“I’m going to figure this out, Mal.”
“Well, good luck with that, but I think I already have my answer.”
“Don’t be too sure about that.”
I had to get out of there. We were going nowhere. The reality of the end of our relationship was apparent to me now.
“I’ve got to go,” I fibbed. “I’m supposed to meet them soon.”
“Okay, sweetie.”
“Kiss me one last time, Matt…”
“Please don’t say stuff like that, Mal. I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Yeah… okay,” as I drew in a breath for one last taste of him.
As I got back into my car and watched him drive away, I sat there for a few minutes trying to collect my thoughts. I knew he wasn’t going home. How could his wife be that naive? But then again, you would assume you could trust someone after 25 years together. I wonder how many of those years he’d been lying to her too. I called Jules. “You ready?” I asked.
“Let’s do it.”
As I started driving over toward the offices, I told her everything he had said, at least the parts that I remembered. It had all been such a blur.
“So he admitted he was still seeing Katya Cocksocket? Holy shit! I never thought he’d actually tell the truth!”
“Well, he didn’t really admit anything other than she still wants him and he’s been trying to keep her at bay for a while. So technically he admitted they had a relationship before but not recently. He didn’t mention anything about Florida. He’s still going with the ‘working on his marriage’ thing, you know, as if I give a fuck about his marriage anymore.”
“His marriage is not your problem. HE is.”
“He kept kissing me in the car. I don’t understand how you can put your tongue down someone’s throat like that yet feel nothing for them. It takes a sick person to do that to someone. I don’t know why I’m even doing this. It’s like he’s so over me it’s not even funny. He just doesn’t have the balls to say so.”
“He’s a fucking coward.”
“But I have to know if he’s capable of kissing me like that and then sticking his dick in someone else 30 minutes later.”
“I can pretty much guarantee he is, Mal.”
“Well, we’re about to find out.”
I pulled into the area around her apartment building. She lived in one of these “lifestyle” areas where everything is attached or within walking distance. So the apartments were on top of shops, restaurants, grocery stores, bookstores, etc. It was very similar to driving around the seventh circle of hell, because not only were there little parking lots for the apartments themselves, but each store had its own parking lot as well. And it was a very busy Saturday. As I drove around each and every space, I searched only for silver BMWs. This time I had noted his license number in my phone and had memorized it too, so there would be no mistaking it. I went through lot after lot, terrified that not only would I find his car, but what if he saw me driving around? If that didn’t prove I was an obsessed lunatic, I’m not sure what would. There were silver BMWs everywhere. Jesus, did people in this town drive anything else? But no sign of his so far. It took me a good 15 minutes to get through the entire area. There was one small deck underneath one of the buildings that I was too chicken to check for fear of getting caught inside it.
“There’s just one spot left, but I need to take a break. I’m getting really freaked out that he’s going to see me driving around here. There are just so many cars like his and my heart stops every time I pass one.”
I drove out of the entire complex and went up the road for a minute. I considered giving up. I thought about how much this conference had been built up in my head over the last 10 months. From the very beginning of our courtship we had talked about how much fun we would have together at the next one. I thought about Brooke and how she and I were going to have to sit with him for the awards ceremony. Did I really want to jeopardize that? Then there was the fact that in spite of everything, I still wanted to be there with him, if nothing else, just to feel happy again. Even if it meant nothing to him at all.
“So, what are you going to do?” Jules asked.
“I don’t want to. But you know I have to.”
“I don’t blame you.”
I drove back into the complex, and glanced around nervously before entering the small deck. There were only a few rows of cars, maybe five or so, but I did see a sign for a door that led to the apartments so this was more than likely where she would park. Jules continued to talk to me as I drove painfully slowly through each row, carefully scanning ahead of me for any silver cars that, God forbid, might have people getting out of them. I was so worried about being found under there. Of course, there were easily three or four silver BMWs. I held my breath until I neared the end of each row and, only then, breathed a small sigh of relief when none of them had his plate. As I got to the end of the last row, my eyes welled up with tears, so happy for the moment to be wrong about something.
“He’s not here! There are a million other BMWs here, but not his!” I exclaimed joyfully as I drove toward the exit.
“Wow! I’m actually shocked! That’s good, but I really thought we were going to get him this time…”
“I know. Me too. Me too. But it’s been a while now. I think he would have….” I trailed off suddenly.
“Mal…?”
I continued down the exit ramp.
“MAL?!”
“This motherfucker just pulled up in front of me. I’m on the ramp to go out and his car is right next to me coming in. I’m looking at his goddamn stupid face right now.”
“OH MY GOD!”
I still had my phone to my ear, but I stared directly into his eyes. He looked absolutely horrified, confused, and scared shitless all in the same expression. I was completely frozen. I suddenly wished I had thought this scenario through. I just shook my head and said quietly to Jules, “I have to get out of here,” and kept right on driving. I stopped in a nearby office park waiting for the panic to set in, but I was strangely calm.
