The Debt of Tears

by Cao Xueqin

  Now although Dai-yu’s condition was extremely grave, her power of reason was unimpaired. She was aware of Scribe’s arrival and vaguely heard the first words she exchanged with Snowgoose. She felt too exhausted to cope with a visitor, and so pretended to be asleep. But as the conversation progressed, it became clear to her that what she had taken to be a fact had never been more than a proposal. And then she heard Scribe repeat Xi-feng’s words, that Grandmother Jia intended to marry Bao-yu to one of his cousins, to one that lived in the Garden; and who could that be but herself? Just as at the winter solstice Yin gives birth to Yang, so now in her mind darkness gave way to light. She suddenly felt much clearer within herself, decided to drink some water and even spoke to Scribe.

  It was at this moment that Grandmother Jia, Lady Wang, Li Wan and Xi-feng arrived on the scene, in response to Nightingale’s urgent summons. Now that Dai-yu’s inner doubts had been so dramatically dissipated, she no longer presented the spectacle of the dying maiden that Nightingale had led them to expect. She was still weak and low in spirits, but was able with an effort to say a few words in reply to their inquiries. Xi-feng called Nightingale over and questioned her:

  ‘Miss Lin is not nearly as ill as you made out. Why did you exaggerate so? We were most alarmed.’

  ‘Honestly, ma’am,’ replied Nightingale, ‘only a while ago she was in a bad way. That’s why I came over. I would never have dared to bother you otherwise. She does seem a lot better now. It’s most strange.’

  Grandmother Jia said to Xi-feng with a smile:

  ‘You shouldn’t take what she says so seriously, my dear. She doesn’t understand such things. Mind you she was quite right to speak up if she noticed anything the matter. I’ve no time for young people who never say a word or do anthing for fear of appearing foolish.’

  The ladies stayed for a few minutes chatting, then, deciding that all was well, returned to their apartments.

  Truly:

  No remedy but love

  Can make the lovesick well;

  Only the hand that tied the knot

  Can loose the tiger’s bell.

  After this Dai-yu’s condition continued to improve steadily, and Snowgoose and Nightingale offered many a secret prayer of thanks to the Lord Buddha.

  ‘Thank goodness she’s better!’ said Snowgoose to Nightingale. ‘But what an odd illness! And what an odd way to get better!’

  ‘We know what caused it,’ said Nightingale. ‘It’s this sudden recovery that’s puzzling. I think Bao-yu and Miss Lin must be destined to be married after all. ‘The course of true love never did run smooth’, but ‘Marriages made in heaven can never be broken’ either! You can tell they are destined to be together. That’s what they both want in their hearts, and that must be what Heaven has decreed for them. Remember what happened to Bao-yu last year, when I told him Miss Lin was going home to the South? He nearly died of shock, and made the most terrible scene. And now that one remark of ours has nearly been the death of her. Theirs must be a bond from some previous life, made a century ago at the Rock of Rebirth!’

  They exchanged a secret smile at this romantic theory, and Snowgoose exclaimed:

  ‘Thank goodness she’s better anyway! We must never mention it again! Even if Bao-yu were to marry another lady and I witnessed the wedding with my own eyes, I swear I wouldn’t breathe a word of it to anyone.’

  Nightingale laughed.

  ‘Well said!’

  Theirs were not the only secret discussions on this subject. Dai-yu’s strange illness and stranger recovery gave rise to a great deal of whispering and speculation in the household, which soon reached the ears of Xi-feng. Lady Wang and Lady Xing vaguely suspected something, and Grandmother Jia herself had a shrewd idea what was at the bottom of it all. The four ladies were gathered one day in Grandmother Jia’s apartment, and in the course of their conversation the subject of Dai-yu’s illness came up.

  ‘There is something I want to say to you all,’ said Grandmother Jia. ‘Bao-yu and Miss Lin have been together ever since they were little, and this has never troubled me, as I have always thought of them as children. But of late I have noticed how frequent these illnesses of hers are becoming – how suddenly they come, and how suddenly they go – a sure sign that she is growing up. It really won’t do to allow them to stay together indefinitely. What do you all think?’

