“Relax, Conner. She didn’t tell me anything.”
“Then how did you…”
“I’ve known the two of you for a long time. Since you were kids. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. I’ve seen the way she reacts when other women are around you.”
I stare into my beer trying to picture what he’s saying.
“And I’ve seen the way you look at her.” His words make me look up at him.
“I don’t… I don’t know what you're talking about. I mean… I don’t love her. Not… not like that anyway. She’s my best friend. And I care about her but…”
“Who the hell are you trying to convince, Conner? Me or yourself?” His voice gets louder as he snaps at me and it feels like he sees right through me. He stares directly back at me.
“You really don’t even realize it yourself, do you?” he asks, sounding exasperated. He shakes his head. “I knew you would be too dense to pick up on how she feels about you but I thought for sure you would at least be able to recognize how you feel about her.”
I’ve been debating this very thing since our kiss this morning. Do I love her too? Do I love Brooke? I search my mind for these obvious signs that Gabe seems to believe I’m missing.
“Let me ask you something, Conner,” he interrupts my thoughts. “How many girls have you been with?”
I laugh. “What?”
“You heard me. How many girls have you been with?” he asks again. His tone is serious.
“Ugh, I don’t know. A little more than a few I guess.”
“Uh huh. And of those little more than a few can you tell me when one of their birthdays are?” he challenges me with a grin and holds up one finger.
I smile and sit back in my chair folding my hands on top of my head as I start to think. “Ah, Stacy the brunette from a few months ago told me that her birthday was… around Christmas time… I think. And I know Tiff’s was… in the summer… right after the fourth of July, maybe.”
Gabe shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “When’s Brooke’s birthday, Conner?”
“September first,” I answer without hesitation and a smile spreads across Gabe’s face. “That doesn’t mean anything,” I argue. “Her’s is easy to remember. It’s Labor Day and we always celebrate with a cookout.”
“Okay. What’s her favorite animal, Conner?” Penguins.
“I don’t know.” I lie, but he knows I’m lying. I sit back in my chair and wrap my arms tightly across my chest as I listen to him start ranting.
“What about her favorite junk food? I know you know what that is because I’ve watched you bring her gummy bears at least a dozen different times. Oh, and tell me this… how many other girls do you have a song with?” He pauses for a moment and I glance up at him through my lashes but don’t say anything. He’s staring back at me with knowing eyes, watching me put things together piece by piece.
“Hey Conner… Who sings your’s and Brooke’s song?” Bruno Mars. I answer in my head.
“Hey Conner… What’s your dog’s name?” Holy shit. That’s a connection I never realized before and I wonder for a moment if that is strictly coincidental.
“Hey Conner, name one other woman who knows where your hide-a-key is other than your mother? Hey Conner…Who’s the one person in this world that you would put above yourself without hesitation if she asked you to?” He rises from his seat and leans over the table so our faces are only inches apart. “You love her too, Conner. You’ve just never realized it,” he says calmly, but there’s an intensity in his eyes.
I stay sitting in silence with my arms still folded in front of my chest. My mind taking in all the information Gabe has thrown at me. A slideshow of memories starts flashing through my brain. Brooke laughing at my lame jokes. Brooke playfully hitting me after one of my sleazy comments. Her prancing down her hallway after getting out of the shower. Brooke dancing carelessly in my kitchen while cooking me dinner. Her wrapping her arm tightly around me and smiling when she realizes I’m there with her in her bed. A goofy smile spreads across my face and I nod my head.
Holy shit. He’s right. I do love her.
Four
Brooke
Using all my strength I put my hand on Ian’s shoulder and roll him off of me. “What the hell?”
“What?” he responds, laughing. It only makes me even more angry.
“What was that all about?” I demand.
He reaches out and takes my chin in his hand. “You almost burned my house down, Brooke. I had to punish you somehow.” He smiles.
