With great affection and regard,
Edgar Venn
63
I let Daniel read the letter on purpose. My subtle way of preparing him.
But now I can’t put off talking about it any longer.
“Daniel …”
“I know.”
I look up at him as we walk back across the campus. He gathers me in closer, putting his arm around me as we stroll step in step.
I’m not in that much of a hurry. Neither is he.
“Once we build the machine where I am,” I say, “I’ll be able to bilocate here whenever I want.”
“That’s good,” he says. “It’s something.”
“Don’t be sad. I seem to recall you saying you wanted the old Audie back.”
“I’ve grown to love this one, too,” Daniel answers. “It’s hard to let you go.”
“Don’t.” I clear my throat to fight off a cry. “This time was so much better than before. Thank you for figuring out who I really am. Otherwise I would have missed all this. And now, if this works, we’ll just be apart for a little while. It won’t be so bad.”
I’m trying to convince myself as much as him.
As we approach Dr. Venn’s office, I see a small form sitting in front of his door.
I’m not the only one who sees him.
“Red!” But it’s too late. He chases off Lewis the schnauzer, who shows remarkable speed for a dog that pudgy. Red trots back to Daniel and me looking very proud.
It’s probably just as well that Lewis moves on. I don’t know when Dr. Venn is coming back—if at all. The poor little dog needs to alter his route.
Daniel and Red and I enter the office and Daniel removes his coat. I take mine off, too, and hand it to him.
“Thanks for letting me borrow this. I’ll probably need it again in a few months. Will you hang onto it for me until then?”
Daniel’s answer is to swoop me into an embrace and a long farewell kiss. It’s fifty times better than the one we shared in the Alps the first time we said goodbye. If he keeps this up, I’ll want to leave him every day.
I almost tell him that, but I don’t think he’s in the mood to joke.
“So what happens now?” Daniel asks.
“Ideally? In about an hour you go in that room and help Halli out of the machine. You give her some food. You fill her in on some of the details, like the name of her driver and your parents’ names …” I just remembered. “And you introduce her around a party tonight. She’ll like having the company. I think she’s probably been alone for too long.”
“And what will you do, Audie Masters? How will spend your night?”
“Getting takeout with my mom. Sitting on the couch under a quilt with her and watching something stupid on TV.”
I can feel the moisture welling in my eyes, both at the thought of that and of what I’m leaving.
“Tell Sarah I said goodbye, okay? Tell her she’s smart and fun, and I adore her and I appreciate everything she did. I’ll tell Halli she should keep her on as an apprentice. I’m sure there’ll be plenty for her to do.”
And now for my last faithful friend.
I crouch down in front of Red and fluff up the sides of his neck. I kiss the side of his nose. “Thanks, Red. I love you. You’ve been a great dog for me. But now your real girl is coming home! I know how much you’ll like that. Thanks for letting me be your girl for a while. You made every day of mine better.”
I can’t do it. I can’t be strong. I stand back up, crying, and lean into Daniel’s chest so he can hold me while I let it out.
“I’m not going away forever,” I remind us both. “Just for now.” I stand back up straight and wipe my eyes. “And hey, it might not even work. We might be going through this whole thing again tomorrow.”
“Anytime, anywhere,” Daniel tells me.
“Okay, deal.”
The best thing to do is just do it. I walk into the other room and climb into the machine. Daniel secures all the straps, then pauses as usual before putting my goggles and the earphones on.
“Be safe,” he tells me. “If it at all seems dangerous …”
“I will. It’ll be fine.”
He kisses me once, then finishes the preparation. And then I know he’s gone.
I let out one more quiet sob, then tell myself, “Okay. That’s it. We have to go.”
Soon I hear the pings. Then the gong. Then feel the soft xylophone mallets playing against my brain. There are stars now, bright gold, then silver and white and red.
I’m the stars, I’m the darkness, I’m the boundless vastness of space. I’m no one in particular, just a gathering of energy and heat, aiming for one particular spot on the map.
