As I sit there morosely sipping my drink, Carl regales me about his life. How he climbed Mount Everest. His story is fascinating, and he’s a good storyteller, but I can’t stop thinking about Luke. I’m disappointed that he never even tried to call me. When I look at my phone I see that it is turned off. I turn it back on, but there are no texts or voice messages.
Suddenly, the alcohol hits me hard, and it’s all too much.
“Are you okay?” Carl asks me.
I shake my head. I’m trying hard not to cry. That’s the last thing I want to do in front of him. In front of anyone, really.
Carl offers me a gentle look, at odds with his hulking stature. “What you need to do is finish your drink, go upstairs, and knock on his door. Tell him you want to talk to him, and that you aren’t going to leave until he, as you Americans would say, damn well talks to you.” He pauses and raises his eyebrows. “But he has to really talk. It can’t just be him mumbling that he doesn’t know how he feels. It’s time for him to man up. Don’t let him get away with that bullshit again.”
It’s good advice. And he’s being friendly. Like legitimately friendly. Not how guys are when they want to get in your pants, or because they think you have great tits. He’s being a good human being, and I love that.
“Thank you for talking to me,” I say. “I know I’ve said that already, but seriously. You’ve helped me feel better. I’ve really needed this. I’m in a foreign country, and it feels like I’m all alone.”
“You are welcome. And don’t worry, little Jade, Luke will come around. You’ll see. He can run, but he can never hide from his love for you.”
I smile gratefully at him. I do feel a little better. But I know I won’t feel totally better until I am able to get Luke to sit down and actually talk to me. And if I can’t, then that’s on him. That will be his own problem.
I finish my drink and set the empty glass down on the table. “Do you think I should go upstairs now?” I ask my new-found confidant.
Chapter 21
Luke
I pace my bedroom floor restlessly. I was glad the hooker came by when Jade wasn’t around. It wouldn’t have been a pretty sight. But where the fuck is Jade now? I’ve already been to the conference hall, the room upstairs where all the other PA gather to do their clerical work, the swimming pool, the three coffee bars.
Hell, I need a drink.
It’ll help clear my head. I decide to go down to the bar, first. I head out to the elevator, and make my way to the closest drinking hole. I stop mid-step at the entrance of the bar. Carl Magnus at the bar, sitting next to Jade, and too fucking close, damnit. I don’t like this. As I watch in stunned disbelief, the asshole slides an arm around her. My blood starts to boil.
“What the fuck?”
Now I know why she didn’t answer. She’s right here with the guy who was hitting on her the other day.
Mesmerized by the scene unfolding before my eyes I see her laugh at something he says. I don’t know what the hell is so funny, but I do know I’m going to put a stop to this once and for all. I’ve already told this guy to stay away from her.
She smiles at him and says something. He smiles back.
From where I’m standing, they are clearly flirting. I see red. It’s all I see. My fists clench at my sides. She’s my girl. I thought I told this jerk that already. And now here he is. As soon as there’s a little hint of trouble, he comes sniffing around. Who the fuck does he think he is?
I feel sick and angry. All of my muscles are tense, and I’m grinding my teeth into dust. But I can’t calm myself down. I’m seething with jealousy. I take one step, and then another, until I’m standing right by them. My fists are still clenched at my sides.
He is telling her some story.
Both of them are oblivious to me. He mentions Paris, and I know I’m about to punch him. I don’t have time to listen to him telling my girl romantic stories.
“Carl,” I say. I glare at him so he knows that I’m not here to play nice. He’s trying to take what’s mine, and I’m not going to let that happen. He’s stupid if he thinks I’m going to let him take her from me.
He turns and looks at me. “Hey, Luke. Funny thing you’re here.”
“Oh yeah, why’s that?” I ask, feeling even angrier.
“We were just talking about you,” he says.
I look at Jade. She avoids my eyes, and that doesn’t sit right with me. It makes me paranoid. Pain tears through me. Did I do this? Did I push her into the arms of another man?
I turn back to Carl. “You were talking about me? You think you can just sit here with my girl and move in on her because we had an argument?”
“Luke,” Jade says warningly.
I don’t respond to her. I’m too focused on Carl right now. I want to knock his stupid teeth out.
“You’ve got it all wrong,” he says and stands up.
My clenched fist collides with his jaw before he can say anything else. He stumbles back and trips over his bar stool. Carl Magnus doesn’t fall to the floor like a demolished skyscraper, he rights himself, shakes his head and grins at me. That stops me in my tracks and the fact that Jade screamed. I grab her hand and pull her through the lobby. People are running over to make sure that Carl is okay, and I just wish I had knocked him out cold.
“Let go of me!” Jade shouts.
Totally ignoring her, I drag her struggling body into the elevator with me. Someone tries to come in with us and I glare at him. He steps back immediately. The doors close. Finally, we’re alone. I’m vibrating with fury. I can feel my muscles shaking from how tense they are.
Jade looks really angry, too. When the elevator dings, she steps out quickly, trying to leave me behind.
I catch up with her in a single step, grab her hand, and take her into the suite.
