by Lisa Yee
“What if I fail?” Hollywood moans. He buries his face in his hands.
“You won’t,” I insist. “Jesus, Hollywood, you’ve got talent. You’re going to be famous.”
“I don’t know. He might bomb,” Ted muses. “Competition is really tough in filmmaking. Do you know how hard it is to get a movie produced? You have a better chance at being struck by lightning than having a hit film.”
Hollywood slumps back like he’s been shot. “What am I doing?”
“You’re doing what you’ve always wanted to do.” I swat Ted in the head.
“Ouch!”
“Suck it up, Hollywood,” I tell him. “Remember all those late-night talks we had about what you’d do if you ever got out of Kissimmee? Make us proud.” I open the car door and we all get out. Hollywood gives me a hug and won’t let go. “You weirdo,” I laugh as I push him away.
“Hey, what about me?” Ted asks.
I reach over toward Ted. “Not you, him!” Ted says, grabbing Hollywood and giving him a bear hug.
Ted and I watch him drive off. Exhaust pours out of the car as it backfires.
“I don’t know if that pitiful thing is going to make it all the way to Los Angeles,” Ted comments.
“It is pretty old.” I nod.
“Not the Green Hornet.” Ted shakes his head. “I meant Hollywood.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
My mother is giddy. The Miss Greater Osceola Area Outstanding Teen Pageant is today. “Ridgeway’s ethnical dresses will give us the edge,” she says as she depletes the ozone by adding yet another layer of hairspray to her already lacquered head. Chessy has pre-reserved a space in the Kissimmee Gazette. She always says, “If you want them to take notice, take out an ad.”
Congratulations to
She also gives free first lessons and a discount to returning students. But her best advertisements are when the Fantastic Five win.
After Chessy’s gone, I open the window. With so much hair spray and Shalimar hanging in the air, our apartment is a fire hazard.
It’s nice to have the place to myself. I sink into Jake’s big leather chair and grab the remote. The Kid Vid channel is featuring a Nelson’s Neighborhood marathon. I love Nelson’s Neighborhood. It’s been in reruns for the past five years or so, but I watch it every day. It’s about this contemporary family who act really retro, all straightlaced and everything. There are the twins (a girl and a boy), the parents, and their loyal dog, Chipper. Together they have all these cool adventures, like the time they went camping and Chipper got lost and was mauled by a bear—and it brought them all closer together.
I am totally in love with Christian Culver, who plays Nelson B. Nelson, the sensitive, Shakespeare-reading, guitar-playing son who rescues baby animals and is an Olympic diving hopeful. Even though I’ve resolved never to get married, I’d say “I do” to him in a heartbeat.
It’s around six p.m. I can’t believe I’ve watched over nine hours of Nelson’s Neighborhood. I finish off the mint Oreos, then call out for a pizza and consider having a beer. Now that Jake’s around, the fridge is full of them. Chessy prefers her booze room temperature. The last time I drank I got really sick. The only person worse off than me was Ted. “Asians excel at everything but alcohol,” he explained between heaves.
My mother can hold her liquor pretty well. It comes from years of practice. However, once she passes the three-drink mark she starts to get stupid. After four she’s blotto, and after five she’s worthless. On occasion she completely blacks out—usually toward the end of a marriage.
I reach toward the beers and move them aside, grabbing a Dr. Pepper in the back. Big-screen television. Leather chair. Pizza. Soda. Nelson’s Neighborhood. This is heaven.
Was I sleeping? I wake up thinking I’m in France. “Voila la porte, mes amies” a woman is shouting. “I learned to speak French fluently in less than a week!”
Oh. It’s just that stupid infomercial. I turn the volume down when I hear noises downstairs. Chessy must be home. Voices rise. There is shouting. Glass shatters. I tiptoe to the stairs and peer down into the Charm School. My mother is sitting on the floor speaking gibberish. Her legs splay out like a rag doll. Her crystal Best Teen Smile award is in pieces.
“Should we call a doctor?” Ridgeway asks. He is holding a broom.
