by Zara Teleg
“Tink, what’s wrong?”
She studied me, her gaze drawing from my dress boots to my clean-shaven face.
“I don’t want to talk about it right now, and from the looks of it, you’re on your way out.”
So much for not being a disappointment. I couldn’t flake on Jenn and Reid, but Paige seemed pretty upset.
“How about I stop by later tonight? I have to be somewhere. I won’t be too late.” I reached out, grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze.
“Whatever.” Her breath smelled of alcohol. Paige pulled her hand back. “I got company anyway.” She picked up the nearly empty wine glass.
“Tink, I wish I could stay, but I’ll be back, I promise.”
“Promise, that’s a funny word. People make them and break them all the time.” She shook her head, slurring slightly.
“Give me a few hours, and we’re going to talk.”
“Whatever, Kai.” She waved her hand in the air, then walked back to the sofa with her drink. She picked up that hideous bunny. “Mr. Nibbles is the best listener ever.” She sat the bunny next to her, patting its head. “Shut the door, Kai.”
Great. Just fucking great.
I twisted the interior lock, closing the door behind me.
Jenn moved to Black Rock to be closer to her mother, so she could help with Reid. He was only five when we lost Ripper.
I parked my bike in the driveway of the small ranch home. It had been way too long since I’d been here. The gutter was falling over the front door and only one light lit the backyard. I’d have to come back sometime to fix those.
“Uncle Kai!” someone shrieked, red hair flashing out the screen door.
“Reid, my God, how long has it been? You are really shooting up.” I ruffled his red hair. “You’re going to be even bigger than your dad.”
His smile reached his ears. “Come in through the garage. I want to show you something.” He tugged on my arm.
He flicked the light on.
“Ta-da!” he exclaimed with arms spread out, revealing a muddy dirt bike that sat in the space where Ripper’s bike once sat.
“Wow, this is awesome, Reid! I can’t believe your mom got it for you. You’re only eleven! She used to say you couldn’t get a bike…”
“Until you’re a full-grown man and out of the house,” we said together.
The door that led to the house opened. The smell of fried chicken filled the room. Jenn leaned against the door, her arms folded across her chest. I looked up to see the beauty who took Rip off the I’ll-never-settle-down market. Her strawberry locks were swept up on her head. Even with an apron on, her hourglass figure was visible.
“You gave in, I see.” I pointed to the bike that Reid was mounting.
“No. I did— Reid, do not turn that on with the garage door closed! How many times do I have to tell you?”
“I know, I know, the fumes.” Reid rolled his eyes. “Uncle Davey, mom’s friend from work, got it for me. He used to race them.”
My eyebrows shot up, and my eyes landed on Jenn.
“I still don’t approve. Now get in here before dinner gets cold,” she ordered.
She gave me a long hug. “I’m so glad you came.”
“Looks like you’ve been busy painting.” Buckets and supplies sat in the corner of the living room. “You did a great job.” The gray walls looked great.
She led us to the kitchen and we got dinner started. With fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn on my plate, I dug in and began the inquisition.
“How are you doing in school, Reid?”
He looked at his mom and then at his plate, pushing the potatoes around. “Good.”
“He’s getting all A’s. Aren’t ya, bud?” Jenn caught my eye, mouthing, “Bullies.”
I nodded. I would get into that later.
Jenn refilled my wine before Reid dragged me down the hall to his room.
“Mom said we can paint in here next, and I want to hang posters.”
I looked around his small room. In his closet, neatly organized from tiny to big, were his collection of Harley T-shirts. A lump formed in my throat when I looked at the photo of Ripper, Jenn, and five-year-old Reid in front of a Christmas tree.
“Maybe I can come help.”
“Would you really?”
“Of course. You know, I was about your age when your dad taught me how to change the oil in my first dirt bike.” I sat on his neatly made bed.
Reid and I talked some more about bikes and his dad before Jenn came and joined us.
“Time for bed. You have an early morning.”
“But Mom, can’t I stay until Uncle Kai leaves?”
“Uncle Kai and I are going to have an adult conversation. He said he’d come back to help with your room, right?”
Jenn poured us some wine, inviting me to sit on the sofa.
“Goodnight, Uncle Kai.” Reid came out wearing his new tee over his pajama pants, he offered me a fist bump.
“Goodnight, buddy.”
Once Reid ran back to his room, my eyes settled on Jenn’s. She was hiding behind her glass of wine.
“So, who’s Uncle Davey?”
“I knew that was going to be your first question.” She laughed, unclipping her hair and shaking it out as she propped her legs onto the coffee table.
“Dave is a nurse from work, and he runs a program at the youth center. When I told him about the bullying that was happening to Reid, he offered to help. It’s hard without having a man in your son’s life. You know, he looks up to you so much, but I know it’s not your job to be around.”
The knife twisted in my heart. Ripper was the one who saved me as a boy. How could I have fucked up and not been here for Reid?
“I’m sorry, Jenn. I’m such an asshole. I should be around more.” I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling like such a dick. Her hand reached out and took mine.
“Rip would not have wanted you to stop your life to take care of his family. We’re always happy to see you when you can come around,” she said, and I knew she meant it.
