Sage, who’d obviously been standing on the other side of the swinging kitchen door, threw it open. “You son of a bitch!” Colt jumped up just in time for Sage to shove him as hard as she could before her palm connected with his cheek. “How could you!”
With his hands at his side, Colt took her pummeling, knowing he deserved it. She was still trying to push him before she got frustrated and punched him in the chest.
“Baby, come on,” Wes said, grabbing her around the waist. “Stop. We need to hear him out.”
“Why?” she cried, swiping at the hair that had fallen across her face in her frantic attempts to punish Colt. “So he can lie to us again? So he can give us more excuses about why he couldn’t help himself?”
Wes wrapped his arms around Sage from behind, subduing her, as he glared at Colt. “Maybe you should explain what happened. Who? When? How the hell did this happen?”
“After my old man died.” He stepped back, curling his hands around the wood chair as he lowered his head, too ashamed to look them in the eye. “I dropped Gabby off at home after we left the hospital, then I went to the inn. I didn’t feel like spending the night at home.”
“Don’t you mean you didn’t feel like spending the night alone?” Sage demanded, her voice laced with contempt and disgust.
“I didn’t go there looking for company,” Colt said, knowing there was no way to make her understand how he’d been feeling or what he’d been thinking when he’d changed the course of his life. “I just wanted to go somewhere that felt familiar, where I had a few good memories.”
“You mean like the memories of you and Gabby having sex at that very inn?” Sage asked, curling her hands into fists. “Did you get the same cabin? Did you do some other woman in the same bed where you and Gabby—”
“No! God, no.” He scraped his palms over his face, knowing he deserved Sage’s rage. He’d betrayed her best friend after he’d promised he would never hurt her again. “It wasn’t like that, Sage. It sure as hell wasn’t planned. In fact, I told Brenna that I was only interested in talking, that there was no way anything could happen between us because I was in love with Gabby.”
“Brenna?” Sage asked, throwing her hands in the air. “I should have known something was up when I saw her follow you out onto the patio yesterday. Were you two talking about your dirty little secret then? Were you begging her not to tell Gabby?”
“It wasn’t like that.” Colt sighed. “I never intended to keep this from Gabby. I know I have to tell her.”
“You’re damned right you do! Now! Or I will!”
“She’s with her parents this morning,” Colt said, feeling the familiar ache spread through his chest when he thought about what this would do to her. “I’m going to see her this afternoon. I’ll tell her everything then, I promise.”
“You promise?” Sage shouted. “You promise? Do you think your word means anything to me now?”
“No, but I—”
“Do you have any idea what this will do to her?” Tears streamed down her cheeks, and Colt felt like the lowest form of life. “She was a wreck when you left after high school. Then you come back, years later, sleep with her, and bail. She got over it. She wasn’t in love with you then. She wasn’t expecting anything from you. But this time…” She shook her head. “Why did you let her believe you loved her, that you planned to stay and try to build a life with her?”
“Sage, that’s what I wanted. I did love her. I do, more than anything.”
“You’re a liar! You don’t cheat on someone you love. You don’t bail on them. You don’t make promises you can’t keep. That’s not love.”
Before he could respond, she broke free of her husband’s grip and ran out of the room.
“I can’t believe you,” Wes muttered. “I feel like I should pick up where Sage left off, but you’re beating yourself up more than I ever could. Why do you keep sabotaging yourself, Colt? Every time you get a shot at happiness, you find a way to screw it up. Why?”
“I wish I knew.”
Chapter Sixteen
Gabby was standing at the counter, slicing fruit for a platter, when her mother asked, “So, you and Colt. When were you going to tell me?”
Gabby’s parents had been at the service the previous day. They’d both given her a questioning look when they saw her with Colt, but they’d obviously realized that wasn’t the time or place to question her.
“I was going to tell you today.”
“Honey, are you sure you know what you’re doing?” She covered Gabby’s hand with hers, stilling it. “You have a long history with that boy. He hurt you once. He could hurt you again.”
Her mother only knew part of their history. If she’d known about the incident at the inn last year, she’d have had even more reason to believe Colt was a lousy bet. “First of all, he’s not a boy anymore, Mom. He’s a man. He’s grown up, matured. We both have. And I honestly believe we’re ready for a real relationship this time.”
“But how do you know you can trust him, Gabrielle? He picked up and left you with some silly note about you being better off without him. Who does that?”
“He had his reasons.” Now that she understood what Colt had been dealing with at home, she forgave him for leaving town so suddenly. “And we’ve moved past that. We were both kids then. What did we know about love?”
“Look, I know you’ve seen Sage and Wes work things out, and I’m happy for them, really, but your situation with Colt is completely different. Wes comes from a good family. He’s always been responsible, reliable. Even when he found out Sage was pregnant, he wanted to step up and do the right thing, didn’t he? Can you imagine if you’d gotten pregnant back then?” She pressed a hand to her heart, and Gabby suppressed an eye roll at her mother’s flair for the dramatics. “You know he would have left town faster than—”
“Stop.” Gabby turned to face her mother, clasping her hands. “I know you guys love me and only want what’s best for me. But you have to accept that I’m all grown up now. I’m going to make my own decisions whether you agree with them or not.”
Her mother pursed her lips. “So if I see you making a huge mistake, I’m just supposed to stand by and say nothing?”
Gabby gave her a hug. “You’ve always been there for me, Mom. When Colt left me the first time. After the miscarriage. Through the divorce. And I know if Colt breaks my heart again, you’ll be there.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” She stroked Gabby’s cheek then cupped her face
as she stared into her eyes. “I just don’t want to see you go through anything like that again. I want you to be happy, to find a good man who only wants to love you, who respects you the way you deserve. Someone who wants the same things you do: marriage, kids—”
“Mom, I know what you want for me. And I want the same things. I do. When the time is right.” She inhaled deeply before stepping back. “I want Colt to be the guy who gives me everything I want because I’ve honestly never loved anyone the way I love him. Maybe he will be. Maybe he won’t.” She shrugged. “I don’t know yet. What I do know is that I’ve decided to take a chance on us, and I won’t regret that, no matter what happens. What I would have regretted was sending him away without ever knowing what could have been.”
Her mother shook her head as she snagged a strawberry off the platter and bit into it. “I just don’t understand why you can’t find some nice, normal guy with no baggage. Someone like Dave.”
Gabby smiled. “Mom, I’m not in love with Dave. I told you that.”
“I ran into him at church, you know. Did I tell you that?” When Gabby shook her head, she added, “He seemed so upset that things didn’t work out between you two. I got the feeling if you wanted to give that another try, he’d be open to—”
“Mom,” Gabby warned, “I already told you Colt’s got my heart.”
She pulled Gabby into her arms and whispered, “I just hope he’s more careful with it this time.”
***
Colt stood on Gabby’s doorstep, staring at his shoes as he rehearsed, for the hundredth time, what he intended to say, how he planned to break it to her that he’d once again made a decision that would tear their lives apart. He finally rang the bell, knowing he couldn’t put off the inevitable any longer.
“Hey, babe.”
Gabby’s face lit up when she saw him, making him feel like an even bigger d-bag. If that was possible.
“Hey.” She slipped her arms around his waist and tucked her head under his chin, and he inhaled deeply. “I’ve missed you.”
Letting Go (Vista Falls #3) Page 16
