It is the responsibility of each person who can help himself to in turn help others. I may not have much power, but I can use what I have wisely.
DIVINE INTERVENTION
Friday, June 8
Lizetta’s story haunts me. Even if you toss away the accident that was—and the accident that wasn’t but was to her—how Lizetta put years of hurt aside so someone could live is admirable.
Addiction is personal. Getting help is personal. Paul is right in that there is a code of privacy among addicts and sponsors, but addicts know who their sponsors are. Laura needs to know, too.
I don’t doubt that without Lizetta, Laura would have died. Not knowing that the person she may have hurt the most is the one who believed in her is not acceptable.
I also can’t shake Laura’s voice in my head that says words aimed at Lizetta. “I am so, so sorry. I was horrible. So horrible.” It’s a memory of something that didn’t happen; yet somehow I know she means it.
Lizetta has grown, but her eyes still reflect the damage Laura has done, and Laura needs to face her past.
I place a call and hope my wife won’t castrate me for it. The conversation starts with, “Laura, you need to know the truth so that you can do the right thing. Please, don’t let me down.”
THE ULTIMATE FATE
Sunday, June 10
Lizetta Lansing is my flippin’ savior. How the hell did that happen? First she takes my man, then she scrubs the grime away from my life and hands me a job and an apartment? Jensen has to be messing with me.
I pull up in front of the old farmhouse that Lizetta grew up in. It was foolish to make a flash appearance at Jensen’s on his wedding day. There is no way I’d go back there again, just incase someone is keeping watch. Then again, has anyone even noticed I’m gone? Larry probably thinks I’ve been passed out in my room all this time.
Oh yeah. I ripped him off—big time. He’s noticed. And he’s pissed!
Music travels out of a barn that’s got some ancient, blue car sitting in front of it. Is this a scene out of a Hallmark card? I mean, a barn? For God’s sake, what century is this?
This is a terrible attitude for someone who has come to say thank you. For months I’ve said it to God, hoping that someday I could say it to the person responsible. Thing is, I’ve never had anyone to thank before, and it’s freaking me out.
I step out of the car and ah … The signature wailing of Jensen’s guitar hits me. Though it’s a jagged pill to swallow, the smile of sweet memories crosses my face. That sound is the only part of my old life that I have missed.
Lizetta, her mom, a woman with tan skin and dark hair, and some buffed-out guy sit on the porch, rocking in chairs and sipping lemonade. I feel like I’ve landed on Mars. That lifestyle used to seem lame. Now it’s one more thing to be jealous over. The whole situation is making me trembly.
I’m halfway up the driveway when Jensen sees me. I wave but keep heading for Lizetta. I need this over with, and I don’t think Jensen ever wants to see me again. After this, he’ll get his wish.
And there is part of the reason why this is so difficult. This is the last time I will see the two people who want me to be happy—two people that also want nothing to do with me. I’m on the defensive because I know my presence really isn’t wanted.
Lizetta’s mom has a glass of lemonade ready for me. The familiar-looking, buffed guy kisses Lizetta on the head before he and the women take off inside. I came prepared with an opening line of asking Lizetta not to be angry and explaining how being a bitch wasn’t my fault. However, the girl who should look like she wants to beat the shit out of me, smiles and says, “You look great.”
I look great? What the hell do I say to that? I could handle it if she upsided me a few on the head, but to say I look great?
I am so not ready for this. How did I let Jensen set this up? How did Lizetta? She must have come unglued when he sprang this on her.
Laura blinks. She wasn’t expecting a compliment.
“You don’t have to sugar coat it. I know you want to let me have it.” Laura’s tone is one of regret. Although I believe her, I can’t help but read through the words. I’ve learned a lot since I last knew this woman. Bullies always challenge their victims, whether they see it or not. They want you to run or to get emotional and freak out. Either of those fuels them. Never do they expect a simple rejection, so I smile and offer her a seat.
Laura withdraws, making her appear smaller. She gives a quick look to the barn where the guys keep playing, yet they’ve scarcely taken their eyes off of me. Laura’s mouth slacks, and she raises a single eyebrow before she sits and stares at her hands. “I made fun of everything that you loved. I insulted animals because you cared about them. I stole a happy prom night from you. I called you ugly. Time and again, I robbed you of your self-esteem.”
She is so repentant that her chin quivers. I’d like to feel triumphant, but I don’t. Watching her now is almost as painful as when she attacked me.
