The Trip To St Albans: Part 1
More revelations:
On the way down the motorway as Emma studied the twelve postcards from B, another bit of the jigsaw fell into place. Most of what B had written was chitchat about her visits to see her elderly mother in Whitby but a simple P.S. at the bottom of one of the cards instantly answered one of the most disturbing questions of all. “PS. back in the surgery on Tuesday. Will ring if E’s test results are back.” The date of the postmark was the Friday before Kevin left for university. In that instant everything became clear to them; that very close friend of Emma’s mother must also be the administrator at the doctor’s surgery and would have had full access to all patient records. She would have known about the pregnancy test that Emma had gone for and she would have known about her miscarriage. Perhaps out of misguided friendship or for some other reason, B had abused her position and passed on very personal and confidential information to Emma’s mother.
About halfway towards St Albans Rachel drove in to one of the motorway service points. She wanted to stretch her legs, have a mug of coffee and take stock of the situation. The contents of the green suitcase had revealed many things and answered many questions; already they had a pretty good idea of what had gone on and who, as Rachel described them, were the ‘key players’ but some big questions still remained unanswered. They included, “What happened to Kevin? Where is he now? What are his feelings for Emma now? In the five years that have passed has he got back in touch with his parents?” Perhaps the biggest question of all, as they pondered everything they now knew was, “What if Kevin is there when we knock on the door in St Albans?” The very thought of that sent a nervous shiver down Emma’s spine.
With that last question in mind they drove on in relative silence. Emma was trying to think of what she would say or do if Kevin answered the door and the more she thought about it the more scared and uncertain she became. Rachel wasn’t so much concerned about who or what they might find but was instead thinking ahead as to how she might support Emma if things went drastically wrong or if she was told something that devastated her. Then, fifty or so miles further on and with her ‘sensible head’ on, Rachel determined that they had embarked on this journey knowing the outcome may not be what Emma was hoping for, but she was a grown up of twenty four living her life in distorted memories of the past. Whatever the outcome, the time had come to face reality and deal with things no matter how difficult or unpleasant they may be. It was time for Emma to live in the present. Holding that thought in her mind Rachel drove on feeling much happier about things then turned the radio on.
The Trip To St Albans: Part 2
Kevin’s mother:
By half past five they had reached the centre of St Albans. Rachel stopped when she spotted a postman busily emptying a post box then quickly got out of the car to ask him for directions to Lombard Street. Within minutes they were there. They parked the car then slowly walked up and down the road a couple of times before taking the plunge and going up to the front door of the house where Kevin may now be living and if not him then his parents. Rachel rang the bell, Emma stood back a little almost as if she was trying to hide and as the door opened she could barely bring herself to look. With a mixture of relief and disappointment they were not greeted by Kevin but by a lady in her mid fifties. Although she had aged considerably since Emma had last seen her, she instantly recognised her as Kevin’s mother but she didn’t recognise Emma. There were a few awkward moments on the doorstep as Rachel tried to explain who they both were and why they were there but once Kevin’s mother realised who Emma was she ushered them inside. They followed her along a dimly lit passageway towards what was a fairly large but cosy kitchen. On the way they passed by an open door to what would have been the front room of the house and they both noticed an elderly man asleep in a large armchair, he was snoring loudly. With the kitchen door shut behind them Kevin’s mother beckoned to the two girls to sit down at the table and asked them if they wanted tea or coffee. She carried on talking as she took the kettle off the range and made each of them a mug of coffee. She apologised to Emma for not recognising her sooner but, as she said, “It has been a long time and I wasn’t expecting you.”
After a few more pleasantries Emma and Rachel explained why, after all these years they had come knocking on her door. They talked about the diaries, letters and postcards, Emma explained in detail about her miscarriage and her desire to see Kevin again and Rachel talked frankly about the need for Emma to achieve closure on the events of the past if she is ever to move on. After listening intently for twenty minutes or more and only asking one or two questions to clarify matters in her own mind, Kevin’s mother began by saying that they were right about much of what had gone on at, “that bad time,” as she called it but there were other things they did not know. The first thing she told them was that she didn’t know where Kevin was and that she hadn’t seen him since her birthday nearly five years ago. Then, for the next half an hour she talked clearly and precisely about every aspect of “that bad time” and she answered all their questions as far as she could.
Talking almost exclusively to Emma, she explained that when Kevin went off to university he knew nothing of what had gone on. As far as he was concerned everything between the two of them was fine, he didn’t know about her pregnancy, he thought she would have started university as planned and assumed that within a week or two they would visit each other. About the only thing he did know, was that his parents had moved to St Albans. Kevin’s grandmother, had died earlier in the year leaving her house in St Albans to Kevin’s father and as it was lying empty they decided to live there instead. Finding out about Emma’s pregnancy when they did just brought the move forward. They intended to sell their house in the village but the way things worked out they never got round to it.
