“Levie,” I walked up to the edge of the bed. “I'm going to start taking your insults as cloaked compliments. You're just envious of my cute, little apartment.” With that, I turned to head back to my room when I felt a hand on my wrist. I looked down to see long, slender fingers wrapped around my arm. Pointed, red fingernails dug into the delicate skin. Not many guys painted their nails. It made me like him, just a little bit. I turned just enough to look at Levie.
“If I choose to compliment you, which I may or may not depending on your actions, then you will know. Until then, my words are meant the way they are spoken,” he snarled and I was surprised at the intensity of his speech.
“Well then,” I pulled my wrist away from him and leaned down until our faces were inches apart. “I guess I'll just have to ignore you.” I kissed him on the cheek and bolted into my bedroom before I had a chance to see his reaction. I wasn't sure that I wanted to. Demons could be scary sometimes.
The next morning, I woke up far earlier than usual. In fact, eleven o'clock, to me, was considered obscene. I found Levie standing in my kitchen, already dressed in a tight-fitting, red sweater and black slacks, considering the contents of my fridge. His wings protruded from two slits in the back of the sweater, and I had to wonder how the heck he had gotten them in there. I made myself a note to ask later.
“You're up early,” I mumbled, shuffling into the kitchen in my slippers. Levie turned his head and gave me a look that spoke volumes, horrible ones.
“Do you always present yourself in such a manner?” His gaze landed on my hair then traveled down to my chest. At first, I thought he was staring at my fraying pajamas, but when his gaze didn't continue to my bunny slippers, I glanced down. Apparently during my sleep, my top had come unbuttoned, and my breasts were pretty much entirely exposed. Awesome. Maybe if I had had small boobs, they wouldn't have attracted so much of his attention, but small was not a word that I would use to describe them. More like double D. That was more the word. I quickly wrapped my shirt around me and crossed my arms to cover as much of the bumps as I could. Levie dismissed me as if nothing at all had occurred and redirected his attention back to the fridge.
“Aren't you going to say anything?” I snapped. “Like 'nice ta-tas' or something?” Levie gave me a strange look and the corner of his mouth twitched.
“Is that the kind of compliment that human women enjoy hearing? A demon woman would remove my testicles were I to speak to her in such a manner.” I stood there for a moment, considering. Well, I was glad that he hadn't gawked or anything, but I didn't like being dismissed like that. It kind of made them feel ... unimportant. I didn't like that. Everyone loves big boobs, right?
“Er, I guess not.” I stood there, feeling like an idiot as the heat rose to my cheeks, and I was sure my face was about as colorful as the cherry Jell-O that had been sitting in my fridge since last March. “I thought you didn't like human food?” I said, trying to change the subject quickly. Levie spat at me. He actually spat at me. Okay, not directly at me but in my direction.
“I don't exactly have much choice, now do I?” he asked me in a quiet voice that reminded me of the sea before a storm. I hoped a hurricane wasn't about to hit. “I'm to ... live ... here with ... with you, and I hate humans. In fact,” he snarled, the quiet giving away to a more raucous anger. He leaned forward and breathed a breath of hot air against my ear. In spite of myself, I shivered. “I despise them.” He straightened abruptly and made a shooing motion with his hands. “Go dress yourself, stupid girl. I can't handle looking at your ugliness any longer.” I wanted to hit him but with the way his wings were raised in a very aggressive stance, I decided against it. I settled for name calling instead.
“You, my good sir, are an insensitive prick,” I said and then hurried into the bathroom before he tried to kill me. What an asshole, I thought as I stared at myself in the mirror, my green eyes reflecting the fluorescent light. He was a jerk, true, but there was a quiet anger and a hurt behind his words that I just did not get. Either he was being cryptic, or I was just dense. I figured it was the former and brushed it off. Good practice, too, since that wasn't all I was going to be brushing. My hair, which usually hung just below my ears, was gathered into a tangled snarl atop my head. “How does hair this short get tangled?” I screamed at my reflection. I opened a drawer on the vanity and attacked the mass of bright orange and black tresses.
