by R A Peters
“Settle down. I know, I know. I’m excited too. It’s time for us to wrestle democracy back from those rich special interests in DC. The first step is to get those criminals out of there. Effective immediately, all federal offices in Florida that are still open will be shut down. All federal workers are hereby furloughed without pay. We demand that the Administration gives up their illegal hold on power and Mr. Pierce renounces his cockamamie scheme to seize the White House. Until President Dimone is sworn into office, we will not answer to any arm of this illegitimate Federal Government.
“Any federal bureaucrat that fails to comply will be considered a traitor to the Constitution and subject to detention. To enforce the will of the people, I have called up the people’s watchmen: the mighty Florida National Guard. Our brave men and women in uniform stand prepared to restore the honor of America by any means necessary!”
Except for those confused and incredulous, “brave men and women in uniform,” most of the state cheered. Governors in other states were infuriated that their Florida counterpart beat them yet again to central prominence on the national political stage.
Within hours, a dozen states would follow through with similar proclamations, but these Jonny-come-lately’s wouldn’t get the same level of news saturation Florida bathed in. Their government shutdowns were only hot air. Who would go so far as actually mobilizing troops to back such a bluff, like Florida promised?
No, there was only one story worth following for the national media, and it was a story they latched onto like a deer tick.
In a corner of that large White House meeting room, Senator Dimone conferred in whispers with his handlers. One of his people flashed him some hasty poll results. Results so fresh the pollsters were still on the phone with many of the interviewees.
The sitting president ignored Dimone’s team and lectured the room. “Ok, what an interesting show, but it changes nothing. His symbolic actions are blatantly illegal and won’t stand up in court. Just like all of his stunts. Let’s get back to work. We are agreed then, yes? Dimone will bow out of the race and Pierce will take over. After his first term, Pierce will not run for reelection and will throw his support behind Dimone four years down the road.”
No one nodded, but no one shook their heads either.
“The Senate will also fast track all of Pierce’s appointees in exchange for help with certain legislation Dimone sponsored, well, you two already worked out the details there. Finally, my vice president, cabinet and myself will resign immediately. Tomorrow morning.” He seriously looked relieved when he added, “Thank God, this stuff won’t be my problem any longer!”
No one showed any satisfaction with the arrangement, which only proved how great their 11th hour compromise was. With all sides pissed off, it must be a fair deal.
Actually, one person in the room could still smile. Senator Dimone stood tall, rolled his sleeves back down and tried to hide his excitement. His entourage followed suit.
He purposely avoided the term, “Mr. President,” as he looked him straight in the eyes. “Sir, in light of the current situation I cannot, in good conscious, ignore my responsibilities to the American people. I’m afraid I will not abdicate my duty to assume the presidency upon your removal from office.”
“That’s not going to–”
Few people interrupt the president, but then again, even fewer try to take his job. “Sir, I’ve been invited to attend an emergency impeachment vote, which will likely turn out differently than the previous ones. I hope there are no hard feelings; this is nothing personal. It would be classy of you to attend my swearing-in ceremony tomorrow.”
The president was not so easily shaken. “Come on, you can’t hang your hat on that rhetoric. Governor Rhett talks a good game, but some games aren’t about talk. Something he hasn’t figured out yet. That speech was a plateful of warm disaster with a side dish of stupid. We have a deal that you agreed on. It’s time to end this self-imposed crisis and get the country back to normal!”
“Then follow the will of the people and resign, sir. You’ve already split our party; stop this stubbornness before you split the nation. I await your decision. Good night, gentlemen.” He and his people left without another word.
The other two supposed presidents continued arguing inconclusively throughout the night, ignoring everything going on down south. The only thing they agreed on was to have Congress exercise their 23rd Amendment power and officially extend the president’s term an additional week. It at least held off the legal grounds for the president’s impeachment a little longer. Kicking the can down the road was the strongest agreement they could reach.