“Well, someone’s going to need a little extra Viagra today because I bet he just lost his boner,” she snickered.
“I hope it plays dead for her, too.”
“I’m really sorry, Mal. Not surprised, but sorry.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“What now?”
“I don’t know. If he didn’t think I was crazy before, he knows I’m fully certifiable now.”
“Well you know, I could have told him that.”
“Ugh, I wish now that I had stopped the damn car. I should have gotten out and punched him right in the face. Let him explain his broken nose to his girlfriend and to his wife.”
“Right in his stupid dimples!”
‘What I really want to do is go over to his house right now and tell his wife where he is. But I sort of wonder if he didn’t think of that and rush home.”
“Yeah, I doubt he still went in to see her. Gramps probably pooped himself. I bet he is freaking out wondering what you are going to do now.”
“So am I,” I said. “I totally just blew up the conference.”
“You didn’t do anything! He did it!”
“I know, but why couldn’t I have just waited? This is going to be so fucking awkward now, for everyone.”
“You needed to know. Just think how upset you would have been if you found out right after you slept with him again that he was still with her.”
“I guess. I gotta go. I have to figure out what I want to do here.”
“Okay, call me if you need me. I’ll help you hide the body…”
I was still running on adrenaline as I sat there, still in shock. Not so much at catching him, but more at going over in my head what I had personally done to catch him. I had stalked this poor girl and she didn’t even know I existed. All to catch my married boyfriend with his mistress. It was all so ridiculous. How someone like me could get caught up in so much foolishness was beyond m
e. I was better than this. I should have hung up the second he asked for my number. I really had to fight the urge to go by his house. Of course I knew exactly where he lived. For a moment, I fantasized about telling his wife. I could tell his wife where he was at that very moment. I could tell his wife where he had been going every Saturday when he claimed to be working. I could tell his wife so much incredibly useful information. But how could I tell his wife who I was and why the hell I was telling her all this? As devastated as I been over the past several months, I couldn’t imagine the gut-wrenching pain she would feel when she found out she was married to a lying, cheating bastard. I couldn’t do that to anyone. So, I sent him a text.
Well that’s that, isn’t it? Good luck working on your marriage. I hope it’s all been worth it to you.
Why are you saying all this? I don’t understand. Sorry, not the impression I got. That piece of shit was going to sit there and pretend like I didn’t see him. Unbelievable.
Oh just give it up already.
I didn’t hear another word from him. I called Brooke on my way back to her house. They had booked couples massages and wanted me to get one too, but she knew as soon as she heard my voice what had happened. I told her I was going back to the house to chill out. I told her sister-in-law that I had a migraine and quickly ran upstairs and locked myself in their master bedroom. I crawled up into their bed and finally exploded into a horrendous hot mess of tears.
I called my mom a little while later.
“Mom?”
“Hey, how’s it going?”
“Well, everyone was right,” I said, dissolving into tears again. “He is every bit the douchebag you all thought he was.”
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry! What happened?”
“I caught him. He gave me the same old lines. That he was going home to work on his marriage and he went to see her instead. I followed him and I got him. I think he’s probably been with her the entire time he’s been with me.”
“What a jackass. He’s going to get his one day, Mal. He can’t keep that up for long, not at his age. I know it seems bad now but you don’t need him. You will get past this.”
I disagreed, but I had little choice. Travis and Brooke were coming back soon, and I couldn’t look like this, makeup everywhere, my eyes puffed up like balloons. I jumped in the shower to try to wash everything away.
****
When they got home they told me to hurry up and get ready because we had to leave for the comedy club. I had never heard of the comedian, but I did have big love for old Eddie Murphy stand up movies, so it seemed like just the thing to keep my mind occupied. I was right, the show was absolutely hilarious and by the time it was over, we went out for a late steak dinner and I was ready for bed when we got home. Brooke and I barely got to discuss the events of the day, and I took some Advil P.M. to quickly knock myself out.
The next day was very similar: go go go. We got up early and went running at the gym, followed by outlet shopping all afternoon. Then we planned a big dinner and went grocery shopping as well. I was thankful that Brooke liked to stay on the move (or at least did for my benefit) because I was positive that I would still be curled up in the fetal position in my bed if I was at home by myself at that point. He never really left my thoughts, of course. But at least on the outside I was able to act like a functional human being for most of the weekend.
I wasn’t able to visit with CeCe this time, so I called her Sunday evening from Brooke’s house to tell her everything that had gone down. I hadn’t mentioned one word to her about my relationship with Matt past that initial conversation we had that day at breakfast. I was too embarrassed and too afraid of what she would think of me. But she was aware that I had left Nate and had been very supportive. I just didn’t tell her why, exactly. Now I felt like she deserved to know.
“So, you remember what we talked about that day at breakfast?”
“Yeeeees…”
“That guy you told me to kiss?”
“Oh my God, did you kiss him!? How was it!?”