“I watched it,” she says. “I relished in it as you hid from me. Your clothes got baggier to hide your body. You would come into class late and with your head down. The harder I attacked, the more you cowered. I kicked you when you were down. I brought you to tears more times than I could count. When you ate something fattening, I mocked you. When you ate something low-calorie, I joked about it. You couldn’t put a bite in your mouth, all because someone didn’t want me to put one in mine.”
She stops to gather herself. I am so torn. Part of me wants to yell at Jensen for setting this up. Part of me wants to tell Laura I forgive her because it is in my nature. But why should I forgive someone who caused me so much damage? Wasn’t sending her to rehab enough? I may be a loving person, but this woman brought me years of pain. Then again, I really need to hear her side and know why I had to suffer.
“I need to stop hiding behind excuses,” she continues. “Everyone knew your dad was no prince but … My father is a perverse bastard.” She then grabs a heavy dose of air to push down the emotion that is going to hit with her next sentence, no matter what she does. The desperation of wishing she had handled her hellish situation differently pours out. “And I let him turn me into one. I stooped to his level and did exactly what he did, but you wouldn’t play along, even though you were in the same boat. Worst of all, you gave me chances, and—” Her breath shudders as she puts her head in her hands and the tears slither down. “If I had just reached out to you, if I had shown you something on those monkey bars to encourage you …”
Laura bites the inside of her mouth, and I finish her sentence in the way I know she intends but can’t face. “Then you would have made a real friend who understood your pain.”
A nerve has been hit, and the sobs start coming because we both know I meant it. “Instead, I stabbed you with my words, so I wouldn’t hurt alone. If I could have just looked past my own pain …”
“You could have welcomed someone into your life that wanted you to be happy.”
Laura diverts her eyes to the barn and then to the porch door before closing off her vision. She can’t face me, but her words show she is trying to face who she was. “And maybe even a family that would have helped me escape before the unthinkable happened.” Her sobs turn heavy as years of repressed pain crash down on her. She has probably faced them in therapy, but has she ever faced a victim? It has to be a different ball game.
I touch a hand to her knee and look to Jensen. The playing has stopped. If the sobbing were mine, there is not a doubt that those guys would be here next to me.
“Maybe I wouldn’t have needed you to save me now, because you already would have. Instead, I hurt us both.” She wipes away the tears and looks dead at me. “And I am so, so sorry for what I did. Truthfully though, I am more sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to be like you. How can you even look at me now and not laugh, let alone have helped me?”
My eyes squeeze out hurt in memory of all of the other tears I shed. It’s become impossible to hide t
he ghosts of my own suffering.
Her type of bullying was a mental battle. The use of verbal or physical force can make a bully think she has won, but I emotionally triumphed over her words. I may not be completely recovered from Laura’s damage, but I won this battle long ago, because I found pride in who I am.
Still, a part of me wants to scream at her for all the nights I cried myself to sleep—for all of the nights I kept Griffin up because I was shattered—for the times I blew off parties because Laura might be there. Instead, I stand tall. “I helped you because through all of the horrible things you said, you helped me find compassion. I didn’t want to be like you. I wanted to make the world better. That made me who I am today. When I realized how you hurt me and what I needed to overcome, I gave myself a second chance. I thought you deserved the same.”
Her lips part in awe over my words. “I don’t get it. We all knew you were going through hell with your dad, yet no one knew about me. You were strong, and I was jealous that you could face the same problems I hid from. I treated you like shit yet—” She shakes her head, and turns away while squeezing her eyes shut. She then seems to brave it up and finish facing her past. “I just hope that you will please find it in your heart to forgive me for what an insensitive ass I was, though you have already done more than anyone ever should. There was no reason for you, of all people, not to abandon me.”
My stomach hardens. There it is. I have found my reason for forgiveness. The word abandon reminds me of Rufus. When I set him free in that park, he released all of his negativity and found new life. Even when he faced the unknown while dying in my arms, the chains of the sorrow he had felt just a few hours before were gone, and his new life had already begun. I want to be free like Rufus.
For the first time, I don’t try to hide my emotions around Laura. The tears flow freely and with the happiness that we can both finally put this part of our lives away. “I forgive you, Laura. I know that you are truly sorry for the pain you caused and wish you could change the past for everyone’s sake. For that, you have not only earned my respect, but also my love.”
I hug her, and her fingers dig deeply into my back. The gesture gets returned. When we pull away, we both smile at each other, and our healing deepens.
With another hug and wishes for wonderful lives, we go our separate ways. Now we are all free to fly.
Scary Modsters … and Creepy Freaks
A fantastical romance involving a woman, the music that fuels her, and her Ouija board.