“No, we’ll just get some booze into her and let her sleep it off,” Jake says. He goes into Chessy’s office and pulls a bottle of whiskey out of her file cabinet. “Here, hon,” he says, handing it to her. “Your friend Jack Daniels is gonna make you feel a whole lot better.”
I wince. Jack Daniels is no friend of hers. Chessy’s hysterical, but she does what she’s told. I’ve seen enough. I sneak back into the apartment.
Later, Jake and Ridgeway help my mother up the stairs and lead her into the bedroom. Now she’s laughing and singing a medley of Broadway show tunes.
Ridgeway comes back into the living room once Chessy is tucked in. “It wasn’t an ‘ethnical’ competition,” he says dryly. He helps himself to a slice of my cold pizza. “It was ‘ethical’; they wanted the girls to have high ethical values and to demonstrate it by giving a speech or some sort of presentation.”
“Oh my God!” I cover my mouth. When I can’t hold it in any longer I burst out laughing. Ridgeway joins me and soon we are in tears.
He dabs his eyes with his handkerchief. “Oh, darling, this really isn’t funny. The girls are so upset. They’re humiliated. Their mothers have threatened to pull them all out of the Charm School. When word about this gets out, Chessy’s going to be the laughingstock of the pageant circuit.”
I take a deep breath. I know he’s right. Still, I wish I could have been there.
Ridgeway gets up. “I’d better go. Jake will take care of your mom. She’s going to be pretty hard to live with for a while.”
What an understatement.
For a change, I’m glad Jake’s here.
It’s early, but I’m tired. I go to bed.
CHAPTER NINE
I am asleep and dreaming that James Dean is making the moves on me. He’s not the good-looking James Dean in Hollywood’s photo. He’s an old and bloated James Dean with really bad breath.
I push him away, but he keeps coming at me. He is relentless. Suddenly I am awake. I try to sit up, but someone pushes me down. I smell beer.
It’s not James Dean. It’s Jake.
I’m not sure what’s happening.
“Get off of me!”
“Quiet,” he slurs. “You’ll wake your mother.”
One hand is groping under my T-shirt and the other is moving up my leg. He starts to pull my shorts down and press against me. I shove him hard and he rolls onto the floor. But he just keeps coming back, again and again. He slaps me and covers my mouth, then slobbers in my ear, “Who’s your daddy now?”
I bite his hand hard.
“God damn it!” Spit flies from his mouth as he shouts. I curl up in a ball and grip my pillow, but that doesn’t stop him. He’s all over me. I’m fighting, but he’s winning.
“Get away!” I scream.
The lights go on.
It’s Chessy.
“Oh my Lord, I don’t believe this.”
Jake and I both freeze. For once I am happy to see my mother.
“I can explain,” he starts to say. Jake stumbles as he gets out of the bed. His stomach hangs over his boxers. He’s not wearing a shirt.
“I don’t need any explanations,” she says coldly. She looks at Jake, then me. Her eyes narrow.
“Maybelline, I can’t believe you would do this to me.”
My throat makes a strangled sound, but I can’t find any words. Chessy’s arms are folded across her chest. Her glare slices through me.
“But Mom,” I whimper.
“But nothing.”
I pull the sheet up to my chin. My face is wet. I am crying.
Jake follows her into the kitchen.
“I’m sorry you had to see that, baby,” h
e murmurs, still loud enough for me to hear. “But that kid of yours is no angel. She’s been making passes at me since the first time we met. She called me into her room. Said she needed help with something— “Don’t you talk to me,” Chessy snaps. “I thought you loved me.”
“Oh baby, I do love you,” he says. “Come here. Come here.”
“Jake, how could you two do this to me?” she wails. “You tramp!” she shouts in my direction. “You’re nothing but trouble. I wish I’d never had you.”
While Jake and my mother argue in the kitchen, I quickly get dressed and slip out of the house.
I know one thing.
I’m never going back.
CHAPTER TEN
I walk for hours before ringing the doorbell. Maah doesn’t act surprised to see me at three a.m. “Hi, Maybe.” She yawns as she steps aside to let me in. Her head is full of pink curlers. “Your mom drinking again?”