With tears welling up in her eyes, Kevin’s mother described what happened the day after Kevin left for university. “Your mother paid us a visit and was very angry and upset. She told us that you were pregnant and she wanted something done about it although she didn’t say what. Kevin’s father went berserk as the last thing he wanted was an unwanted pregnancy bringing shame on the family. He blamed you and your mother for putting temptation in Kevin’s way and giving him the opportunity to have sex with you. He called you some very unsavoury names and suggested that you had given Kevin the come on with an offer that any red-blooded male wouldn’t refuse. Your mother defended you as best she could and tried to stand her ground, then after many minutes of shouting and swearing they decided to make sure you wouldn’t see each other again. How they would achieve that wasn’t clear at the time but over the coming days, a plan was made.” It appeared that Kevin’s mother had little say in the conspiracy that was hatched between her husband and Emma’s mother. She admitted that she wasn’t a “strong character,” and felt unable to stand up to the two of them. Her husband, who had always dominated her had worn her down over the years and made her feel that that she, “should know her place.”
The contents of the green suitcase had already revealed most of what their plan involved including the hidden letters, the change of telephone number and the sudden move by Kevin’s parents to St Albans. What was not clear was how they were going to deal with the fact a baby was on its way but as it transpired they didn’t have to.
In late October Kevin arrived with a birthday present for his mother. Everything was fine until Kevin started to talk about Emma and told them how upset he was that she didn’t want to see him any more. He told them about his phone call to Emma’s mother and how she said it was over between them and that it was time to move on. Talk of Emma made Kevin’s father angry but he managed to control it until Kevin announced that he intended to go to Durham to find her. That tipped the balance and he completely lost his temper. “In his usual manner,” said Kevin’s mother, “he shouted and swore and said things that he should never have said.”
When she started to tell them of the events of that
October evening she clutched at the small gold chain and cross around her neck that Kevin had given to her as a birthday present. Then in order to compose herself before describing the unpleasantness of what happened, she paused a while and took a few deep breaths. “I had rarely seen my husband as angry as he was that night, I thought he was going to hit him,” she said woefully. “The things he came out with were terrible and mostly just lies that made things even worse. He said you were pregnant but you’d had an abortion. He told him you didn’t want his child so you got rid of it. He said you didn’t want to waste your life like your mother did. He said you never wanted to see him again. He went on and on at him and I could do nothing to stop it.” At that point she broke down in tears. Rachel reached out a comforting hand to Kevin’s mother and she was grateful. Between the tears and still holding tightly on to Rachel’s hand she described the last moments she saw her son. “With his father still shouting obscenities and threatening to hit him he kept backing away until he was by the front door where he had put his bag down when he arrived. Then, shouting louder than ever, my husband told him to get out and never come back. He said he had brought shame on the family and as far as he was concerned he was on his own and there would be no more money to fund him at university. Kevin never even tried to answer back but he looked to me for help and there was nothing I could do. I was helpless and as afraid as he was. I will never forget the look on his face as he picked up his bag and left. He hadn’t even known you had been pregnant and then all those other things that were said, the lies, the obscenities and the threats, whatever would he think? Then, about a week later, I got a letter from him to say he had left university and that he didn’t know what he was going to do. The only thing he was certain about was that he would never be coming home again. I have never seen him since that night almost five years ago although each year he sends me a card for my birthday. There is never any message other than a simple ‘happy birthday, love you mum’ and he has never given his address.” She turned to a drawer and pulled out a little folder that contained the cards he had sent then she passed them over to Emma. The first card had been sent from Reykjavik in Iceland but the others came from Utrecht in the Netherlands. They were stamped on the back with ‘Utrecht Museum of Art’ and Kevin’s mother thought they were probably bought there.
Her comments then turned towards her husband. She said, “though he was rarely physically violent to me or to Kevin he had always been a bully. He always expected things to be done his way and I was forever trying to smooth things over between them. Then, a few weeks after Kevin left he had a mini stroke, which he got over fairly quickly but in 1986 he had another one and then a more serious stroke in 1987. No doubt you saw him when you came in. He is only five years older than me but he looks like an old man of eighty and for the most part is unaware of what goes on. As long as he is fed, kept clean and gets his tablets at the right time each day he just sits there gradually sleeping his life away but at least I’m free from his bullying ways.”
When it seemed that Kevin’s mother had no more to say Emma asked, “Why did your husband say my mother wasted her life?” and immediately she began telling her things about her mother that she had never known but felt she should have.
“After Kevin went to university and until we moved to St Albans your mother came round almost everyday to make sure we did our bit to keep you and Kevin apart. She didn’t like my husband one little bit and only talked to him if she had to but she got on with me ok. I think she saw how I had suffered from a domineering man as she had done by the hands of your father. One day when my husband was out she told me how he had just about ruined her life. She said the only good thing to come from ever knowing him was you.