Rosalyn possesses a sunny personality that is laced with quirks. Although she seeks acceptance in a world where she lives out of time, what she gets is ridiculed for her eclectic wardrobe and unconventional music collection.
One fateful night, Rosalyn bewitches Niles, a stylish man whose offbeat character perfectly complements her own. Unfortunately, he possesses a critical flaw that means relationship suicide for him and pretty much anyone.
While under the influence of insomnia-impaired judgment, Rosalyn summons Rock ‘n Roll deity Peter Lane back from the dead. Not only does he spin her hormones into a frenzy, Peter is also the precarious puzzle piece that brings sense into her world. When Niles learns that he can overcome his life-long challenge by helping Peter avenge his death, how far will he go to secure Rosalyn’s heart?
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Praise for the Forbidden Flower series.
“I found myself weeping tears of both pain and triumph all because Diane Rinella's prose painted a brilliantly tortured landscape that had me questioning what I once saw only as black and white…The subject matter may not be for everyone, but if you have an open mind and open your heart, this book will destroy you – beautifully.” - Martini Times Romance
“It deals with a taboo subject and definitely would not be everyone's cup of tea. But I have to tell y'all, I was riveted from the first sentence… the writing is so eloquent and lyrical, it made reading about Lily and Donovan easier. The love, anger, confusion is all rendered so poetically I tended to forget that I wasn't reading the average love story.” - Bookworm Brandee
“I have cried with them, been angry for them, laughed with them and even though the series is over, I will carry them with me. Yes, I sound like they are living human beings, but that is the way this author writes them. They do become real and they make you fall in love with them and want to fight for their right to love each other.” - Life Becomes Me
“Love's Forbidden Flower had a ginormous impact on my heart. It's a book that has stuck in my mind ever since I read it, and I'm pretty sure it's not going away any time soon. A beautiful, compelling story.” - Just A Booklover
Love's Forbidden Flower
*** Please note: This is a New Adult Romance novel involving two siblings who struggle with their emotions. This is not a work of erotica.***
The heart cares not what society forbids.
Lily nurtures a secret love for a flawless man—the one who is her soul mate. Donovan is gorgeous, charismatic, and delights in all of Lily's talents and quirks. Their innate knowledge of each other is almost telepathic. Together they interlock like fine threads creating luxurious silk.
But society dictates this picture-perfect adoration is the ghastliest of all possibilities.
As Lily embarks on a quest for the romance the heavens intended, her suitor turns reluctant. Desperate to uncover why Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hiding decayed from a tender-hearted gentleman into a ferociously self-serving, cocky bastard, Lily is prepared for battle when it comes to the salvation of her soul mate. However, Donovan traps Lily in a mental game of chess, leaving her to question his sanity. When Lily's revelations about Donovan's destructive alter ego lead to an inconceivable truth, can she help Donovan survive fate's cruel joke?
Impassioned, witty, and deeply moving, Love's Forbidden Flower is filled with stunning controversies that will forever haunt your heart.
Read Chapter One
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The journey ends.
Time's Forbidden Flower
An eternity of passion cannot be quelled by society.
Once upon a time Donovan assured Lily all of her dreams would come true. But how could he keep the promise of a fairy tale when her truest goals could not involve him, though her deepest desires did?
Now, Lily has it all—love, passion, a family, and the career of her dreams—with Christopher. But something is lacking. She and Donovan have spent the last ten years living apart, and the soul mates are eager to reunite. Can Donovan keep his promise to give Lily all she desires, even with Christopher in the way?
For Lily and Donovan, the past is a mirror to
the future that cannot be shattered.
Donovan is convinced Lily has been his love for all eternity. Determined to unravel the past, they embark on a journey to discover where it all began. For centuries Donovan has stolen Lily's heart while forced to suffer for his love. How much can a soul endure before the breaking point is reached and a monster emerges? Can the demons of the past be combated to pave the way for happiness in the next life? Or has the abuse suffered in this life already turned Donovan hell bound?
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About the Author
Enjoying San Francisco as a backdrop, the ghosts in Diane's one hundred and fifty-year old Victorian home augment the chorus in her head. With insomnia as their catalyst, these voices have become multifarious characters that haunt her well into the sun's crowning hours, refusing to let go until they have manipulated her into succumbing to their whims. Her experiences as an actress, business owner, artisan cake designer, software project manager, Internet radio disc jockey, vintage rock n' roll journalist/fan girl, and lover of dark and quirky personalities influence her idiosyncratic writing.
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Rinella, Diane, Something To Dream On
Something To Dream On Page 26