There’s a girl there, quietly moving around my room, unpacking all the clothes she’d put away in bags, thinking she might have to be in that life for a while. But now she knows I’m coming home. And she’s going home, too. And she wants things to be nice for me.
“Halli.”
Whether she heard me with her ears or just felt me in her head, she obviously knows I’m here. She goes to my bed, props up the pillow, then sits there quietly stilling her mind.
She was always so much better at meditation than I was. Thank goodness. She doesn’t need the machine for this. Ginny taught her how to do it early on—who knows, maybe for exactly a moment like this. Maybe Ginny had her own time loop, and a future Ginny warned her what Halli would need.
However it happened, it turns out Halli and I are both perfectly suited to be exactly the girls we are. We couldn’t know that when we met, but there must have been future versions of us sending back waves saying, “Yes, this one. This one will be your friend.”
Why are we entangled? I have no idea. I only know what I saw with my eyes. Halli and I are tied together somehow, and it’s a mystery I intend to solve.
That and about five hundred other ones that have come up in the last month alone.
She’s left my body now. I can feel her. Moving up the branch to meet me. Then she passes and keeps going, and it’s my turn to take her place.
It’s not like waking from a dream. I’m not startled, I don’t gasp—it’s nothing dramatic like that. I just stretch myself into all the corners and curves of my body, and wait for it to fill in like a wave seeping into the sand.
It’s funny, but I’m sad—I’m not going to lie about that. I thought I’d feel so thrilled to be back. But it’s like I’ve just returned from a very long trip, and I’m not ready for real life quite yet.
I stand up. Test my legs. Stretch my arms out to my sides and up above my head. Yes, this body fits me. It’s like putting on worn-in jeans. I stand in front of the mirror and wait for the reality of my reflection to sink in.
“There,” I whisper, because there is finally my smile. I give myself a little wave. I used to think I was so dorky when I did that. But I’m not. I know better than that now.
It’s late morning here. My mom must be at work. That means I’ll have the next several hours free.
I go to my desk and open my laptop. It takes me a moment to remember what to do. But this is technology I can actually work. I press all the right buttons, click the right links, and pretty soon I hear the sound of a phone ringing over the speaker.
There’s a tired, unshaven face looking back at me. “Hi, Halli. Any news?”
“Hi, Professor. It’s Audie. And yes, I have quite a bit of news.”
64
Three months later.
I was wrong.
About a lot of things, I’m sure, but about a few of them in particular.
“Shame on you, Audie Masters,” Sarah told me the first time I saw her again. Then she hugged the stuffing out of me, gave me another stern glare, then hugged me once more. “Welcome back, you scoundrel. Leaving me without a word.”
“I told Daniel to tell you—”
“As if he could ever do it justice! ‘Audie says goodbye,’” she imitates in her most boring voice. “Do you know how I cried f
or you? And how do you think that looked to Halli Markham? ‘Oh, hello, Halli. Bwahhh!’ Very cheery welcome, indeed.”
Two and a half months is a long time to be away. If Dr. Venn built his own machine in only two months, all by himself, then I’m really impressed. It took Professor Whitfield and me and his whole team the extra half-month, even with all of us working around the clock. Since I couldn’t go get any of the information myself without my own machine, Halli used Dr. Venn’s machine to keep making trips and bringing us more details on the design. That was her drawing I saw the professor and me looking at that day.
I brought Professor Whitfield another project, too. A certain hydro-catalytic process that can convert a simple cup of water into enough energy to fly a jet or power a fleet of cars. If you modify all their engines first. I tried to remember as much as I could from that meeting I had with Mr. Chilton at Halli’s parents’ London headquarters.
I felt a little weird about it in the beginning, but then I realized it isn’t that different from modern scientists looking at Leonardo da Vinci’s old designs and deciding to make some of his machines. My idea just happens to be something I learned from some scientists in a parallel universe. It would be like meeting an alien race and checking out their space pods and then trying to duplicate their designs back on Earth.
Besides, it’s all in a good cause. Not only will it make my own world a better place by solving our energy needs, it will also help a certain small college in the Colorado mountains. I figure if it could make billionaires out of Halli’s parents and Ginny, then it can help fund some new equipment and buildings for the labs run by Professor Whitfield and his colleagues.
