by Skye Turner
* * *
June
My whole ‘relationship’ with Dan was a blur of late nights and early mornings—mostly spent with him, Holly and Sam. The three of them were a great and horrible influence on me all at once. Every morning that damn alarm clock went off I regretted my late night shenanigans, but at least I was in my own bed. One thing I insisted on with Dan was that I stayed at home on work nights. Soft Rockets (yes, that was the name of the band) had gigs every Friday and Saturday. I looked forward to Saturday every week; the day I could finally sleep in.
On that muggy Friday night I walked up the steps after a long day at work. When I walked inside the apartment that Holly and I shared, I could hear my iPod blaring White Houses by Vanessa Carlton, again. Holly played it constantly and I was getting sick of listening to it. I could hear Vanessa shrieking all the way down the hall.
Our apartment was a dump and not in the best part of town, but it was ours. I met Holly at The Diner almost five years ago. I was looking for a job while taking classes when I met her. We hit it off immediately and we had been inseparable ever since.
Dropping my purse on the table, I headed to Holly’s room after turning down the music. I threw myself on her bed. She poked her head out of her closet, “How long do you need? They go on at 9!”
I let out an exaggerated sigh. “You sure Sara can’t go? I’m wiped out.”
Sara introduced Holly and Sam. She was a friend of Holly’s from the art gallery. I slept poorly the night before—another case of insomnia—as images of James raced through my head. I wasn’t up to seeing Dan. Our arrangement was completely casual and I’d already seen him three times that week. I wasn’t even sure how much longer I wanted it to last. However, I didn’t mind the thought of seeing James. We eye-fucked each other every chance we got. I was always in a better mood after laying eyes on him. I’m a horrible person.
“Cassidy Charles! You are not backing out on me now! Get your ass in your room and put on something nice and sexy!”
Nice I could do. Sexy? Has she met me? I obeyed on a chuckle. I really shouldn’t have been so opposed to the whole thing. One of my favorite things to do was go to a bar and listen to local bands. I dragged myself off her bed and headed to my room.
I strolled to my closet and proceeded to try on half a dozen different shirts. I went ‘bold’ and settled on my khaki dress shorts, a nude cami and a low cut sheer lavender tank with a sequin hem. I pulled my hair up in a loose bun, with a few strays circling my face, and put on my dangly silver earrings. I touched up my makeup, darkening it around my eyes. Now what shoes to wear? That was always the worst part. I was a clumsy fool and decided to play it safe with some silver ballet flats.
“You are not wearing those shoes!” Holly snuck into my room and caught me off guard. The girl was a pro in heels. She could walk down the beach in stilettos and not wobble at all. Me? I wobbled in my tennis shoes.
“Holly, you can’t be serious. I hate heels and heels hate me. You know this!” And I certainly didn’t feel the need to add any inches to my height that night. Dan wasn’t much taller than me and I was uncomfortable towering over him. What I wouldn’t give for a tall guy, like James.
I heard Holly, ‘eh-hem’ so I looked up and my jaw dropped, no longer oblivious to what she was wearing, as she did a spin for me. It must be love. I had never seen her go to so much trouble for a guy. She had pulled out all the stops. She was wearing a short green backless dress and six inch heels, her blonde hair, with highlights the color of the rainbow, sat just below her shoulders with a section pulled up on top. She looked great.
“Is that new? How serious are you about Sam? Or are you just serious about his doggy style?!”
“Ha-ha, you’re killing me! Yes, it’s new. Don’t you have a dress you can wear? And maybe it is serious, and not just about his doggy style,” she winked.
I blushed and responded, “You know I hate wearing dresses, especially to the bar! And I don’t want to hear any more about Sam’s doggy style!” I wasn’t naïve, but not that experienced either. Dan had proven to be just another ‘okay’ lover on a short list. I was beginning to think ‘great’ lovers didn’t exist.
“Hasn’t Dan shown you his doggy style yet? At least put on some heels.”