“Now tell me, is there anyone special in your life yet, or are you still taking multiple women to bed every night?” She sipped her wine, raising her eyebrows up and down.
“I…no, uh, not really.”
“Malakai Eric Rhodes. Who is she?” Jenn’s green eyes dazzled with interest as she tapped her feet with excitement.
“I said not really.”
“Oh, you are not leaving here until I hear all about the girl who has Kai saying ‘not really’.” She mocked my voice.
“Uh…” I threw my head back. “It’s nothing.”
“What’s nothing’s name?”
“Paige,” I said in defeat.
I gave her a brief story and told her about how confused I felt. Jenn was a great listener, always had been. Ripper always said she was the perfect ol’ lady ‘cause she could listen with a nonjudgmental ear and offer sound advice. He always used to say, “Women always break your heart.” Well, Jenn was the miracle that broke him and his womanizing ways. From the very first night when he met Jenn in the ER as a young nurse helping one of his brothers, he fell head over heels for her.
“Some of the brothers are coming to Black Rock Brewery next weekend to see a band play. I know they would love to see you. Will ya come?”
“Reid is staying at my mom’s next Saturday night. A night out sounds great. But I’ll go on one condition—bring Paige. I have to meet her.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.” She smirked.
“You should invite Nurse Davey.” I poked her shoulder.
“Kai, get out of here. I will see you and Paige next week.”
Paige
No amount of self-help shit could fill the black hole I felt myself falling into. I was in shock when Meme told me everything. I didn’t really process it at the time. After the nine-hour drive and a whole day at home letting my fake family photos stare at me from the walls, I had so many mor
e questions.
I forced myself to shower and get dressed before I drowned myself in bourbon and Billie Holiday. I found a station on Pandora that played all the music my Meme loved. I felt a distance toward my parents and sister, but not Meme. She felt more like a family than anyone.
When Kai arrived, I spent a minute debating whether to tell him or keep this to myself. I didn’t know if I was ready to share. But once I opened the door, Kai looked like he was ready for a date. His clean-shaven face, which was rare, the clean boots on his feet, the way he smelled, his shoulder-length hair swept back into a low ponytail. No way he was just going on club business.
After he left, I sat and wallowed in my misery some more. I got a little bit drunk and cried into my pillow, not just for myself but for the mother and father I never knew. Parents I so desperately wanted to know. I sent Kai a text saying, “Headache. Going to bed. See you tomorrow,” then passed out.
My head ached as I stumbled into the kitchen and made coffee with one eye open. Regret came in the form of running to the bathroom and throwing up the contents of last night’s binge. My head was hanging in the ceramic bowl while dry heaves had me hugging the base. My head spun and cold sweat covered my body. I searched through the cabinets and found the last two pain relievers. I placed an icepack on my head and over my swollen eyes. This was what death must feel like.
Kai knocked, and dragging myself to the door, I opened it without even looking at him. He followed me back to the sofa.
“What happened to you? Are you sick?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I sat on the sofa, feeling like hell.
“You know what would make you feel better? Food. We should eat.”
I sent him a death glare before asking, “Kai, didn’t your friend from last night feed you?”
“Huh?” His face scrunched up. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t lie. You are free to do what you want.” I pulled the blanket around me on the sofa, moving Mr. Nibbles out from under Kai.
“That thing needs a bath.” He pointed to my most loved and cherished possession. “And I was visiting a friend.”
“Ah, a friend, okay,” I said mockingly.
“C’mon, you look so hungry.” He poked at my stomach.
I pointed to the fridge and the box on the counter. “Meme sent me home with food. Tell me what you want and I’ll heat something up.”
His face lit up. “Really?”
Like a child on Christmas morning, he ran into the tiny kitchen, looked in the fridge and freezer and pulled something out.
“Oh, this says gumbo, let’s have that.”
A wave of nausea had my stomach contracting. I held my hand over my belly. “I think I’ll just have tea and a biscuit.”
“There are biscuits? Yes!”
I put the ice block of gumbo in a pot to slowly heat. I warmed the oven for the biscuits.
“Is this you?” Kai plucked a frame from the top of the box I had yet to go through.
“Yeah, I was seven. It was my first Mardi Gras.” I smiled at the little blond girl on her father’s shoulders with loads of beads around her neck. I put the photo back in the box and moved it off the table and onto my bed.
We sat at the tiny bistro table I had set in front of my wall of plants. Kai was slurping up the gumbo and making happy sounds with every bite.
“You going to finish that biscuit?”
I pushed my plate toward him.
“Thanks,” he mumbled with a mouth full of food.
I curled back up on the sofa with some ginger tea while Kai cleaned the plates.
The cushion dipped as he sat on the end of the sofa, placing my legs on his lap.
“Are you working Saturday?” He began massaging my feet.
“Till six, why?”
“Well, a few of the brothers are going to see a band at Black Rock Brewery. I thought you might want to come.”
“Um, yeah, I could go. Are you sure? Wait. Are Rage and—”
“No. They have other plans.”
“Then, yeah, I’ll go.”
A warm smile spread across his face. “Good. Can you be ready by 7:30?”