I still don’t know exactly what I want from her. And that might be the worst part about this whole thing. I wasn’t raised to talk about my feelings. I was raised to push feelings aside.
I close the door behind me and look at her. I’m not sure what to say or do, but she looks fucking gorgeous standing here in my bedroom. My dick twitches. I want to fuck her, but I know I’ll get a knee in the nuts with the way she is feeling. Beside, we have things we need to discuss. Like her great idea of letting that douchebag buy her a drink and put his arm around her.
I feel myself getting angry all over again, just from thinking about her sitting there with him. The image of him touching her enters my mind, and it drives me crazy. I want to punch his face all over again. So much for being turned on. I cross my arms.
“What the fuck was that about, Luke?” she yells before I can interrogate her.
Her face is dark with anger. I’ve never seen her this way. She looks like she wants to punch someone, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that someone is me. I deserve it after everything that’s happened.
“You were drinking with him. He had his fucking octopus arm around you.”
She gasps with astonishment. “I was having a civilized drink with him. He’s the only friend I have in this country. He was comforting me.”
“Comforting? Pull the other one. I wasn’t born yesterday. You think I don’t know what was on his mind. He was plying you with alcohol…” I stop, my eyes narrowing. Her chest is heaving and her cheeks are flushed. She’s drunk! “How many have you had?”
“None of your fucking business.”
“Everything about you is my fucking business.”
“Let me get this right,” she states sarcastically. “You get to be possessive over me, but I don’t get to object if you fuck other women.”
I scowl at her. “What the hell are you talking about now?”
“I’m talking about you having sex here in our suite with a fucking hooker!” She’s so murderously angry she shaking.
Chapter 22
Luke
I can see her fighting back the urge to break down. I stare at her in astonishment. How would she even know about tha
t? Was she in her room all day? Spying on me? Not that I have a problem with that. It tells me that she really was thinking about me. I guess the woman had been dressed fairly whorish. It wouldn’t take a detective to figure out what she was. Usually, this sort of misunderstanding would be funny, but right now, it’s not because Jade looks like she’s about to burst a gut.
“How do you know about her?” I ask.
“I ran into her when she was sneaking out, or whatever the hell she was doing. That’s why I was down there drinking in the first place. Carl came out of nowhere, and he was being nice. He wasn’t hitting on me.”
“You’ve got it all wrong,” I explain.
“I’ve got what wrong, Luke?” Suddenly, she sounds exhausted.
“I didn’t sleep with her. You remember Mr. Hatanaka from the other night?”
“Ugh,” she groans. “Was he in here, too?”
“No, thank God,” I say, shaking my head. “I ran into him this morning at breakfast. He sat down with me. Your pitch worked. You sold him. His company is signing up with us. And he told me he had a present for me, and he specifically reminded me that rejecting a gift was rude.”
“Yeah,” she says. “But what does this have to do with your whore?”
“That whore was his gift to me. But I didn’t do anything with her.”
She scoffs. “Funny thing about your story.”
“What’s that?”
“She told me you did fuck her.”
I laugh. “I paid her two hundred dollars to pretend that we did. I wanted her to tell anyone who asked that I had a great time. I didn’t want Hatanaka to be insulted that I turned down his gift, as fucked up as it was. I had no idea you were going to have a chat with her. Otherwise, I would have told her to tell the truth if a beautiful woman named Jade asked what happened.”
Jade narrows her eyes at me, but says nothing.
I sigh and shake my head. “Jade, I know I have a reputation for getting with a lot of women in the past, but none of them have been prostitutes. You know me. I don’t do that. I’ve never done that. I don’t need to pay for it.” I look into her eyes. I need her to believe me because honest to God, I didn’t sleep with Hatanaka’s gift.
She hesitates and I see the doubt in her eyes. She doesn’t believe me and that doesn’t sit well with me.
“Jade, I know I’ve been an asshole to you. I know that I’m far from perfect. But I’ve never lied to you, even when the truth hurts. And I’m not lying to you now. I didn’t sleep with her, Jade. I haven’t even thought of anyone other than you since our first night together.”
I need her to understand how much I love her, and how badly I’ve been wanting to fix things between us today. I don’t want her thinking for even a second that I don’t want to be with her, or that I want other women. Especially, not some bought and paid for prostitute.
“If that’s true, then are we together or not?” she asks out of nowhere.
I wasn’t expecting this from her.
I still haven’t had enough time to figure out my feelings or what I want from her. I don’t know if I can respond to her. At least not the way she wants me to right now. I’m still lost and confused about how I actually feel.
“Is this a real relationship?” she asks. “I need to know right now how you feel about me. I can’t keep doing this shit.”
She’s on the verge of tears, and I have no idea what to do. I’ve never been through anything like this. Put me in any business situation and I’ll come up trumps, but nothing in my life has equipped me to handle a situation like this. So again, I tell her the truth, even though I know it’s not what she wants to hear. “I don’t know,” I say.
Her face falls, and the tears she was trying to hold back begin to slip down her face.
God, I must be broken inside if I can’t just say what she wants me to say.