It seemed he had raped her in an alley on the way home from a night out. He’d had too much to drink and though it started as a kiss and a cuddle, which she enjoyed, he wouldn’t stop when he began to grope her. She kept telling him to stop and tried to get him off but he just carried on until he had done what he wanted. He had torn her clothes, bruised her arms and legs with his strength and made her sore inside. She hated every second of what he did to her that night but then, over the days that followed he did everything possible to make it up to her and promised it would never happen again. Eventually she gave in to his pleadings and went out with him a few more times but within a month he did it again. She had nothing to do with him after that until she found out she was pregnant with you. Even then she didn’t want to know him but things were different in those days. In the sixties there were few options for a pregnant girl of eighteen years old. The two families got together and made sure they were married with haste.
He never treated her well especially after his bouts of drinking and there were times when she was afraid for your safety as well as hers. She hated him and said the way he behaved towards you and towards her, made her despise all men. She said she had never yet met a man that made her think differently and was determined to try and protect you from treading the same path. My husband was hardly any better in many ways. I’ve never had a life of my own, I’ve never been allowed to think for myself and I’ve always been expected to do his bidding at the drop of a hat but he has never hit me in the way your father hit your mother. Then after five years of hell it was all over. Your father had gone to Wetherby races with a friend, he had too much to drink and on the drive back to York he lost control of the car. He hit a tree and they were both killed. She said it was like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders and that for once she could look forward to things and make a good life for both of you, which I think by and large she did. She also told me that his death marked the end of her involvement with men forever, she said she loathed the way they treated women and how they looked upon all of us as their chattels then used and abused us as they wished and we couldn’t do anything about it. I sympathised with her when she told me what he made her do to him because I’ve been there but I disagreed with her when she argued that all men are the same.
I worked part-time for a while in a solicitor’s office in Stockport and met someone there who showed me a different side to men. He was thoughtful, generous, caring, attentive and all those things you dream of in a man. At first we became friends but it quickly moved on from that and we had an affair that lasted for over three years so I know not all men are the same. For the first time in many years I wanted sex. Every time I thought of him my body tingled and I actually wanted to do the things to him that repulsed me when my husband wanted me to do those same things to him. But then it all had to end when my husband decided we were leaving Stockport and going to live in York. I couldn’t divorce him because of the way things were then, I would have lost Kevin.”
Then Kevin’s Mother quite suddenly brought their visit to an end when she explained she had to deal with her husband, whose needs had to be seen to according to a strict daily routine. On leaving she asked them to return in the morning before they drove back home so that she could give them a letter to pass on to Kevin if ever they found him.
The Trip To St Albans: Part 3
The hotel room and the double bed:
By nine o’clock Rachel and Emma had eaten, booked into a small hotel in the middle of St Albans and were ready for a drink. The bar, which was almost empty, was furnished with deep armchairs and sofas and having ordered their drinks they both sank down into comfortable armchairs and began to reflect on what Kevin’s mother had told them. The growing hatred that Emma had been feeling for her mother had lost much of its intensity. She now knew there were deep-rooted reasons that made her do the things she had done. Though misguided, her mother’s actions were borne out of a strong desire to protect her daughter from the physical, emotional and sexual abuse that she herself had been subjected to as a young woman although she thought the actions of Kevin’s father were indefensible.
The visit to St Albans raised some disturbing issues about Kevin’s parents as well as Emma’s, it provided explanations for some of the things that had happen
ed in that, “bad time”, and it confirmed to both Rachel and Emma, much of what they had been thinking. For more than an hour they talked over what they had found out and came to the conclusion that they knew just about everything there was to know about the events leading up to the time Kevin left university and dropped out of sight. What they didn’t know was where he was living some five years on and whether or not he still had feelings for Emma.
To Rachel’s surprise, Emma had coped far better with the stresses of the visit than she had expected and it became clear during their conversation in the bar that the meeting with Kevin’s mother was having a therapeutic effect on her. Despite being put in the picture about the lies Kevin’s father had told and discovering that she herself was born as a consequence of her father having raped her mother, her spirits were quite high. By all accounts both men had been aggressive, domineering, overbearing bullies and each in their own way had ruined the lives of their wives. Perhaps Emma was also taking comfort from the knowledge that Kevin had not just left her or gone off her and that her mother’s actions, no matter how misguided, showed that she had cared about her.
As they left the bar and made their way towards room eleven the conversation moved on to lighter subjects and, for the time being at least, everything to do with Kevin was put to the back of their minds. Their room for the night was quite large, had a small en-suite bathroom and a double bed. Earlier, when they arrived at the hotel, they had asked for twin beds but as none were available they were happy to share a bed for the night. Since childhood, Emma had never spent the night in a bed with anyone although she had been to bed with Kevin on several occasions but always during the day or early evening and only for an hour or so of sexual activity. He never stayed overnight. Rachel, at twenty-four had never shared a bed with anyone day or night. Although she was an outgoing person who mixed well with all manner of people she always shied away from those who wanted to take their relationship with her to something more than just friendship. She was still a virgin.
He Stole Her Virginity Page 4