“Punish me? I’m not a child, Ian. I don’t need to be disciplined,” I snap at him. His words light a fire inside of me. I’ve never had someone use sex as a weapon against me before. And I suddenly feel used. I wrap my arms tightly around my exposed body and start searching the room for my clothing.
“Brooke, come here. I know you’re not a child.” He reaches for me but I jerk away from him. I’m so angry I can feel my skin getting hot. We finally have the opportunity to have sex without Conner intruding my thoughts and now Ian ruins it. I gather my clothing up off the floor and storm to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I hear him knock quietly on the door as I pull on my clothing.
“I’m really sorry, Brooke. I honestly didn’t think you would be this mad about it.”
“Mad?” I yell back at him through the door. “You didn’t think I would be mad that you just used sex as a punishment against me for something that was an accident? For something I have already apologized for? You didn’t think I would be mad about that?!”
I have never experienced sex in that way before. I’ve always experienced it as a way for people to make each other feel good. Not a way to intentionally make someone feel bad. And now for some reason it feels like sex with Ian is tainted somehow. As if he thought of it as a tool for power and nothing more.
“Honestly, I thought you would be a little frustrated but then just laugh it off.”
I don’t answer him. I roll my eyes behind the closed bathroom door.
“Brooke, please come out. I really am sorry.”
I look around for a minute. It’s not like I can hide out here for the rest of the night. Besides right now I just want to go home. I open the door slowly and find Ian standing outside the door waiting for me. He smiles and takes my hand pulling me from the bathroom and into his embrace. I fall against his chest but don’t hug him back. I keep my arms tucked tightly into my chest. I feel him kiss the top of my head and repeat an apology.
He leans down and breathes into my ear, “I’ll finish you off if you want me to, babe?” Then bites lightly against my earlobe. My body betrays my mind as sensations shoot down one side of me. I think for a moment about taking him up on his offer but then quickly decide against it. I don’t want him in a position to have that kind of power over me again. Not so soon after what he just did. He’d need to earn my trust back because that was just too much.
“No,” I answer calmly. “No, I actually think I’m just going to head home. It’s been a long day and I’m pretty tired.” I pull away from him and start to make my way towards the kitchen.
“Brooke. C’mon. Don’t be like this.” I hear him call behind me but I don’t stop and I don’t turn around. As I reach the front door I hear a loud crash from the living room and it makes me jump. It sounds like he just threw something across the room or into the wall. But again I don’t stop and don’t turn around. I get to my car, turn it on, and start home.
For the entire ride home I think about what just happened. The sex was great at first. But how could he make me feel so wonderful one minute and so lousy and cheap the next. That’s it. He made me feel cheap and used. Like what I wanted or needed didn’t matter. It wasn’t about us making each other feel good. It was about him making me feel bad. Him punishing me. If he had meant it in some kinky, sexy way I would have been totally into it but that’s not what he meant. He meant it in a degrading I need to have power over you way.
The thought is
unsettling and I can feel a few tears start to build in my eyes as I pull up outside of my house. I sit in my car for a moment and flip down my visor mirror. The light beside the mirror catches me off guard and I squint at the brightness before wiping away the stray teardrop from just below my eye before it reaches my cheek. I take a deep breath then finally get out of my car.
I look up at my front door and spot a convenience store bag sitting on my doorstep. I eye the bag curiously as I walk up to the door. I look around briefly then pick it up and take it with me inside. I sit down on my couch, open the bag, and an immediate smile spreads from ear to ear as I look inside. First I pull out a large bag of gummy bears. Beneath the gummy bears is a stuffed penguin. And beneath the penguin is a small white slip of paper folded in half.
I pull it out and start to read.
Brooke,
I hope you know that I never meant to hurt you and it cuts me to my core knowing that I have. I hope you believe that all I have ever wanted was for you to be happy and safe. After all the pain I have caused you, I hope these at least help to make you happy again.