  After a thoughtful silence Lady Wang replied, choosing her words with care:

  ‘Miss Lin reads such a lot into things. And Bao-yu’s childish manner is deceptive: he can be extremely stupid and tactless. If we remove either one of them from the Garden, won’t it be too obvious? It has always been said that every boy becomes a groom and every girl becomes a bride. Don’t you think, Mother, that a better solution would be to go ahead as quickly as possible and get them both married?’

  Grandmother Jia frowned.

  ‘I know that Miss Lin’s peculiar temperament is in some ways attractive. But I don’t think we could possibly have her as a wife for Bao-yu. Besides, I’m afraid that with such a delicate constitution she is unlikely to live to any age. I’m sure Bao-chai is in every respect the more suitable choice.’

  ‘Of course we all agree with you there, Mother,’ said Lady Wang. ‘But we must find a husband for Miss Lin too. If we do not, and if she has taken a fancy to Bao-yu – after all, it is only natural for a girl to have such feelings as she grows up – it might make things very difficult if she were then to discover that he was already betrothed to Bao-chai.’

  ‘There can be no question,’ replied Grandmother Jia, ‘of marrying an outsider before one of the family. The order must be: first to marry Bao-yu, then to have Miss Lin betrothed. Besides Miss Lin is two years younger than Bao-yu anyway. If I understand you correctly, we shall have to conceal Bao-yu’s betrothal from her…’

  Xi-feng turned at once to the various maids present:

  ‘Is that clear? Not a word of Master Bao’s betrothal to anyone! If I catch one of you talking about it I shall show no mercy.’

  ‘Feng dear,’ continued Grandmother Jia, ‘I have noticed that since your illness you have taken less interest in what happens in the Garden. You really must give it more of your attention. It’s not just the sort of thing we have been talking about. Any repetition of that disgraceful drinking and gambling that was discovered among the servants last year must be prevented at all costs. Be rather more particular, will you, and keep a watchful eye on what goes on. They need to be disciplined, and you seem to be the one they respect most.’

  ‘Yes, Grannie,’ said Xi-feng.

  The ladies sat talking for a while longer, then left to go their separate ways.

  *

  From now on Xi-feng began to inspect the Garden on a more regular basis. One day, in the course of one of her tours of inspection, she was walking along the bank by Amaryllis Eyot when she heard an old woman shouting outside the courtyard and went to investigate. As she drew near the old serving-woman caught sight of her, dropped her hands to her side and stood to attention, mumbling a confused ‘Good morning, ma’am.’

  ‘Why are you making such a racket out here?’ asked Xi-feng.

  ‘You and Mrs Zhu have given me a job to do here, ma’am,’ replied the woman, ‘looking after the flowerbeds and fruit-trees. I’d done nothing wrong, and Miss Xing’s maid accused us of stealing…’

  ‘And why should she do that?’ asked Xi-feng.

  ‘Yesterday our Blackie came with me here to play,’ replied the woman. ‘She didn’t know any better and went inside Miss Xing’s apartment to have a look around. I sent her home straight away. Then early this morning I heard one of the maids say they’d lost something. When I asked what it was, she started questioning me all about it…’

  ‘That’s no cause for you to lose your temper,’ retorted Xi-feng.

  ‘This Garden belongs to Mrs Zhu’s family not hers!’ protested the old woman. ‘We work for Mrs Zhu and I won’t be called a thief!’

  Xi-feng spat straig
ht in the old woman’s face and said harshly:

  ‘Hold your tongue! That’s quite enough! You’re responsible for things here and if something is lost the maids are quite right to hold you accountable for it. How dare you talk such nonsense! Call Steward Lin and have her dismissed!’

  The maids were carrying out her orders when Xing Xiu-yan came hurrying out. She greeted Xi-feng and said with an anxious smile:

  ‘You mustn’t do that! It was nothing really. And it’s all over now.’

  ‘My dear girl,’ said Xi-feng, ‘that is not the right attitude to take. It’s the principle I’m concerned with. The servants must learn to know their place.’

  Xiu-yan saw that the woman was on her knees begging for mercy, and asked Xi-feng at once to go inside with her and sit down.

  ‘I know her sort,’ said Xi-feng. ‘They think they can get away with anything – except when I’m around.’

  When Xiu-yan continued to plead for the woman, however, and insisted on putting the blame on her own maid, she relented.

  ‘Out of consideration for Miss Xing,’ she announced, ‘I shall let you off this once.’

