Ferguson slaps me on the back. “Welcome to it, Miss Halli! Ah, you’re a fine-looking lass. Knew it from the pictures, but always better to see someone in the flesh. You don’t disappoint—I’m guessing that lad Jake thinks the same thing.”
“He . . . what now?”
“Had to arm wrestle him to see who’d go for you with the plane. Let him win, poor lad. I was young once. C’mon, now, let’s get you started.”
He jogs over to the corner of the gym, and waits for me beside a rope. It’s about as wide as my wrist, and hanging from the ceiling. From the ceiling two stories up.
“Something easy, loosen you up. Want gloves, or you like it bare-handed?”
I stare at the rope, all the way up to the top, and can’t believe this is my life. I can, however, believe it was Halli’s.
She would have loved this—every bit of it. She would have bundled this guy up and taken him home. She would have loved the playground of this gym, with all the different ways to test out her strength.
But I’m not equipped for this life. I don’t know what I’m doing. I might have the appropriate muscles and stamina that come with Halli’s body, but I don’t have any of her coordination or talent. I don’t know how to physically do the things she can do. It would be like someone giving me a superhero outfit and expecting me to know how to fly.
And it’s not only the physical, it’s the mental: it’s the fact that it’s my brain inside here, not hers, and I only know however much I know. I thought it would be easier to fake my way through this and try to figure things out. But it all keeps coming at me all the time—the technology, the family history I know nothing about, the relationships I’m supposed to understand, and now some sort of “meetings” all day that I’m going to have to bluff my way through—and even though I know I’m smart, I’m not this smart. No one is. It’s too much.
And suddenly, I know I can’t do it—any of this. I can’t keep pretending to be Halli. I might have gotten away with it so far, but pretty soon I’m going to make a mistake, and then someone’s going to realize something is wrong.
And then what?
No, really—and then what? What am I going to say? How am I supposed to explain myself? Who besides Daniel would ever believe me? The only reason he was willing to even entertain the idea that I was a visitor from another universe is that I accidentally disappeared right in front of him. So either he was losing his mind or there was something odd about me. He preferred to believe the odd.
But I’m not disappearing anymore—believe me, I wish I could. Go away for an hour, for even five minutes, and take a break from a body and a universe that aren’t mine.
And meanwhile, there’s another universe out there that’s missing the body that is mine. What does my mother think? Does she think I’m dead? Did Professor Whitfield explain to her what happened? Does he even know what happened? If only I could contact him, even instead of Daniel, then maybe the professor and I could figure out the physics of this together. But I’m as cut off from him as I am from anyone in my old life.
What are they all thinking back there? Does anyone believe I’m still alive? Are they looking for me anywhere? Even if they are, how in the cosmos will they find me?
“Miss Halli?”
I turn to Ferguson, and I’m about to make an excuse—I don’t feel well, my arm hurts—something. But instead I feel my eyes welling up with tears. I turn away and clear my throat.
“Miss Halli,” he says gently, “look at me.”
I turn back to him, and feel my mouth start to quiver. Any second and I’m going to lose it.
He takes my hand between his two rough ones and pats it. “I’ll be honest with you, lass. I said you don’t disappoint? That’s not exactly true. It’s not your fault,” he hurries to say, “but I noticed. When I saw you come in off the boat yesterday, I thought, ‘That’s not my girl. Something’s changed.’”
Here it comes, Audie, be ready. He’s caught you—
“Shoulders slumped,” he continues, “head low—I said to myself, ‘That’s not our Halli Markham. Where’s her spunk? Where’s her fire? Something’s wrong.’”
All I can do is nod. And brace myself for the inevitable.
He pats my hand again. “We’ll get you back, lass, don’t you worry.”
I meet his eyes. “What?”
“I know what it is,” he says. “I’ve lost somebody, too. Knocks the feet right from under you. You think you’ll never be the same. You think it’s hopeless. But it never is. The sun comes up, you start again. The sun goes down, you rest. You’ll get through it, Halli lass, you’re a strong girl.”
