by Karen Kirst
“Guilt is a powerful motivator, my friend. Our current troubles, combined with your tangled past, are enough to send her packing. Have you told her that you forgive her?”
He clamped his lips together.
“Have you made sure she knows you want to protect her? That she made the right decision coming here?”
Mason racked his brain. Had he?
“She still loves you,” he stated matter-of-factly.
Silver couldn’t possibly know that. “We share a child together. Of course we care about each other’s well-being.”
“There’s no ‘of course’ about it. Plenty of people who share children despise each other.”
Mason couldn’t feel that way about Tessa. He could be angry with her, frustrated and hurt because of what she’d done, but he could never despise her.
“We’re not getting back together.”
He couldn’t even let his mind go there. All he could see down that route was heartache. He wouldn’t be surrendering his heart to Tessa again.
TWELVE
After a long, hot shower, Mason was ready to sleep for days. Instead, he donned Silver’s plain polo shirt, too-long pants, which he rolled up at the ankles, and socks, and followed feminine voices to the downstairs pool. Pausing at the glass door, he watched Tessa choose a sandwich and baby carrots from a platter, then place it on Lily’s plate. The patio-style table was framed by a giant window with a view of the mountain ridges marching into the horizon. Lily was wrapped in a neon-pink-and-yellow towel, her curls in disarray and her skin flushed from her recent swim. Tessa wore a demure white wrap of some sort over her swimsuit.
Lily said something, and Tessa smiled in response. That smile was like the one she used to give him, and it made him yearn for those dreamy, uncomplicated days. Things had been easy between them then. Falling for her had been the most natural thing in the world. Who wouldn’t love a woman like her? At first, he’d been attracted by her beauty and the sweetness she radiated, but he’d soon discovered her character was worth pure gold. She stood up for the weak and vulnerable and hated to see anyone suffer. If she could help someone, she did. Plain and simple. He’d been challenged by her generosity and spurred to renew his commitment to his community. Their personalities complemented each other, and it hadn’t taken long for him to start thinking about spending forever with her.
Tessa glanced up, noticed him there on the other side of the door and stilled. Instantly, the strain of the past days had her in its grip. Her worry for him was written in her expressive eyes and her full, trembling mouth. Despise Tessa? Impossible. Exactly what he felt for her, he was afraid to examine. One thing he had to make clear—they were far from enemies.
He pulled open the door and was hit with a wave of humid air, heavy with chlorine. The tickle in his throat thankfully didn’t progress into another coughing fit. Tessa didn’t move as he walked around the pool’s edge and made his way to them.
Lily grinned at him. “I got to swim!”
Mason sat in the chair beside Lily. “Maybe I can swim with you later.”
“Yes, please!” She waved a carrot in the air. “Mommy, can we swim with Mason?”
He hid a grimace. Mason wanted her to know he was her father, but so far, the right opportunity hadn’t presented itself.
Tessa was seated opposite him. Her gaze seeming to absorb him, as if she hadn’t expected him to ever return from the hospital. Was she as tormented by flashbacks as he was? For a while last night, she’d believed him to be stuck inside his burning house, succumbing to the smoke and flames.
“Maybe we can later.” She gestured to the platter. “Are you hungry? Lindsey was here earlier, and she stocked the fridge.”
His stomach growled in response. “I hadn’t realized I was until I sat down.”
He snagged a sandwich and a canned soda, and he and Tessa ate while Lily chattered about her pony books and the library back home.
“There’s a nice library here,” he told her. “I’ll take you there someday soon.”
Her eyes brightened, and she sipped her juice. “Do they have Tillie and Toni books?”
“It’s possible. If not, there’s a huge bookstore over in Pigeon Forge.”
Tessa’s lashes swept down, and her mouth looked sad.
“It’s your mom’s favorite store,” he informed Lily. When Tessa’s head whipped up, he added, “Used to be, anyway. I took her there at least once a week. I browsed the magazines while she poured through the science-fiction section.”