“Oh… I did a lot more than kiss him, CeCe.”
“HOLY SHIT! You little minx! Was he any good?”
As usual, I wondered why I even bothered keeping secrets from my friends; apparently they were all just a bunch of perverts like me. “Yeah, he was good, all right. He’s also good at being a lying piece of shit, unfortunately.”
“Oh no, what happened? He’s still married, I assume?”
“He is, but that’s really not the problem. He kept telling me how unhappy he was but I knew it was going to take some time for him to actually leave, what with his finances and all that. So, like an idiot, I fell in love with him anyway, knowing full well he may not leave her anytime soon. But I waited patiently for months, just in case. What I did not realize was that he has had another girlfriend that’s half his age for several YEARS now. I caught him over there yesterday. I was nothing but a distraction from her.”
“Say what? You are kidding me!”
“Yeah. I guess he does this sort of thing all the time. It’s all a big fun game.”
“Oh, honey! I am so sorry! He didn’t look like an asshole!”
“I know.” I answered sadly. “He didn’t.”
“What are you going to do? You’ve got to tell his wife what he’s been doing! Do you think she already knows?”
“I don’t know. Nothing would shock me at this point. But I can’t tell her. I still work with him. Brooke still works for him. I can’t put her job in jeopardy because of this. Or mine, really. If he got mad enough he could probably get me fired too. He brings in a lot of money for the company.”
“Oh, no girl. That shit-for-brains ain’t gonna get away with this. You just let your friend CeCe at him!”
“I would love to, believe me,” I replied. “But for now I just have to suck it up and try to forget about him.”
By Monday though, I was so angry. I felt like I deserved some sort of explanation. I knew that “I’m a douchebag of the highest order” was the only correct one, but nonetheless, I wanted him to have to explain his actions to me. I probably shouldn’t have texted anything right before I got in the car to drive a two ton machine 400 miles home, but I digress.
I’m getting ready to leave town. You could have at least shown some class and apologized so I could leave feeling like, at some point, I actually meant something to you and wasn’t just another conquest that you duped into thinking you cared about me.
I was shocked to get more than a three word answer.
I did apologize to you for taking a step back. And you see everything as black and white when there is a lot of gray. I am trying to value your friendship in a super tough time for me but I guess right now that is not enough for you. Sorry. And I do care. That is why I sent you a gift and met you Sat.
Are you seriously going to act like I didn’t see you? You told me you were going home to work on your marriage and just like I suspected you went right over to your girlfriend’s house. The girlfriend you have been giving the stiff arm to, huh? I never gave you any reason to lie to me. I never made any demands on you. But you looked me dead in the eye in October and told me you needed to figure your marriage out and you needed time. What you figured out is that you liked your OTHER girlfriend more than me, but decided to keep me hanging on for the fun of it. Maybe to keep boosting your ego, I don’t know. I hope you had a good laugh thinking about how much you got this stupid girl to care about you.
I’m not laughing at all. And you will see what the truth is over the next few days as you read emails.
What the hell does that even mean? No need to be cryptic now.
Not being cryptic or obfuscatory. This is the week my fate is decided.
Drama Queen, party of one, your table is ready!
Which is? I responded.
Tonight we either work it out or split up. Period.
Oh, so nothing’s changed, then.
Don’t ask me to open up to you if you are going to respond
with sarcasm. Read my emails this week. Drive safely.
I had to pull off the road.
Your marriage is not my problem anymore. It appears that it never was. You know, I don’t even know that I can be mad at you for still seeing Katya. She’s obviously been around for a long time, way before me. But I didn’t think you were that typical. It’s more the fact that you just wouldn’t own up to it when I straight up asked you about her so many times. Like right before you slept with me, for instance. You could have prevented all of this. That you knowingly exposed me to so many other sexual partners when you were giving me the impression that you were only (and rarely) with your wife. That you always tried to make me feel so sorry for you for being so “torn up” when you were really just having too much cake and eating it too. I have a much harder time with knowing that I was just another stupid whore for you. That destroys me, actually.
You are wrong but it’s all black and white with you. You can care about someone without sleeping with them. And stop talking about my relationship with my wife. You know nothing about it. I NEVER exposed you to anything!!!!!!
It’s not black and white with me, Matt. You keep saying that. You forget I was married too. I’m not exactly innocent here and I have been VERY understanding about what I *thought* you were going through. I fell in love with you. And to think that was all a sham is really painful to me. I didn’t say anything about your wife? I’m confused? I’m sorry but why are you pissed at me?!?
Because you mix truth and fiction and pretend like it’s gospel. And because you accuse me of using you. It was NOT a sham for me.
You have no idea how I have justified and defended you in my mind over and over again. But I always had that nagging feeling something was up. I did not and still do not want to believe that I am that poor a judge of character. I don’t want to hate you. But you aren’t giving me any reason not to.
The Other Other Woman Page 37