“But what if it’s really bad?” I ask him in a choked voice. “What if it’s really, really bad?”
“The sun comes up, you start again. It’s the only way I know.”
13
Two hours. Two hours of brutality, insanity, treating me like a pack mule rather than a teenage girl. Making me haul a sled piled high with weight—including the hundred-pound Red lying on top of the load. Making me run with a pack on my back that’s so heavy, for all I know Ferguson himself is secretly hanging on. And climbing up that ridiculous rope, hand over hand, my legs frogging out so I can grip with my feet. Then climbing back down it, slowly, until my fingers feel permanently curled into claws.
I’m not saying Halli’s body isn’t up to it—it’s up to all of that and more. And I’m not saying I don’t like it, because in a miraculous, strange way, I do.
Because there’s something about that kind of hard physical labor that makes your brain relax for a while. All you can think about is lifting, moving, running, climbing, and whether you’re going to survive to the next physical test.
Plus I’ll admit it makes me feel a little better about myself. Maybe I’m a failure at things like figuring out how to turn on a tablet or guessing Halli’s password, but row an imitation rowboat as hard and as fast as I can just because Ferguson tells me to? At least I can be a success at that.
“There now, Miss, that should do it,” Ferguson finally says. “Save some for this afternoon.”
“Are you serious?” I ask, wiping the sweat out of my eyes. “You really want me to come back?”
“I’d keep you here all day,” he says, “if there weren’t others clamoring for your time.”
I pause a moment and catch my breath. “Okay, then,” I say. “I’ll be back.”
I call for Halli’s dog, and the two of us head for the door. My perfect workout clothes are so soaked someone might wonder whether Ferguson had me swim laps in them.
Ferguson walks with us to the door.
“Thanks,” I tell him. “For the workout.”
“No thanks necessary,” he says. “Finally feel like I’m useful.”
He glances past me, toward the walkway between the mansion and the gym.
“Word of advice, Miss,” he says.
“Yes?”
I turn to see what’s gotten his attention. It’s Alexa, walking purposefully toward us down the path. She’s carrying her tablet and dressed like a young executive again, and generally looks like she’s ready to step in and run Halli’s parents’ company if they ever decide they want out.
Since the last time I saw her she was shining a light into my eyes and breaking up a makeout session with her brother, she is truly the last person I want to talk to.
“Don’t let her intimidate you,” Ferguson tells me. “I know her game. Lexa’s a good lass, not saying otherwise, but she likes to lord herself over people when she has no right. She’s no better than you, Miss Halli—far from it. She should know her place, and you should know yours.”
“Oh,” I say. “Okay.” But I’m sure I don’t look convinced.
“She might not like you being here,” Ferguson says. “What I heard.”
“Yeah, I think I noticed.”
“Bit jealous, I expect,” he says. “Bosses’ real daughter comes home—where’s her place all a sudden? But she’ll have to sort that
out herself. Not your concern. You hold your ground, understand?”
“Yeah . . . okay.”
“Miss Markham,” Alexa says when she reaches us. “Ferguson.”
He brings his hand to his head, like he’s touching an imaginary cap. “Miss Lexa. I’ll leave you to it now. Miss Halli, I’ll see you this afternoon.”
“No, you won’t,” Alexa corrects him. “Miss Markham will be occupied the rest of the day.”
Ferguson touches his imaginary cap again. “As your schedule permits, Miss Halli.” Then he disappears back into the gym.
When I really, really wish he had stayed.
“Some of the board members will be arriving this morning,” Alexa says. “Your mother has arranged a brunch for them, and would like you to attend.”
“Oh, no, I don’t think—”
“After that there’s a luncheon with the later-arriving members,” Alexa continues. “Then a brief interview with a history reporter, then the board meeting at four.” She glances distastefully at Red. “Your mother has also asked me to make arrangements for the dog.”