I just nod and head to the spare room. I crawl into bed without bothering to wash up or take off my jeans. Even though it’s hot, I pull the covers over myself. Still, I can’t stop shivering.
“Why did you even have me?” I once asked Chessy.
When she’s drunk, Chessy blinks really slowly and men think she’s coming on to them. Maybe she is.
“So I’d have someone to talk to,” my mother slurred as she cradled her bottle of Jack Daniels like a baby.
I don’t want to talk to her ever again.
In the morning I wake up to the sound of Paww calling out, “All sleepyheads, it’s time for breakfast. I’m making flapjacks!”
Flapjacks! I love Paww’s flapjacks. I’m happy until I try to get out of bed. My entire body is sore. Then I remember what happened last night. I take a long shower and dry off. As I get dressed I notice the bruises on my body. I take off my clothes and get back into the shower. I scrub and scrub. Still the bruises, and the memories, won’t wash away.
After breakfast Ted and I walk along the train tracks. He is trying to balance on the railroad ties. I try too, but keep falling off. So instead, I pick up rocks and throw them into the bushes. Ted is blathering on and on about the five fundamental flavors of Thai food. When he gets going on a topic there’s no stopping him.
“Ted— “Sweet, sour— “Ted— “Bitter, spicy— “Ted, Jake tried to rape me.”
That got his attention. “WHAT? Maybe, are you okay? Did he hurt you? He didn’t hurt you, did he? I’ll kill him if he hurt you.”
Ted’s worried look breaks my heart.
“I’m okay.”
“Does Chessy know?”
I toss another rock. “She thinks I came on to him.”
“That’s insane!”
“I know. And get this, he actually said, ‘Who’s your daddy now?’ It was so disgusting!”
“He said that?” “Twice.”
“Did you call the police?”
I shake my head. “Who would believe me? My own mother doesn’t even believe me.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. It was already torture before Jake showed up. Now it would be impossible to stay.”
“What if she dumps him?”
“Get real. Like Chessy would ever call off a wedding. She’s already sent out the invites. I don’t matter to her anyway. I never did.” I pick up another rock and throw it as hard as I can. “I’m thinking of living with my father.”
“Which one?”
“My biological father.”
“No way!” Ted stops walking and stares at me.
“Yeah, I’ve actually been thinking about this for a long time, even before this Jake thing. Ted, I’m going to try to find him.”
“But I thought he doesn’t even know you exist?”
“Well, if I find him he will.”
Ted looks unsure. I start talking louder as if that will convince him it’s a good idea. Or is it me I’m trying to convince? “He deserves to know he has a daughter. Ted, I may be half Chessy, but I gotta believe that there’s someone else out there that I take after—someone better than her. I just want to meet him, not glom on to him or anything. I just want to meet him. Is that asking too much?” I’m crying. “Ted, I’m going to Los Angeles to find him. Will you go with me? Please, Ted. Please.”
A range of expressions cross Ted’s face as he processes my request. More than once, he opens his mouth to say something, and then shuts it. I hold my breath. Finally, he lets out a snort then breaks into a weary smile. “Okay, Maybe. Okay, I’ll go.”
I let out a whoop and Ted gives me a hug. Immediately, he starts making plans. “You’ll need to go through all of Chessy’s things and find some clues, like on that show, America’s Most Missing.”
“Chessy’s pretty much in denial that he even existed,” I say, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. “She won’t have anything of his.”
“Wake up, Sleeping Beauty. Your mother’s a hopeless romantic— “She is hopeless,” I mutter.
Ted ignores me. “Chessy’s sure to have kept something from your father.” He has a point. “Also, we’ll need money. Los Angeles isn’t cheap.”
“I’ve got some money,” I tell him. “I’ve been saving up for this, just in case.”
“Well, I’ve got some money from investments,” Ted adds. “And when we get to Los Angeles, we’ll get our own place and jobs!”
We’re both hopping around. This is wonderful! “What will you tell Chessy?” he asks. This brings me crashing down.
“Nothing,” I mumble. “I’ll just disappear and see if she even notices. What’ll you tell your parents?”