“You called me your girl downstairs, but now you won’t even tell me how you really feel about me?” she asks. “You know what, Luke?”
“What?” I brace myself.
“If you don’t know what we are, or if you can’t be with me, then you can’t act like this. Either I’m yours, or I’m not.” She runs out of my bedroom and into hers. She slams the door shut behind her. The sound of her lock clicking closed is loud.
I feel so awful. I keep breaking her heart a piece at a time, and I’m not sure how to fix it.
I feel like a volcano about to erupt. I need to burn this excess energy off. Either I break down Jade’s door and fuck her or I leave the hotel.
I walk down the street in the midday heat. My shirt sticks to me but the walk is good for me. It helps burn off some of this restless energy, and allows me to clear my head. Things with Jade are worse than ever. No wonder, I’ve stayed away from real relationships. This whole situation is frustrating and confusing. I can never seem to do the right thing.
I have embarrassed her twice now. I can’t stand myself sometimes.
I see a liquor store. As I walk past it. I stop and go back to the entrance. Inside it’s busy. I have to wait in line. I choose some unrecognizable brand of vodka because I don’t really care. I might have a hangover tomorrow, but what the fuck? I deserve to suffer as penance for hurting Jade.
I don’t open the bottle as I walk, because that’s something my dad would have done. He was an alcoholic. A major one. He drank whenever, and wherever. I’m surprised he ever managed to run a business.
I swore I’d never be like him. I’m no a drunk. I’ve never even been a big drinker. And there are so many other differences between the man he was and the man I am. I’m not him, I repeat to myself.
I focus on that one thought because it’s true, and I’m finally realizing this.
I don’t have to fear everything that he did. I can fall in love with my assistant without thinking I’m as despicable as him. Unlike him, I’m not married to anyone. I won’t be destroying anyone’s life if I decide to be with her. Jade means everything to me. She’s the woman for me. I don’t care if I have to give up everything I have worked for all my life to achieve.
Jade is my life.
Screw what other people think and screw who my father was. I refuse to let that bastard fuck up my life any more than he already has. I never should have let my memories of him control me this way. I should have told Jade exactly how I felt yesterday morning.
I can still tell her before it’s too late, but it’s not enough to knock on her door and say the words. Words are cheap, and after the way I’ve behaved, they won’t be enough. I have to show her in a big way how I feel about her, and in a way that leaves no doubt in her mind that I truly love her.
An idea comes to me.
When I get back to the hotel, I go up to our suite. I open the bottle and take a couple of swigs. It’s cheap stuff and it burns my throat. I chuck it in the bin, and sit down at the table with my laptop.
Chapter 23
Jade
It’s the last day of the seminar, and it’s almost time for Luke’s speech. This is the huge finale to the whole convention. Everybody will be there. Well, lah-di-fucking-dah, and good for him. He’ll be the star of the show. I feel extraordinarily bitter today, as I should be. I don’t know how I will sit there and watch him give his speech. I know this is my own damn fault for hooking up with my boss.
I won’t be able to do this when we get back to the states. I can’t be his assistant if he can’t even respect me enough to tell me his feelings. He can’t just keep stringing me along until he’s ready to make up his mind about me.
I know he has feelings for me. Maybe not love, but certainly some sort of affection and desire for me. But the fact that he won’t tell me bothers me. It’s like he’s ashamed he has feelings for me, and I think that part hurts the worst.
I stayed up half the night, crying and looking for a new job.
I walk into my bathroom, hoping I don’t have to see him for the rest of the day. I don’t want to talk to him. I just want to get through the rest
of this trip and go home. I’m so over this entire episode.
Before we came on this trip, I wanted to be with him so bad that I would have sacrificed almost anything to make it happen. I would have done whatever he asked me to so we could be together. That had been a mistake. I never should have given my heart away.
I just want the pain, the hurt, and the anger to stop.
I want it all to go away.
There’s a knock on the bedroom door, and I hold my breath, but it’s obviously not important because there isn’t another knock. There aren’t sounds of him clearing his throat or any desperate declaration of love. My breath comes out in a rush. At this point, I have to admit that there never will be.
I turn the shower on, setting it all the way to hot. I step inside and quickly suck air in through my teeth. The water is almost scalding. It stings my skin like cleansing fire. It’s a good way to burn away my feelings.
The bathroom is steamy already, and I haven’t even been in for very long. I wash my hair and then my body, trying to free myself of what I’m feeling inside. Of what I’m thinking. I stand and let the water fall over my body for a long time. I’m soaking up the heat. I know I’ll have to face him again when I get out.
Finally, when I can no longer put it off, I reach down, and turn the water off. I slide the glass door open and snag my towel off the nearby rack. The cool air sweeps across my naked, wet body, leaving goosebumps in its wake. I towel off and look for what I will wear.
It takes me almost an hour to get ready, but that’s because I’m dragging this out. I have to go to his presentation, regardless of how I’m feeling. I have to sit and listen to the man I love talk to hundreds of strangers when he refuses to talk to me.
The CEO & I Page 12