  The old woman came forward to kotow first to Xi-feng then to Xiu-yan, and left.

  Once she had gone, Xiu-yan asked Xi-feng to be seated.

  ‘What was it that you lost?’ inquired Xi-feng pleasantly.

  ‘Nothing of any importance,’ replied Xiu-yan with a smile. ‘Just an old red padded jacket of mine. I told them to look for it and when it didn’t turn up thought no more about it. My maid was silly to question that woman. She was bound to take offence. My maid was very thoughtless and I’ve already given her a good talking to. The whole affair is over and best forgotten.’

  While she was speaking, Xi-feng had been inspecting Xiu-yan’s clothes and the general appearance of her apartment. Her few padded or fur-lined clothes looked rather worn and ineffective as protection against the cold. Most of her quilted bedding looked on the thin side too. She glanced at the furniture and the ornaments on her table, all of them provided by Grandmother Jia, and noticed how immaculately clean and tidy they had been kept. Xi-feng felt a warm respect towards her.

  ‘I know a jacket is nothing to fuss over,’ she said. ‘But the weather is growing cold, and you need it to keep you warm. Of course you were right to question her. Honestly! The insolent way these servants carry on!’

  She sat talking with Xiu-yan for a while and then left to continue her tour of inspection, stopping off in all the various residences before returning to her own apartment. There she instructed Patience to make up a parcel of her clothes to be sent over to Xiu-yan: it was to contain two padded jackets, one of dark-red imported silk, the other of viridian damask-silk lined with pearly lambswool, a long turquoise worsted skirt with brocade appliqué panels and an embroidered border, and a deep-blue ermine-lined jacket.

  Despite Xi-feng’s intervention on her behalf, Xiu-yan was still most mortified by the woman’s rudeness. ‘Of all the girls who live here,’ she thought to herself, ‘I’m the only one the servants would dare to offend in that way. They say things about me all the time. And now Feng has seen it for herself!’

  The more she thought about it the more depressing her position seemed. And yet it was impossible for her to confide in anyone. Bowing to her fate, she was just beginning to weep when she saw Xi-feng’s maid Felicity come in carrying a bundle of clothes. Soon realizing whose they were, she absolutely refused to accept them.

  ‘But Miss,’ protested Felicity, ‘Mrs Lian says that if you think they are too old she will change them for newer ones.’

  Xiu-yan smiled politely.

  ‘It’s very thoughtful of her. But I can’t possibly let her give me some of her clothes just because I’ve lost one of mine. Please take them back and thank her most kindly for me. I do appreciate the thought.’

  She gave her a little purse, and Felicity departed with some reluctance, carrying the bundle. Minutes later she was back, this time accompanied by Patience. Xiu-yan hurried out to greet them and asked them both to be seated. Patience smiled and said:

  ‘Mrs Lian says you should accept them as one of the family and not be so polite.’

  ‘But I’m not being polite,’ replied Xiu-yan. ‘Honestly. I’d be embarrassed to take them.’

  ‘Mrs Lian says,’ persisted Patience, ‘that if you won’t take them it must either be because they’re too old or because you don’t like the idea of wearing her things. She says that if I take them back she’ll be cross with me.’

  Xiu-yan blushed and smiled gratefully:

  ‘Well, in that case, how can I possibly refuse? Please convey my thanks to Mrs Lian.’

  She served them both tea, after which Felicity and Patience left. They were almost home again when they met one of Aunt Xue’s women. She greeted them, and Patience asked her where she was going.

  ‘Mrs Xue and our young lady sent me over to convey their regards to all their Ladyships and young madams and young ladies. I was at Mrs Lian’s just now asking for you, and she told me you’d gone into the Garden. Have you just been to Miss Xing’s by any chance?’

  ‘Why, how did you know that?’ asked Patience.

  ‘Oh, a little birdie told me… It’s most generous I think, what you and your mistress are doing…’

  Patience gave a little laugh.

  ‘Won’t you come in and have a chat later on?’

  ‘I still have things to do. Another day,’ replied the old woman and went on her way, while Patience went in to report to Xi-feng.

  *

  When the serving-woman returned to the Xue household, which was in its usual state of upheaval, thanks to the disruptive behaviour of Xia Jin-gui, she recounted the story of Xing Xiu-yan’s humiliation, and both Aunt Xue and Bao-chai began to weep.