You might say I have a vested interest, since I’m a freshman in the physics department here now.
Which means I finally passed high school algebra.
Through a combination of finally getting over my fear of it, plus trying out some of the techniques I saw Halli use when she was studying to take the test, I even managed to get better than a passing grade. No one was more surprised than my mom. I know she hoped to have me home with her for a whole other semester, but I had too much work to do. I moved up here right after Christmas.
And I was wrong about something else.
“Come on, Moose, good boy! Let’s go!”
This is me walking up a hill, toward the trees just beyond the college. Me calling to my little black Lab puppy, who’s bounding through the snow with his ears flopping, racing to try to keep up. Me scooping him into my arms and kissing him all over his face. Me, the girl who’s happy. Me who’s found her way.
I’m not the only one.
When I was done saying hello to Sarah and Daniel again—with the promise to Daniel that I’d talk to him later in private—Halli and Red and I took a walk up to the third floor of the History 14 studio. I love my little Moose, but I’ll never get tired of seeing Red. He’s the one who convinced me I needed a dog of my own back in my other life.
“How’s Ginny?” I ask.
“Great as ever. I swear, it never gets old. Every time I visit her now she still acts like it’s the biggest miracle.”
“Probably because it is,” I point out.
“Halli?”
Red answers with a low growl. We turn to find Jake hurrying up the stairs. He tosses Red a treat, and the dog lets him approach. I always knew Jake was smooth.
He gives me a smile. “Hi, Audie.” As far as he and the staff here are concerned, I’m the long-lost cousin. When Halli first introduced me around, she told Jake if he ever heard anything about me, he should squash it. “She doesn’t exist. Especially to my parents.”
“Got it.”
We told Francie and Sam the truth. Once they got over their initial excitement, they immediately wanted us to do a special program for History 14. But Halli and I made it clear that we’re both done living our lives in public for a while. Probably a long while. We’re also not going to be seen together anywhere outside the studio. If I want to go somewhere in her world, she’ll stay out of sight.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Jake says, “but I thought you’d want to take this. It’s Sensorio.”
He hands Halli a small tablet with a man’s face frozen above it.
“I’ll just be a minute,” she tells me. Then she unfreezes the face and starts talking to it in Italian.
She’s been living with Mrs. Scott for the past few months. I think working with Daniel’s family and living with them was a little too much. I haven’t heard that Red gets along with the yippy dogs any better than he did before, but Mrs. Scott has a huge house, so everyone probably has their own space. I want to visit there as Halli one day, just to see her again.
I open the door to the room where Daniel and I once hid so I could try to contact Halli. At the time there was just a big gel-filled chair in here. Now it’s set up as my own private office for whenever I want to visit.
There are three file cabinets where I keep all of Dr. Venn’s papers. He asked Elinor to give them to me after he died. Along with the machine that’s currently hanging in a locked room down the hall.
Every time I come here, I reread his letter. It’s not something I can bring back with me, so I can only enjoy it here.
I open one of the drawers and pull the letter out of its folder. And skip to my favorite parts:
Never doubt that one life, your life, is precious. What you think about is important. What you feel is vital.
We all matter. We are all learning. And what we learn, we add to the whole. You have seen that for yourself.
You are awake to your life. You pay attention. You think and feel and act. You love, you fear, you search. You try.
That is all anyone ever needs to do.
*****
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About the Author:
Robin Brande is the award-winning author of the fantasy series THE BRADAMANTE SAGA; the young adult novels EVOLUTION, ME & OTHER FREAKS OF NATURE; FAT CAT; DOGGIRL; the PARALLELOGRAM series; REPLAY; and THE GOOD LIE; and the adult novels LOVE PROOF; FREEFALL; HEART OF ICE; and FIRE AND ICE.