“Holly Martin, I’m not some cheap and easy girl like you! Easy, yes; cheap, NO! You know I don’t kiss and tell.”
We both laughed, knowing my statement was false. I rifled through my shoes and found my most comfortable heels; closed-toe nude wedges. They would have to do. I double checked myself in the mirror and smiled at myself in approval. I threw the ballet slippers into my purse, just in case.
That night the city was buzzing and the breeze coming in off the lake was a welcome one. Summer seemed to arrive early with record highs. We took a cab to get to the Blue Horse early. On the ride there I couldn’t help but wonder if James would be there. I remembered the first night I saw him and all the subsequent nights after.
“Cassidy, come on. We’re here.” I had spent the entire cab ride daydreaming. We headed into the bar and snagged our usual high-top table beside the stage. Holly set off looking for Sam while I ordered our usual—Corona for Holly and a fuzzy navel for me.
I rubbed my tired eyes and put my glasses back on. They were sexy, sleek and easier to deal with than contacts in a smoky bar. I couldn’t handle these smoky bars for long without wanting to rip my eyes out. Who was I kidding? I was a complete hypocrite. I always ended up stealing cigs from Holly when out at the bar. My dad would kill me if he knew.
Gazing around, I listened to the drone of the sound system playing Shelf in the Room by Days of the New. That had to be close to a dozen times, if not more, in the past six weeks the band had played there. The place could certainly use a face lift. Peanut shells scattered the tattered floor and several of the tables and chairs needed replacing or at least refinishing. The restrooms were on the other side of the bar directly across from us at the front of a long hallway. Further down the hall there was a side door leading to an office and then a door leading to the back lot.
I heard some cursing and loud bangs and looked to the back door. The guys were lugging in the final pieces of music equipment. Holly came strolling in on Sam’s heels. He was carrying a guitar case and Holly was carrying his bag. Sam was about my height, a little too thin, with dark hair that could use a wash and a cut.
I couldn’t help but look around for James. I immediately felt guilty because of Dan, but then reminded myself that Dan and I were keeping it casual, he had said so himself the previous night. Sam and Holly were back at the table making out like horny teenagers. It was embarrassing and at the same time I was feeling a little envious.
I peered over Sam’s shoulder when James suddenly appeared. He was on his cell, like usual. As if he knew I was there, he looked up and right at me. His eyes bore into mine before he winked. I clenched my legs together trying to subdue my body’s response to him. He pulled his free hand through his hair and tucked a loose strand behind his ear. His hair was long, the color of dark chocolate, wavy and falling down around his face. It was usually pulled back and my hands were immediately itching to run through it. I liked ‘hair down’ James.
He was wearing dark denim jeans that hugged him just right. His green and blue plaid shirt was unbuttoned just enough to expose a smattering of chest hair. It was un-tucked and the sleeves were rolled halfway up his arms, exposing a tattoo on his left forearm.
My heart stopped as he smiled that smile that makes my heart dance between stopping and starting. What I wouldn’t give for a real fuck instead of those outrageous eye-fucks. I remembered thinking if he wasn’t careful, I might lose all sense and tackle him in front of everyone; Dan be damned. That smile completely transformed him from a large, brooding, scary male into a teddy bear. His smile immediately creased into a frown and his attention went back to his cell conversation. He walked toward the back room, clearly frustrated.
“Earth to Cassidy!”
I was startled out of my trance and knocked my water all over the table. I barely missed soaking Sam and Holly with it.
“Dammit! I’m sorry.” Typical. I cursed my innate ability to terrorize people with my nerves.
Sam and Holly said in unison, “No harm, no foul.” They were both used to my klutziness by this point in our friendship.
The waitress came over with a stack of napkins and helped me clean up my mess. “I’m so sorry!”