“No, that’s okay—”
“Dr. Markham insists,” Alexa answers, as if that’s the final word.
All that power and self-confidence I just felt in the gym is rapidly evaporating away.
“There’s also the matter of your clothes,” Alexa says. “Your mother has asked me to choose appropriate outfits. We can return to your room right now, if it’s convenient.”
It’s not convenient. None of this is. What I want is to take a shower, then go find Jake. I want to get my information and leave. I want out of here.
Plus, I can just imagine what that brunch and lunch and interview would be like: a group of strangers firing questions at me about a life I should know off the top of my head. “Miss Markham, what was the Amazon like? How was Mount Everest? Have you ever been chased by lions? Weren’t you once surrounded by sharks?”
And what would I do, just stand there and grin? A lot of those people know a heck of a lot more about Halli’s life than I do, thanks to the histories Daniel and Sarah told me about. I’ve only seen a few minutes of the holographic film highlights, but from what I understand, people in this world have been following Halli’s adventures since she was a child. If I try to make anything up, I’m going to immediately be exposed. There’s no way I can put myself in that position.
“Really, Alexa, please tell my mother I don’t feel up to any socializing today. I’m still pretty jet-lagged. I think I should just concentrate on the board meeting.”
“I’m sure she’d be surprised by that,” Alexa says, “since you apparently had enough energy for a two-hour workout just now.”
We both stare at each other for a second. Alexa looks triumphant.
“That’s why I’m extra-tired,” I say, yawning for emphasis. “I think I need a long shower, then probably a nap. I probably won’t wake up until the afternoon.”
“I’m afraid your mother insists,” Alexa says, smiling.
“Really, I’m not feeling up to it today—”
“Miss Markham,” she answers darkly. “This isn’t a choice.”
And somehow that does it. Something clicks. And every part of me says NO.
What did Ferguson say about me when I first got off the ferry yesterday?
“That’s not our Halli Markham. Where’s her spunk? Where’s her fire?”
And what has he been barking at me for the past two hours?
“Stand up straight! Shoulders back! Gut in! Why’re you hunching like a monkey?”
Finally I get it: I haven’t been wearing Halli’s body properly. And it’s been affecting how I behave. How I think about myself. How I’ve been letting these people treat me.
It’s like that polar bear I read about at this one zoo. Always pacing back and forth from one end of his enclosure to the other: five steps up, five steps back, monotonously, every single day.
Then the zoo finally moved him to a bigger enclosure, but as soon as they put him in there: five steps up, five steps back, just like he’d never left. He spent the whole rest of his life that way, in a cage within a cage, never noticing that things had changed.
I’m no different. I’ve been locked here inside of Halli’s body for more than a day, and this whole time I’ve been slouching in it, slumping in it, acting like it’s still weak little me inside here, instead of burly, fearless Halli.
I owe it to Halli to do better. To recognize that even though I never wanted this, I’m the one in charge of her body now. And however long that might last, it’s up to me to live up to Halli’s image—to fill out her body to the edges, to act the way she would act in this situation.
So for the first time since I woke up like this yesterday morning, I stand up tall to Halli’s full height. I imagine the insides of me pushing outward, stretching to fill in her hands, her arms, her torso, her legs—every last muscular inch of her body.
And even though my mind is my own, I even imagine taking hers on. Thinking the way she might think. Behaving the way I know she would.
And she wouldn’t for one second put up with this bullying behavior from Alexa.
“No,” I tell her in a firm voice. “I’m not doing any of that. I have other plans today. I agreed to come here for the board meeting, and that’s all. You can tell my mother I’ll see her there. Until then, leave me alone.”
And then, without waiting for her permission, I brush past Alexa and stride toward the mansion. After a few steps I start running, because that’s what Halli’s body wants to do right now. I stretch out her legs and pump her arms, and her dog runs along with me, and as soon as we reach the doors, Lyman opens them for us and smiles at me and I smile back. Then Red and I sprint up four flights of stairs because we want to, and we can, and because Halli surely would have done that.