Love, Conner
My eyes fill with tears as I read his words once again. I feel a warmth wash over me. He makes me so happy, but his kindness is a double-edged sword. It warms my heart while simultaneously slicing it apart. I pick up the stuffed penguin and smile at it as a tear falls from my eye. He didn’t say in his note that he loves me too. But he brought me my favorite things. Does that mean he still wants us to be friends? He didn’t even mention the kiss though.
I pull my phone from my pocket and check the screen. He hasn’t responded to my text from earlier either. I don’t know what to make of this but I can feel myself starting to overanalyze things. I can’t do this anymore. There are so many uncertainties right now. I need this to be certain. I tap the message icon and then tap Conner’s name. I glance at the time in the top right of my screen. 11:56PM. I hope he’s still awake.
Thank you for the penguin and the bears. I really needed that tonight. You’re the best. Does this mean we’re okay?
I’m not even sure what I am expecting him to say. I dropped a fucking bomb on him this morning, then kissed him, then ran out on him. I can only imagine what is going through his mind. I smile to myself as I picture him panicking over my using the word love. He never has been great at commitment. I toss the bag of gummy bears on the coffee table and pick up the stuffed penguin and carry it up to my room. I sit it on my bed and stare at it for a few minutes. I toss my phone onto my bed and start to change into my pjs. I hear the PING of my phone and turn to see the screen lit up.
I pull my pajama shirt over my head, free my hair that gets trapped inside, and pick up my phone and read.
Ian-1 Message
My heart drops a bit and my eyes narrow at the screen. I forgot how mad at him I was from earlier. I tap his message and read.
Brooke. Please don’t stay mad at me. I really was just messing with you, but I promise that will never happen again. Will you please let me make it up to you?
Luckily for Ian Conner’s surprise gift has put me in a better mood. Otherwise I probably would have just ignored Ian’s message all together.
I’ll think about it.
Thank you. Good night beautiful. Sweet dreams.
I smile briefly at his response then toss my phone back onto my bed and walk away. I head down the hallway to the bathroom. I brush my teeth and wash my face. I pull my curls back up into a messy bun and go back to my room where I find a message from Conner waiting for me. My heart starts to pound in my chest. No, Brooke. Settle down. I let out a small breath then read his message.
We will always be okay, Brooke. Good night.
His answer gives me the certainty I need. We will always be okay. His words make me smile. I slip into bed and squeeze the stuffed penguin against my chest. I feel a bit childish sleeping with it but tonight I don’t care. I just need something to hold onto.
****
Conner
I lay in bed, one arm tucked behind my head and stare up at the ceiling. I feel different. Like realizing that I’m in love with Brooke has changed me somehow. In a good way. I smile up at the ceiling as I recall driving all over this town looking for a damn penguin.
It could have been any kind of penguin. A keychain, a magnet, anything as long as it was a penguin. Then I spotted that small stuffed penguin at the thrift store, of all places. I swung into the convenience store on my way to her house and grabbed a bag of gummy bears. I couldn’t wait to get there. I wanted to tell her how I felt about her. I wanted to hold her tightly in my arms and not let her go. I wanted to kiss her deeper than she has ever been kissed.
But as I pulled up to her house I realized she wasn’t home. I knew she was probably with Ian. The thought alone had made my heart sink. I grabbed a slip of paper from my console and jotted out a quick note to her. As I wrote, I remembered the second part of her confession from this morning. I don’t know how to move on from you and keep our friendship intact if you keep interfering like this.
I realized I couldn’t tell her that I loved her. I didn’t want to complicate things for her or hurt her anymore. I didn’t want to get in the way of her chance to be happy. Even if that meant she was happy with Ian. I just needed her to know that I still cared about her and her happiness. I shoved the note into the convenience store bag along with the stuffed penguin. I hopped out of my truck and left the bag on her doorstep.
Bruno jumps up on the bed beside me, pulling me from my thoughts of earlier today. I pat his head to calm him down and smile thinking about his name and what Gabe had pointed out earlier. I close my eyes and try to fall asleep but no sooner do my eyes close and I hear the PING of my phone. I roll over, pick up my phone and glance at the screen.