He met Tessa’s gaze, and they simply stared at each other, remembering. Their habit was to order coffee at the in-store café, then chat for a while before going their separate ways through the store.
“Mason took me to used bookstores all over this area. No matter how far away it was, he’d take me without complaint.”
“Remember the one in Tellico? We drove for hours, only to learn it had shut down months prior.” He chuckled, remembering her chagrin.
“I should’ve done my research,” she agreed wryly, rubbing at the condensation on her soda can.
“The Snack Shack we found by the river made up for it. They had the best hot dogs and fries I’ve ever had.”
She leaned forward. “Remember that cheese dipping sauce?”
“I could’ve taken home a tub of that stuff.” He rubbed his stomach. “I wouldn’t mind eating there again.”
The flush of delight showed in her twinkling eyes. “I wonder if it’s still in business.”
Lily dropped her carrot on her plate. “I want fries.”
“Maybe I can take you to the Snack Shack someday soon.”
“Mommy, too?”
He sensed Tessa’s gaze on him. He’d begun to think of them as a package deal, but when this was over, he and Tessa would be parenting separately. They would have to work out a shared custody agreement. In his opinion, the best solution was for Tessa to find a place to live here in Serenity so they could both spend the maximum amount of time with Lily. But would she want that?
Honestly, the whole idea saddened him. When he’d dreamed of his own family, it hadn’t looked like this. But he and Tessa had to find a way to make this work.
“Your mom is welcome to come with us.”
He risked a glance at her, and she was preoccupied with her food, picking at the crust instead of eating.
“Say yes, Mommy!”
“We’ll see.” Tessa avoided his gaze. “For now, finish what’s on your plate. Miss Lindsey brought brownies for us.”
Lily’s energy kept the tension at bay. After the meal, Mason and Tessa carried the leftovers upstairs. Silver was snoozing on the couch, so they quickly hustled Lily into the master suite. He would’ve left them to their own devices, but Lily begged him to watch a show with her.
Once Lily had changed into dry clothes, she hopped onto the bed and patted the mattress. Mason joined her, using the mound of pillows as a prop, and he settled in to watch her favorite shows on her device. He was keenly aware of Tessa seated across the room by the fireplace, flipping through a magazine. She cut a lonely figure. If they were a true family, she’d be huddled up with them. He and Tessa would pretend to be interested in the kid’s cartoon while sharing secret looks. Maybe he’d tuck her hair behind her ear. Knead her tense shoulders. Tickle her palm and make her laugh.
You’re not together. You can’t think such things.
She had changed into jeans, flip-flops and a Smoky Mountains shirt, clearly purchased from the tourist shop. Her hair was woven into a thick braid that allowed him a clear view of her defined cheekbones, jaw and delicate ears. While he was watching, she fished out her lip balm and applied it. Did she use the same brand? The shiny kind that tasted of coconut when he kissed her?
He closed his eyes against the pain of the past.
“Are you sleeping?”
; He opened his eyes and found Lily’s face hovering close. Tapping her on the nose, he shook his head. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”
Although, now that he had a full stomach and was propped on a soft, inviting bed, the hours of sleep he’d lost were catching up with him. He made it through one half-hour episode before he had to get up or fall asleep in their room.
Pushing to his feet, he padded to the fireplace. “Can we talk?”
Tessa looked up, wariness and concern at war in her hazel eyes. “Go to bed, Mason. Whatever it is can wait until tomorrow.”
“It’s not even eight o’clock.”
Setting aside the magazine, she stood up. “You’re about to fall over. Your body needs rest.”
“You’ll be here in the morning, right?” he prompted, Silver’s warning resurfacing.
Her brows crashed together. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Good. That’s good.” She was right. He needed a clear head when he told her what was on his mind. “Good night, Tess.”
“Good night.”