  ‘It’s only because Pan’s away,’ said Bao-chai, ‘that she has to go on suffering like this. We are lucky that Feng has been looking after her. In future we must keep more of an eye on her ourselves. She is after all practically one of the family now.’

  As she was speaking Xue Ke came in.

  ‘In all the years he’s spent here Pan hasn’t made a single decent friend!’ he said. ‘They’re a pack of rogues the lot of them! I’m sure they don’t care in the slightest what happens to him. They’re only curious to know the latest news. This last couple of days I’ve told them all to go away, and I’ve given the janitors instructions not to let any of them in.’

  ‘Is it that actor Jiang and his friends again?’ asked Aunt Xue.

  ‘No, as a matter of fact he hasn’t been here at all. It’s a different crowd.’

  Xue Ke’s words intensified Aunt Xue’s anxiety.

  ‘Though I have a son,’ she said, ‘it is as though I had none. Even if Pan wins this reprieve, his life is ruined. You are only my nephew, Ke, but you show much more sense than Pan. I can see that from now on I shall have to depend on you. Be sure to work hard and make the most of your life. And think of your bride-to-be, who comes from a family that has fallen on hard times. It is always hard when a daughter goes out into the world and gets married. One can only pray that her husband will turn out well and be capable of providing for her. Imagine if Xiu-yan were to turn out like this creature here…’

  Gesturing in the direction of Xia Jin-gui’s room Aunt Xue continued:

  ‘But I don’t want to talk about her. I know Xiu-yan to be an honest and thoughtful girl, thrifty and unspoilt. The sooner Pan’s business is settled, the sooner we can get the two of you married and set my poor heart at rest.’

  ‘Don’t forget that Bao-qin is still waiting to be married,’ Xue Ke reminded his aunt. ‘I know how concerned you are about that. Don’t worry on our account.’

  They stayed chatting together for a few minutes longer and then Xue Ke returned to his room. He ate his dinner and began to think about Xiu-yan in the Garden, forced by poverty to be so utterly dependent on the Jias. The two of them had travelled by the same boat on their original journey to th
e capital, and he had been able to see for himself that she was a pretty, good-natured girl. How unjust of destiny to give a creature like Xia Jin-gui a life of wealth and luxury and turn her into a spoilt shrew, while for a girl like Xiu-yan there was nothing but hardship! What was in the mind of the Great Arbiter Yama when he made such a dispensation?

  These gloomy thoughts stirred Xue Ke to express his sense of injustice in poetic form. His was an untutored pen, but he did as best he could.

  As the flood-dragon flounders on the shore,

  So our two hearts languish under like privations.

  When will we drink this bitter cup no more

  And soar unfettered through the constellations?

  He read the lines through and thought of sticking them up on his wall. He felt a little self-conscious however, and thought to himself:

  ‘What if someone sees them and makes fun of me…’

  He read them through again.

  ‘Oh who cares! I will put them up. I can read them anyway, to cheer myself up.’

  A final reading made him change his mind yet again, however, and he slipped them between the pages of a book.

  ‘I’m old enough for us to be married now,’ he mused to himself. ‘But who could have foreseen this family crisis, and who knows when it will ever end? What an ordeal for a gentle girl like Xiu-yan! How lonely and wretched she must feel!’

  At that moment the door was pushed open and Moonbeam came in carrying a round covered-tray and a jug of wine, which she deposited with a simpering smile on the table. He rose and asked her to be seated. Still smiling she said:

  ‘Four plates of sweetmeats and a small jug of wine, with Mrs Pan’s compliments, Master Ke.’

  ‘It’s most kind of her,’ replied Ke, ‘but surely she could have sent one of the younger maids? She didn’t need to bother you, Miss Moonbeam.’

  ‘Oh Master Ke, there’s no need to be so polite. It’s all in the family after all… Mrs Pan knows what trouble you’ve been put to on account of Mr Pan, and she’s been meaning for a long time to thank you herself but was afraid the others might take it the wrong way. In this household, as I think you know, sir, there’s a lot goes on beneath the surface. People are only waiting to pounce on a little thing like a present, and then they start inventing all kinds of stories. That’s why she’s been ever so slightly discreet and asked me to come over personally with these few things today when no one was looking…’