“Don’t fret, girl. It happens all the time.” She dropped her voice. “Besides, he is quite something to look at!” Holly and Sam were oblivious to her comments as they were nose to nose again. I was mortified that my gawking was recognized by the waitress. Get it together, Cassidy!
Blushing, I acknowledged her with a soft laugh and smiled. “Holy hell he’s so hot!” The waitress nodded in agreement. The object of our affection came out of the back room, no cell phone in his hand and stormed out the back door. He was gone. The waitress and I sighed in harmony. I wanted to pick her brain about him—maybe she knew more about him—but the band was welcomed to the stage and hearing anything below a scream was impossible.
Soft Rockets was pretty good and I thoroughly enjoyed watching them play. Most of their stuff was covers with some originals added in here and there. When the first set was over, there was still no James in sight. It was never going to happen! He was way out of my league. I should’ve just ended things with Dan, knowing he wasn’t the one for me.
The remainder of the night proceeded like any other. In his usual fashion, Sam dedicated the last song of the second set to Holly. A joke between the two of them that I didn’t quite get, but I laughed as Holly pulled me on the dance floor as the first guitar riff started. They were covering Bad Girlfriend by Theory of a Deadman.
Holly and I headed to the bathroom after the song ended. She stole the first available stall as I shouted at her, “Hey, I was first!” We both laughed as I waited my turn.
“I’ll meet you out back, Cass!” She smiled as I took over her stall once she exited.
“Sure thing, Hoe!” She laughed as she left the bathroom.
I finished up, washed my hands and retouched my lip gloss. I recognized the song playing over the loud speakers; Our Lady Peace was blaring Somewhere Out There.
I was fixing my shirt while walking out of the bathroom and rammed face first into somebody’s shoulder and upper chest. I would’ve crashed back into the bathroom if it wasn’t for his hands on my upper arm and around my back; they were the only things that kept me steady.
“Shit! Sorry about that!” I said it before I even bothered looking up. Whoever the guy was, he was tall and built. My eyes were level with his throat.
“You should watch where you’re going, Blackbird.” That deep resonating voice, with a slight hint of gravel teased my ears and his sweet breath feathered down my face. I inhaled deeply before looking up, breathless. It was James with that smile on his face. I’m clay, please mold me.
My heart started thrumming a million miles a minute. My skin felt on fire where his hands were. His beard was a little thicker than it was six weeks ago, but not overgrown at all. He smelled delicious; I just wanted to bury my face in his neck and take a big whiff.
“Are you alright?” Now he looked concerned at my lack of speaking.
“You smell divine!” I couldn’t believe I just said that. I briefly rested my forehead on his shoulder, humiliated. What the hell is wrong with me? I quickly raised my head, remembering I didn’t know the guy. I mean, we’d been eye-fucking each other for weeks, said ‘hi’ a few times, but I didn’t know him. “Yes, I’m fine, thank you.” I gently pushed my hands against his chest as I tried to regain my composure.
He chuckled and for the first time, I noticed that he had a scar above his left eye that slashed through his eyebrow. I loved his eyes; the vibrant green sucked me in every time. He slowly removed his hand from my back while the other remained on my upper arm. The loss of his hand on my back was almost unbearable, like someone detached a piece of me.
“So, you and Dan, is it serious?” He was shameless—and maybe interested?!
The question caught me a little off guard. I responded with, “I d-don’t know? You have a better offer?” My stomach was fluttering so viciously and I couldn’t believe how brazen I was being.
He removed his lingering hand from my upper arm and smirked. He took my right hand in his and caressed my tattoo. That electricity was there again, zapping our hands and sending shivers up my arm and down my spine, “Maybe I do. Cassidy, in all seriousness there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”
I grinned uncontrollably when I said, “Oh yeah, what’s that?” He stilled, continued to hold my hand in his and then looked somber. Maybe he was serious.
He took a deep breath and then let out a loud sigh. God, he looked nervous. Suddenly, all that could be heard was the POP, POP, POP of a gun followed by screams.