* * *
Tessa set the flour and sugar containers on the counter, then searched the lower cabinets for a mixing bowl. For a rental cabin, the kitchen was well-stocked. She was learning Silver didn’t do anything halfway.
“You’re up early.”
Crouched and peering into the cabinet, she twisted on her heel and almost toppled over.
Although dressed in his own clothes again, scruff darkened his face and his hair was mussed. She snagged the bowl and carefully stood, aware that her heart rate had tripled—not because he’d startled her, but because he wasn’t the in-control, focused, authoritative police officer right now. He was an extremely handsome man with no barriers in place...half-asleep, rumpled and approachable. She yearned to close the distance between them and snuggle into his warmth and strength.
“I, ah, couldn’t sleep.” She glanced out the wall of windows, where the sky was a delicate purple. “I thought I’d make pancakes. Lindsey asked for a grocery list yesterday, and she delivered. Did I disturb you?”
“No, I slept like a rock.” He went to the coffeemaker, situated beside the fridge, and perused the various flavors. “I can’t remember the last time I had pancakes. I usually grab some yogurt and a banana before work.”
“I’m making enough for everyone.” Tessa resumed her preparations, trying to ignore the magnetic pull he had on her. When they were a couple, she’d reveled in how he made her feel. She’d been free to be affectionate with him then. “Silver was already awake when I came in here. He took coffee out to the officer on duty.”
He was pouring his coffee when he noticed the tin can Tessa was preparing to open.
“Beets? What...?”
“Lily likes pink pancakes. They’re what make the pancakes pink.”
“You can’t be serious.” He came to stand close beside her. “Hiding beets in a pancake? That’s just wrong. The grocery store has food coloring, you know.”
“This is the healthy alternative. Kids are notoriously picky. These recipes help parents sneak in nutrition. You’d be amazed at what you can hide avocado in. There’s even a recipe for black-bean brownies I’ve been wanting to try.”
“I just lost my appetite,” he grunted, sipping his coffee.
“You’re not even going to try them?” Her eyebrows winged up. “They’re actually decent.”
“Decent is not the quality I expect from my pancakes, Tessa. Mouthwatering, butter-soaked, fluffy. That’s my style. That’s normal breakfast food.”
Smiling at his mock outrage, she dumped the beets into the blender and hit the button. She expected him to take his coffee to the seating area or possibly join the other men outside. Instead, he rounded up a skillet and spatula for her, then set out the eggs and maple syrup. It reminded her of the times they’d cooked together.
She remembered suddenly that he had wanted to talk to her, and she accidentally dropped an egg. It cracked on the polished wooden floor, the insides oozing perilously close to Mason’s sock-covered feet.
He snagged several paper towels and cleaned up the mess.
She washed her hands and faced him, arms folded against a sudden chill. “Are you planning to try for full custody?”
His eyebrows hit his hairline. “Where did that come from?”
“You had something on your mind last night. After our talk about the Snack Shack, I gathered you wanted to establish alone time with Lily. I’m fine with that. What I’m not okay with is you taking her away from me.”
He set down his cup with a thud. Cupping her shoulders, he looked her square in the eyes. “I’m not going to do that, Tess. You have my word.”
She couldn’t think with him so close, his eyes delving deep into her soul, his hands keeping her from flying apart.
“I need to ask your forgiveness,” he stated thickly.
Her jaw dropped. “For what?”
“Believing your brother. Doubting you. Being stubborn and self-pitying to the point I refused to even talk to you.”
Tessa couldn’t stop her hands from gripping his sides, above his waist, where sleek muscle met his thick work belt. “Where did you go? I pestered your coworkers and your mom and sister for a full week. I went to the police station. Candace’s day care. No one would tell me anything.”
“Into the mountains. The backcountry.”
“You went camping?”
She’d pictured him on a beach somewhere, possibly with a beautiful woman on his arm, one he’d left her for.