“Yes, Kai.”
“Are you ever going to tell me what happened in Louisiana?”
“Maybe, I don’t know.”
“Tink, you can tell me anything.”
I took a deep breath. I couldn’t keep it all in anymore. And if I was going to tell someone, it would be Kai. “Do you promise NEVER to tell anyone?”
He crossed his heart, his lips, and threw the imaginary key over his shoulder.
“Well, obviously, I found Meme. And she was very happy to see me.” My eyes stung. “I had a lot to ask her about my family.”
Kai’s phone buzzed, but he didn’t look at it. “Go ahead.”
“She said she and my parents got in a fight when I was twelve.”
His phone buzzed again. He shook his head, looking at it.
“I’m sorry, Tink.”
I looked over his lap and saw that the text was from someone named Jenn.
Jenn: PLEASE CALL ME. PLEASE.
“Tink, I gotta make a call, I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. Go.” I said, feeling too unwell to be annoyed and give him shit.
He planted a huge sloppy kiss on my cheek, smacking it loud in my ear.
“Hey.” I swatted Mr. Nibbles at him as he jumped out of the way, offering one of his dazzling smiles. He began dialing before he even got to the door.
I followed him out, listening as he stood in the hall.
“Calm down, sweetheart. What’s wrong. Is it my boy?”
I could hear his feet jogging down the stairs.
His boy? Did Kai have a kid? Who was Jenn?
I grabbed Mr. Nibbles and laid on the sofa, staring at the ceiling.
“What the hell am I going to do?”
While waiting for Kai to come back, getting annoyed with each minute that ticked by, I decided to shower and take Rachel Hollis’s brilliant advice, turn up the music, and “wash my face.” The shower was always where I did my best thinking. I came up with all the best ideas for my tinctures while lathering up and letting all my cares wash down the drain. With all my years in therapy and the meltdown I had, I couldn’t believe my parents never thought about it being hereditary and maybe I should have known something like this. I mean, I was an adult. Who did they think they were, holding this back from me? It seemed everyone else had been in the driver’s seat in my life. Juliet and her problems, my parents and their agenda… No choices other than changing careers had really been mine.
I finally got a text, expecting it to be Kai, but to my disappointment, I turned over the phone to see it was Amber.
Amber: Girl, where have you been, I miss ya.
Me: Back in town, but on my way out.
Amber: Can we go for a drink later this week?
Me:
Amber: Hun? Are you mad at me or something?
Or something.
Me: A drink sounds good. Sorry I had a call.
Amber: We’re both off tomorrow night.
Me: Ok, 7
Maybe I needed to get out. I obviously wasn’t doing my best thinking here. When another hour passed, I just couldn’t sit here any longer. It felt like the walls were closing in. I needed to get some air and think. I swiped my keys off the counter and grabbed my purse, taking off down the stairs. I was only wearing a black and red flannel over a tank top, my ripped jeans, and combat boots. The air was getting warmer, but as soon as the sun went down, it began feeling like winter again.
I was so distracted by my thoughts, I found myself lost before making it back to the main street in Sugar Maple. I drove past the stores and toward the bridge out of town. A few bikes were in front of Stained Skyn, the tattoo place that the Stained Souls owned. I didn’t know where I was going, but once I looked at the sign for Fluid, the small town felt suffocating.
Black Rock was the next biggest town with a mo
re significant population due to the university and all its students and faculty. I was driving past the stores when something caught my eye: Spiritual Medium and Psychic Readings. A sign tent in front of the door read $10 Special Reading. I found a parking space a block up from the storefront and fished out a few quarters for the meter. My arms hugged my body, which was shaking either from the cold or the idea of seeing a psychic.
I put my head down and walked to where the tent was set out. I looked at the door with the windchimes above it and the twinkling moon-and-stars curtain of lights. I took deep breaths in and out. Catherine and Paul would not approve of this. They hated what they considered the occult. They believed in all this hippy natural life crap but were also super religious and did not think that anyone should say they see the future. But I wasn’t their daughter, and right now, I had nothing to lose.
Kai
I was such an ass. I finally got Paige talking and I had to cut and run, again.
“Jenn, calm down. Boys get into fights.”
“Kai, you need to talk to him. Reid was going on about his dad being a biker and that he was going to make that bully pay. They take threats very seriously in school. That boy was twice his size and a grade older, but Reid didn’t care. Kai, he has never been in trouble before, and I don’t know what to do. He needs to hear it from a man he looks up to, like you.”
“How is Reid now?”
“Well, other than him ranting on about how he’s going to be big like his dad and Uncle Kai and kick that kid’s butt, he’s okay. Just embarrassed, I think.”
“I’ll call Reid later, and I will be there Saturday to see him.” I squeezed my eyes shut when I heard Jenn’s disappointed sigh.
“You know what, let me take you both out for pizza. We can go to Big Joe’s. I remember how much he likes it. I can swing by in two hours.”
“Kai, I would really appreciate that. It means more when it comes from Uncle Kai.”
I wanted to go back and talk to Paige, but there wasn’t time.
I was half an hour late getting to Jenn’s. Reid was thrilled when he saw me.