Few in Washington paid any attention that night to the swamp rats down in Florida. Let them play their games. What could it harm?
Chapter 2
Florida National Guard Headquarters
St. Augustine, Florida
21 January: 1700
Within hours of the governor’s “historic” announcement, hundreds of National Guard troops fanned out across Florida to lock down high profile government offices. Being a Saturday, calling up the men wasn’t easy, but the confused part-time soldiers still carried out their senseless operation with surprising speed. The Florida Guard colonel running this circus nearly burst with pride. Not over his soldiers, of course, but over his exceptional leadership skills and farsighted planning.
For such a self-centered man, he did have a gift for guessing what made others tick. He instinctively knew which subordinate leaders needed firing up with pep talks about defending their freedom from tyranny. He sweetly reasoned with the quiet skeptics that someone had to keep the mobs at bay and protect federal lives and property. The scared, he buoyed with assurances of how quick and bloodless this deployment would be. The veterans groaned at that bad luck curse, but they soldiered up anyway.
Colonel Beauregard alone made the decision to fully equip and arm each soldier as if this were a real campaign. What a striking figure he made giving a rousing speech while personally helping to distribute live ammo to his confused troops. If only those pricks at the Pentagon could see him now.
Beauregard never forgot all their conspiring to keep him from getting promoted to general or all those bullshit accusations and then easing him into the Guard when he refused to take it quietly. Oh, he was going to show all his imaginary enemies. Once this silly crisis passed, who would be the most famous, soon-to-be general in America?
It didn’t matter much that the governor, let alone anyone in his chain of command, had never given permission to launch this “mission.” His orders were to simply mobilize his forces and pose for the cameras. No, Patton had it right: “Audacity, audacity, always audacity.” Fortune favors the bold and all that jazz.
Since Beauregard was some type of Caesar/Patton reincarnated hybrid super leader, it required ever-larger feats of daring to maintain his ego’s sense of self-worth. What else could a man like him do when presented with such a unique opportunity?
His leaders in Tallahassee asked themselves a similar question. Telling him to stand down was an embarrassing admission of losing control, if not signaling outright defeat. The news clucked over hordes of anti-government protestors, already fired up by the governor’s rhetoric, hitting the streets with even more fury after the Guard call up. In the high octane, low responsibility world of American politics it was better to be seen as crazy than weak.
While privately cursing Beauregard, state politicians and senior Guard officers fell over each other publically praising him. They all tried even harder than the last to claim credit for forcibly shutting down the “illegitimate” government. To millions of sympathetic viewers, the National Guard’s hawkishness offered a positive, realistic chance to halt government overreach. To millions of others, this unified front offered a shocking glimpse into the flaming abyss of anarchy.
To the soldiers being thrown into harm’s way, the whole thing seemed like bullshit…not that anyone would ever ask.
Gainesville, F
lorida
21 January: 2100
A dozen or so policemen did their best to keep hundreds of riotous protestors from storming the IRS office downtown. They were only mildly surprised at how fast the crowd formed, even so late at night. Gainesville was a university town, after all. The kids were always protesting against something. Facebook and free time were a powerful combination. It sometimes seemed they could organize as adeptly as the police and twice as fast.
The cops only found the speed of the National Guard’s response shocking. Without being called, a platoon of five Guard Humvee trucks came growling towards them. They bypassed the packed roads by rushing through the park. An enormously welcome surprise to the overworked lawmen, at first. When they ignored the crowds though and began taking up cordon positions on each end of the building, the officers were downright perplexed.
The senior policeman jogged over to the one soldier who wasn’t holding a rifle at the low ready. “That was damn quick, but if you guys are supposed to be taking charge of this mess, why didn’t anyone tell us?”
“We’re not taking charge of anything except this building,” hollered the lieutenant. After a glance at the policeman’s cocked head he added, somewhat quieter, “Look, I don’t know what the hell we’re doing here. We were told to ‘secure this building,’ whatever that means. So that’s all we’ll do.”