It was slow going. Not good. When Ginger gets bored, she starts to muse. My musings generally fell under the twin labels of depressing and useless. I was twenty years old and although most people my age were in college or getting married, I was still experimenting with colored hair dye and playing video games. So my life was progressing slowly, so what? I didn't want a traditional life, which was fine, but I really didn't know what kind of life I did want. At least I'd finally quit my job. That was a step in the right direction. Wasn't it?
“You have options now. Lots of them,” I told myself as I finally got my hair under control. My trump cards. My wishes. I grinned at myself and went into my room to get a change of clothing, avoiding the crazed demon that was now sitting on my sofa.
I need to look nice today, I thought as I slid open the doors to my closet. First off, I was tired of getting looks from Mr. Pressed and Pompous. Second, I was going to the museum. Queen Bee with the sandy hair and the aquamarine eyes was working today. Couldn't hurt to stop by like I just happened to do every Wednesday. Maybe one day he'd notice me and ask me out. Maybe not. It was worth a shot. Besides, they had a new exhibit that I was dying to see on ancient Egypt. I knew looking at the ancient pieces would give me clarity; it always did. I just wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with Levie. I guess I would have to take him with me. If he would go, that is. I figured that was his problem; he was a big boy. If he didn't want to go then he could entertain himself on his own. Already steeling myself for a fight, I dressed myself and marched into the living room like a soldier about to go into battle.
Levie was wearing his glasses and reading a different novel than the one he'd had before. This one was called The Sexy Pirate Pillager. Where he got these books, I had no idea, didn't want to know. He didn't even look at me when I walked up to him. I wondered what he would think of the outfit that I was wearing. Most people thought it was weird to wear a corset and jeans out on the town. But what people didn't get was that nowadays, corsets were made for going out. Why add all the extra zippers and bows if no one was going to get to admire it?
I cleared my throat to get Levie's attention. He turned the page but didn't look up.
“I'm going to the museum before lunch. There's an exhibit on ancient Egypt. I'm not sure if you want to go or what, but I don't really know if I should leave you here. After what happened last time, that is.”
“I will go,” was all he said as he folded his book closed and set it on the seat next to him. “I cannot risk the rack again.” I hadn't been referring to my mistake but to the dead gnomes that I'd had to clean up when I came home. Getting the smell of burnt flesh out of the furniture had taken about two gallons of Febreze and a shitload of incense. But he could take it however he chose.
When he finally looked at me, he removed his glasses and his eyes roved appreciatively. At least, I thought so until he opened his mouth.
“At least you look somewhat presentable now,” he said, standing up and stretching his arms and wings. What the hell was that? It was better than a direct insult but not by much. I rolled my eyes and decided not to try and explore the intricacies of demon manners.
I grabbed my leather wallet off the coffee table and stuffed it into my back pocket. I thought briefly about taking my truck, but the museum wasn't far away; it would be an easy walk. Besides, gas required money. Of which I had little of at this point. At least today was the second Wednesday of the month, free admission after twelve.
“How did you sleep last night?” I asked as we entered the hallway. I locked the door securely behind me. “I can't imagine you'd be al
l that comfortable with those wings.” Levie sniffed rudely.
“I slept horribly, and it had nothing to do with my wings.” He reached a hand up and rubbed at his left cheek. “I was covered in human filth.” I stopped at the top of the stairs, my hand resting lightly on the rail. Levie paused behind me and looked away, almost shamefully.
“A kiss on the cheek bothered you that much?” I asked and then continued down. I didn't wait to see if he was following me and began heading in the direction of the museum. While I was waiting for the crosswalk, Levie caught up to me and stood there glaring at anyone and everything that passed by.
“Did I invite you to kiss me?” He asked, and I looked at him sideways.
“Well, no, I suppose you didn't. It was more of a joke than anything else. I'm sorry if it bothered you so much, but you seem to be doing everything in your power to bother me.” He didn't answer, and I figured that was the end of the conversation.