Brooke-1 Message
A smile breaks out across my face immediately and I quickly sit up in bed. I tap her name and the message appears on my screen.
Thank you for the penguin and the bears. I really needed that tonight. You’re the best. Does this mean we’re okay?
My heart falls immediately after reading it. She really needed it tonight? What does that mean? Did he do something to her? I feel a wave of heat rush over me and my heart starts to pound at the thought. No, Conner. Stop. Don’t interfere. I let out a deep breath as I reread her words. Does this mean we’re okay? Of course we’re okay. We could never not be okay. How could she even think that? Was she expecting me to be mad or upset because she loves me? What kind of man does she think I am?
Then it hits me. She knows exactly what kind of man I am. She said it herself. I’ve seen how women are disposable to you. Her words rush back to me and I feel an ache in my chest. She thinks she is disposable to me. Just like every other woman I’ve been with. And why shouldn’t she think that? I’m a dog. I’m exactly the kind of man I’ve always wanted her to stay away from. My eyes narrow at the screen. She deserves a better man than I am but I can still be her friend. I don’t want her to think I don’t care about her. I type out my response and tap the send button before rolling over and squeezing my eyes closed.
****
I walk through my front door and look around for Bruno but he doesn’t come running. I move through the kitchen into the living room but still don’t see him. I hear a noise at the end of the hallway and in my bedroom. I cautiously open the door and find Brooke sleeping in my bed wearing just a t-shirt. My t-shirt. Her hair is scattered across my pillow in that way I love and one of her legs is pulled out from under the blankets. My heart starts to race as I move toward her.
My hand glides up her exposed leg as I slide into my bed beside her. She lets out a small moan at my touch and I feel my cock twitch in response. Without opening her eyes she says softly, “You’re really here.” And a smile spreads across her face. I smile back down at her, remembering when she had said that to me before. I let my hand rub up over her ass and stop at the small of her back. I pull her body into mine and press my erection into her. She moa
ns again in response and her deep green eyes flicker open. “Conner,” she whispers my name then smiles back at me.
The desire dripping from her voice sends chills directly to my dick and I pull her closer to me. I press my mouth firmly against hers and she parts her lips allowing my tongue to slip inside and taste her. I moan into her mouth. She tastes sweet. Her tongue feels so soft and smooth against mine. My hand travels up and down her backside from her smooth ass to her shoulders and back again. Reaching down, I pull her leg overtop of me and I feel her press herself against my dick and I moan again.
“Conner, please. I want to feel you inside of me.”
Her words jolt me awake and I sit straight up in my bed. I look around my room trying to differentiate my dream from reality. I’m panting heavily and my cock is so hard it almost hurts. “Holy shit,” I say to myself, still trying to slow my breathing. My heart is racing in my chest. What the hell just happened? I lift the blankets and find my dick standing at full attention. Ready. Waiting. Ahh, shit. I need to get rid of this. I lift my phone and glance at the screen. 7:03 AM. My alarm is about to go off in twenty-five minutes anyway. I walk down the hall to the bathroom and start a cool shower.
I pull down my boxers and my erection springs free. I test the water with my hand and step into the shower. The water is cooler than I anticipated and I shiver in response. I close my eyes and let it run down over my face. I grab my body wash, squirt some in my hand, and start to rub it around in my hands. As it begins to foam up I close my eyes again and allow my mind to pick up where my dream left off.
I circle my hand around my cock and let it slide up and down my length. I picture Brooke in the shower with me. Bent over in front of me. Asking to feel me inside of her. Begging me to fill her deeper. I slowly rub my cock. Stroking from tip to base. I imagine how tight she feels as my grip tightens around my dick and I start pumping my hand faster and faster. I squeeze my eyes closed and picture her mouth wrapped tightly around me. “Oh, Brooke. The things I’ll do to you,” I breath the words through the water pouring down on me. My heart is pounding in my chest and I feel the pleasure building inside me.
There's Heat: A Friends to Lovers Romance Page 4