“I’ll tell them that you’re running away and I am going to be your chaperone.” Ted pauses. “And I’ll tell them that Los Angeles has a large Thai population and I’ll be studying my culture while I’m there, sort of like a foreign exchange program.” He stops and looks up in the air for inspiration, then adds, “And I will tell them that we are staying with your cousin Carla.”
“I don’t have a cousin Carla.”
“It’s a cover. A ruse. A lie, okay? Sheesh, how dense are you?”
My heart races. I can already envision finding my father. He will be surprised at first, then happy. We will both be happy.
“We just have to figure out how to get to Los Angeles,” Ted muses.
“Hellooo,” I say, waving a hand in front of his face. “Have you already forgotten how we’ve gotten around town all these years?”
Ted’s face lights up. “The Green Hornet!”
I nod. “Hellooo, Hollywood!”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Hollywood can’t stop grinning when we tell him. “Are you kidding me? Are you kidding? You have got to be kidding!”
“We are not kidding, we are going to carpool,” Ted says again. “Except we don’t have a car.”
“Hot damn,” Hollywood shouts. “Road trip!”
Later that afternoon, I sneak back home. My mother’s at her weekly beauty shop appointment. Jake’s at work, but his stuff’s still here. I don’t know if he’s coming back and I don’t care. I gather my money and help myself to three hundred fifty bucks from the stash Chessy keeps in a coffee can under her bed. I also help myself to her old wedding rings. They might be worth something after all.
Next I rummage through the hatbox in her closet. Sitting on top is a snapshot of her parents before their divorce. Chessy must have been about four when that photo was taken. She’s standing between her mother and father and no one looks happy. I move on to the mushy letters from every man she ever married, and quite a few from men she didn’t. This surprises me. I thought she got hitched to everyone she’s ever dated.
As I dig through old brochures and random notes, I’m about to give up when I come across a photo tucked inside a Christmas card. The picture is dated nine months before I was born. I take a sharp breath and stare at the photo. Underneath a sign that says alligator alley, a beautiful blonde clings to a man with dark hair and an uneasy smile. He’s wearing a baseba
ll cap and sunglasses, so it’s hard to tell what he really looks like. On the back of the photo in Chessy’s flowery handwriting is “Gunnar and me,” surrounded by hearts.
He’s got to be my father.
Carefully I tuck the photo back into the envelope and slip it into the “Father” folder in my duffel bag, alongside my clothes, makeup, and On the Road by Jack Kerouac. Before I go, I write Chessy a long letter explaining all the reasons why I’m running away. Then I tear it up and just say:
Going to live with Ted this summer in Los Angeles with his cousin Carla. Hollywood’s driving.
Maybe I leave the note in the liquor cabinet, where I know she’ll be sure to find it.
CHAPTER TWELVE
After being trapped for two days in the Green Hornet with Ted and Hollywood, I am ready to walk to California.
Ted had the full blessing of his parents, who were excited to see their boy explore his Thai culture, be independent, and “spread his wings and fly”—as long as he promised to call them twice a day. They armed him with an ATM card for emergencies, two letters of reference (one for the Thai community in Los Angeles, the other for potential employers), and a cooler filled with Thai delicacies and Dr. Pepper, Ted’s beverage of choice.
Hollywood’s family gave him a graduation/going away party and presented him with a sports jacket that was slightly too big—“in case I grow,” he explained. His parents also gave him a promise that they would send money whenever they could. Hollywood’s family lives in a trailer park. The beat-up double-wide is for Hollywood and his five siblings, the smaller trailer next door is for his mom and dad. Despite living apart, his family is really close.
I doubt if Chessy has noticed I’m gone. She’s probably too busy with her wedding plans to think of anything else.
We decide that to save money we will sleep in the car. This morning, we woke up to three scary-looking guys demanding money and drugs. Since we didn’t have either, one of them punched Hollywood. Any other person would have been humiliated, but Hollywood filmed his lip swelling up.
“People pay a lot of money for lips like yours,” Ted said as he examined Hollywood’s face. “That puffy look is very popular right now.”