Levie and I crossed the street and turned right, walking past a shopping center filled to capacity with early afternoon shoppers. A group of fairies was flying around in circles, giggling and dropping cherry blossom flowers. The trees themselves were in full bloom, so I'm sure that most people assumed the flowers were falling from the trees. But still, I chastised myself, don't pay attention to them or they can and will do a lot worse. Levie looked up at the fairies and for a second, I was shocked that he could see them. Then I remembered: demon. Of course he could see them.
“I hate this,” I said to him. He wasn't exactly the kind of person that begged you to spell out your life story for them, but he could see what no one else, as far as anyone I'd ever met, could see. It made me feel connected to him, if only for a brief moment. “No one else sees these things. It's kind of disconcerting, you know? In fact, now that I think about it, I bet that's why you guys didn't get any other responses to your ad.” Levie looked at me for a second but didn't say anything. “It's sort of cool, in a way, but when you can't even talk to anyone about it without being sent to a shrink, it kind of diminishes the fun.”
A vampire was leaning against the telephone pole directly in front of us, smoking a cigarette. His eyes widened when he saw Levie, but he didn't try and stop us as we went by. People could see him, too, I knew, but they wouldn't know what he was. Not until he bit them anyway. I didn't know why some supernaturals could be seen in an altered form and some couldn't be seen at all, it didn't make any sense, but I guess magic doesn't have to. That's what makes it magic, isn't it?
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. “Maybe I am crazy,” I mused. “Maybe you're just some other crazy person that I met over the Internet, and we hooked up, and I hallucinated all of that wish crap.” Levie turned to me, lip curled in disgust
“Are you suggesting that I am merely a mentally insane human being? The idea that you would even consider that offends me greatly.” Levie shook his head as if trying to clear it of that very disturbing thought. “And I would never 'hook up' with you. Perhaps that thought sickens me even more.” I wanted to be offended, I really did, but I just laughed instead.
“Oh come on, you know you want me.” I ran my hands over my breasts then leaned up on my tippy-toes and gave him a big wet kiss on his right cheek. “You stupid asshole.” I savored the look of shock on his face for a moment before I mounted the steps to the museum and took them as fast as I could, trying to stay ahead of Levie.
When I got to the double glass doors in the front, I yanked them open quickly and scurried to the ticket booth. I grabbed a visitor's pass and checked behind me. Levie was strolling slowly, in no apparent hurry to follow me. I felt a flush pass across my face. Was I just flirting with him? What the hell is wrong with me? I shook my head and followed the signs to the exhibit, all the while keeping my eyes peeled for Queen Bee. Truthfully, there was a moment there where I had almost forgotten about him. That did not bode well. I do no have a crush on that thing. It couldn't be ruder or meaner or more spiteful. I do not live in the 1900's. Men should have manners. I stomped my foot triumphantly, eliciting stares, and hurried into a side wing full of old paper – er, hand painted papyrus.
As I was perusing the gallery, I ran into a sphinx.
He or it, I supposed, since it really didn't have a gender, was sitting in front of one of the framed pieces, head cocked to the side. The sphinx's lion tail twitched back and forth as it seemingly read the hieroglyphics, which I bet it could. It was a sphinx after all.
I walked over to stand next to it and tried not to stare too much.
“What takes on one form, sheds it, and consumes it to create another version of itself?” the sphinx asked. I was pretty sure it wasn't asking anyone in particular, so I watched it out of the corner of my eye. It raised one thick paw to its all too human face as if it were going to clean itself like a cat but stopped and set the paw back down. The Egyptian headdress of gold and burgundy that it was wearing glinted in the sunlight filtering in from the skylight windows of the museum. “Who does the blind man see, the deaf man hear, and the mute man speak of?” I chuckled and tried not to look crazy in front of the Carlson Center Care Home members that were milling across the way from me by pretending to have seen something humorous in the glass display case.