“Hiking through the forest alone seemed like a good escape. I didn’t realize my mistake until I was out there. I couldn’t escape thoughts of you. We spent so much time together in these mountains.” The skin around his eyes went tight. “Things might’ve been different if I’d only given you a chance to explain. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, Mason, I’m sorry, too. I hate that I hurt you.” A sob worked its way up her throat, and she was hard-pressed to contain it. The tears wouldn’t be checked, however. They slid down her cheeks and under her chin.
He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. She went willingly, eagerly seeking comfort and release from the guilt that had become part of her daily existence. Mason let her cry without reservation. He was a sturdy support, tenderly caressing her back in a rhythmic, soothing motion. She wept for past mistakes, lost time and what might’ve been.
When her tears were spent, she lifted her head and caught him discreetly dashing moisture from his own eyes.
“We’re going to be okay,” he declared huskily. “We were a good team before. We’ll be an even better team now because we both want what’s best for our daughter.”
Tessa let out a shaky breath. He wasn’t insinuating that they would be a couple again. Their history was too mangled to overcome. But they could be wonderful co-parents.
The fact that she longed to frame his face and pull his mouth down to hers proved it wasn’t going to be easy...not even close.
THIRTEEN
“Will we be anywhere near a grocery store?” Tessa buckled into the unit truck’s passenger seat and propped her cross-body purse on her knees.
“If black beans are on your list, the answer is no.”
“I’m not going to make healthy brownies, especially after you acted like my pancakes were poisoning your body.”
Mason smiled, opting not to tell her they weren’t as terrible as he’d pretended. He’d wound up eating those ridiculous pink pancakes in order to appease his daughter. She’d offered him some in that musical voice, her big eyes fastened on him, and he hadn’t been able to refuse. Tessa had found the exchange amusing, of course. He’d made a show of adding an extra helping of maple syrup, silently daring her to comment. Her smile had only grown wider.
Mason was getting used to shared meals. While he had a standing invitation to eat
at his mom’s and the unit had frequent cookouts, he ate alone when at the farmhouse. He liked listening to Lily’s chatter, and he liked observing how Tessa interacted with their daughter. She was a good mother—loving, patient and a pro at fending off impending meltdowns. He wouldn’t have managed on his own as well as she had.
Don’t forget this togetherness will end as soon as Dante is in custody. This family facade will splinter into Daddy-Lily time and Mommy-Lily time.
He couldn’t allow his past feelings for Tessa to confuse matters. He was over her. Had been over her for years. Just because holding her made him feel whole again didn’t mean they could pick up where they left off.
“Did you see Silver’s face when I told him the ingredients?” he said.
His friend had dug in to a full stack without knowing what gave them the pink hue.
A full-bodied laugh bubbled up in her throat. “For a second there, I thought he was going to be sick.” Watching the cabin grow smaller in the rearview mirror, her humor faded. “I hope leaving Lily was the right decision.”
“Silver will manage just fine until my mom gets there.”
Lily had very little to entertain her, and all three of them were in need of clothes. He’d decided a stop in town could be arranged, as long as they didn’t linger. Officer Bell would accompany them while another officer remained to guard the cabin. First, he had to meet with the insurance adjuster and stop by the stables.
Despite having Bell as a police escort, Mason remained on the lookout for suspicious vehicles. When he turned into his driveway, his thoughts were yanked from potential threats to the destruction of his home. He left the truck without a word. Tessa did the same, remaining next to the vehicle while he slowly walked around the ruined structure. The fire chief had told him that between the fire and the water damage, it couldn’t be saved. He would have to rebuild.
I know what Your Word says, Lord. You work all things together for my good. This doesn’t feel good, though.
He’d poured a lot of time, energy and money into making the old farmhouse a comfortable home. His off-duty hours this past year had been dedicated to updates and repairs. His mom and sister had helped him paint the entire first floor. He’d watched countless video tutorials in order to repair the upstairs bathtub. He’d added the screened-in porch himself. All that work, for nothing.