The cop cocked his head in a show of suspicion and hope at the same time. “So…that means you’ll help clear out these assholes then, right? We’ve got these ‘flash mobs’ popping up all over town. As you can see, we’re stretched pretty thin.”
“Negative. I have no orders to that effect. Our job is to make sure no one gets inside. What happens outside is not our problem.”
The cop raised his radio to call his superiors, but noticed the battery was almost dead. Way too busy tonight. He waved the mike at the nervous, three-weeks-out-of-training officer in front of him. “Come the hell on, man. Most of these people are only on the streets because ya’ll are out here. I’ve never paid much attention to all this political crap and, honestly, I don’t care one way or the other. All I know is that if we don’t stop this crowd… well, I don’t want to think about that. You’re the senior military person on the scene. Who do you think will get the blame?”
The lieutenant tried to appear cool and unwavering, but his eyes begged his platoon sergeant for advice. Whatever order the older sergeant passed back to the LT was invisible to the cop. At last, the lieutenant nodded his head. “Ok, I’ll give you a section, about half my men, just long enough to push this crowd back. Make it happen, Sergeant.”
The guardsmen hastily fixing bayonets weren’t old enough to remember the 60’s. Kent State sounded like some type of rock band to them. What they lacked in public relations skills, they more than made up for with hard-earned experience breaking up riots in Iraq and Afghanistan. As the soldiers formed into a wedge and prepared to push the crowd back, their attention focused solely on finding threats… and eliminating them quickly.
Tallahassee, Florida
22 January: 0800
Florida Governor Robert Rhett could not be enjoying himself any more. He had the frigging President of the United States on hold while he chatted with Senator Dimone’s senior staff. How many people could say that? Not even those highfalutin’ Beltway insiders could get away with this. Now the president was the one having to show some respect to good ‘ole Rhett.
The president wasn’t the only one waiting in line, but he’d answer him next. Probably. It was a prestigious phone queue, after all. A round dozen billionaires and key legislators also waited their turn to bend the ear of the man-of-the-hour. Not bad for the guy the president once called at a Correspondent’s Dinner, “The worst thing to come out of Florida since West Nile Virus.”
Some would say it was too early to pour a celebratory drink. Metaphorically and literally, since it was still morning. That was no hair off the governor’s back. He was on top of the world as he filled up his second Southern Comfort. Kicking up his alligator skin heels, he snipped a cheap cigar and swiped a mess of leaves off his prodigious belly. He could afford better, but he’d always loved the raspy rawness of these cheap Haitian knockoffs.
No sooner had he hung up with Dimone’s crew, with an impressive goody offer on the table, did his secretary point out that Pierce’s people were waiting. Well, time to get a competing offer. Guess the president could wait a little longer.
His staffers came back and forth while babbling excitedly about some federalization order of the State Guard. Whatever. The soldier boys already served their purpose. They helped make him a player in the big game. Nothing that lame duck president could do about that now. As a matter of fact, why waste his time talking to that nobody anyway?
Rhett spent the rest of the afternoon ignoring the repeated calls from the Administration; he invested that time in more lucrative pursuits. While carving out a thick slice of power from the baking political pie, he only half-paid attention to the news on the streets. He sideways watched, on mute, the crowds supporting their “brave governor.” He never noticed they were willing to offer more than just moral support.
Downtown Gainesville, Florida
22 January: 2000
“If you ask me, we’re pointing our weapons the wrong way. ‘Ought a level this place to the ground. You know, what we…”
A calm, but venomous voice came from below in the Humvee and cut the gunner short. “Ain’t nobody asked you shit, Private. Now, shut your trap and scan your AO! If I catch you fucking off again I’ll ram that machine gun so far up your ass you’ll need to release the safety to take a piss!”
The young soldier managed to eek out a “Hooah, Sergeant!” before the Non-Commissioned Officer disappeared back to whatever pit of a hell he came from.