I was desperate to move onto the next area in search of Queen Bee but the sphinx had caught my attention, and I decided to stick around for a bit. It wasn't often that supernatural creatures were anything but a pain in my ass. I checked over my shoulder though, trying to see if Levie had found his way in yet. I didn't see him, but the museum was huge; he could've been anywhere. I hoped he didn't find me for awhile. After my weird behavior, I didn't feel like seeing him.
The group of old people taking the audio tour walked away from the exhibit, leaving the sphinx and I alone in the room. “When the Pharaoh gives his son a chariot and invites him to see the world, what should the people fear most?” Another riddle. I wondered if it ever spoke in anything but.
After awhile, the sphinx finally stood up and wandered down the row of papyrus towards the room with the pottery. I followed it over to one particularly large pot with a 'DO NOT TOUCH – FRAGILE' sign posted on the base of the glass case it was in. There were red velvet ropes all around it and special lighting inside to make the designs on the rim stand out. The sphinx sat down again and cocked its head back and forth. “Winter comes and winter goes, but where is it that the sun always shines and spring is everlasting?”
“I'm not sure,” I joked. “But tell me where it is so I can avoid it. I like the rain.” Apparently, the sphinx was not used to people talking back, and I startled it so much that it flung its body away from me and right into the stand holding the pot. Now, I'm sure that the stand the pot was in was very securely attached to the ground. So much so that no human being falling into it could knock it over. However, a sphinx is not a human being, it is a sphinx, and as such, it has the body of a lion. It may have been a small lion but a small lion is not so very small and as its body hit, the screws wrenched out of the ground, setting the stand to toppling over.
“Oh shit,” was all I managed to get out before the glass and the pot broke in a horrendous shattering crash on the marble floor. The sphinx scurried backwards, staring at me and then at the pot with a horrified expression of dismay.
“What on this earth can take the shifting sands of time and build a pyramid that reaches the sky?” it all but shouted at me.
All at once, I heard a chorus of footsteps coming towards the room.
I whirled around to find a group of museum staff staring at me and then at the mess on the floor with sheer panic obvious in every one of their eyes. Standing in the front, his eyes glimmering like the Caribbean Sea, was Queen Bee. He opened his mouth to speak to me (for the first time ever) when one of the older men that was standing behind him started shouting.
“You idiot!” he screamed at the top of his lungs. “Do you have any idea how important that pot was to the collection?” Of course I didn't, but I could guess.
It was probably hundreds of thousands of dollars important, if not more. What was I going to do? Say that it was the sphinx that did it? Like they'd believe me.
I turned my attention back to Queen Bee. In my many fantasies, I had never once thought this was how our first meeting would go. But maybe this was a blessing in disguise. He had a nice face, soft and friendly looking underneath the shocked and angry expression he was now wearing. However, his irritation seemed to be directed more at the shouting man than at me. I decided that I'd have the best chance convincing him that it wasn't my fault.
“Look,” I said. “I was just standing here, and it fell over. Really, there must have been a small earthquake or something, check your security cameras if you don't believe me.” Queen Bee cocked his head to the side and studied me for a moment before speaking, the anger draining from his face.
“It was bolted to the floor rather securely,” he said sadly, and I felt my blood pressure rising. How was I ever going to get out of this? “There's really no way she could have knocked it over, even if she tried.” My pulse slowed, just a bit, and I almost breathed a sigh of relief but decided to hold it in, just in case they got the wrong idea. I wrung my hands together nervously in front of me as one of the security officers stepped forward.
“I can go check the cameras, Terrence.” Terrence. His name was Terrence. And he was in charge. Lucky me. Terrence nodded, and the security guard took off at a jog while I just stood there, unsure of what to do. The older man, the one who'd shouted, stepped forward and pointed an accusing finger at me.
“You're going to get it,” he said, menacingly. “You're not getting out of this. We are going to sue you, put you in jail.” He was so angry that spittle was flying out of his mouth as he spoke. It was rather disgusting. The sphinx, perhaps sorry for causing so much trouble, trotted up to me and sat by my side.
Hell Inc. Page 5