She is a former trial attorney, entrepreneur, law instructor, yoga teacher, martial artist, outdoor adventurer, and certified wilderness medic. Connect with Robin at:
http://www.robinbrande.com
http://twitter.com/RobinBrande
https://www.facebook.com/robinbrande
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For Further Reading
DeMarco, Frank. The Cosmic Internet. Rainbow Ridge, 2011.
DeMarco, Frank. Muddy Tracks: Exploring an Unsuspected Reality. Hampton Roads, 2003.
DeMarco, Frank. Sphere and The Hologram. Hologram Books, 2009.
Greene, Brian. The Elegant Universe: Superstrings, Hidden Dimensions, and the Quest for the Ultimate Theory. Vintage Books, 2000.
Greene, Brian. The Fabric of the Cosmos: Space, Time, and the Texture of Reality. Vintage Books, 2005.
Greene, Brian. The Hidden Reality: Parallel Universes and the Deep Laws of the Cosmos. Knopf, 2011.
Houston, Jean. The Possible Human: A Course in Enhancing Your Physical, Mental, and Creative Abilities. Tarcher, 1997.
Kaku, Michio. Parallel Worlds: A Journey Through Creation, Higher Dimensions, and the Future of the Cosmos. Anchor, 2006.
McMoneagle, Joseph. Mind Trek. Crossroad Press, 2013.
McMoneagle, Joseph. The Ultimate Time Machine. Crossroad Press, 2012.
Mitchell, Edgar. The Way of the Explorer: An Astronaut’s Journey Through the Material and Mystical Worlds. New Page Books, 1996.
Moen, Bruce. Voyages Into the Unknown (Exploring the Afterlife). Hampton Roads, 1997.
Monroe, Robert. Far Journeys. Broadway, 1992.
Monroe, Robert. Journeys Out of the Body. A Dolphin Book, Doubleday, Updated edition, 1992.
Savage, Roz. Rowing the Atlantic: Lessons Learned on the Open Ocean. Simon & Schuster, 2009.
Schwartz, Stephan A. The Secret Vaults of Time: Psychic Archaeology and the Quest for Man’s Beginnings. iUniverse
, 2001.
Schwartz, Stephan A. The Alexandria Project. iUniverse, 2001.
Talbot, Michael. Beyond the Quantum. Bantam; 2nd edition, 1988.
Talbot, Michael .The Holographic Universe. Harper Perennial; 1st edition, 1992.
Targ, Russell. Limitless Mind: A Guide to Remote Viewing and Transformation of Consciousness. New World Library, 2004.
Targ, Russell and Puthoff, Harold E. Mind-Reach: Scientists Look at Psychic Abilities (Studies in Consciousness). Hampton Roads Publishing Company, 2005.
Targ, Russell and Katra, Jane, Ph.D. Miracles of Mind: Exploring Nonlocal Consciousness and Spiritual Healing. New World Library, 1999.
Thayer, Helen. Polar Dream: The First Solo Expedition by a Woman and Her Dog to the Magnetic North Pole. New Sage Press, 2nd edition, 2002.
Thayer, Helen. Walking the Gobi: A 1600 Mile Trek Across a Desert of Hope and Despair. Mountaineers Books, 2008.
Tiller, William A. Some Science Adventures with Real Magic. Pavior, 2005.
Tompkins, Peter and Bird, Christopher. The Secret Life of Plants. Harper Paperbacks, 1989.
Wenger, Win, Ph.D. and Poe, Richard. The Einstein Factor: A Proven New Method for Increasing Your Intelligence. Gramercy, New edition, 2004.
Wolf, Fred Alan. The Eagle’s Quest: A Physicist Finds the Scientific Truth at the Heart of the Shamanic World. Touchstone, 1992.
Wolf, Fred Alan. Mind Into Matter: The New Alchemy of Science and Spirit. Moment Point Press, 2000.
Wolf, Fred Alan. Parallel Universes: The Search for Other Worlds. Simon & Schuster; 1990.
Wolf, Fred Alan. The Yoga of Time Travel: How the Mind Can Defeat Time. Quest Books, 2004.
Yogananda, Paramahansa. Autobiography of a Yogi. Self-Realization Fellowship, 13th edition, 2000.
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