The private didn’t have long to seethe over the dressing-down. With half the platoon trying to ride herd on that mosh pit in the parking lot, that left only two National Guard soldiers covering the entire north side of the building. He hurled his water bottle at the giggling driver below just as a bright light exploded further down the block.
The driver stopped laughing. “Ah, hell! The news people are here. Wherever they set up shop, trouble always follows.”
Sure enough, moments later a large group of howling and shoving youths came jogging around the corner. Chased out of the parking lot moments earlier by bayonet-wielding guardsmen, they weren’t exactly in the best of moods. Rather than impressed by the soldiers’ restraint and thankful that no blood had been shed so far, they were only emboldened by their luck. With the exotic thrill of cameras on them, the mostly drunk crowd whipped out their wittiest quips. Some shouted for the two nervous guardsmen to shoot up the building, some screamed “go home.” Still others had the far less practical advice to, “Go fuck yourself, GI Joe!”
Someone flung an empty beer bottle in the general direction of the IRS sign. The shattered glass sparked some type of collective decision in the crowd. They began launching a barrage of rocks and bottles at the IRS building as the driver called for backup on the vehicle radio. The chastised gunner weighed the risks of firing off a warning shot when a couple of older, homeless-looking guys broke off from the crowd and dashed straight for the building’s entrance.
A flick from the amateur anarchist’s Zippo lighter crystallized the gunner’s thoughts. He let go of the machine gun and aimed his rifle for a point a few feet ahead of the outstretched arm.
Thankfully, the target stood on soft grass and only a few yards away. Little chance of having some bystander endangered by a ricochet. The sharp craaack of his warning shot shocked the would-be bomber as if he’d been hit. The idiot let the Molotov cocktail fly in what should have been a hilarious, slapstick-comedy way. The comedic value dropped considerably as he accidentally sent the flaming bottle sailing through the Humvee’s rear passenger window and showered homemade napalm on the gunner’s boots.
Seeing his buddy shriek and bolt out of the hatch
, literally with heels of fire, pissed the 19-year-old driver off to no end. In a couple of quick strides, he slammed the butt of his M16 into the gaping jaw of the stoned arsonist. Whipping his rifle around, he covered the homeless dude’s other pals, still with unlit bottles in hand. He snarled, “Drop it, motherfuckers, or I’ll drop you!”
The glare from the Humvee bonfire behind him limited his range of vision, but the light from the excited camera crew frantically panning back and forth caught his eye. “Ah, damn…” he murmured as the camera obviously zoomed in for a close up.
Despite never seeing combat in his short enlistment, the soldier hit the ground first as the ammo in the Humvee cooked off in the fire. That dive saved his life and would have been a good example for the obsessive cameraman to follow. Instead, he tried to catch the action of the stampeding crowd. His camera missed the real action of the belt fed ammo rat-a-tatting in the fire. Busy as he was videotaping the other folk dying, the reporter missed a great vantage point when three rounds struck him in the chest.
The young soldier high-crawled over to the wounded wannabe Pulitzer Prize winner and tried to stop the bleeding. Despite the grim situation, the guardsman couldn’t suppress a grin at the reporter’s tenacity as he shoved the camera into the soldier’s face with his last dying breath.
Washington, DC
22 January: 2100
“Mr. President, you should see this.” An aide cranked the volume up on the TV as the president wearily slumped into his chair.
“…are graphic and not suited for all viewers. The fearsome silhouette of a soldier in the shadow of something burning screams at the camera: ‘Drop it, mother (beep) or I’ll drop you!’ The scene cuts to civilians running from the sound of machine gun fire. An orange tracer round catches a fleeing young woman in the back. The scene cuts out with a grunt from off-screen and the camera falling to the ground. It comes back briefly to show a bloodstained lens and a close up of some grinning soldier hovering over the dying cameraman. An extremely sadistic looking grin in the dim firelight.