Then as soon as I’m in my bedroom, I collapse.
Not because I’m tired, but because I’m happy.
I’ve never told off anyone in my life, and it feels so good I can barely stand it.
I can do this.
Halli would do this.
And today, no matter how hard it is or how many times I fail, I’m going to keep trying, Halli, and I’m going to find you. I’m going to figure this out and save you. We’re going to fix this.
That I promise you.
14
Someone has obviously been in my room.
When I roll over after a few minutes of gleeful mental replay of that whole scene with Alexa, I find there’s an outfit laid out on my bed: a pair of Halli’s jeans, a red checkered shirt, and a pair of Western boots.
Alexa has been here. This must be her idea of an “appropriate outfit” for the brunch Halli’s mother scheduled. Maybe the dining room has been switched over from its sailor theme, and now it’s been reset to “cowboy.”
I can’t deal with it at the moment. I shove the clothes aside. What I want most right now is a nice long shower to wash away all the sweat, and to give me some private time for thinking.
But it’s hard to just let your mind wander when you step into the shower and it turns into a jungle. The waterfall yesterday was in a peaceful, quiet forest, but now there’s a party going on with tropical birds screeching to each other and imaginary monkeys swinging down off the vines. One even splashes into the pool at my feet, and I have to step back to make sure I don’t crush him.
How do people live like this? Wouldn’t they prefer boring old moldy tile and a gunked-up shower head like I have at home? At least you can think in a shower like that.
I get out as soon as I can, dry off, and wrap myself up in Halli’s robe that I brought from home. There’s a much fancier one hanging from a hook in the bathroom, but I’d rather stick as close to Halli as I can right now.
It’s not like any of the clothes I packed in her duffel are mine, but at least they feel closer to being me than all the ones hanging in that fancy closet. There was a strange comfort to putting on her pajamas last night
, and even if Alexa hadn’t already laid out Halli’s jeans, I probably would have worn those today anyway. I’ll just pair them with one of Halli’s shirts. These people can’t turn me into someone I’m not.
Which is hilarious, since I’m someone I’m not anyway.
I come out of the bathroom, ready to get dressed and go find Jake, but I see I’m not alone.
“How was your exercise, Miss?”
It’s Celeste, and she’s just setting out all the food she brought up on another tray. A huge bowl of oatmeal, more tea, coffee if I prefer that, strawberries, more muffins, sliced bananas and kiwi and melon, a freshly-baked loaf of bread, three kinds of jam, two different kinds of juice—
“Celeste, who made all this? Don’t they know I’m only one person?”
She smiles. “It’s my mother. She’s head cook.” Celeste lowers her voice to a whisper. “I think she’s showing off.”
I slice off a hunk of bread and smear it with raspberry jam. “Well, you can tell her I’m impressed.” Then I realize I can tell her myself—if she’s one of the people listening. “I’m impressed! Mrs. . . .”
“Demetrios,” Celeste says.
“Oh, right. Demetrios!” I call to the walls.
Celeste giggles. “Only Alexa can hear you. But I’ll tell my mother what you said. You’ll make her very happy.”
“Did you find your brother for me?”
“He’s waiting for you,” she says with obvious delight. “He said he’d like to take you riding. He told me to bring you down to the stables as soon as you’re finished eating.”
Now I’m beginning to understand the outfit.
“Did you lay out my clothes for me?”
“Yes, Miss. I hope that’s all right.
“It’s fine. You made a nice choice.” I mentally take back all the mean things I was thinking about the clothes.
Although the truth is I’d prefer wearing Halli’s hiking boots today—they fit my mood better than some fancy pair of cowboy boots. But I don’t want to hurt Celeste’s feelings.
I pick up the tray and carry it toward the closet. I’m getting used to spending an unnatural amount of time in there. Once Celeste and Red and I are inside, I tell Celeste the problem.
Parallelogram Omnibus Edition Page 30
